The PAST is Following you!!

[Snow^Lady]

Everything is beautiful between you and your dream person. Both of you are the perfect couple. You love eachother deeply. Care about eachother alot. Everything is going soo fine and everyone admires the love you have for eachother. Nothing is wrong between both of you and infact, both of you can't live without eachother. Planning to get married very soon and planning for the future of both of you and your kids. But there is one thing that is following you and is killing you whenever you remember it. It makes you very jealous when you think of it. Jealousy is not a good thing. It can end up making you crazy. This one thing following you is your dream person's past. His/her relationship with his/her ex. The love they were sharing. The promises they made. The time they were together. The things they did together. Even though it is the past and you are the present and future and the life of your dream person.


Would you break up because of the past, knowing how much pain it causes you whenever you think of it, how crazy and jealous you go when you remember it, even though you know how much your dream person loves you and adores you and is not ready to lose you because of his/her past? Would you decide to live with your dream person and live with the pain you will be suffering every minute you remember, HOPING one day you will not feel like this anymore since you got the love of your life and the person who loves you deeply and not ready to lose him/her?

[DeSerTDesTroYeR]

for sure it can hurt...and can effect your judgments and the relationship..between the couples.....

but what really matters....is the present as you said...the other person reallllly loves ...her/him back...and that she/he is who matter now.... so what is needed now is confidence.....and trust...to get over this jealousy....it wont be easy at all....but we can look at it this way....couples should consider that they were born at the moment they find their other 1/2 ....soo anything happened before...is simply just they way it happened for them to be who they are.... we cant wish they never had previous relationships...as that might result in them not being who they are now...

[NaBHaN]

i don't really understand why some get upset and angry when remembering her/his boyfriend's/girlfriend's past relationships!! they didn't know each other then, or they just weren't in a relationship together, and therefore they should look forward to the future and cherish what they have at the present time!!

it happened a couple of times that two friends of mine who are in a relationship, always end up fighting whenever the other mentions something about a past relationship!! it's just sad!!! almost everyone has to go through a few relationships before finding the right one, so i say get over it..and live your life. think of your future together!!

[H-Highness]

Its pathetic to judge people for who they were, past is past and gone. You have the chance to deal with current moment and future. I just find it weird to see people leave with the past wounds, which will only despair their current life.

[Snow^Lady]

I agree with all of you, but what if the past is not gone and still following you. Lets say your dream person's ex is his/her cousin for example. They will have to talk to eachother whenever they see eachother. which will be often or during occaisons. How can you tolerate this knowing that any occaisons you go, you will see the ex there and you will see him/her talking to the ex. Won't this kill the hell out of you!!? and everytime this happens, you will start arguing with your dream person!!

[NaBHaN]

Trust is the key to every healthy realtionship. without it.. it won't work! trust your partner, and everything will be just fine!

[X-press]

Interesting topic Snow^Lady!

If let's say I am in such a situation, if there is deep and true love between me and my future husband-to-be, I will still remain by his side. If he is crazy about me and wants me to be his wife, this means that I am above his past relationships and I am "the one" ;)

However, knowing myself, if his ex-girlfriend was often around us, I know that it will still bother me. Why? Not because I will be afraid to lose him for her, but because I know that she knows how he is intimately speaking and vise-versa.

I would personally prefer that they avoid each other, than to start talking to one another...no matter what little exchange of words, when they look at each other, they will always remember (even for a second) what they once shared...

[Snow^Lady]

Xpress

I would personally prefer that they avoid each other, than to start talking to one another...no matter what little exchange of words, when they look at each other, they will always remember (even for a second) what they once shared...

Here is the problem. If they are cousins lets say. They will have to say hi at least and things like "How are things".."How's life"...things in general. I will write considering a he to make typing easier. So if he talks to her even just asking about health, they will still remember little stuff about eachother even though it doesn't mean anything to him anymore and infact he is in love with his wife not the ex anymore. But still, the wife will be jealous just thinking that he remembers even a tiny little thing about their past. This will bother hell out of her. It will make her jealous and start arguments.

I agree with BI that if there is trust, everything is solved but sometimes or shall I say most of the time, jealousy is more powerful than trust. It doesn't mean she will be jealous to lose him or scared to lose him but she wants her to be in his mind ONLY not any other girl.

So in this situation, do you still think it is better for her to marry her dream guy even though she will be suffering whenever situation like this ? or better to split up and marry a person she doesn't love and try to live with that person and try to love that new person even though she still loves her guy and her guy loves her only!!?

[H-Highness]

Trust is very important in every relation followed by respect. Eventhough there's nothing going on with his ex but atleast, he should have respect for his partner's feelings.

It will be better for both of partners to sit and talk about it, may be the guy doesn't know if he is hurting her.

[Snow^Lady]

Lets say the guy knows that it hurts her. He is ready to do anything not to hurt her. In this situation, he would not make a long conversation with the cousin just not to hurt his partner but this is his cousin so he can't avoid her completely. He doesn't want to hurt his partner because he loves her and doesn't want to lose her. But his partner is a jealous person and her jealousy can make her have heart problem if she kept on being hurt all the time she sees him even saying hi to his cousin (even though it is out of his hand). Even though they both trust eachother very much but the fact that she sees them talking, hurts her!! Makes her think that he might remember the things he shared with his ex. Imagining someone else with your beloved one, really hurts esepically if it is his ex.

[H-Highness]

I think now the fault is on woman side, a jeleous has its limit. If she is very much sure that there's nothing going on between them. Then she has to accept her as member of family.

[Snow^Lady]

Ok so in this situation since it is the woman's fault of being too jealous, do you think she should proceed to marry the guy she loves and he loves her or marry a guy she doesn't love so this way she won't have to be jealous of someone 's past whom she doesn't love!!

[X-press]

Originally posted by Snow^Lady
So in this situation, do you still think it is better for her to marry her dream guy even though she will be suffering whenever situation like this ? or better to split up and marry a person she doesn't love

Snow^Lady, of course she should still marry the man of her dream! Even if she might not like his past relationship, or the fact that once in a while they both have to bump into his ex...at the end, she knows that he is hers.

This is not a raison at all to leave him and marry someone she doesn't love. To your opinion isn't the pain,.. of living permanently with a man for whom you have no feelings...greater than what we disgussed above?

A woman can still trust and be jalous...(and I think it can be another interesting thread to open ;) )

[Snow^Lady]

Xpress


To your opinion isn't the pain,.. of living permanently with a man for whom you have no feelings...greater than what we disgussed above

According to my opinion, I think the pain to live with the person you love will be greater than living with the person you don't love when it comes to jealousy. At least when you don't love the person, you won't care about his past or even present or future. If you see him with another girl, it won't be a big deal as when you see the one you love with another girl.

[X-press]

Right Snowy, but if you don't love him at the first place...why marrying him for a lifetime?...

[Snow^Lady]

To avoid the pain

[Wanderer]

Just wait till one of you finds a box full of photographs with the love of your life smiling with his/her arms around someone else.

Heartache.

[Fantasia]

I don't think it is right to torture yourself by letting the past destroy a healthy relationship. I should say, one has to move on and leave the dirty baggage behind. By bringing the past to life, what good benefit will it give you? NOTHING except PAIN.

To have more success in a relationship it would be wise to bury the past and move on for a healthier tomorrow.

Salam

:wink:

[Snow^Lady]

Wanderer


Just wait till one of you finds a box full of photographs with the love of your life smiling with his/her arms around someone else.

*Ouch* That hurts :eyes:

Fantasia, You are right....that make sense...thanks:)

[X-press]

Originally posted by Snow^Lady
To avoid the pain

...snowy, what about if you never love that man you married?
Isn't the feeling of not loving... and probably not being loved in return the way you want and by whom you want...more painful?

How can you not be able to live with a man who has a past, but with whom you are madly in love,...but can stay the rest of your life with someone you don't care about? Not only you, but do you think it will be fair for your second choice?

[Snow^Lady]

Xpress, when someone loves a person madly and truely and purely, you will only want the happiness for that person. So instead of living with the person and be hurt because of his/her past then take out all your frustration on that person and hurt them with your words or action, it is better to let go and let the person get another person who will love them as well and not treat them like that. So at least you will see that person is happy rather than seeing that person getting hurt because of you.

Replying to your other question, you can live with a person you don't love but after sometime you will care about that person because he will be the father of your kids. Not necessarly to love that person. True you won't live with love towards him but you won't suffer the pain of his past because love doesn't exist to be jealous.

[ThE GaMe]

The PAST is Following me but i following a future i want change my daily systme :(

[Neena]

Originally posted by Snow^Lady
Would you break up because of the past, knowing how much pain it causes you whenever you think of it, how crazy and jealous you go when you remember it, even though you know how much your dream person loves you and adores you and is not ready to lose you because of his/her past? Would you decide to live with your dream person and live with the pain you will be suffering every minute you remember, HOPING one day you will not feel like this anymore since you got the love of your life and the person who loves you deeply and not ready to lose him/her?

Its a very good thing to actually talk about this issue.. because I won’t really sit here and say hey it never happens it does and yes I do agree with you SL that many times the past hunts you back .. whether its your or ur partner. And many times its the cause of the pain that u go through.

It all depends on what was the past about?!! If the past was about something really major and I came to know about it later on after dating this person for a while... than in this case what would really count is how i really feel towards this person.. and what is really more important his past or what we have at the present moment.

I personally, if my partner dated a girl before he got to meet me, than I won’t really give much of care to it. One because when he was dating his ex I never existed in his life or dreams. Basically I was never to even be in his future as at that stage both of us we were living different lives.

Its all about choices, meaning when you decided to actually start dating that person, you decided it out of something. Its not like you slept over night and than you woke up the following morning and said to your self the first man i run into this morning that’s the man i will date!!! When you decide to actually start seeing someone, there was obviously something that attracted him to you. It could be the way he talks, walks, smiles, or just basic knowledge about him from ppl or whatever! its not like you got to know every single bit about him which as well includes his past.

Many times ppl do the mistake of choosing the wrong thing. True the past will always be there, and that’s something we really can’t change, basically past becomes just memories, and if you expect those memories to shrink, than you will be pushing too much of your luck, and infect u will be just hurting your self to choose not to just let it be the past.

I go back again and say, its all about the choices we make for our self. If you choose to live with the past and let the past control your present as well your future, than let me tell you something, you will NEVER MOVE ON, and that’s something you know very well, but than again you CHOOSE to ignore!

The day you decide and tell your self, "hey whatever happened in the past should be left there" and now that I have the present and the future of this person that what really counts. Many times ppl waste their times concentrating on the wrong side of the relationship, and that’s what many times causes problems.

[IceTea]

This is what harms a real relationship is to talk about past adventures. If two people love, respect each other why would they dig into the dark past and open old books already full of dust, just dump the past behind you and think about how to make the person in front of you happy. Unless some past relation threads not cut and still alive then it's something else and need to be sorted out.

[Maha]

be happy always and for get every thing :D

[ThE GaMe]

i wrote that thing not maha by mestke:weep: :eyes: :mad: :eek: :fire:

[X-press]

[size=1]Originally posted by Snow^Lady
....then take out all your frustration on that person and hurt them with your words or action, [b]

Snowy, even if a girl is hurt because of her man's past, she should not let this negative feeling dominate her life to a point that it makes it unbearable!

At the end, if that same man chooses to marry her, this means that she holds a special place in his heart and that he wants to move forwards with her only.

It will be silly to continue to frustrate him or hurt him because of the past. We should turn the page and life the present...we might still feel occasional pain, but we have to learn to live wisely with it...

[X-press]

...one question comes in my mind:

"If you have a past, will you automatically tell your partner about it...or is it better to keep it in the closet?"

[raffee]

SL, Im intrigued by your logic! Would you honestly prefer to marry a man you dont love for fear of the repercussions of the jealousy that comes with love, rather than marry the man of your dreams and work at controlling those insecurities? Wouldnt it be more fulfilling to deal with some moments of jealousy than live a numbed passionless existence with a person you merely 'like'??

Im really amazed at this, as personally, I think I would do my ultimate best to nurture and nourish true love, regardless of its obstacles, because it is so rare and valuable. I would be selling myself short if I 'settled' for second best, and I would never truly be satisfied or even content if I did.

Love often hurts, but its well worth the pain.

[ThE GaMe]

who lets dog go out who who who? neena neena neena neena:D :D :D :color: :gap: :) :p

[Neena]

Originally posted by X-press
...one question comes in my mind:

"If you have a past, will you automatically tell your partner about it...or is it better to keep it in the closet?"

Very funny The Game....!! :)

Anyway answering to x-press question - it really depends as far as i see it. if you feel its something that would make you feel better by saying it than why not?! There are things that a person has done in thier past should remain between you and your inner self, not necessarly it really coming out to anyone. As long you know its something that wouldn;t affect your current relation than why even bother about it?!

But if you know its something that may help somehow having a better relation with your partner, as in maybe you had a bad experieince once before in ur past and for you talking about it would just somehow make you feel better and just alert your parnter what you want etc.. than why not!! Its always good being clear, on how you want things, rather than just seeing the same mistake or situation happining all over again.. like History repeating it self!!