View Full Version : Parents committing adultery
I just wonder, does Islam say anything about Bir Alwalidain when someone has a father or a mother who commits adultery?
MorphaKnight
05-07-10, 01:21 AM
To the best of my knowledge, all i know is that if a married person commits adultery, they're stoned to death... an unmarried person gets like a hundred lashes or something. Not entirely sure if that answers your question though.
^ yeah. But you know that no-one is going to die for doing that nowadays, as it is in this place. I'd like to know how the relationship between the child and the parent can be affected when the parent commits adultery.
Thank you.
Reluctant
05-07-10, 01:55 AM
To the best of my knowledge, all i know is that if a married person commits adultery, they're stoned to death... an unmarried person gets like a hundred lashes or something. Not entirely sure if that answers your question though.
:rolleyes: That was a horrible answer.
Eloquor, it is horrible to see your parents commit sins. It is completely against the fitra and disrupts the natural parent-child relationship that is supposed to exist. However, silat al-rahm and birr al-waladayn are waajib upon the child to his parents. Even if your parents aren't Muslim, and you are, these things are still incumbent upon you. And do you think that non-Muslim parents have the same morals and thoughts as Muslims, and knowledge of the fitra and sin? No. Yet, bir al-waladayn is still wajib between a Muslim and non-Muslim parents. Even more so, it is always wajib between Muslim children and Muslim parents.
It is the natural right that children show this to parents, it is incumbent because of the physical ties of birth and parenthood, regardless of what religion you all are, or what anyone's actions are.
And if you and your parents are Muslim, you should understand the importance of hiding sins always. Even if they are your parents, they are humans and Muslims also. We know everyone has the capacity to sin. If you somehow know that you parent has done a sin, you should always hide it and never speak about it. It is not natural for a child to feel that they need to correct their parents for a sin either--this is against the fitra. If they commit a sin, you should relate to them as Muslims, and as your parents always. And always try to hide it and know that it is just between them and Allah. It would be unnatural to ever bring it up.
A sin has no bearing on birr al-waladayn. Hope this helps.
Assalaamu aleykum
Baa7ith,
Is it Shiites who believe hiding sins means that you hide the sinner's sin and also never speak to him/her about his/her sin?
As a Sunni I wouldn't talk to anyone about someone's sin, but I'd take that someone where no-one is around and tell him/her that s/he was wrong. This is what the Prophet did, when he didn't want to embarrass the sinner.
Anyway, it's adultery, which a punishment in life was set for. Plus, birr Alwaalidayn is the second greatest thing a person can do, but we shouldn't forget that Islam told us that there are some cases in which parents don't deserve birr alwaalidayn.
Reluctant
05-07-10, 02:58 AM
Is it Shiites who believe hiding sins means that you hide the sinner's sin and also never speak to him/her about his/her sin?
Anyway, it's adultery, which a punishment in life was set for. Plus, birr Alwaalidayn is the second greatest thing a person can do, but we shouldn't forget that Islam told us that there are some cases in which parents don't deserve birr alwaalidayn.
Hiding sins is known among all Muslims. I mean...if you know your parent did a sin...but they do not know that you know it, in that case, you shouldn't bring it to light. If it's just a one-time sin. It would be different if the sin was public. But if it's private, and they don't know you witnessed it, and they tried to keep their sin private, you should cover them and not speak about it, like any Muslim. But, if they do a sin in public, that's different. Although either way, it should be brought up in the most tactful way, and regardless, sin negatively affects the natural disposition of the parent-child relationship and dynamic, but it is still incumbent upon you to do silat ar-rahm and birr al-waladayn.
If you want to advise someone about their sin, obviously it's different. However, a parent and a child is different. It's not the place of a child to correct their parents. If you do so, you would have to do it very tactfully. As a child it is not natural to correct your parents. All Muslims believe in hiding sins, especially if you see someone commit it and you know they know it's wrong. Just let it be between them and Allah. If they believe it's legal to do, or if it's in public, that's different.
Which hadeeth says there are, "Some cases in which parents don't deserve birr alwaalidayn?" I have never heard this.
Hiding sins is known among all Muslims. I mean...if you know your parent did a sin...but they do not know that you know it, in that case, you shouldn't bring it to light. If it's just a one-time sin.
I think it's different when it comes to adultery. If mum committed adultery I'd talk to her ONLY! THis doesn't contradict with hiding sins.
Although either way, it should be brought up in the most tactful way, and regardless, sin negatively affects the natural disposition of the parent-child relationship and dynamic, but it is still incumbent upon you to do silat ar-rahm and birr al-waladayn.
(...)
Which hadeeth says there are, "Some cases in which parents don't deserve birr alwaalidayn?" I have never heard this.
Ok I just read something that says you should respect your parents no matter how big their sins are, but it looks to me that you forgot this aaya:
"But if they strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration), and follow the way of those who turn to me (in love): in the end the return of you all is to Me, and I will tell you the truth (and meaning) of all that ye did." Luqman - 16
As a child it is not natural to correct your parents
Just a comment on this: الدين النصيحة as the Prophet said, and every one should work for تغيير المنكر, doesn't matter if we were someone's children or servants.
Reluctant
05-07-10, 03:26 AM
"But if they strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration), and follow the way of those who turn to me (in love): in the end the return of you all is to Me, and I will tell you the truth (and meaning) of all that ye did." Luqman - 16
Birr al-waladayn is usually translated as "kindness towards parents."
Regardless of your parents being Muslims or non-Muslims, you should always try to be kind to them and enjoin ties to them. Even if your non-Muslim parents get mad in whatever way about your being Muslim (as the above verse is speaking about), it is still obligated for you to show them kindness in the best way that you can. Birr al-waladayn is absolute, always.
Birr al-waladayn is waajib regardless of if your parents are Muslim or not. Non-Muslims don't know the fitra, they do not know Islamic morals as innately as Muslims do. Yet, if they violate your sense of morality, it is still waajib upon you to show them kindness. Muchless if your parents are Muslim! So, as to your original question, there is no time in which you should not show kindness to your parents, regardless of if they commit a sin. I don't get how the two are related. That's my answer.
Thank you Baa7ith, but I think there's something I couldn't understand in what you're saying.
Something to share with about Birr Alwaalidayn. "Kindness" can never carry the meaning the word "Birr" has in Arabic. Kindess already has an equivalent in Arabic, you know that. Anyway, people usually think it means being kind to parents, and trying not to upset them, but it's more than that, it's more sacred than that.
Thank you (or Saankye, this is how I heard some Japanese people saying it =p) Jazaakallaahu khairan.
I just wonder, does Islam say anything about Bir Alwalidain when someone has a father or a mother who commits adultery?
Islam will feel like very simple if you use logic. In my view, the two issues are unrelated:
1. If one or both parents do anything wrong, that is their business and they will have to handle the consequences.
2. Unless this "wrongdoing" is not affecting the child or so, the child shouldn't really bother; perhaps only advising the parent of their wrongdoings and reminding them of possible consequences.
3. About "bir el waledeen", that is very clear. It depends what is it that they ask of you? If they ask you to do something you perceive as wrong, then it doesn't matter whether they commit adultery. You simply do not do it.
4. Whether you oblige to their requests or not, its essential to have respectful relationships.
It is important we do not simply reject dealing with them because we feel hurt or disappointed. We might have all the rights to feel so, but at end of the day, you can only be in-charge of your life and maybe temporary lives of people take care of; you're not in charge of your parents and what they do or do not do.
Baa7ith,
Is it Shiites who believe hiding sins means that you hide the sinner's sin and also never speak to him/her about his/her sin?
As a Sunni I wouldn't talk to anyone about someone's sin, but I'd take that someone where no-one is around and tell him/her that s/he was wrong. This is what the Prophet did, when he didn't want to embarrass the sinner.
Anyway, it's adultery, which a punishment in life was set for. Plus, birr Alwaalidayn is the second greatest thing a person can do, but we shouldn't forget that Islam told us that there are some cases in which parents don't deserve birr alwaalidayn.
Here is the thing, God has put parents right after him, where we have to listen, love, not go agasint them, and make sure we have high respect towards our parents. Because Bir Al walidain is important, in one of the sotires a read before that says “if your mother or dad is a Kafer “a non-believer” you still have no right to not respect them, and talk to them in the right manner.
The only time u can dis obay your parents if they push u towards Sherk like allah said : “And your Lord has ordained that you do not worship anyone except Him, and treat your parents with kindness; if either of them or both reach old age in your presence, do not say "Uff"* to them and do not rebuff them, and speak to them with the utmost respect.And lower your wing humbly for them, with mercy, and pray, "My Lord! Have mercy on them both, the way they nursed me when I was young." (17:23-24)
۞ وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعۡبُدُوٓاْ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلۡوَٲلِدَيۡنِ إِحۡسَـٰنًا*ۚ إِمَّا يَبۡلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلۡڪِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوۡ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّ۬ وَلَا تَنۡہَرۡهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوۡلاً۬ ڪَرِيمً۬ا (٢٣) وَٱخۡفِضۡ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ ٱلذُّلِّ مِنَ ٱلرَّحۡمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ٱرۡحَمۡهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرً۬ا (٢٤ Surat Al Isra 23 – 24
So, going back to your question: If one of your parents is committing adultery, and you are 100 % sure about it, than you could do few things.
1. You could go and talk to your parent about what you know, and you would want them to stop doing so.
2. If they choose not to stop, than I guess you could try and tell someone who is very close to them, and let that close person talk to your parent, as maybe that could work.
But I do not agree on keeping quite, and yes I am sure that it would be very hard for one to see or respect their parents after such a thing, but going back to the aya above, god has commanded us to respect and obey our parents at all times, only when we are asked to commit sherk. “ Worship someone beside god”
Islam will feel like very simple if you use logic. In my view, the two issues are unrelated:
1. If one or both parents do anything wrong, that is their business and they will have to handle the consequences.
2. Unless this "wrongdoing" is not affecting the child or so, the child shouldn't really bother; perhaps only advising the parent of their wrongdoings and reminding them of possible consequences.
All what you said there I guess it makes perfect sense, but I don’t agree with the first 2 point you listed there STING.
Its almost impossible that if one of your parents is doing something wrong, "let alone adultery" it wont hurt you, or affect you. It’s not easy to just ignore, and say well its up to them, their life, their sins!!!
"Our Prophet "PBUH" said in one of the hadith, If you see Munker, than you could try and change it in few different ways, by your heart, eyes, mouth etc... "
So ignoring a sinful act, hold you accountable in the Day of Judgment.
Yes, I was talking about Munkar there.. everyone has to do something when he or she sees Munkar, hiding sins doesn't conflict with this.
Really helpful posts. Thank you Neena.
I think, no matter how bad their actions are... you must still respect them.
And then I also think, if you respect them... it means you respect their actions... so I'm not so sure..
xXTheUnDyinGXx
06-07-10, 03:16 PM
who gives a shit?
if they do then good if they dont then good to me ofc i dont care :P
ROFL!:p
who gives a shit?
if they do then good if they dont then good to me ofc i dont care :P
ROFL!:p
No offense , but thats a pitty!:mmhmm:
who gives a shit?
if they do then good if they dont then good to me ofc i dont care :P
ROFL!:p
International stupidity.
OUCH! imagine that. what has the parent left for the children ;p
no no seriously its just sad i see mothers who do such things and think sometimes i wouldnt resepct my mum or dad and if they ever told me to listen to em. i'd say things that are really hurtful
All what you said there I guess it makes perfect sense, but I don’t agree with the first 2 point you listed there STING.
Its almost impossible that if one of your parents is doing something wrong, "let alone adultery" it wont hurt you, or affect you. It’s not easy to just ignore, and say well its up to them, their life, their sins!!!
"Our Prophet "PBUH" said in one of the hadith, If you see Munker, than you could try and change it in few different ways, by your heart, eyes, mouth etc... "
So ignoring a sinful act, hold you accountable in the Day of Judgment.
I didn't say it would not affect the children or in fact any of the family members or even friends. Nevertheless, it is their business and they must handle the consequences.
As an adult thinking child, you can do whatever you can to help, whether through advise or actions, but you should not allow their actions to be part of your life or future.
I didn't say it would not affect the children or in fact any of the family members or even friends. Nevertheless, it is their business and they must handle the consequences.
As an adult thinking child, you can do whatever you can to help, whether through advise or actions, but you should not allow their actions to be part of your life or future.
That is right, totally agree, cant say more!
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