Propsed to Zombies Family

[Sharqawi]

After intensive pressure from my family to get maried, this is what happen last week !!!

Just over 10 days, a team consist of three pregnant (Mum, Sis, and close relatives), went to a ask for the soft lady hand of Miss xxxxx, as pre-proposed arrangement for weeding.
The answer of course was positive (Within one hour),
This gave the official green light to group of man (Dad, 12’s of uncles) to go to ask for official weeding proposal, and I just been asked to wait in the car (Possible the place was crowded, no more chairs for me).

Now what is the problem? The problem is I don’t get along AT ALL with what supposed to be my brother and father in laws.

They sound to me as zombies, never see a single smile from their face, and whenever I do estighara prayer my heart give me bad signals. However I see no bad on the girl so far?
The things is many ppl know them and they tend to agree, that my future grand father for my kids, and future uncles for my kids are so rude? Please understand my main concern is kids, and she is very close to her faimly that means regular visits to my future Bangalore, and to be with ppl I don’t like to be with at all, What is your advise

[H-Highness]

You either have to accept as she is, since you're going to marry their daughter and not the whole family, so if you feel you'll have a happy ending/life with the gal why bothered about your inlaws.

Or, if you totally not happy with your future inlaws, what made you stick there, move on you have one life and try to live it contented.

[Arabian Princess]

Well you posed a serious question Sharqawi!!
WHat can we do if we did not get along with our future spouse family?!!

Well, first of all are you totally in love with the girl? Or you just propsed becase she is good and no bad in her?

Because that makes a differce, when you are in love with the girl, you would tend to forget any flow of her family (at least now) to live with her. BUt, if you are just marrying her because of the suggestion of her family then you might be facing problems because even if you are trying to accept them now, latter on the case wont be the same!

Although u are marying the girl not the family, but you posed a good argument here: she is close to her the family and she would want to visit and then when you refuse to visit them with her problems will araise!!!

I wouldnt ask you to leave the girl (especially that you went so far) but you should throught it again!

[Seniora]

i think what is needed here is time, u know there are some people who are really nice once u get to know them, so i suggest u try to get to know your in laws before u take any hasty decisions.

see if u can get along with them, i think it is only fair for u to try and get to know them, i mean not everyone is outgoing, and freindly, some just take more time to get to know, and to be comfortable with.

so why dont u just spend time with them? give them a chance.

[yellow sapphire]

at lease you found one,not like me who is searching for ages

[SoMe1]

Sharqawi,

it is important to live up with the girl and the family. at the end if anything happnes between you two (arguments or whatever) she would always run back to them. It is strange how did you get an answer after one our after your mother and sister went, usually they take at least one week or so, unless you really know the girl (as a cousin or so).

you have to be careful, someone said that you are marrying the girl not the family and that is not the case at all, coz the girls home would always be open for her. just know that if you are marrying a girl then you are marrying the whole family too. you would have to meet, live, raise your childeren within that family. now how do you see your childeren when they are into this world.

its more about how you feel, if you pray istikhara and you dont feel relaxed nor happy to jump into it just for the sake of getting married. this thing happnes once a life time (unless your thinking of 4) however, you should always make sure your doing the righ thing, dont think of today and tomorrow, there are childeren to come, dont make them blame you for whatever step you take.

[Sharqawi]

Seniora, AP, some1

you really understand my situation, my biggest concern is raising kids with such a family, in Oman not like westent countiris such as i only married Woman and not Family

Let the wheel role

[X-press]

Sharqawi, thanks for sharing your current problem with us as I am sure they are many in the same situation than you. I hope this thread can help them too.

Now, what I think Arby, Some1 ans Seniora gave you very wise advices here. My main concern, before talking about your in-laws or the kids you will raise, is the way your actual marriage is handled by your family. Though it seems forced into you, I am happy that you don't seem to see it as a real problem.

Is the girl in question approved by you? You are presently focusing on her family, but did your parents ask YOU at least (out of respect of opinion) what you were thinking of the girl (which you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with)? It doesn't seem like it...:confused:

Now, if you have nothing against marrying this particular lady, I do agree with Some1 that if you all live in the same country, when you marry a girl, you also marry her family. Family life here evolves daily around the family mainly and friends second. You will either have to make some efforts, bare with them and bottle up your frustrations, or you might face some serious problems if not with them, with your future wife.

[Sharqawi]

x-press

I did not expect from you to be that talented.

The girl was my choice, and i did ask my mum and her pregnent team to go to her, in first place. ( she looks differnt to her family as i've seen her during my studies and most of the time we use to have beark togather.

As i said i will pray estighara again today, and let see what is the result

[X-press]

Originally posted by Sharqawi
x-press

I did not expect from you to be that talented.


:confused: ...I suppose I should take this as a compliments.

If the girl was your choice and you even talk to your mum about it, then there was no real pressure. Wishing you good luck for the future and hoping you will have at the end a good relation with your in-laws.

[Sharqawi]

I am extreamly concern about the situation, and it seems that i'll turn my back on her due to single reason better feel bad for couple of days before i do commit my self / and her in Relationship which i'll not be proud of, due to reson stated on the prevoius posts ans this thread,

She was much understanding of the situation, and i was glad tha\t we end up to be friends.

Now i should concntrat my next move :confused: :duh: :eyes:

[Arabian Princess]

Sad to hear that Sharqawi, but better be safe than sorry.

Just remmber next time to make sure when you choose the gil who is her family too :)

[kitkat]

heyy
after marriage the gal wont be that much close with her family
after getting married and having her own kids and her own house
then she will go their to visit not more

I do agree with u that the family are important
but when ever love and understanding is there then it's ok and don't worry
but if u do not trust the gal then forget it