Coming to Terms with Death

[GingerPop]

This topic is not about how well prepared you are for death, but rather how sensitive you are on the issue of discussing and reminding yourself of death. How would you typically respond to the death of a loved one (if experienced it at all) and how do you eventually come to terms with it ? I have not yet experienced a loss of a direct relative, cannot help but wonder the changes to the quality of life one might lead upon doing so. I have however in the past week been informed of a few losses, including a dear aunt who's legacy will long be cherished, and others. These events drowned me in a pool of exhaustive thoughts and unanswered questions. Do you feel that constant fear, reminding the soul of death and remembering the deceased - to a point where it is difficult to fully focus on your daily activities - can be a blessing ?

Ive stumbled across these ebooks on the topics of Death and Depression in Islam. A true wake-up call in a reassuring pattern. I particularly enjoyed the simple, straight to the point, and friendly approach. It helped remedy my mental exhaustion and answer many questions. It also helped me adapt a more positive attitude towards death, and I pray that The Allmighty blesses us all with patience and strenghth to live a peaceful life.

The read is lenghthy but worthwhile!

http://www.ezsoftech.com/ebooks/Depression.pdf

http://www.ezsoftech.com/ebooks/Death.pdf


Please do care to share it with your loved ones :)

Jazakum Allah Kheir

[GingerPop]

I am not trying to be insensitive about the topic (as i am aware it may bring back memories of a difficult time), but genuinely ask for the advice of those who have experienced similar grief, and dont mean to be offensive in any way..:inno:

[Lym]

Well, I did lose a couple of loved ones during the past couple of years. How would I react? First you're in shock, then when you start comprehending it is true, then the grief starts, at this point it is crying non-stop and it is also mentally exhausting to try to fathom that you will never see them again. The most intense reaction is at the funeral, when you see their corpse leaving the house. I don't know, I can never stand when that happens. I have to be sitting...

However after that, you start reading Koran and supplicating, you start believing that they're in a better place. Also, death does not pick, everyone has to die at one point and it is just part of life. So you realize that this is part of a bigger picture, everybody loses a loved one, everybody dies. The most you can do is help the deceased family in this difficult time, pray for him/her and basically never forget them in your supplications...because there is nothing you can really do besides that.

And regarding your 2nd question, well perhaps at the beginning, you're so consumed with the thought of them, but with the heeling power of time, you start remembering them less and less. Also, the constant fear of death is pretty intense during the first couple of days (or weeks), then surprisingly, you start living your life normally and since they're in your memories, you will think about them in instances.

But the most effective way to move on from your grief is to be between family members or friends who are there for you, hold onto your faith, supplicate and believe that they're in a better place.

Allah Yer7am Amwatna (May God have Mercy on their souls)

[GingerPop]

Ameeen,

Appreciate the raw nature of your response LYM. I find it very reassuring to reflect on how others manage and cope with these situations, follow their example and realise that one is not alone..

[Angel_Eyes]

Good topic :yes:

Well, I don't handle loss very well. Now in that sense I just can't be strong. Even if they weren't that close to me. Imagine if they were a loved one!! :os :( :cry: Just couldn't!

And when I see death in the family or someone's family I know, It reminds me how short our time on earth is. It makes me think, "What have I done with my time?" It really just shakes me! I could be gone in less than a second and it doesn't matter how old or young I am.

I don't like death. Just scary:( I'm sensitive.

[Markov]

How would you typically respond to the death of a loved one (if experienced it at all) and how do you eventually come to terms with it ?

Do you feel that constant fear, reminding the soul of death and remembering the deceased - to a point where it is difficult to fully focus on your daily activities - can be a blessing ?



I recently lost both my parents, and yea, it is hard to come to terms with the loss, only time helps, plus considering what good they did on this earth knowing that they are at a better place.

Our beloved Prophet (pbuh) said, Work for this earth, as if you will live forever, work for your hereafter as if you will die tomorrow. (as the meaning of hadeeth)

So if you live by this, you can create a balance between life and death. This is wht we should strive for.

[FAITH86]

How would you typically respond to the death of a loved one (if experienced it at all) and how do you eventually come to terms with it?

I'll need a whole month to recover from its effect. I can't stand such thing very easily. :shy:

[Threadlike]

The year before the last, my grandma passed away...When I first heard the news, I felt absolutely no feeling at all. It wasn't shock, grief, or any of the common emotions...It was more terrible because I could not identify anything of what I was feeling at all and I was forced to come in terms with it all of a sudden. This lasted about a couple of hours before the grief started eating away at me....After a while, you get accustomed to such a person's missing and you have to force yourself to cope in some way or the other so that YOU don't die (at least mentally or emotionally).

[marianna]

I lost my paternal grandmother some years ago and it was hard to see her in the casket. When we went to the cemetary and had to leave (she was placed in a pink casket with photos and even her phone...because she loved to use it)...I screamed cried and kissed it. Reason why I am planning to be creamated. I don't want anyone seeing me like that.

I don't know why people are made to see that in a wake. I prefer to remember my loved ones alive and vibrant not stiff and filled with chemicals. It's hard. I always have her in my prayers.

[GingerPop]

I don't like death. Just scary:( I'm sensitive.

Have you read the second link on my first post ? Give it some thought, Maybe it will change your mind just like it did mine.

Markov, sorry to hear about your parents. I hear you, its very reassuring when you know they have been good servants all their lives (allah yjazeehum)You miss them more than worry. Its just very frightening when you think of those whove only lived this life as if they would forever. It is mainly the thought of such people which saddens me most, and crushes me even though I never knew some personally. Allahuma Ihdee il Muslmeen wil Muslimaat, il m2mneen wil mu2mnaat. Allahum Ir7am w Ighfar li jamee3 il Muslimeen wil Muslimaat il A7yaa wil Amwaat ..

[Markov]

Markov, sorry to hear about your parents. I hear you, its very reassuring when you know they have been good servants all their lives (allah yjazeehum)You miss them more than worry. Its just very frightening when you think of those whove only lived this life as if they would forever. It is mainly the thought of such people which saddens me most, and crushes me even though I never knew some personally. Allahuma Ihdee il Muslmeen wil Muslimaat, il m2mneen wil mu2mnaat. Allahum Ir7am w Ighfar li jamee3 il Muslimeen wil Muslimaat il A7yaa wil Amwaat ..

Thanks for the kind words and Dua. May Allah's blessings go to them.

[Angel_Eyes]

Have you read the second link on my first post ? Give it some thought, Maybe it will change your mind just like it did mine.

..


what page do you want me to read exactly? I'm having a hard time with the file

or just tell me what it's about in breif

[GingerPop]

There is no specific page Angel_Eyes. If I were you Id read all the pages when Im in a free and relaxed mood so that I can really ponder and grasp his message. He more or less repeats stuff we are allready familiar with, but its the anecdotes in between and the style he uses which I felt made it friendlier to comprehend :)


Let me know if you're still having difficulty opening the file..

[BrAiKi]

I lost many people around me, my grandfather, my grandmother, my aunt and many friends. I have to admit I don't sound that shocked when I first get the news, or at least it doesn't show on me. Even during the funeral I don't cry at all. However that doesn't mean that I'm not sad. It's just that crying isn't my way to show my sorrow and sadness.
I just have a frown on my face for hours and hours until (sometimes) I end up throwing up.

[Angel_Eyes]

There is no specific page Angel_Eyes. If I were you Id read all the pages when Im in a free and relaxed mood so that I can really ponder and grasp his message. He more or less repeats stuff we are allready familiar with, but its the anecdotes in between and the style he uses which I felt made it friendlier to comprehend :)


Let me know if you're still having difficulty opening the file..

I wish I could but I am not that familiar with pdf files:os