When you're getting to know somebody romantically, do you test them? What I mean by this is do you usually make up statements, opinions or stories just to see how they would react in order to understand their way of thinking/personality more? or you don't believe in testing your partner and it is always better just asking someone straight away what they think of a particular issue or situation?

Also, would you test them with your actions ? For instance by avoiding them to see how long it would take them to contact you in order to prove to yourself whether they care about existence or not. So yeah, are you guilty of pulling such tactics? If so, was it ever helpful or effective?

Asking them straight away.

I find the idea of testing them a bit creepy =/ Like he's my lab rat and am experimanting on him to see how he reacts to a certain situation or statement, then sum up some conclusions based on it ... creepy lol :p

usually in the beginning of the relationship, you do testing more than straight forward answers, because you dont know that person very well...

and i dont think it's like you are lying to them, you are just trying to find out stuff without the need to shock them with strange questions :p


in some occasions, you need to ask straight forward (and this case increases as you go forward in the relationship)

Hmm... I would sometimes say things I don't mean to see what she will do and how she will handle them but if I said something wrong and she didn't mind I will tell her that is wrong...
So it is like student and teacher?

mmm i can say im very guilty .. actually we both are because we both admit on doing such stuff. sometimes just for the fun of seeing each others reactions, other times just to see what he thinks about something if i plan to do it or get it. i think it was pretty effective.

at the beginings i used to wait for a third call to reply sometimes, just to see if hed keep calling ;p sometimes for longer to see if hed worry .. but not now :)

that being said, sometimes its good just to plainly ask them about whats in your mind, because it is important for both sides to know what the other is thinking, kinda avoids misunderstandings occuring here and there.

go ahead and test what you wish but eventually decrease it :P Honesty in thoughts words and actions ;p

I only recently found out about these 'tests'.

A guy would go to girl and tell her he loves her to see what she would say. If a girl gets angry he'd go: "Oh, now you are the girl I want to be with. I only wanted to test you and you passed the test." Agool eglb weyhk (I say turn your face away), I don't like these acts at all.

Al Hamdulillah never happend to me, people tried to convince me that it is normal but I just don't like it.

^
You go UmKhalid! :p
I am sure you will not say that if you love the guy! :XD:

^ im with squinty on that UmKhalid ;p ehehe its not the way it starts , its in the middle the funny stuff after your in love ;p

If there's something I want to ask them, then I will. I'm the sort of person who just asks random questions every now and then. They have to get used to it.

I have avoided texting/calling, just to see how long it'll take them to remember me and get in touch. Normally this happens if I start feeling like I'm always the one reaching out to them or initiating conversations.

i actually love the whole testing thing if i was with someone oh i would test him big time its actually very interesting to see his reaction and if he finds out about it.

I don't really make tests. But, if I come with a conclusion or I indicate something through their answers, so I tell them.

I have avoided texting/calling, just to see how long it'll take them to remember me and get in touch. Normally this happens if I start feeling like I'm always the one reaching out to them or initiating conversations.

I do that as well.

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i don't really like this whole 'make up stuff and see how they'd react' thing.
even though answering might not be as reliable as observing the real reaction of a make-believe situation. since some people would like to impress you, and say things they know would make you like/admire them more, but i just don't feel it's right to come up with stuff for the sake of testing..i know i wouldn't like it done to me, so i wouldn't do it to others. i'd just ask them hoping they're being completely honest.

I don't really, or I haven't yet. The whole avoiding texting thing, haha...it happened to me, then he was like "When I don't text, don't you at least get worried? maybe I DIED?!!". It was a funny moment.

I would test him, but nothing major. Probably I'll go mute for a couple of days, and see how he responds. Will he call? Text? Worry? That's about it I guess, because you can always pray Salat il isti5ara and follow what your heart feels right. If it's meant to be, then God will show you the right path if you ask him to. No biggie.

nope.

I see testing as a technique for those who're insecure or have doubts.

however, getting to know someone is something else. sometimes asking questions to see how they'll answer is also a form of testing... but that is asking in the open. I don't see anything wrong with that. It's basically getting to know them and figuring out whether they appeal to you. however, testing secretly without them knowing shows that you have doubts and gives out a kind of negative vibe if figured out... that's generally not nice. :XD:

unless he or she gave you a reason to doubt them that much :XD:...something worse than merely not calling.

I'm not sure if I'd call it testing, It's more like a method to see if you're compatible with each other and think alike, like presenting situations and seeing how they'll deal or react to them.

yeah i would test him.
i'd cover myself in ketchup and phone him with a broken voice 'ohhh i just cracked my skull on the kitchen sink, i am soooooo dying...heyyyellllpppp ' in the middle of a champions league game, or better, i'd time it just before extra time or a penalty shoot out.
if he comes, he's ok, if he don't, he's dumped.

^ hahaha! he's gonna be so pissed he'll probably dump you xD

^ hahaha! he's gonna be so pissed he'll probably dump you xD
oh ...haven't thought of it lol.
i guess if he tested me by phoning me faking near death in the middle of a shopping spree or a spa session, i'd dump him in the middle of the phone call. 'sorry love, it's not you, but it's me, i'm totally changed, i'm not the same person, you have so much love in you, oh wtf you are gonna die anyway, why did you disturb my facial you so and so'. :hyper:

I always do that, part of my 'pulse measuring' tactics :p
Usually it happens unintentionally. You don't mean to ask this question to 'test' but it comes as a part of the conversation. Thats how people get to know more about each other anyway, whether they view it as a 'test' or not!

^
You go UmKhalid! :p
I am sure you will not say that if you love the guy! :XD:

You two should get married :love:

Nah, can't be bothered doing that. Since it can cause a hell of a confusion on what I meant and what I didn't mean later on in terms of thoughts, feelings or actions. And knowing myself, I would forget.

Nevertheless, I would analysis our conversations and actions. Try to make them as much of a mix as possible, in a way to allow as much different thoughts and reactions possible. though never provoke.

I'm not sure if I'd call it testing, It's more like a method to see if you're compatible with each other and think alike, like presenting situations and seeing how they'll deal or react to them.

I agree with this. Yes, I am straightforward, and can ask questions randomly, however, sometimes you just want to see their reaction when it is personal as opposed to hypothetical situations. Sometimes I find myself "testing" any person to see if they are genuine or to clear my doubts and concerns. I would stop contacting them to see if they would notice I am even alive and if I feel I am putting all the effort into the relationship, then I pull back.

I don't think it is wrong, I just think it is a smart way to (dis)prove something without having to express your doubts in words.

I'll do everything, and Everything ;p

I'd be straight forward with questions or concerns. I'd do the whole Teasing thing. I'd do the whole Testing thing. Call it what u wanna call it. In the end it comes down to me KNOWING MORE and learning about the person in a way that I normally wouldnt learn had I not done "Everything" LOL. Which is basically what I wanna do and get to..

And WHO wouldnt do the whole dissapearing and seeing if the person even notices? or even ASKS to see if you're still living or doing well for that matter..

Daamn.. This gurlz juss tryna Ensure this dude is worth her time and Love ;)

Always good to be honest and upfront about things from the beginning. We are who we are, our characters don't change overnight and don't expect to change that of others either. If you have an opinion to share go for it and the same for the other party. I see No point in playing the cat and mouse game, dragging things for a longer period of time, putting them to the test does not guarantee anything! If say for example you'd like them to call or check on you on a daily basis, make that clear from the beginning. If they are sincere and can respect that enough, they will do it. Not everyone understands the concept of taking the initiative , that said testing someone without them knowing the do's and dont's of the test ( if you haven't made it clear) would be rather unfair in my opinion! You wouldn't want to be throwing the wrong catch back into the ocean just because he couldn't do a backflip. Judgement of good character goes both ways, leading by example doesn't hurt at times :)

i actually love the whole testing thing if i was with someone oh i would test him big time its actually very interesting to see his reaction and if he finds out about it.
Same here. I think it's very important to put the guy you like under the test, especially if you two just started hitting off. Maybe there are some things that he keeps to himself so I'd really wanna find out what's he hiding. About the cold-fish-attitude (not texting/calling for days) Yah I always do that. I'd ignore for a coupla days and pretend I'm busy or something..and they always end up breaking the ice first...they come crawling on their feet asking about me :P

I test for everything .. but I act like I am not testing
I don't take much care of it .. I just test when the opportunity comes ..

I test only a person who I think I will be with for a while .. Not all people

And certainly not like UmKhalid's friends tests! :p

Testing testing testing!
Why do we always test? Is it because we're having doubts? Is it because we're not sure about the consequences??

We test cars to see if it's worth the price we're paying for. We test reformers to see if it performs well in plants and factories.

Testing a human being is more like torturing! *in an indirect way*
and torturing someone is against the ethics and morals of mankind!!
Be "cool"!! STAY COOL!!
I think that'll be my slogan for the month of June..
"BE COOL"!!!!
for me, i wont test my partner..i'll know whether they're worth it or not in my own way.. i am using it and it works for me.. call me Hitch if you want to!

yeah i would test him.
i'd cover myself in ketchup and phone him with a broken voice 'ohhh i just cracked my skull on the kitchen sink, i am soooooo dying...heyyyellllpppp ' in the middle of a champions league game, or better, i'd time it just before extra time or a penalty shoot out.
if he comes, he's ok, if he don't, he's dumped.
If I did that, I think I'd be waiting a looooong, loooong time.. lol

Oh god grant me to strength to wait for a normal girl, one for doesn't test me, and doesn't do experiment on me, and one who does stupid childish stuff like stop calling me to wait and see how long it takes me to call her (as if I have no other work).

Ameen :)

I didn't play games or tested the one I love. If I really wanted to know something, I asked him..

However, I sometimes present scenarios to him and ask him how he'd react to such and such.. it's just a way to see what he'd say before telling him that the actual scenario happened to me and the way I reacted.