The story goes like this;

The girl is 30+ not married and she love this guy but her parents will never prove their marriage, the reason is the girl's parents think the guy isnt good enough for their daughter. the girl tried so hard to convience her parents but they keep on refusing..

Now am not sure if this girl has purposely get herself pregnent or by accident but there is no justification for what she did. now when the parents find out their daugher is 3 month preg to avoid scandals they called the guy and asked him to marry her. Fortunately he agreed and they are getting married soon. Being Abaadhi we know that its haram but its sad that ppl are afraid of what human beings but they dont afraid of GOD.

What have u learn from this situation?
If you were a parent what will u do?

Such a complicated situation. She shouldn't have gotten pregnant...and there is no such thing as getting pregnant by accident.
I'm surprised the parents didn't beat her.

That's a popular way to get married and parents won't be able to say anything about it. The parents have big demands nowadays dat they want a house for the daughter the guy should be a govt. employee etc etc. How else can two ppl that can even become sooo intimate do?

Saying all that, its completely the girl's fault to become pregnant, the guy also has a hand in it. You can't clap with only one hand and I think when refusing to marriage, a completely rational reason or condition should be given.

I dunno what I will go through XD!

It's extremely sad that a girl would have to do that to marry the man she loves... in this society.

I must acknowledge that it's stupid of her to get pregnant and there is no excuse whatsoever, however it is also irrational of her parents not to allow her to get married when according to our society, she is already entering the age of spinsterhood and it is clear no body else "worthy" of them proposed. What is wrong with these parents to force their daughter into a life where she will have no companionship, no love or romance and no children? I say provided the guy is a good guy, her parents should have relented and not have objected simply because he is not from a well-known tribe or a high class one. No wonder, she had to take drastic measures to get what she wants which is in essence something that almost every person in this world naturally desires.

At the end of the day, it was very stupid of her to do what she did especially due to the harsh wrath of our Lord, but it is totally understandable, and perhaps now parents will think twice before refusing a guy simply because he is too dark or not from the 'right' tribe.

riv: a popular way you say??:os

it is also stupid of her parents not to allow her to get married when according to our society, she is already entering the age of spinsterhood and it is clear no body else "worthy" of them proposed.

very unfair from the parents as lym said she isnt young anymore. yet again, no matter what the condition is, what she did is very very wrong and unacceptable, her fault AND his fault.
She could've faked something to get married to him if she was that desperate, this isnt the right thing to do.

The story goes like this;

The girl is 30+ not married and she love this guy but her parents will never prove their marriage, the reason is the girl's parents think the guy isnt good enough for their daughter. the girl tried so hard to convience her parents but they keep on refusing..

Now am not sure if this girl has purposely get herself pregnent or by accident but there is no justification for what she did. now when the parents find out their daugher is 3 month preg to avoid scandals they called the guy and asked him to marry her. Fortunately he agreed and they are getting married soon. Being Abaadhi we know that its haram but its sad that ppl are afraid of what human beings but they dont afraid of GOD.

What have u learn from this situation?
If you were a parent what will u do?

Its so clear that :

1-The girls parents were very right about the guy since he agreed to do a sin and now he is getting a sin baby " walad 7aram".

2-The girl is not mature enough to do that step and she is " Zania" which means that she had a sin by pre-marrige sex.

Both of them for sure dont fear god and I really mercy the child coming.

You really ruin my day with your story , I really feel sad when I hear such thing happen to muslim brothers and sisters.

All what I can say is that I hope that they understand what they have done and ask for forgivness.

At the end of the day .......

At the end of the day ..... She won against her parents! ;)

but wait .. why did the guy wasn't accepted by the parents in the first place ?
you said because he is not good enough ? .. Well .. if hes not good enough .. where are all the 'good enough' guys ? they could've come whenever she reached 20 .. and now shes 30+ .. so if the parents saw that the 'good enough' guys didn't come during this 10 years .. than they should immediately think that there is no 'good enough' guy for her .. so they should let her go with a guy that she loves even though they think hes not 'good enough' for her!



When it comes to Islam .. and I think both of those are Muslim .. yeah ?
anyway .. they will both burn in hell because of the sin they did .. unless a big tuba (forgivness) occurs!
Zaina (sex without marriage) is a major sin in Islam .. and Allah is tawaboon ra7eem (a forgiver) .. So you never know if such forgivness occurs!

Parents fault.
Foolish pride.
she's 30+ for ALLAH's sake! If she doesn't get married to this guy, then who will marry her?!
She solved a small problem that cannot be resolved, in her parents eyes, with a bigger problem that can be resolved! She got things done the way she wants! Smart I must say. :yes:

You mentioned they were Abadhi, so of course, they are Omanis. And sadly, the parents belong to that sick category of Omanis who ruin the lives of their daughters (and sometimes sons) for materialistic, pathetic and illiterate believes!

If I was the boy, I would have said no for a couple of weeks at least so the idiot parents learn a lesson.

Anyhow, who to blame? I would blame the boy and the girl for having illegitimate sex, although they situation clearly indicated they suffered for a long time thanks to the stupid parents.

Just a note, I don't think it's haram with abadhis only, it's haram with all muslims.

The parents are to blame, but also the girl and the guy. I think they could have handled the situation in a more mature way than to just go off and get pregnant ... it will build up resentment between them later in their marriage life for having been brough together in such an awful way, with the child being the proof of it.

An alternative could have been getting married in secret atleast, then announce it publicly so the parents can't do anything about it.

30+ Don't mean shit in my books.

That doesn't mean omg you're 30 marry the first guy that comes and asks for your hands.. Because ur useless or w.e

I can't relate.. I can't even put myself in that position..

Cuz had that been my ***** And I was the parent, I wouldn't have said "NO"
If he was a good respectful muslim man.. There's no reason to say no to him

But in this situation.. I think the gurls a fool, And the dude marrying her is a Bigger fool.
I don't give a sh!t if he was the love of her life.. Or the only man for her..
What she did was SO WRONG.. There's other ways/things she could have done to marry him..

And maybe theres more to the story.. For all I know.. This guy could be an idiot..
There's no proof he was a "respectful good guy"

But anyways.. i'll take it as if he is a good man.. Even though His actions didn't justify that clearly.. This gurl should have been patient, And see how things played out. But thats just me..

She waited 30 years, waiting a bit more wouldnt kill her ;)

lol @ Being Abadhi and not saying being muslim.


Its all the culture's fault.
still, she could've done it in better ways... solving this issue I mean. maybe she wanted to marry him because she slept with him? lol what a loser.

First of all, I won't have my word about my children's love
There are no problems getting pregnant without being married, at least here.
But being afraid of what people may say about your child, that's sad.. really!

Parents fault.
Foolish pride.
she's 30+ for ALLAH's sake! If she doesn't get married to this guy, then who will marry her?!
She solved a small problem that cannot be resolved, in her parents eyes, with a bigger problem that can be resolved! She got things done the way she wants! Smart I must say. :yes:

How can it be parents fault while she shagged the guy !
if she was 17 or 19 years old then I might say ,, she still cant realise things.

She is not really hurting her family or any one ,, she just hurt her self by doing a sin and getting a sin child "Walad haram" and she is cursed .regardless of her parents whom she put their faces to earth and they cant face people because of her shame action.

If she was soo desprate then she could go to court since she is 30 and marry him because law can give her that right , now she lost her degnity + pride + family + her self .

First of all, I won't have my word about my children's love
There are no problems getting pregnant without being married, at least here.
But being afraid of what people may say about your child, that's sad.. really!

You would feel it only if you were a muslim my friend :)

I blame the parents for being stuck up and stubborn, and this won't really happen to me as a parent inshallah cause I will be open minded and will only judge based on personality.

lol @ Being Abadhi and not saying being muslim.


Its all the culture's fault.
still, she could've done it in better ways... solving this issue I mean. maybe she wanted to marry him because she slept with him? lol what a loser.
sorry man abadhi obvious muslim :bored:

i think u r the only peson find this thread funny:zzz:

If she already had the courage *or let's call it stupidity* to get pregnant and go against her parents.. why did not she just got married behind her parents back so at least she is in the safe side in the case of getting pregnant!!

I would blame the parents unless they had a valid reason to stop the marriage.

I would blame the girl unless she was forced *maybe fooled* by the guy.

I would blame the guy as with no sperms, there will be no pregnancy!!

The parents are stupid. She's above 30, she's lucky that someone is proposing to her.

Such a complicated situation. She shouldn't have gotten pregnant...and there is no such thing as getting pregnant by accident.
I'm surprised the parents didn't beat her.
she has been through hell..

u r right she shouldnt have gotten preg; and i doubt is by accident

^ Exactly, she's over 30 for the love of God!!

As for what she did, of course you can't justify her actions, and on a side note, it's sad what people do for love in our society. I hope our generation will change the backward thoughts.

^ Exactly, she's over 30 for the love of God!!

As for what she did, of course you can't justify her actions, and on a side note, it's sad what people do for love in our society. I hope our generation will change the backward thoughts.

Do you call that love !

Lets take a break here :

1-Having sex before getting married .
2-Getting pregnent without being married.
3-forgetting god and her religion.


Hello! I call this Bull$hit and never love ... this not even a teenage defination of love... what next! when ever we say to our no for our children and they "BoooM , pregnent "

No sorry , this is never even close to love.

Its so clear that :

1-The girls parents were very right about the guy since he agreed to do a sin and now he is getting a sin baby " walad 7aram".

2-The girl is not mature enough to do that step and she is " Zania" which means that she had a sin by pre-marrige sex.

Both of them for sure dont fear god and I really mercy the child coming.

You really ruin my day with your story , I really feel sad when I hear such thing happen to muslim brothers and sisters.

All what I can say is that I hope that they understand what they have done and ask for forgivness.sorry EF..i didnt mean to spoil ur day but i thought may be we can learn something from this story...

^ I didn't say I call that love.. I meant, people have to sin to get to their goals in a society like ours, where so many people can't marry the ones they love.

Being Abaadhi we know that its haram
Also other Muslim sectors believe so about premarital sex :cute:

What have u learn from this situation?

Get married before is too late

No problem dear ,

I just get upset very fast when I know such things happen around and fear get to me when I think what will the next generation do and how I shall protect my children when i get marry !

^ You can protect them by allowing them to marry the person they want unless that person is no good.. but reasons such as: "sect, religion, country, tribe, etc...." turn everyone off! Oh and the worst could be: "he's not good enough for you"!!!

Toomuchat raises a very good point. she had the courage to get pregnant but couldn't get married behind her parents back? or without their approval?

i think the parents probably had a good reason to refuse to give away their daughter to this guy, i'd only assume he's really that bad because firstly, he went ahead and got a woman pregnant. what does that tell you about a man? and secondly, she's 30+ her parents probably know it's unlikely for her to get any more proposals, but they still refused. i'm not sure it's fair to go ahead and blame the parents. the dude is probably unworthy.

^ You can protect them by allowing them to marry the person they want unless that person is no good.. but reasons such as: "sect, religion, country, tribe, etc...." turn everyone off! Oh and the worst could be: "he's not good enough for you"!!!

That is easy , but not every one my children pick I will let them go for it.if some punk with no education steps at my door .. all what he will see his lower back getting kicked.

People like that girl with low faith in her religion are what I meant by my fear .. because such people will be interacting with each other and they are a part of bad enviroment which we should let our children stay away from.

^ If you raise your kids right, I don't think they'll go for high school drop outs or people you don't approve of (for good reasonable reasons).

As a woman in her late 30's if the woman got pregnant oh well.....she is carrying a precious life. Not much you can do now. Who to blame of course the woman for getting preggers before getting married esp. in certain cultures because it simply is seen as wrong. But nothing you can do now unless she herself decides to get an abortion.

But the man has to be blamed also...those little guys did not just jump out and swim to meet the woman's egg on their own.

an act of desperation i guess

30+ Don't mean shit in my books.

That doesn't mean omg you're 30 marry the first guy that comes and asks for your hands.. Because ur useless or w.e



Sorry J'adore when i put her age i never meant that she was too old for marriage or when a girl reach 30+++ is useless NO of course NO..but i couldnt understand at that age how did she get preg unless if she wanted to...

^ Yes I get you. She's mature enough not to get pregnant that way.

^ If you raise your kids right, I don't think they'll go for high school drop outs or people you don't approve of (for good reasonable reasons).

So you think that the girls parents didnt rise her in a good way and provided her what she needs ? :)

From experience I have seen in my 39 years I have witnesses very religious parents lose their children to love in the most unconventional ways so the parents cannot be blamed. Unless you chain the woman in her room her heart is going to follow whomever. And the man who helped to get her pregnant better step up and help.

From experience I have seen in my 39 years I have witnesses very religious parents lose their children to love in the most unconventional ways so the parents cannot be blamed. Unless you chain the woman in her room her heart is going to follow whomever. And the man who helped to get her pregnant better step up and help.


*hugs*.....

So you think that the girls parents didnt rise her in a good way and provided her what she needs ? :)

Providing should cover both materialistic and non materialistic elements. They might have given her food, clothing and shelter but as it seems that's all they've been giving her. Where is love? support? compassion? understanding and trust in her judgement? had they offered that as well then she wouldn't have done what she did.

^but that doesnt justify her actions. she still shouldn't have gotten pregnant.

Providing should cover both materialistic and non materialistic elements. They might have given her food, clothing and shelter but as it seems that's all they've been giving her. Where is love? support? compassion? understanding and trust in her judgement? had they offered that as well then she wouldn't have done what she did.

We never know if they provided that to her or not ,, or mybe they did but in a hursh way.

She is 30+ years old and she should understand what is right and what is wrong,she could easly go to court and marry the person she want ...

you say that she didnt had the guts to do that ?
well she had the guts to get pregnent and use it against her family to force them to accept.

If every girl use Where is love? support? compassion? understanding and trust in her judgement? we would had most of our girls pregent by now.

Once a girl is mature and adult then she is responsible of her acts.

Well, we dont know her history ,, but what ever it was ,it never justify what done.

Providing should cover both materialistic and non materialistic elements. They might have given her food, clothing and shelter but as it seems that's all they've been giving her. Where is love? support? compassion? understanding and trust in her judgement? had they offered that as well then she wouldn't have done what she did.

i agree, parents should provide both materialistically and non materialistically for their children. but if you were her father and assuming you refused to let her marry this man..and after she comes crying and pregnant to you, what would you think?
"i should have been more supportive and let her marry him"
or think "i was right! he's an ***** for getting her pregnant and not trusting her judgment was obviously the right thing to do because here she is..30+ and pregnant!"

we don't know the reasons behind her parents refusing to give her away to this man. if they were tribal and superficial reasons then i completely agree with you. they're to blame as well.
but looking at the consequences, it doesn't say much about the "love birds". committing adultery is no joke. and assuming they're both over 30, they should know better.

'ok..my parents refused. plan B, get pregnant!' :think: teenagers w ana ma 3indi 5abar? (and i didn't know?)

If pregnancy was the only way to convince her parents to be with her lover, then she could have married him in the court behind her parents back then got pregnant and confronted them. At least this way, she wouldn’t have committed a major sin and the boy wouldn’t have considered ( walad 7aram)

I am surprised that a 30+ didn’t think of this thoroughly, which clearly indicates that the girl is very naïve and can’t make good decisions for her self. That could be why her parents probably had a reason to reject her marriage in the first place, since the girl seems to not be able to take care of her self sensibly.

an act of desperation i guess
^That's exactly what it seems like. And when one is hasty and does things this way, they often realise years later that they should have waited.


To be fair, A woman of 30 should have her say on who she marries. I don't think she's a child that needs her parents permission to get married.

Also.. How many more 'safe' child rearing years does a woman of 30 have? 5? 6? She wants to get married and have kids.. then she has to get a move on!

The parents need to be shot. Fancy trying to stop an adult woman from deciding on who to marry!

I guess it takes us back to square one. That being: How women are treated like children until they die.

If pregnancy was the only way to convince her parents to be with her lover, then she could have married him in the court behind her parents back then got pregnant and confronted them. At least this way, she wouldn’t have committed a major sin and the boy wouldn’t have considered ( walad 7aram)

I am surprised that a 30+ didn’t think of this thoroughly, which clearly indicates that the girl is very naïve and can’t make good decisions for her self. That could be why her parents probably had a reason to reject her marriage in the first place, since the girl seems to not be able to take care of her self sensibly.
People do silly things in desperate moments all their life. It's human nature.

I can see why the parents were refusing that guy!!!!!

What have u learn from this situation?


That she is a 30 years old with a brain of 3 years old

I know that it's more fun without the condom but if she didn't enjoy the latex covered sausage then she should have been on the pills

Or there is something called morning after pill that can prevent pregnancy if taken within 72 hours of the intercourse

Apparently she did it on purpose.

That she is a 30 years old with a brain of 3 years old

I know that it's more fun without the condom but if she didn't enjoy the latex covered sausage then she should have been on the pills

Or there is something called morning after pill that can prevent pregnancy if taken within 72 hours of the intercourse
Do women who want to get pregnant often take the pill? :hmm:

From the first post, most of us have gathered that this was planned.

WOW funny how it is always the woman's fault guess she got pregnant with no help from anyone. The man is also to be held responsible for his damn stupidity in NOT wearing a condom. Period.

Mashallah.. Guyz honestly u got right to the core of the problem! she was supposed to take pills.. and her mistake not is not taking any pills!! I'm so sorry for not reaching this point right after I read this thread!!!

Sorry J'adore when i put her age i never meant that she was too old for marriage or when a girl reach 30+++ is useless NO of course NO..but i couldnt understand at that age how did she get preg unless if she wanted to...

Why are you saying sorry hun?

When I wrote that, I didn't mean it towards you.
But I just kept reading posts about how shes 30 and should take advantage of a guy asking for her hand..

I'm juss saying that doesn't mean anything..

Yeah she might be older.. And yeah guys tend to marry girls in their 20's
But that doesn't mean - You forget about your morals or Values and just put yourself down to that level - like you don't deserve any better! ;p

What I want to know is why everyone is overlooking this man's role in getting her pregnant. Having an attitude that it is all the woman's fault allows some men to go around and not care about protecting themselves from an unplanned pregnancy or STD. To think the whole responsibility of birth control is simply on the woman is plain wrong. SHE didn't get herself pregnant. Would be NICE if she was on the pill but even IF she was the pill is not 100% full proof. My mother became pregnant with my sister on the pill. My best friend became pregnant while on the pill. So USING a backup like a condom is common sense.

If she wanted this baby irregardless of marriage she is at fault but the man still should have protected himself. By wearing a back up like a condom it lowers the risk of the pregnancy. Not completely but will narrow things down considerably. If he chose to go in without it then yessssssssssssssssssssss she would get pregnant because there are no barriers. He sounds like a dufus to me. Unless he wants that baby also and if he did then he needs to marry her ASAP.

BOTH are to be blamed......................

she had sex at 30???!???? omg!!!!!

blame it on durex or for them to forget to use it.

^That's exactly what it seems like. And when one is hasty and does things this way, they often realise years later that they should have waited.


To be fair, A woman of 30 should have her say on who she marries. I don't think she's a child that needs her parents permission to get married.

Also.. How many more 'safe' child rearing years does a woman of 30 have? 5? 6? She wants to get married and have kids.. then she has to get a move on!

The parents need to be shot. Fancy trying to stop an adult woman from deciding on who to marry!

I guess it takes us back to square one. That being: How women are treated like children until they die.
the parents would rather been shot than seeing their daugher preg b4 marriage.. I agree with you though..she insisted to marry the guy and they kept on refusing...

she had sex at 30???!???? omg!!!!!

blame it on durex or for them to forget to use it.

I wonder what the IQ is on both of them? I hope that child is not stigmatized.

they should up sticks and to live abroad. tell everybody that they've been married two years and move on. that's what i would do anyway. stick two fingers to anybody who's willing to stigmatise any child of mine.

Marianna u r right but in this part of the world, only girl's reputation is spoiled and thnx God he agreed to marry her: u never know he can divorce her next day and no one will ever look at her again..but he can get himself 4 wives lol... yes sometimes i feel we live in sick sociaty really sick...

^ But he didn't refuse to marry her, which shows that really loved her, the usual story is that the man refuses to marry the woman at the end.
That's why I salute this guy for correcting the mistake.

MAN that is so sad that the woman's rep is always the one trashed. What if say this was the first and only time for a woman but the man messed around with many girls? Is he free of blame? It isn't just your society but can be found everywhere. Men can run around like wild dogs (not all I know that already) but there are those who run around thinking he can have sex with a string of women but God FORBID a woman follows in such footsteps.

What does that say to men though...that they can freely do whatever? And people say women are the weaker sex. HA....seems to me men need to learn more about self control and honor.

This is a sensitive topic for me for various reasons. I hope that the child is raised in a loving home and that the couple then can work things out. Oh my..................

Sad is that people are discussing this issue

She's 30 something. Her life, her decision

She is old enough to make her OWN decision, which she did.

She's the brave one, not the guy.

She has to carry that baby for 9 months and with the way a girl's rep is viewed she has to be brave. I would be petrified.

Sad is that people are discussing this issue

She's 30 something. Her life, her decision

She is old enough to make her OWN decision, which she did.

She's the brave one, not the guy.

you said it all Yoda :p

you said it all Yoda :p


http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/4/4d/Yoda-ep2.jpg/190px-Yoda-ep2.jpg


Funny thing:

Do or do not... there is no try

Well she did not try, she DID :hyper:

As for all the rest who are going to say she's stupid,*****,*****.............STFU will yeh? And get yourselves a damn life.

nothing special its a usuall common thing in omani socity..

She is only stupid for making her life harder on herself, when she could have avoided all this and MARRIED the dude she wanted before conceiving his child (hope it is his :os). Islamically, she would have saved herself the sin, and that is the most important thing in this topic. Screw society! It is her Islam I am worried about.

But to be fair, her parents are stupid-er in this instance if they refused the guy for superficial reasons. Otherwise, they are not to be blamed if the guy was really an A-hole, but he doesn't sound like one. I salute him for standing up to his 'mistake' and supporting her in this difficult time.

I agree 100% with EvilFire.

Sub7an Allah, Al Khabeethaat Lel Khabeethoon wal Khabeethoona Lel Khabeethaat.

I wonder why she didn't tell her parents that she'll make a 'f'9ee7a' if they didn't let her marry him, as a threat. Maybe she 'teste7eeeey' (is shy).

Which deserves more sympathy? A girl not marrying a guy she loves, or a girl being fooled by 'love' and committed one of the Biggest Sins, having God be angry at her act and having 'wald 7aram', and of course not forgetting, marrying 'wald 7aram'.

3ala el denya el salaam. (Goodbye, life)

In Islam I thought that if a couple has sex before marriage they cannot marry. What are the legalities or religious connotations. Just asking since am an outsider looking in. :)

But to be fair, her parents are stupid-er in this instance if they refused the guy for superficial reasons.

I think EvilFire answered this best:
The girls parents were very right about the guy since he agreed to do a sin and now he is getting a sin baby " walad 7aram".

They were dead right about him.

I think EvilFire answered this best:


They were dead right about him.

Hold on! My question is why did they refuse him BEFORE she got pregnant? If it was for superficial reasons then yes, they are stupid especially that she is no longer young and fought for him with all her will!

And now that she got pregnant, they run to him to cover the shame and save the family's honor? Why? Since they refused him, why are they begging him now to take her back? Now that they need him, it is okay to forget the fact that he has sinned and has an illegitimate child on the way? They accepted him and I am sure begged him to marry their daughter. Remember they accepted him as the "sinner" he is which as some people claim is the very same reason they refused him the first place.

Hypocrisy if you ask me :no:

As you said, they fear society. If they feared God they'd go by the rules and let their stupid daughter get lashed.

If she had married without father consent, still not acceptable in Islam
Marriage not valid, unless she goes to Sheikh asking for permission

No one's to blame!

She's 30 plus years old :rolleyes:

A grown woman to live and make her OWN decisions in life :XD:

I blame all of them: Parents for not respecting her wishes and helping her be happy, him for knocking up his girlfriend, and her for not respecting herself more.

Still..I hope they all end up happy one way or another...

I think for those of us who don't grow up in a society that tend to group think and is not very individualistic we can see it as being an individual thing. But from what I understood about Arab culture there is saving face, honor, and the tribe issues. I know is more complex but am giving what I do know from my own exposure.

If she had married without father consent, still not acceptable in Islam
Marriage not valid, unless she goes to Sheikh asking for permission

So the HRW watch on Saudi women being treated as perpetual children applies beyond Saudi ?

So the HRW watch on Saudi women being treated as perpetual children applies beyond Saudi ?

You know what
If my parents didn't approve of the person I want to marry [and am almost 40 alhamdoulillah] , I wouldn't go for him [even if as non Muslim parents they don't have that right on me]
Not because I don't want to upset them, but because most of the times they were right in chosing for me
Not a matter of religion
It depends on the situation and the people involved

The difference is that you make the CHOICE to listen to your parents, but apparently now you have no choice but to seek a parents/mufti's approval even though you are an independent grown up woman.

I sometimes wonder if the parents have in their mind what they want for their daughter and what they have in mind is not always so good i.e. want someone with tons of money but no character, or may be too old for her age but he has tons of money or the family name is all that.

I can understand, to a degree why they would want a husband who is respectful of their daughter and will treat her right. One would hope that the daughter has sense enough about her to choose the right man. Other women I have noticed may want to focus on the superficial while as others find a good good man but the parents disagree with the choice because of his family's background. Anyway, I would say once a woman reaches her 30's she should be free to choose. After all, her child bearing years are diminishing (if she wants children) and what if say she is approaching 40 and they STILL do not approve is she to be a spinster all her life? I would be like come on.....give the woman a break she is approaching middle age and she is forced to remain single because you (the parents) say so???? I just don't know...............

You know what
If my parents didn't approve of the person I want to marry [and am almost 40 alhamdoulillah] , I wouldn't go for him [even if as non Muslim parents they don't have that right on me]
Not because I don't want to upset them, but because most of the times they were right in chosing for me
Not a matter of religion
It depends on the situation and the people involvedBS ... you totally defied your parents and you know it ... just like this woman did :rolleyes:

You know what
If my parents didn't approve of the person I want to marry [and am almost 40 alhamdoulillah] , I wouldn't go for him [even if as non Muslim parents they don't have that right on me]
Not because I don't want to upset them, but because most of the times they were right in chosing for me
Not a matter of religion
It depends on the situation and the people involved
Sometimes parents can be deluded and misguided too. Just because they are older doesn't always mean their "wisdom" is right or even fair. We won't even touch on the issue of their "wisdom" and wants not being on the same level as the wants and needs of their adult daughters.


No. Parents don't always have the solution. Sometimes, they can be wrong too.

But here's where the cream of the pie comes in..
If my parents pressure me into picking guy B over guy A and the marriage turns out to be a disaster... they better find a big rock to hide behind.

Parents should offer guidance.. but there's a line that should not be crossed. Once they start planning your life for you, down even to who you can and cannot marry.. then you should call them up when it goes bottoms up.

Otherwise, let me make my choices, and let me deal with my mistakes. One day, my parents will be gone, and I will be still here having to live through their choices, which may not be the ones I wanted..

Well, I can understand. It happened to me and my parents refused that I could marry my first love and that was that. I resented it for the longest time but had to get over it didn't want to die with a hardened heart. He was a looker and very intelligent and sweet. Ahhhh.........anyway, good to have a family pow wow to hash out the pros and cons of marrying someone and have valid reasons as to why she can or cannot.

I'll balm the parents the girl is 30 years old she not that young they might as well have agreed obviously what she did was totally wrong but in my opinion it could have been prevented if they just agreed on the guy.

If she had married without father consent, still not acceptable in Islam
Marriage not valid, unless she goes to Sheikh asking for permission

Actually. IF she went to court get married, the judge would ask her why did her dad disagree and if it is because of a superficial reasoning (tribe, skin color, not rich enough, not high class enough etc and obviously the father should be present to confirm this), then the court will marry them and it will be valid!

Exactly what I said :)

No. Parents don't always have the solution
in fact i said most of times

you totally defied your parents and you know it

in that case they were wrong and i was right
i took a painful decision but it was necessary

The difference is that you make the CHOICE to listen to your parents, but apparently now you have no choice but to seek a parents/mufti's approval even though you are an independent grown up woman.

Is the same
I mean, when I see threads here asking "would you go out asking permission from parents or at least would you tell them" or "would you marry without your parents approval", and then westerners are apparently shocked , I find it nonsense
Maybe I was educated in a strict way but who goes out from home without at least saying "am going out and I will be late"
And if your parent disapproves, how can you remain insensitive to that ?
When I was not Muslim I asked permission to my conscience, now I should take permission from a Sheikh, who is not a stranger or a tyrant, but a person who, same as me has been brought up through the ways of God and that of the Prophet
If a Muslim girl goes to him cause her parents don't want her to marry a guy from an inferior tribe, he will surely approve and will explain to the parents their mistake

What I find really stupid in all this story, is the fact that her reaction to her parents disapproval was to make love with him
Am sure she did something forbidden to show them her disrespect but that was too extreme
Her rebellion was cultural, not much religious
I know of Omani girls who went away and married outside : i find this more mature

Actually. IF she went to court get married, the judge would ask her why did her dad disagree and if it is because of a superficial reasoning (tribe, skin color, not rich enough, not high class enough etc and obviously the father should be present to confirm this), then the court will marry them and it will be valid!

It is good that she can do that but would she "shame" her father by doing this? I mean would he became hardened against his daughter for bringing his fallicies in front of a court of law, embarassing him in a sense? I wonder how many woman actually go through with that. Only asking because really intrigued. If women do this as an option it is a wonderful one to have for a culture where a parent's permission is necessary to marry.

It is good that she can do that but would she "shame" her father by doing this? I mean would he became hardened against his daughter for bringing his fallicies in front of a court of law, embarassing him in a sense? I wonder how many woman actually go through with that. Only asking because really intrigued. If women do this as an option it is a wonderful one to have for a culture where a parent's permission is necessary to marry.

Many surprisingly, because some parents have ridiculous reasons for saying no to a potential suitor and it is only "right" to go to court to get the wrong corrected. Most probably she would shame her father, but at this point, does she really care to be obedient and dutiful daughter? All she cares about is marrying the man she wants! He would most probably disown her and their relationship would turn sour.

The only thing that can be hoped for is that some time down the line, they would be able to move past this and make up for lost time.

If she cared about bringing shame to her father she wouldn't do fe3latha el soda (that sin).

Indeed. The reason I never married my 1st love was due to my parents' intervention. If I could upload a picture of him you could SEE why I fell so hard. lol. We remained friends though for over 20 years and then he married and I felt it was better to not be friends.

We didn't marry because we didn't want what his parents went through. His father was African American and motehr Sicilian, and their families stopped speaking to them and we didn't want that happening to us.

Sometimes parents forget that their children deserve happiness. If the man or woman is honest, decent, and respectful I never see a problem, irregardless of color, creed, or religion.

How can you call yourself a man,
If you chicken out when the shit hits the fan.

I mean, really, the dude's lucky her dad didn't shoot him. It's stupid to do stuff like that from both sides, the woman, the man and the parents who are ready to give their daughter to any man who screws around with her whether they know him or not is now a matter that does not concern them. The only one who's completely damaged here is a baby who is forced to grow in a household that may be devoid of love.

How can you call yourself a man,
If you chicken out when the shit hits the fan.

I mean, really, the dude's lucky her dad didn't shoot him. It's stupid to do stuff like that from both sides, the woman, the man and the parents who are ready to give their daughter to any man who screws around with her whether they know him or not is now a matter that does not concern them. The only one who's completely damaged here is a baby who is forced to grow in a household that may be devoid of love.

Amen!

The last part brings to mind Mother Teresa, who responded to talk of "unwanted children":

"The solution to unwanted children is to want them. If you don't want your children, give them to me. I want them."

mmmh ok ok the wedding was this weekend...everyone was sad...when I saw the guy I knew why the parents refused...anyway it is her choice..

oh so they refused him cos he wasn't good looking enough?

Is the same
I know of Omani girls who went away and married outside : i find this more mature

How is that better? - you are deceiving your family just the same and you are also facing the risk of your marriage not being accepted by the family or legally - don't see that as being mature at all.

Everyone assumes the girl got pregnant on purpose - no contracpetion is 100% guaranteed, no one knows if the couple used contraception or not, and it definitelty takes 2 to make a baby. There is no mention of rape in the story so we have to assume that it was consensual sex on both sides - therefore both people are responsible, not just the girl.


In many threads people go on and on about Muslim women not being oppressed - yet this woman of 30 years was still not able to make the choice of who she would marry! How is that NOT being oppressed?