Let's say that a really close friend to you finally decides to tie the knots.

If you happened to know that the person your friend is anticipating to be his/her future spouse has done some things that you're sure your friend won't approve of but he doesn't know anything about.. what would you?

~ Would you tell your friend about this person's doings?

~ Would you disregard what you know and not tell your friend?


~ Would you let your friend know about this persons doings but indirectly?

~ Is there any other way you'd react?


Explain your choice :)

As you said, a really close friend.. I would because if that ever happened to me I want my close friends to tell me. She/he should atleast know what they're putting yourself into even if they still agree to marry them.

I won't use indirect nice ways to tell them the truth. She/he needs to know and they need it to know it RIGHT.

^ But what if that would cause problems between you two? Or he/she won't believe you because of external influences such as other close people trying to prove you wrong?

^ That would only happen if we're not close. But you said we were and my close friends should accept things like that from me or else they won't be my close friends.

~ Would you tell your friend about this person's doings?
Actually it happened once and i told my friend about it.

~ Would you disregard what you know and not tell your friend?
I have already once done that

~ Would you let your friend know about this persons doings but indirectly?
I said i have already once let my friend know!

~ Is there any other way you'd react?
Dont think i wouldve reacted in any other way


but my friend was really pissed even though i tried to say it after a lot of talking about this and that and if's and when's and when i told him at the end...that was the first time i ever spoke with a guy on the fone for over an hour and then i had to go to his house to calm him down and the lady was hospitalized and a whole lot of shit happend but at the end of the day, my friend thanked me and i would do it again if i did know something

one of my other friends when was told about his to be, he said i already knew about her and i am okay with it so we were okay with that too..

I'll have to be 100% sure he's STILL doing them, if I'm not 100% sure, I'll keep it to myself. If it's something he's DONE, in the PAST, I'll keep it to myself.

Sometimes people do things in the past that they regret, if they're lucky, they remain things of the past and no one finds out about them. If someone does find out about them, I think they should keep them to themselves, why ruin their marriage if it's something of the past?

~ Would you tell your friend about this person's doings?
Actually it happened once and i told my friend about it.

~ Would you disregard what you know and not tell your friend?
I have already once done that

~ Would you let your friend know about this persons doings but indirectly?
I said i have already once let my friend know!

~ Is there any other way you'd react?
Dont think i wouldve reacted in any other way


but my friend was really pissed even though i tried to say it after a lot of talking about this and that and if's and when's and when i told him at the end...that was the first time i ever spoke with a guy on the fone for over an hour and then i had to go to his house to calm him down and the lady was hospitalized and a whole lot of shit happend but at the end of the day, my friend thanked me and i would do it again if i did know something

one of my other friends when was told about his to be, he said i already knew about her and i am okay with it so we were okay with that too..

You realize that you had to choose one of the questions only don't you :p

That's a good move, he thanked you at the end :)

And yea, if he/she still decides to be with the person after they know stuff about them then it's their call and no one can change that. The most important thing is that they are 'aware' of the doings whether they were of the past or else.

I'll have to be 100% sure he's STILL doing them, if I'm not 100% sure, I'll keep it to myself. If it's something he's DONE, in the PAST, I'll keep it to myself.

Sometimes people do things in the past that they regret, if they're lucky, they remain things of the past and no one finds out about them. If someone does find out about them, I think they should keep them to themselves, why ruin their marriage if it's something of the past?

What if the 'past' was months ago, would you tell your close friend about it or not?

I would tell him/her directly, no indirect ways for such important things.
He/she should know what they are getting themselves into and they can talk about it. If he/she really loves her he/she should know the truth!

i agree with UmKhalid

and if it was Recent, u should be able to judge, know if he/she's gonna do it again or not...

it is very complicated and it depends on: the person, the thing he's done, and the situation...

This is really tough. Cos in Islam 'Elsitr' is required ( Not mentioning others sins ), and I also don't want to see my friend to end up with someone doing wrong things. So I'll probably advise my friend not to marry that girl because she's known with bad things but I won't tell him what things as well. Trying to be in the middle.

I also think that he should know from the begining rather than later after they have kids and their life will be tough and harder.

I also think that he should know from the begining rather than later after they have kids and their life will be tough and harder.

Yes, I agree there's 'alsitr' *guarding the person by not mentioning his/her sins*.

But I also agree that the person should know from the very beginning just so that he/she would be aware of his/her spouse to be doings so not to be surprised by the time they've created they're little family.. you never know how the person is going to take it in.. and you might end up being blamed at for not mentioning anything earlier.. yea?

That's why I said it's so tough to hide or tell it. Sometimes it doesnt necessary require a friend, sometimes people we don't even know. I remember time ago my brother in law called me and asked me a bout a guy in my village ( I know that guy and when I asked my brother in law why are you asking about him he told me that this guy proposed to his friend's sister and they want to know about him and his family ). That guy was gay and I couldn't tell my brother in law about him so I told him give me sometime to ask about him and tell you back. I really couldn't hide the fact about him and couldn't bear the idea that this girl will live with gay and their life will probably be difficult later on. So I called my brother in Law and told him that this guy's family is well know nothing wrong in them but he's known to be gay but kind as well lol and I asked himm to ask more people about him. Eventually, the girl's family refused him and I felt a slight guilt and relief as the same time. Guilt of ruining a chance to this guy to get married and relief that I felt I helped the girl.

^ I would've done the same :)

~ Would you tell your friend about this person's doings?
yeah for sure, coz if she finds out after marrige n knows that i know n never spoke she'll blame me, n if something happnes to her ( like get heart broken ) id never forgive myself..

~ Would you let your friend know about this persons doings but indirectly?
maybe id hint first, if she got it n got it all solved with him then im works done, but if she didnt get me, i think ill have to drop the bomb, if it was somthing huge..

~ Is there any other way you'd react?
if what that guy is doing was not a major thing, id pass, but for eg: he sleeps with gals secretly , then that id no way keep it to myself

My friends can "istir" every other person they know but not my future husband. This is far too important for them to hide something from me. After all, I would like to make an informed decision if it is possible and the more information I have, the better!

If there are things they know that he is hiding from me, which are very important and should have been disclosed before we got engaged, then I would want to know. I don't want to be tricked into thinking he is a great guy who can't do a certain thing, when it just happens that he has been doing it all along especially if this thing is capable of changing my mind into rejecting him. I would want to know whether he has done it in the past or he is still doing it. I am entitled to know especially from my close friends who are supposedly watching my back and don't want to see me hurt nor "tricked".

Seeing as I would want to know, I would definitely tell my friend, provided this thing I am about to disclose is something which she thinks is important.

i would tell him/her directly or indirectly... it depends on the situation... and for such an important thing like this there is no way for not telling them.

Yes but see Lym, we don't have the right to know anything a person did in the past.

I remember once I was listening to a scholar who was talking about what information should be shared and should not before marriage.

He was advising girls NOT to speak of their former mistakes, he said: "Even if he SWORE on you to tell, you swear on him that you won't tell. He has not right to know. If he does not respect that right, then he is not respecting a right given to you by God."

Then he explained: "But this is only the case if you stopped the mistake, if you are still going on with it, then he has full right to know, or you're entering a marriage based on lies."

If I ever mistakenly found out something about my husband that he did in the past, I will forget and forgive. Everyone makes mistakes. And surely, my husband only hid it from me because he didn't want to annoy me with it. If he's a great guy, why should I HAVE to know about things that he did in the past?

But how do you know he is a great guy if he is hiding all these things from you? He is just showing you want he wants you to see! He is tricking you into believing this image he conjured up for your pleasing eyes. I don't want to be fooled. Give me all the dirt, and I won't judge you so long as you regretted it and no longer do it.

I just want the truth. That's all.

Imagine, your friends knew that your fiance took part in homosexual acts in the past but he stopped since he met you. Few years down the line, you realize that he is still into that! At least if you knew before, you would not have married him! There are some things you should tell especially big things as such and it is up to us, whether to accept their past or not.

It depends on that close friend, would he\she accept it or not . Because i remember it happened once to my close friend and when i told her she got it wrong and thought that i am telling her all that because i dont want to see her happy.


So I came to know after that i have to think many times before telling them.