I've been depending on my husband ever since I got married and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I mean he has to take care of me even if I was working.. If I worked and made my own money, I would save everything I earn and still spend his money.. so I might as well just not work!

I've noticed many girls wouldn't want to depend on their husband financially and want to make their own money... Reasons could be due to dignity or simply because they want to work!

I need solid reasons from the girls who don't want to rely on their husbands financially..

Or men, if you have anything to say about this please go ahead :)

I think this topic is good for "some" members from the western world.. just to see how fortunate are the arab girls.
Yet, they still talk about feminism, women's rights and interests :p ( which is really a case of Pessimism in our middle-eastern society :dev: )

I think we, men, should start talking about Malism and men'r rights :p

I am single and quite independent. I feel that if both are working then there should be an account where both provide for the upkeep of the home i.e. the mortgage, utilities etc....fair is fair. I want to be indepedent and feel if a woman is too dependent on her husband what happens if he divorces her or dies? My mom is totally dependent on my father. Was a stay at home mother, never worked outside the home, doesn't know how to drive. She knows if something happens to him she will need to rely on family for everything. I feel that a woman needs to be independent in some aspects because you never know what is around the corner.

I don't think being independent is being pessimistic. I left home at 17. That is me. There are many other Western women out there who like being the boss of their own money and lives. Some don't some do. It is shameful to look down on independent women. If they choose that route that is their business. Same as a woman who is dependent on a man...my only concern is if he doesn't provide for her if he divorces or dies then there lays a problem. My father for example, when he passes away will be leaving my mother in debt. He has not thought about her future. She will be solely living off of his social security and pension. Now, they owe on a mortgage...he doesn't have term life insurance so that when he dies the insurance pays off the mortgage. So what happens...the house gets sold and anything left from the sale will pay of the remainder of the mortgage. He has no life insurance on himself or my mother. So what happens. His children will have to try and find the money to bury them. That is why it is so important to make sure all bases are covered when it comes to critical life issues. I know in some societies burial expenses are not a concern but I don't live in some societies. I live in the USA. It would be very unrealistic to apply what happens on one society to us since we have a population of over 300 million and where are the monies to bury the people who die every day? If I lived in a country where the population is only say 2 million then funding can be more readidly provided by the government if they are capable of doing so.

What if you are married to a man who barely makes enough to sustain both of you? Is it really fair to have this burden totally upon his shoulders if the wife can also work? I find it very selfish if the woman stays at home while the man is busting his *** to provide for the both of them and they are barely making ends meet. If she decides to remain at home then I feel she cannot complain if he is working his *** off to meet the mortgage, grocery bills, etc....if he says it is ok for her to stay at home then that is that couple but if he really is working hard to make ends meet I think the wife needs to step up and help.

This can be found in all societies not just Western mind you. I think it is totally unfair to lie all the financial responsibility on a man if the couple is struggling and the woman is healthy to work.

Some men take advantage if his wife is relaying on him financially. He would abuse her emotionally simply because he knows that she can not go any where since she can’t support her self.

I suppose woman want to be financially independent just to feel secured and not threatened by the behaviour of their husband.

^^^^amen. :D

What if you are married to a man who barely makes enough to sustain both of you? Is it really fair to have this burden totally upon his shoulders if the wife can also work? I find it very selfish if the woman stays at home while the man is busting his *** to provide for the both of them and they are barely making ends meet. If she decides to remain at home then I feel she cannot complain if he is working his *** off to meet the mortgage, grocery bills, etc....if he says it is ok for her to stay at home then that is that couple but if he really is working hard to make ends meet I think the wife needs to step up and help.

This can be found in all societies not just Western mind you. I think it is totally unfair to lie all the financial responsibility on a man if the couple is struggling and the woman is healthy to work.

Of course if he cannot support my needs comfortably, I'd help him and work.. but if he can why should I work and have a joint account with him when it's mainly his responsibility?!

as i said in the other thread, i don't want to depend on him.

i want my own studies to be recognised and fulfilled in a career. i want my kids to look up to me and see me as a good role model, a woman who does well at her job and earns money, i want my kids to see me using my own money responsably and not asking husband for 'extras'. i want them to see me paying bills. staying at home is too boring for me. there is only so much cleaning to do and then what do i do? sit on the computer all day? go shopping as the highlight of the day? no way. i went back to work as soon as my two girls were of school age. and when they grow up they want to work to.

@ diabian...you make it sound like arab women don't work. there are lots of arab women doctors, lawyers and businesswomen.

Some men take advantage if his wife is relaying on him financially. He would abuse her emotionally simply because he knows that she can not go any where since she can’t support her self.

I suppose woman want to be financially independent just to feel secured and not threatened by the behaviour of their husband.
yeps....amen from me too!

when a man supports his wife, he can tell her 'you can buy this/and not that', you can go here and not there, like a girl living on pocket money. financial independence is the only way for a couple to be truly equal, albeit different in their roles.

I believe in having a house account and two individual accounts that way the woman has her account to withdraw monies for her personal expenses and he has his. She doesn't have to ask permission to take money to buy things. I have seen that too many times and causes arguements in a marriage. If they have a house account and both are working and the couple simply need both incomes to provide then that is how it should be. If he is making enough money and she doesn't have to work that is ok. I am not saying it isn't. But at the same time I would be hard pressed to remain at home and always asking for money to do my own thing. By having my own job as long as I help out with housing expenses what is left over is mine.

^ minerva:

No that doesn't only happen when the wife doesn't work. I know men could take advantage but men can take advantage anyway; asking her to use her money because he's greedy and doesn't want to spend on her; thus he gets to save his money!

^^he and I would be having some lively discussions. I am very pragmatic on how I approach finances. I see the mortgage, groceries, utilities and such as 1st then personal needs 2nd. I would need to be with a man who is understanding in this regard. Finding a man who meets you half way is the key.

^ minerva:

No that doesn't only happen when the wife doesn't work. I know men could take advantage but men can take advantage anyway; asking her to use her money because he's greedy and doesn't want to spend on her; thus he gets to save his money!
yeps, but usually if she has her own money, she won't have to stay with a greedy selfish miser for the rest of her life. her own money will help her move out much quicker than a woman who depends on her husband.

^^he and I would be having some lively discussions. I am very pragmatic on how I approach finances. I see the mortgage, groceries, utilities and such as 1st then personal needs 2nd. I would need to be with a man who is understanding in this regard. Finding a man who meets you half way is the key.
in my house, i have access to all his accounts. i see his payslip and he sees mine. if we need to transfer anything from one account to another, we can. he takes care of some bills, and i take care of others, usually household stuff is mine to take care of. at the end of the day, i can transfer all his wage into mine and leave him a fiver for a pint only. :hyper:
it's one pocket, but we both contribute towards that pocket.

^ True but the wife should be smart enough to make sure that their properties (house and cars for examples) should be written under her name. Atleast if he divorces her, she has the necesseities; roof above her head and transportation!

I guess for me and the way I see things here in the USA I see financial responsibilties as being both on the husband and the wife. If we cry out feminism ideologies then we need to back it up without it becoming simply rhetoric. I feel that when a couple works and provides for the home they are seen as equals. For a woman to stay at home that has to be something agreed upon prior to getting married. I have a friend who is a stay at home mother now. She worked part time prior to the marriage and during it. Now that she is at home her husband (though he makes more money than I do) b!tche$ about finances. That would drive me up the wall. She is staying home to raise their 2 year old. Now if she feels later on the need to work that is something for her and her husband to discuss since childcare expenses have to be thrown into the equation. Living in the USA is not cheap and the price of goods and services is always on the rise. To see a single income household is fast NOT becoming the norm. Again, I am saying it's how this society is ran. We are a nation of many peoples and is more complicated than saying it is ok for a wife to remain at home. The larger the society the more complicated these issues become.

What if he says no and wouldnt want to write anything under his wife's name?

^ He has to. If he says no then there's something wrong with him. He should atleast write your name and his (so you get atleast half) for the properties.

My parents are divorced, so from that experience I realized that each person needs to have their own independent life. The whole thing went by as smoothly as these things can go, and there's no bad feeling or anything - but this was the best case scenario.

I wouldn't go into a marriage expecting it to end in divorce, and the person I divorce will be different from the person I've married. In the worst case scenario, I have no way of living independently (I'll be older, with less experience than the younger people, maybe have kids at home to take care of), and the ex husband decides that he's not going to lift a finger to help me. Then what?

Divorce aside, the husband could also die. There are many things that happen that you just don't expect. If you live your life expecting everything to be smooth sailing, you will be disappointed if you haven't prepared yourself! It's simple as that.

Most men are not like that.
If he really follows the Islamic teachings of how he should take care of his family and wife then I don’t think girls would want to work.
Unfortunately, it is really rare to find a guy like that who is aware of his duties without taking advantage and if you do find one then you very lucky.

I just don't like the idea of being completely dependent, or having my life in somebody else's hands. I am very much dependent right now, since I am a student, but it's only temporary. I'm looking forward to making my own money and spending on myself.

Not all women are lucky enough to have husbands who treat them well. When you're financially dependent on someone, you're basically their puppet. You can't survive without them. If you have problems, you might not be able to leave them because you rely on them for all the basic things you need to survive.

Also, I think that a man would respect me less if I put out my hand to him and asked for money like a beggar. I would never ask my husband for money. If he gives it to me, I'll take it and use it, but I would never ask for it myself.

Another thing that bugs me is that I'll always feel guilty spending large sums of money that I didn't earn. My husband might be working long hours day after day, while I do nothing but go and splurge on new shoes, clothes, and other stuff I don't even need. I'd feel much more comfortable using my own money for those luxuries.

Even though I am lazy and can see myself sitting at home playing "housewife" day after day, I think that kind of life is a total waste. You accomplish nothing with that. I would never be able to derive any satisfaction from just making myself look pretty for him. I feel like I'd need a greater purpose in life, in the form of a career.

Although I do want to stand on my own two feet, I'm not saying I won't depend on a man slightly. I can live in his house, eat food that he has provided, but I wouldn't want to accept more than the basics from him. When it comes to shopping, eating out, my high phone bills, going to the spa, going on vacations, etc I would want to pay from my own pocket.

I think being a housewife is hard work, esp. if you are doing all the cooking and cleaning..that is a job and with kids makes it doubly hard. I feel that despite this and you work the man HAS to help out at home also. NOT just on the woman because that would be totally UNFAIR. If both work then the man is expected to help out at home with the chores and kids. Simple math.

^ Libby: If you think your husband is going to respect you a little less, then he's not the right man for you ;)

Besides we're pretty much equal. He works hard at the office and I work hard keeping the house clean, tidy and "homey" for him ;)

^ minerva:

No that doesn't only happen when the wife doesn't work. I know men could take advantage but men can take advantage anyway; asking her to use her money because he's greedy and doesn't want to spend on her; thus he gets to save his money!
And in reply to diabian's post.

Just because the guy is muslim, doesn't mean he's going to be following islam the way he should be regarding this.

For some men, praying 5 times a day and eating halal is muslim enough. Taking care financially of his wife is a headache to him, one he tries his best to get out of. Hiding family savings so she can't get access to them. And should the wife work, that financial assistance stops, other financial responsabilities are let go of, forcing the wife to spend her money to fill the fridge, pay the house and cater to the needs of their children.


Hell yes. I'd rather not depend on anyone. When a woman works, her husband has to make himself useful to her, otherwise if he maltreats her and behaves like an @ss, there will come a day will come where the wife realises she doesn't need him. Not even financially.

Bottom line. If the wife is going to work, her husband is going to treat her better because that's the only thing that will keep her. She will stay because she WANTS him, wants him for who he is to her.. not because she and her kids will go hungry without him.

^ Libby: If you think your husband is going to respect you a little less, then he's not the right man for you ;)

Besides we're pretty much equal. He works hard at the office and I work hard keeping the house clean, tidy and "homey" for him ;)
does he work hard to keep it clean for you?

Or does he come home and live like a virtual pig then expect you to get to it again the next day?

^ Libby: If you think your husband is going to respect you a little less, then he's not the right man for you ;)

Besides we're pretty much equal. He works hard at the office and I work hard keeping the house clean, tidy and "homey" for him ;)

I think when men realize that a woman "needs" them, they feel less inclined to treat her well. I agree with Thalia's post above.

Household chores have never been my thing. I'd rather use my mind than my hands. I hate cooking and cleaning, would much rather have a desk job.

From a male perspective:
Nowadays, very rarely can a husband support the whole family but if he can GOD bless him. I don't have anything against housework, I know it is hard work as I do it everyday for the past 7 years but I would like a wife who is more ambitious than staying at home. I want her to make something of herself outside the home environment. If she wants to excel in her field, she has all the rights to do so. As an engineer, I have lots of dreams major-wise and I do want to accomplish them and the same thing goes for my future wife.

If I was financially stable and if she doesn't want to work, then I don't mind that at all. I don't think it is shameful to take money from her husband. It is my responsibility to spend money on her needs, however, I'm not writing the house under her name unless she helped me financially to buy/build it , then we can share the ownership. It doesn't make sense to write the house under her name if she didn't pay a dime. What about if we got divorced, she gets the house and what happens to me!

A joint account idea as marianna is just not common in Oman. I think it is good idea to have one for house expenses.

I tell you one thing, if I am forking money over to help pay on that mortgage my name better be on that deed or there will be some serious talks going on or WWIII would errupt.

does he work hard to keep it clean for you?

Or does he come home and live like a virtual pig then expect you to get to it again the next day?

Thank god I developed the neat and tidy habit from him.. By house work I mainly mean that I get to do things like grocery shopping, paying bills, home furnishing, banking, everything else.. of course sometimes he would take a day off and call it errand day so we can take care of things together. To make a marriage work, both should work and make ends meet.. isn't it enough that you appreciate his hard work and he appreciates coming back to a home you made so comfortable for him? I think by that, both of you are satisfied.

I think when men realize that a woman "needs" them, they feel less inclined to treat her well. I agree with Thalia's post above.

Household chores have never been my thing. I'd rather use my mind than my hands. I hate cooking and cleaning, would much rather have a desk job.

If your man doesn't treat you well or makes you feel like you're the one who needs him, you should know he's not the right person for you. I mean you need him financially and he needs you "to be the wife"! So yes, if he's a jerk, you should make your own money..

I mean, even working women who sometimes earn more than their husband, feel low because they show too much love for their husband that they know she can't live without them.. anyway that's out of the topic..

I mean he has to take care of me even if I was working.. If I worked and made my own money, I would save everything I earn and still spend his money.. so I might as well just not work!

There's a certain expectation in that statement. Which is odd, because you said you don't want to depend on him.

Put aside all the gender roles and imagine yourself in his position and him in yours and then ask how would you feel?

I've been dependant on my dad my whole life, and although he's never made me feel like a burden, I just sometimes feel guilty about spending his money, and I try not to ask for more, but don't always succeed (i.e. when I'm broke).
I'm sure I'd feel the same about being dependant on my husband-to-be. As my husband, he is entitled to take care of all my expenses, but I wouldn't want to go to him everytime I want something. When I start making my own money, I'd be able to spend as much as I like without having second thoughts. I might even contribute to our daily expenses, in order to comfortably maintain a certain lifestyle. I'd also want to have a steady source of income in case anything goes wrong with the marriage.

From a male perspective:
Nowadays, very rarely can a husband support the whole family but if he can GOD bless him. I don't have anything against housework, I know it is hard work as I do it everyday for the past 7 years but I would like a wife who is more ambitious than staying at home. I want her to make something of herself outside the home environment. If she wants to excel in her field, she has all the rights to do so. As an engineer, I have lots of dreams major-wise and I do want to accomplish them and the same thing goes for my future wife.

If I was financially stable and if she doesn't want to work, then I don't mind that at all. I don't think it is shameful to take money from her husband. It is my responsibility to spend money on her needs, however, I'm not writing the house under her name unless she helped me financially to buy/build it , then we can share the ownership. It doesn't make sense to write the house under her name if she didn't pay a dime. What about if we got divorced, she gets the house and what happens to me!

A joint account idea as marianna is just not common in Oman. I think it is good idea to have one for house expenses.
If you bought the house and paid it in full before you got married, then you have every right to!


But if not, and I were your wife and you told me you won't write the house in my name, I will draw up a bill of how much it would cost you to have a maid 24/7, a nanny 24/7, a w.h.o.r.e. available on call 24/7, a personal chef and laundry girl.

Then we can compare figures.

There's a certain expectation in that statement. Which is odd, because you said you don't want to depend on him.

Put aside all the gender roles and imagine yourself in his position and him in yours and then ask how would you feel?

When did I say I don't want to depend on him, unless you're referring to the thread title.. which is not me.. it was simply a title.

Actually, I did what you said.. I always thought about it and I asked him to talk to me honestly about it.. and we both saw that I'd do much better being at home.. especially that he can afford me and us..

Thank god I developed the neat and tidy habit from him.. By house work I mainly mean that I get to do things like grocery shopping, paying bills, home furnishing, banking, everything else.. of course sometimes he would take a day off and call it errand day so we can take care of things together. To make a marriage work, both should work and make ends meet.. isn't it enough that you appreciate his hard work and he appreciates coming back to a home you made so comfortable for him? I think by that, both of you are satisfied.

That's not real housework. I assume your maid does most of the cooking and cleaning. Although by doing whatever you do, you are helping out in some way, unless you're actually working 8 hours a day just like he does, you are not equals in the relationship. I personally don't think that's a fair exchange, him working 8 hours a day and you taking an hour or two of your time to go to the bank or pay off some bills.


If your man doesn't treat you well or makes you feel like you're the one who needs him, you should know he's not the right person for you. I mean you need him financially and he needs you "to be the wife"! So yes, if he's a jerk, you should make your own money..

I mean, even working women who sometimes earn more than their husband, feel low because they show too much love for their husband that they know she can't live without them.. anyway that's out of the topic..

The need to have your own career and money might be more important if you couldn't trust the person you're with to treat you well, but that doesn't mean that just because you end up with a Mr. Perfect, you shouldn't bother. You never know what'll happen 5, 10, 15 years down the road.
Even if someone does end up with a "good" guy, I still think they'd better be safe than sorry. You can never go wrong with being financially independent.

^ I do the cleaning and everything else at home.. except for cooking because I live with my in laws now! It's not the hours that matter; it's how much is being accomplished!

Besides, what you call "not real work" are the things men appreciate mostly.. or atleast my husband. If I don't take care of our finances who will (considering his working hours when the banks close when he's done).. If I don't buy his medications who will, if I don't buy the bed covers he likes how will he sleep comfortably, if I don't perfume his clothes and make him representable who will.. I know he can take care of himself after work, but why shouldn't I be doing that as an appreciation for working hard so hard for us.

Personally I think I am safe enough having my degree (and 5 work experiences).. and it's not that I am not planning to work at all.. I will before the kids come.. I am just saying I support women staying at home if the "good" husband can support it.

^ I do the cleaning and everything else at home.. except for cooking because I live with my in laws now! It's not the hours that matter; it's how much is being accomplished!

Personally I think I am safe enough having my degree (and 5 work experiences).. and it's not that I am not planning to work at all.. I will before the kids come.. I am just saying I support women staying at home if the "good" husband can support it.Support what? you live with your in-laws? :p

He's not supporting you or his self ...

We buy the food, pay bills, pay the maids, buy bathroom stuff, home stuff (drills, screws, bulbs.. etc) .. We also support his mother.. technically, she's living with us :p but we're using her house.

We buy the food, pay bills, pay the maids, buy bathroom stuff, home stuff (drills, screws, bulbs.. etc) .. We also support his mother.. technically, she's living with us :p but we're using her house.
ok my bad

dont you just hate getting on your hands and knees to scrub around the toilet?

i do but it has to be done.

^ I prefer that over leaving the house and working else where. I have my own home to begin with, so I might as well work for myself.

It's not fun doing that but I feel so good when my husband comes back and doesn't wanna use the bathroom because he doesn't want to mess it up so he's very careful! Makes me feel appreciated.. :)

I guess when you feel your spouse's appreciartion towards anything, you love doing what you do and you no longer feel like you have to do it!

It is a bit dangerous to completely depend on a man in the modern world, because the moden world is not very natural.

The natural urge of a man is to look after his woman completely, to do everything for her and be her hero, and when women get taken care of they can finally stop worrying and feel completely comfortable and safe.

^ I prefer that over leaving the house and working else where. I have my own home to begin with, so I might as well work for myself.

It's not fun doing that but I feel so good when my husband comes back and doesn't wanna use the bathroom because he doesn't want to mess it up so he's very careful! Makes me feel appreciated.. :)

I guess when you feel your spouse's appreciartion towards anything, you love doing what you do and you no longer feel like you have to do it!Hmmm ... what are you paying maids for?

^ Taking care of his mom's stuff, and his sick grand father (who is on his death bed), clean the cars, windows, gardening, cooking (since I don't cook), and cleaning other parts of the house that don't involve me and my husband.

I need solid reasons from the girls who don't want to rely on their husbands financially..



Because I am very independent and I like it that way.

i dont mind working for extra cash, but i would raither reply on my husband, iv been dependent on my dad my whole life n i dont see anything wrong with it..
women r supose to be treated like queens n waited on.. that's wt my dad always tells me.. so i wont fight to work, accept if my husband is financilly not doing very well..

I've been depending on my husband ever since I got married and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I mean he has to take care of me even if I was working.. If I worked and made my own money, I would save everything I earn and still spend his money.. so I might as well just not work!

I've noticed many girls wouldn't want to depend on their husband financially and want to make their own money... Reasons could be due to dignity or simply because they want to work!

I need solid reasons from the girls who don't want to rely on their husbands financially..

Or men, if you have anything to say about this please go ahead :)

Do you really want not to depend on him?

Then simply don't marry him!

Do you really want not to depend on him?

Then simply don't marry him!


She meant depend on him financially, not in other ways. ;)

^ LOL Pygmalion.. hope sophis made it clear for you!

One solid reason I have for wanting to make my own money is because I have degrees. Second, I would go batty at home, Third, if he dies and I have been out of the workforce for too long there is a thing called age discrimination and in this day and age with the advancement of technology one has to keep up on such things.

i want to work and all and get my own money and feel like im doing something formyself
but i want to have my husband to rely on whenever i need him

She meant depend on him financially, not in other ways. ;)

aha there we go... it is all dependance in cash or in whatever! :)

^ yes you got it :)

For me I would depend on my husband for emotional strength in a time of crisis, for a shoulder to cry on, to tell him my dreams, goals etc....I would depend on him to be my net when walking a tightrope in case I fall due to life circumstances...that sort of thing. Financially I expect for him to share in the responsibilities of running a household that means financially and helping with housework. No exceptions.

His money = OUR money. :p

But I prefer to have my own income so I wouldn't feel guilty, just the way Clueless explained it.

my money is my money, his money is my money!
>>lol i just had to say that !hehehehe

In the USA your spouse's credit score can affect what you buy jointly i.e. a house. So financial matters become a stickler in these parts. If a woman or man for that matter is irresponsible with their finances it shows in their credit report. Sad but true.

Libellula said it all. :)

I would like to have the option to walk out from the marriage at any time without constraints and to be able to care for my kids if necessary (whether because I am divorced or widowed). I don't want anyone to have a hold on me against my will and I can't do anything about it because I need this person.

If I worked and made my own money, I would save everything I earn and still spend his money.. so I might as well just not work!


What a smart girl!

Actually thats fine if your husband is loaded.

I would prefer that my wife transfers all her salary and properties to me so I can manage it, why should she take the headache?

as i said in the other thread, i don't want to depend on him.

i want my own studies to be recognised and fulfilled in a career. i want my kids to look up to me and see me as a good role model, a woman who does well at her job and earns money, i want my kids to see me using my own money responsably and not asking husband for 'extras'. i want them to see me paying bills. staying at home is too boring for me. there is only so much cleaning to do and then what do i do? sit on the computer all day? go shopping as the highlight of the day? no way. i went back to work as soon as my two girls were of school age. and when they grow up they want to work to.



Will you marry me?

I dont really mind my lady working or not working. If i am marrying her i can aswell take care of her. if she is a person who likes to feel independent, let her work or if she thinks she still is independent even tho she is not working, then she thinks right

Although I do want to stand on my own two feet, I'm not saying I won't depend on a man slightly. I can live in his house, eat food that he has provided, but I wouldn't want to accept more than the basics from him. When it comes to shopping, eating out, my high phone bills, going to the spa, going on vacations, etc I would want to pay from my own pocket.

:yes:

__________________________________________

^ True but the wife should be smart enough to make sure that their properties (house and cars for examples) should be written under her name. Atleast if he divorces her, she has the necesseities; roof above her head and transportation!

Well in the West Endure, everything is split in half if theres a divorce. Here in the Arab world the women get nothing exceet the clothes on her back, her jewellery and if shes lucky a small divorce settlement. In the UK shes entitled to half of EVERYTHING because the law considers marriage to be a partnership and as both parties have contributed to the marriage they must share all possessions, savings, investments etc

In a previous post you said that the men must support their wives that its their responsibility....:rolleyes: Islamically he must clothe you, feed you and put a roof over head. That doesnt mean a villa in Qurum, clothes by Gucci and dinner at the Chedi. :os

I work for a number of reasons - to have financial independance ( no man gonna tell me what I can or cant have and no one is going to have a hold over me), to provide a better life and future for my babies and last but certinly not least, because I love my husband too much to put that much pressure and responsibility on his shoulders alone

I think it's wrong to completely depend on someone even if that person was a husband or wife or even your parents, no one lasts forever and one needs to learn to depend on him/herself so that if anything happens then he/she'd know how do deal with everything and move on with his/her life. I used to depend alot on people in the past, so much that I'd end up feeling lost and afraid if any changes happened but I got rid of that habit and started depending on myself only and I'm a much happier and confident person now.

i totaly agree with nabhan..nobody lasts forever if u loose that person u depend on what would u do? u won't even have self dignity :\ i hate women who're weak coz they chose to be that way
they chose to be followers..slaves..it sux

That is one of my main points. If you don't have the skills to survive on your own and no family to help what to do? Not everyone is fortunate enough to rely on others and there are those like myself who have been independent for over 22 years and like being that way.

I didn't go to uni and get a degree to end up depending on my husband. i don't consider marriage as getting a guardian to look after me... I consider it getting a partner to share and go through life's complications together. it wouldn't be fair on him if it's only him who's obligated to pay everything...
I believe in equal rights.
Reasons be is for me to grow up and be responsible. that way I am worth my rights. otherwise I'd consider myself useless. personally speaking. I'd not be worth demanding any rights if I'm not capable of living up to it.

^^^^^^^amen

Ok... I think a wife depending on a husband is not wrong.
I really think it is fine and it is ok for the wife to rest since she already has a big responsibility towards the kids and the house.
I know I am sounding as if women are meant to stay home but that is how I see things...
If they want to work they can but it is their choice.

After having their kids they might want to be mothers only or they want to be both workers and mothers.
It all depends on the person.

If someone asked me I would say: "Let her choose what she wants and I will try hard to make her live a happy life with what I can get her"
If she wants to work to get extra money so be it.

I don't think it is wrong for women to sit home and take their husbands money.

When last have any of you asked the men how they feel about this? By this I mean being solely responsible for your and your childrens welfare and happiness, all by himself, all alone, on his ownsome.............. Most guys I spoke to are cracking! The pressure is getting to be much and the stress is literally killing em off - more heartattacks at younger ages, more stress related illnesses, depression etc If you love him and care about him why on earth would you want to put that much pressure on him? Why would you want to hurt him? And what are you contributing to the happiness and well being of your family and community? Even the Sultan is asking women to get more involved, paying for their education, encouraging them to go to work.

Jeez, the give the poor guys a break. get off your butt and do something constructive and productive. You'll feel better about yourself, he'll love you more and your kids will grow up to be strong independant worthwhile members of society.
Just my thoughts....

Ok... I think a wife depending on a husband is not wrong.
I really think it is fine and it is ok for the wife to rest since she already has a big responsibility towards the kids and the house.
I know I am sounding as if women are meant to stay home but that is how I see things...
If they want to work they can but it is their choice.



If that were the case then whats the housemaid doing? :rolleyes: :D I agree women should be allowed to make the choice - I dont think they should be forced to go to work if they want to stay home and raise their kids full time but I also dont think they should just stay home without taking into consideration the added stress that puts on their men.