Lately, I've been seeing weird attitudes and behaviors coming from a teenage girl and so did one of my friends and cousins.. My friend told me that she talked to her but she won't listen and she won't accept that she needs to act her age.

Anyway, we decided that it's time to bring the family's awareness to what's really going on. I was asked to talk to the brother initially and if it doesn't work, we'll go through her aunt (father's sister-- because she could have an affect on her) and if it doesn't work, directly to the parents.

We talked about it seriously and judged the situation and we really think it is very serious and we need to do it! However, we're doing it for her good and not because we want to ruin her life (being shouted at, trusted less, family problems, etc)..

If you were in my position, would you:

~ Blackmail her -- tell her that if she doesn't stop what she's doing, you'd tell?

or

~ Go directly to the family?


Ignoring her won't do any good for her.. and talking to her isn't helping because she refuses to listen or accept that she's wrong.

Actually, at some point, I didn't care and I told the other girls that I am not really bothered about what her life would turn out to be like, but they insisted that this is the right thing to do because whenever anything wrong happens to her, we're the first people her family complains to and talks to..

So, what do you think I should do?

It depends on what she is doing. If what she's doing would ruin her reputation then I might try talking her first and if she ignores me, I'd talk to her siblings and close friends. If that didn't work then I'd go to her family. It all depends on what she did or is doing.

I'd talk to her first and give her a chance. If that doesn't work, I'd tell a cousin or one of my sisters to help me deal with it. If she's still doing it, I'd tell her we're going to tell her family and if not even that works then I probably will tell her family.
This is when it's a very serious problem, though.

Depends on what's the wrong thing she's doing, and how severe it is.. Also, whether it affects others.. Is it in her attitude towards life? Or what she's doing what's wrong.. If it's just the ay she deals with people and life, then I believe no one has teh right to intrude! Different poeple, have different charactaristics.

So we've got a spoiled teenage girl here?

Remove her polka dotted knickers & spank her bare bottom

Invite her to Sabla and blackmail her here :p

You did not tell us how is she acting weird and what exactly is she doing ?:mmhmm:

I second Misskindy's request too. But I think to advise a teenage girl you should be her friend first then put her under your monitoring so she feels shame to act such weirdly and gradually she will quit it, hopefully.

So we've got a spoiled teenage girl here?

Remove her polka dotted knickers & spank her bare bottom

Haha, my friend read this and she said she deserves more than that :p

Talk and talk , talk to her, it’s a very sensitive phase which is passing through, that’s why she doesn’t want to listen to anyone, because she thinks she is doing the right thing. Try to advice her try to be her trusted friend, and also try to convince her that you are doing all this for her own good, if all that didn’t help then I guess you will have to warn her that you will tell her parents, if that also didn’t work or help then just tell them .

It depends on what is she doing wrong exactly..
Blackmail her and wait for her response. You better not telling her family "siblings or parents" in this stage. Maybe things would be easy to solve without getting them involved if the problem ain't that serious..

I would assume its something that needs interference otherwise you wouldnt be concerned. If you've already talked to her, then the next step is talk to someone who would make a difference. If the brother is an understanding person and would take the right steps to correct it, then go to the brother. Otherwise, talk to the next person who would make a difference .. there is no use to tell this and that if they will take action.

I would talk to her first. It she does not seem to get it. Then I would speak to someone who has influence on her and someone she sincerely respects. If that doesn't work, then straight to her parents who are going to beat the shit out of her :hyper:

what is it that she is doing is what i'd like to know. it depends on HOW BIG it is...

if it's something she could get killed because of or it's life threatening, then yes, i'd interfere and talk to her first, if i can't then i'd go to the mother

...but if it's anything else than that, i am not one to interfere in peoples' personal business. It's between her, her family and God. Ma atdakhal ( i wont intervene) mali '7u9 (doesnt concern me)

so it goes down to the main question which we'd all like the answer to and that is....
what is she doing?:p

I'm ignoring the "what did she do" from all of you :p

Well, it's not something that's going to get her killed but it's definately something that is going to put a black spot in her reputation and drag mine along with hers. Especially with parents like hers; they always throw their kids problems on others lol!

blackmailing her is better than telling her parents .. shes gonna hate you for the rest of her life ..actually in both cases she might hate you haha...
but you should try everything before telling her parents thats what i think :)

^ so shes not doing drugs or drinking... By you mentioning reputation I assume the girl is probably dating or some such silly thing.

If it was me I would talk with her - note I said with and not to - she doesnt need a lecture or to be screamed at - she needs a friend who loves her to gently try to persuade her to stop.

I would never never never tell her parents or anyone else for that matter. As Angel Eyes said, none of my business and to me that amounts to tattle taling - she'll never forgive you - ever. And if shes headstrong and stubborn (as most teenage girls are) she'll just carry on regardless of what her parents or brother say.

Endure its sweet that you care so much but IMHO its none of your business. If youre worried about your reputation then cut off all ties with the girl but going behind her back and telling on her is a lil childish and spiteful - she will not thank you for it and you would have made a new enemy. Is that what you want?
Allah says if you commit a sin you shouldnt go tell everyone about it, that if you keep it a quiet then He may forgive you. By telling on this girl you could be crossing the line.
Sorry sweetie, I know you really wanted to help but sometimes we just have to stand back and let ppl make mistakes and face the consequences.

i think you should talk to her first if it doesn't work black mail her and if that doesn't work too go to her parents.

exactly what hijabi said!!!! yeah. it's better to not get involved.


lol endure, i know you are ignoring the question but i think i can get an idea on what it is. best you just cut off all ties with her:) unless she is a relative..now that would something difficult.


what's with all of you saying to blackmail her.??? wrong! now i am seeing the way some of you people really think and that worries me:os

just stay out of it hun:)

as for the rest of you, if you can't help , then i suggest you shouldnt give endure bad advice. don't make it worse.lol

^ so shes not doing drugs or drinking... By you mentioning reputation I assume the girl is probably dating or some such silly thing.

If it was me I would talk with her - note I said with and not to - she doesnt need a lecture or to be screamed at - she needs a friend who loves her to gently try to persuade her to stop.

I would never never never tell her parents or anyone else for that matter. As Angel Eyes said, none of my business and to me that amounts to tattle taling - she'll never forgive you - ever. And if shes headstrong and stubborn (as most teenage girls are) she'll just carry on regardless of what her parents or brother say.

Endure its sweet that you care so much but IMHO its none of your business. If youre worried about your reputation then cut off all ties with the girl but going behind her back and telling on her is a lil childish and spiteful - she will not thank you for it and you would have made a new enemy. Is that what you want?
Allah says if you commit a sin you shouldnt go tell everyone about it, that if you keep it a quiet then He may forgive you. By telling on this girl you could be crossing the line.
Sorry sweetie, I know you really wanted to help but sometimes we just have to stand back and let ppl make mistakes and face the consequences.
sh!t i totally agree lool
your gonna make her hate you and she might continue doing what shes doing but being exta careful about not letting anyone know if she is involved alit with what shes doing right now
telling her parents will just make her hate you and probably her parents and might let her make even more stupid things

actually its the same situation with my sister, blackmailing definetly wont work if shes like what you said which i call a very stubborn person. its better for directly to the family, because when i did, there was a very small noticeable change but still needs time for improvment. beleive me, thats the right desicion because nothing else would work.

edit: btw(just read other posts, i dont want ppl to take wierd ideas about my sis), my sis problem is attitude, rudness, ignorance towards school work and skips classes.

^good answer deathy.

what's with all of you saying to blackmail her.??? wrong! now i am seeing the way some of you people really think and that worries me

by blackmailing we mean that tell her to stop what she is doing or she will tell her parents its not that bad as long as she is doing it for her benefit its not like she wants to attack her or something come on.

waish feekom?(what's wrong with you all ?) :mmhmm: lol :p..stay out of it.don't go to the parents. talk to HER or ignore.

by blackmailing we mean that tell her to stop what she is doing or she will tell her parents its not that bad as long as she is doing it for her benefit its not like she wants to attack her or something come on.

lol i know what you mean..but still..better to not get involved UNLESS she's doing something dangerous!

by blackmailing we mean that tell her to stop what she is doing or she will tell her parents its not that bad as long as she is doing it for her benefit its not like she wants to attack her or something come on.

Oh so youre suggesting that youre not really blackmailing just lying, threatening, scaring and humiliating her......:omg: yeah thats sssoooo much better than blackmail! :rolleyes:

Nice friends! May Allah protect me from "good friends" lika ya all! :cry: :cute:
Stop being so nosy and bossy - if youre really a friend you wouldnt want to hurt her and make her hate you. Trust me Ive seen it happen plenty of times - you are the one who will get hurt. Leave her alone its between her and Allah, its not your business!

Actually, I disagree.

She is a young girl. She does not know better. She is stubborn and does not know what is good for her. She might not be able to comprehend the consequences of her actions and how it might impact her.

If nothing works with her directly (talking to her more than once and trying to get her to see what you see). I will tell on her. Perhaps one day when she grows up and realizes the extreme consequences of her immature actions, she will thank me! I would rather she hate me than have her do something she will regret for the rest of her life :bored:.

I will only do this if she is a relative, my blood and one of the people I love and that makes her my business! Sometimes we have to do what we have to do to save people we love, even if it means they will hate us for a while (or forever who cares!). But I assure you, once they grow up and become mature, they will be grateful that you interfered and did not allow them to ruin their lives

I will NOT stand by and let my little cousins/siblings commit one of the biggest mistakes of their lives if I can help it. I will do what I can to prevent it. If I did almost everything that I could and yet it did not help her situation, I would give up. At least then I could say that I tried. I know I can never forgive myself if I didn't give it my all to help her.

If she is a grown adult, then that is something else. I will merely talk to her, if she still continues, then it is non of my business because she knows better. I can't say the same for the little ones.

Oh so youre suggesting that youre not really blackmailing just lying, threatening, scaring and humiliating her......:omg: yeah thats sssoooo much better than blackmail! :rolleyes:

Nice friends! May Allah protect me from "good friends" lika ya all! :cry: :cute:
Stop being so nosy and bossy - if youre really a friend you wouldnt want to hurt her and make her hate you. Trust me Ive seen it happen plenty of times - you are the one who will get hurt. Leave her alone its between her and Allah, its not your business!

actually, i agree

lym, she didnt say she was her cousin..she just said "A teenage girl". had it been her family, then i agree with you to some extent..i would talk to her until she listens..lol..i'll do what i can and going to tell on her would be the last LAST LAST resort.

Oh well, if she is just some random girl, then yeah..talk to her and thats all. But if this girl is a relative or someone v.close to her, then hell yeah, black mail her if you have to. Have signs outside her house and march in her name! Do whatever you gotta do ;)

Lym said it all.

if she was some random girl, i'd talk to her. but that would be it, i wouldn't blackmail or tell on her. but if she was family then i'd definitely do more than that. teenagers are stubborn, talking to them in most cases won't help. they think they know better, and are old enough to take control of their life.

first of all i thought she was talking about someone close to her...if she is yes i think what i said and what lym said is right, HOWEVER if this girl was any random girl I'll just let it go.

Make a new e-mail ad and scare her. Say you're a guy named Farooq and you will tell her parents.

*Ah, the memories* < Just kidding :p