Generally, these days people are getting married at an early age (e.g 18-20). As parents, would you want your children to marry young? Alternatively, if not so, would you allow them to enter the golden cage when they've not even experienced adulthood to the fullest? Basically, what is your view on people getting married early?

Personally, if i was a mother i would allow my child to get married at an early age especially if i could afford it. The reason being i don't want my children making mistakes and regretting it for the rest of their lives, such as per-marital sex and other frowned upon behaviors :inno:

i got married at 21, which i think is too young. i want my kids to have their own house, car, carreer, lots of airmiles to their name and then get married, if they want to...their life not mine. i keep telling them that almost every day.

i got married at 21, which i think is too young. i want my kids to have their own house, car, carreer, lots of airmiles to their name and then get married, if they want to...their life not mine. i keep telling them that almost every day.
I'm with ^

Want them to be on their own two feet as adults first.

First lemme get married then imma answer :D

lol, naw...... i can answer now.

When they wana get married, they have to pass the criteria i set for them to have before marriage.
a- own house
b- degree
c- stable job
d- good salary to feed 3 ppl atleast
e- gone on world tour wid me
f- already done Hajj
g- have a SUV or a family car (not like me!!)
h- be able to pay for own wedding (let me n yo mama enjoy our life dammit!!)

yup, dat would be enuff!

I got married at the age of 21 and I was just fine. However, for my own daughter, I would test how mature she is and serious about marriage. If she's not mature yet I won't allow it, otherwise I won't mind. To me, age is just a number, what's more important is her ability to handle marriage.

I'm not against the idea, but I do feel that 18-21 is still young for marriage. I'd prefer that my son/daughter finish their studies before thinking of marriage.

I got married when I was 20 and so far, so good.

I would prefer it if my children waited until after they graduate from uni and are able to stand on their own two feet, but I guess if they meet the person they want to spend the rest of their life with, then I wouldn't be totally opposed to the idea of them marrying at a young age as long as I thought they were mature enough and could handle the responsibilities of marriage.

If I had to choose between letting them get married, or refusing to let them do so and have them commit sins or put their reputations at risk with someone.. I'd let them get married.

a- own house
b- degree
c- stable job
d- good salary
g- have a SUV or a family car (not like me!!)
h- be able to pay for own wedding (let me n yo mama enjoy our life dammit!!)


yup he said it all + testing if they are responsible enough and mature to handle a marriage

I got married at the age of 21 and I was just fine. However, for my own daughter, I would test how mature she is and serious about marriage. If she's not mature yet I won't allow it, otherwise I won't mind. To me, age is just a number, what's more important is her ability to handle marriage.

i agree with that :)

I would want my kids to wait til they had experienced life and the world around them. I dont want them to get married and then 10yrs later start wondering "What if....." I think you have to be mature enough to understand what marriage is, the hard work and commitment it requires to make it work.
I want my kids to study, travel, have fun and try everything at least once so that when they do finally decide to get married they have the ability and experience to really know that this is the person for them, this really is the life they want. Too many ppl get married too young and a couple of decades later start the what ifs and the regrets and in some cases even start to blame their spouse for what they feel theyve missed out on.

The less you know about life the less capable you are to make a major decision like getting married, having kids etc.

^^ I don't see why two people can't study together, travel together, and basically have fun together. It is possible. I personally travel more, go out more, and have more fun now that I'm married.

I guess it depends on who you marry and your idea of what marriage is. You decide how you want to do things, together.

^^ I don't see why two people can't study together, travel together, and basically have fun together. It is possible. I personally travel more, go out more, and have more fun now that I'm married.

I guess it depends on who you marry and your idea of what marriage is. You decide how you want to do things, together.

Thats great! But the problem I have is with the "together" bit, its extremely difficult to know who you are at 20, lets be honest most ppl still doent know who they are when theyre 30! :D If you marry at a time when you still havent established your own identity, personality, opinions you will just become a carbon copy of your spouse. Think like him, talk like him, agree with him........ and eventually he will grow bored with you or you will hit 30/35 and realise this isnt what you wanted and both of you will be angry and unhappy. - Obviously there are exceptions to this, we're not all the same and Im certainly generalising here but it does happen - alot! i wouldnt want my kids to go through that....ever;)

I'm with Hijabi on this, however if I knew that there is a real risk my children would sin, then I would marry them off to prevent them from doing so...

I'm with Libellula.

I know women who got married at a young age, completed their studies, got a job they are satisfied with, have a great life with their husbands and while they're still young their daughters got married too and now they're 40 year old grandmothers and proud of it!

I don't understand this 'What if' thing that is being talked about. I don't think it has anything to do with marriage that women decide to quit their studies, marriage was just used as an excuse to drop out, they could've continued and decided to have babies later.

But then

I guess it depends on who you marry and your idea of what marriage is.

Personally, if i was a mother i would allow my child to get married at an early age especially if i could afford it. The reason being i don't want my children making mistakes and regretting it for the rest of their lives, such as per-marital sex and other frowned upon behaviors :inno:Well if you raise you children correctly, I can't see how could that be a problem.

mom always keep on tellin me i shall :-
- study n work so i can depend on myself if {la samah allah} sumthin happend.
- if that person really loves me for myself
then i can marry, even if i was 19 or 20
so i'll do the same for my children.....they shall study hard so that they can lean on themselves, and that the person they are marryin loves them for who they are :love:

I would want my kids to wait til they had experienced life and the world around them. I dont want them to get married and then 10yrs later start wondering "What if....." I think you have to be mature enough to understand what marriage is, the hard work and commitment it requires to make it work.
I want my kids to study, travel, have fun and try everything at least once so that when they do finally decide to get married they have the ability and experience to really know that this is the person for them, this really is the life they want. Too many ppl get married too young and a couple of decades later start the what ifs and the regrets and in some cases even start to blame their spouse for what they feel theyve missed out on.

The less you know about life the less capable you are to make a major decision like getting married, having kids etc.

So you are suggesting that people should wait until they are 30 or until they have established their identity? I agree after a while of living together, the couple tend to have the same thoughts, view ….etc but I guess that happens at any age not necessary when being young. I can’t see a healthy relation ship when the couple can’t influence each other.

I also can’t see how two people with totally different interest and way of thinking can live happy together or raise a decent child. I suppose there will be a lot of conflicts on how to raise the child.

Moreover, we always tend to get attracted to people who are similar to us. Some who understand us, share similar experiences so that we could relate to one another.

I personally got married at a young age and I am still studying as well as my husband.
I don’t feel like I am missing out on anything by being married if anything I am much happier now. Anyway we have been together for only 3 years so I don’t know how it is going to be after 15 years.

But then again, my grandmother got married when she was 12 and she lived a very happy life with her husband until he passed away and I think they lived together around 50 years if not more.

^ mashallah.

i think as Libby said, it depends on who you are. some people figure themselves out, establish their identity at a young age, others might need time.

personally, i don't see myself married at a young age, first of all, my mother wouldn't approve of me getting married before finishing my studies (engagement is alright) and second, i don't think i'm mature or responsible enough to go through the 'sharing my whole life with someone' experience yet. i think 23-26 is reasonable, until i figure myself out or simply give up lol.

i wouldn't mind my kids getting married at a young age, as long as i feel that they're mature enough to know what they're getting into.

In our society, it is better if a lady gets married at a young age as soon as her family finds a decent chap or whenever she finds her latex covered sausage that suite her needs

Once they start cross the 30 figure, they become permanent customers at a psychiatrist/psychologist giving vague complaints, but her actual cure lies in a hairy bag with a couple of marbles in it

In our society, it is better if a lady gets married at a young age as soon as her family finds a decent chap or whenever she finds her latex covered sausage that suite her needs

Once they start cross the 30 figure, they become permanent customers at a psychiatrist/psychologist giving vague complaints, but her actual cure lies in a hairy bag with a couple of marbles in it
wasn't expecting any different.
so what's marriagable age for a girl? 15? and for a guy? 45? :hyper:

My daughter is 19 and in no way shape or form is she mentally ready for such a huge commitment as marriage.

NOTE:***************I am 39 and single and I DON'T have ANY urges to see a psychiatrist.*****************

Thats great! But the problem I have is with the "together" bit, its extremely difficult to know who you are at 20, lets be honest most ppl still doent know who they are when theyre 30! :D If you marry at a time when you still havent established your own identity, personality, opinions you will just become a carbon copy of your spouse. Think like him, talk like him, agree with him........ and eventually he will grow bored with you or you will hit 30/35 and realise this isnt what you wanted and both of you will be angry and unhappy. - Obviously there are exceptions to this, we're not all the same and Im certainly generalising here but it does happen - alot! i wouldnt want my kids to go through that....ever;)

What attracted me to my husband in the first place is the fact that we are so much alike in our thinking. We have the same principles and same opinions on things that really matter. I wouldn't want to marry someone who wasn't on the same wavelength as me in the first place; that's just asking for trouble, IMO. The more alike you are, the more likely you'll see eye to eye on many things, and you'll avoid unnecessary problems/arguments. Also, despite the similarities, we are very different when it comes to our characters. We have completely different personalities and interests. I don't try to change him and he doesn't try to change me.

wasn't expecting any different.
so what's marriagable age for a girl? 15? and for a guy? 45? :hyper:

ROFL Minerva, you said it hun! See there are certain men who like to marry em young and stupid so that they can quote "raise them" unquote! The problem is that after a couple of years she becomes him - thinks like him, is incapable of forming her own thoughts or opinions and then surprise surprise the "fun" begins - more wives, mistresses or just a couple of quickies on the side with pay as you come "ladies" meanwhile shes left at home raising a bunch of kids which is wholly incapable of doing as she has no education, no life experience and no independant thoughts. :dev: Yeah go ahead and marry em off young!:no: If you doubt what Im sayin, take a lil road trip to your local pub/ club or a trip to Thailand or even Dubai and start counting the number of married men you see partaking in extramural activities:rolleyes:

Marriage doesnt prevent sin BTW. And being similar is not the same as being the same! If you marry too young you will become the same and that is a bad bad thing. Another thing we arent our grandparents - society has changed, marriage has changed and so have the pressures and temptations we're subjected to every day. Bet Gramps didnt have to work with a super hot, half naked girl :hyper::D

wasn't expecting any different.
so what's marriagable age for a girl? 15? and for a guy? 45? :hyper:

The age difference between me and my husband is only one year.
It is really rare to see a couple with a 20 year age gap that is way it hits the headlines and you get to read about it.

The marriageable age for a girl is usually between 21- 24 and for a guy 24 – 27
When a girls hits 30, it is almost impossible for her to get married since all the guys at her age or a bit older are already married,, unless if she was willing to be a second wife or get married to a guy who got divorced.

lol, naw...... i can answer now.

When they wana get married, they have to pass the criteria i set for them to have before marriage.
a- own house
b- degree
c- stable job
d- good salary to feed 3 ppl atleast
e- gone on world tour wid me
f- already done Hajj
g- have a SUV or a family car (not like me!!)
h- be able to pay for own wedding (let me n yo mama enjoy our life dammit!!)

yup, dat would be enuff!
the man will be 30+ to get al that ;)

^i dont care :D cuz das wat things r for me!!

I would prefer they got married early.

Some parents force their kids to "finish" schooling before getting married. I know a girl who did her bachelors, Masters, and Phd, by the time she was done, she was over thirty, and to this date, is still single.

I would prefer they got married early.

Some parents force their kids to "finish" schooling before getting married. I know a girl who did her bachelors, Masters, and Phd, by the time she was done, she was over thirty, and to this date, is still single.
Possibly she didnt get the right man...

I got married really young and I would prefer that my kids graduate from uni and start their career first...

Marriage doesnt prevent sin BTW. And being similar is not the same as being the same! If you marry too young you will become the same and that is a bad bad thing. Another thing we arent our grandparents - society has changed, marriage has changed and so have the pressures and temptations we're subjected to every day. Bet Gramps didnt have to work with a super hot, half naked girl :hyper::D

That is where I disagree with you. In the instances that we're referring to it might just prevent our children from sinning. When you know your daughter and lets say her so called "lover", want one another, make it clear to you that they mean it literally, they claim they love each other and all that crap that comes with it, then marrying them to one another is the only option you've, so they don't get carried away in the heat of the moment and engage in the whole nine yards otherwise. Especially that they came up to you and told you specifically that part of why they want to get married, is because they want each other physically and if persuading them to wait won't work, then marriage is the solution!

It's even in our religion where it encourages people to get married young and part of it, it is because it will prevent them (for the most part) from committing per-marital sex.

Possibly she didnt get the right man...

I got married really young and I would prefer that my kids graduate from uni and start their career first...
Actually, if we were to look at it realistically, she probably rejected any suitors she had while she was studying because she wanted to finish first, and by the time she finished doing her phd no one was interested since she was already "old" by Omani standards!

What Kreeemy said above is true for our society. The older you get (after 25), the less people will be interested in you. After all, the guys who are in their late twenties can get girls in their early twenties, so why wouldn't they go for them? Also, most men would feel threatened by a woman who is extremely successful and more educated than they are.

Bottom line is, once you cross a certain age it is very unlikely you will get married unless you are extremely lucky. I don't know exactly where that line is, but it is somewhere around the mid to high twenties. I know that some girls who keep rejecting guys who propose are told that they're "running out of time", they should start "moving" and they should start to worry if they're 25/26 and still single. As ridiculous as it may sound, it is kind of true for our society.

TEspecially that they came up to you and told you specifically that part of why they want to get married, is because they want each other physically and if persuading them to wait won't work, then marriage is the solution!

Marriage is not a cure to being horny - teaching self control is. :rolleyes: And what is your daughter doing hanging out with a guy anyway? Islamically she shouldnt be dating, she shouldnt be alone with a non mahram so how on earth could the two of them decide that they want each other? And before you tell me it cant be done - I grew up in the West as a non muslim, I hung out with boys, in fact most of my friends were guys, I dated, I went clubbing but I was still a virgin when I got married. (And I mean the real virgin not some girls version)The reason? because my parents had taught me that I had to be mature enough to handle sex it wasnt just some urge - they taught me self control:)

It's even in our religion where it encourages people to get married young and part of it, it is because it will prevent them (for the most part) from committing per-marital sex.

Yup is sure does say that, but marriage DOESNOT prevent extra marital sex. marry too young and they may end up commiting that sin instead. And youre right thats only a part of it, another part is that life expectancy was only 35 at the time of the Prophet SAW you had to get married young cos you werent going to be around very long!:)

Marriage is not a cure to being horny - teaching self control is. :rolleyes: And what is your daughter doing hanging out with a guy anyway? Islamically she shouldnt be dating, she shouldnt be alone with a non mahram so how on earth could the two of them decide that they want each other? And before you tell me it cant be done - I grew up in the West as a non muslim, I hung out with boys, in fact most of my friends were guys, I dated, I went clubbing but I was still a virgin when I got married. (And I mean the real virgin not some girls version)The reason? because my parents had taught me that I had to be mature enough to handle sex it wasnt just some urge - they taught me self control:)



Yup is sure does say that, but marriage DOESNOT prevent extra marital sex. marry too young and they may end up commiting that sin instead. And youre right thats only a part of it, another part is that life expectancy was only 35 at the time of the Prophet SAW you had to get married young cos you werent going to be around very long!:)

I agree, but self control can't be taught to all. Sometimes it depends on your child's personality. Anyways, I do agree that it is not cure for the horny, but if I feel my child is mature and ready for marriage, and I am aware that she and her so called "loved-one" are into each other and there is a real risk they might stray, then I would wed them. And yes, they both have to be mature in order to get married! Obviously, I am not going to wed them only because they're horny and I want to prevent them from sleeping together :rolleyes: If they're mature and ready for the responsibility of marriage, then this would help them not commit extra-marital relations. It can't be stopped fully no matter what (married old or young or rich or poor etc), however eliminating the chances is all we can do.

And Love between a man and a woman is not forbidden in Islam, it is acting upon it before marriage that is. I am sure there are situations where cousins let say, classmates or colleagues (or whatever) can get to know each other without contravening any Islamic teaching and they end up falling for one another. That is not an issue here.

Well if you raise you children correctly, I can't see how could that be a problem.

yeah i know what u mean, but what if your child really wants to get married and he/ she can't wait if i say no they might do something wrong their is always that possibility.

I don't see why should I rush things. I mean I've got plenty of time ahead of me. You know everyone's been getting married lately...girls as young as 18 or 17 getting engaged and then getting married...sometimes it's depressing lol but I know that I'm not ready for marriage yet. Even engagement! I'd be ready when I hit 24-26. As for my kids, I won't let them get married until they finish off their studies.

All of my sisters got married when they were less then 21. My mom had a rule that if we finished high school and the right person came along there is no reason why not to get married. Maybe it comes from her experience, since she completed her school studies when she was married.

I dont think I will object that provided that my daugther understands the situation she is getting into, and same would be for my son if I can support him until he finishes his studies. I dont see marraige as an obstacle in life or as something that would stop them from having the teenage life they want. Yes, there are challanges but life is all about challanges and I think early marraiges help the couples get closer to each other since they will be growing up togther.

^ That's if the couple is mature enough to handle it, some early marriages end with divorce which is very bad for girls and not a biggie for men.

I think if my daughter is ready for it and she is no younger than 20 I might let her get married but I will have to make sure her husband will be an understanding man who will support her to finish her studies if she wishes too [chances I push her to finish them are 110%] I really don't know what it is like to see your kids marrying young but I hope when that day comes I will help my kids on making the right decision or at least support them.