With "modernism" taking place in Oman, we see genders are mixing and hanging out. Guys and girls are becoming friends unlike before.

What if a very friendly and outgoing girl with a lot of friends becomes your girl friend? She's got a lot of friends who touch her, hug her, even cheek kisses go on. Would you find it hard to trust that person? Question also directed at ladies in here, what if the guy you date has a lot of female friends and same situations? How comfortable would you feel to know that your significant person is out there and you have no idea what he/she is doing?

How to deal with it and how does it feel?

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For me, I feel better by completely staying away from relationships because of this fear!

Share share

The thing is that there's no scale that is used to measure these things. A girl would hang out with guys n kiss on cheeks etc, but that doesn't mean her man can't trust her, nor that she's not trust worthy. There are girls who have such a life style who are not trust worthy though, it all comes down to that person's personality and your preference.
However, I wouldn't get involved with such girls simply because I'm a very jealous man and seeing my girl/fiancee/spouse being kissed by other men would spark my highly flammable baluch blood ;)

^^ Ditto :yes:

I am the jealous kind of person but not to the extreme. I don't know how I am going to deal with this because I was never in the same situation, but maybe if he introduces me to all of his friends (men and women), I might feel slightly better.

Also, I'd talk to him about it but I won't expect him to change right away. I mean they are his friends and there were there before I existed in his life.

^I was actually talking before marriage situations.

The thing nowadays is that the girls don't care. The love in the air is finishing and just flirts are coming in because its believed to be "cool" to flirt with several guys than to cling to just one of them. I don't want to offend the ladies here but this is what I see from every place, college, supermarkets, hang out spots, malls etc..

With "modernism" taking place in Oman, we see genders are mixing and hanging out. Guys and girls are becoming friends unlike before.

What if a very friendly and outgoing girl with a lot of friends becomes your girl friend? She's got a lot of friends who touch her, hug her, even cheek kisses go on. Would you find it hard to trust that person? Question also directed at ladies in here, what if the guy you date has a lot of female friends and same situations? How comfortable would you feel to know that your significant person is out there and you have no idea what he/she is doing?

How to deal with it and how does it feel?

--------------------------

For me, I feel better by completely staying away from relationships because of this fear!

Share share ahhh i have seen that beleave me its doestnt look pretty first i thought those are not Omanis I thought indians or sirlankan girls... I will raise my kids in a tradional way..no way I will allow those boys/girls to put their hands on my kids:yell:

Honestly I dont think i can stand such behaviour,,

My type of girl wouldn't be the type of girl you described Riv. I wouldn't be comfortable about it at all...and thank god I never fell for a girl in my high school :p, cuz most of them were like that and it ain't my type ..it's one of the most important put off's.

I guess those kind of ppl don't read ES!

I know I'm not in Oman, but I've never had a problem with all that..

You either trust them, or you don't. And if they have so many friends, then maybe they're nice people.. probably the very same reason YOU like them in the first place.

I don't think how outgoing they are or how many friends they have has anything to do with trust. Sure, it might bother you, but trust is something between you and the person. It has nothing to do with other people.

I personally have quite a few guy friends who I talk to, hang out with, and yet that doesn't bother my husband. He has a few girl friends as well who he sometimes sees. It doesn't bother me. We both grew up with friends of the opposite sex, so it's no big deal.

I personally don't hug or kiss my male friends; I made it clear that it's not something I do because of my religion. A few weeks ago though, my husband and I went out for dinner with some of his friends and one of his guy friends kissed me on the cheek as we were leaving. I was like.. "oh, okaaay" lol it's just been so long since anyone other than my family members kissed me. The guy's not Muslim and most of the Muslim girls he has met don't mind being kissed, so he didn't realize some of us don't like to be kissed :p Some of the girls (also non-Muslims) kissed my husband, and it actually didn't bother me at all.

I'd hate it! I'm a jealous person to the extreme, and I'll expect the guy I'm with to cut all relationships with his female friends once we tie the knot :mmhmm:

I'd hate it! I'm a jealous person to the extreme, and I'll expect the guy I'm with to cut all relationships with his female friends once we tie the knot :mmhmm:
ah no sweetie....change your way of thinking. i know a lot of women who were like that and ended up so so alone. be savvy.

ah no sweetie....change your way of thinking. i know a lot of women who were like that and ended up so so alone. be savvy.

I can't help it! I'm too jealous when it comes to such situations. The fact that my husband will talk to other women, creates rage. :boo:

there is nothin in islam says girls and boys can go out together...:XD: or it says they cann touch n kiss each other!! unless the other person is non-muhrum !!
but as the world goes on ..... lol we see girls n guys goin out together and all the stuff mentioned ^
talkin about myself....i dont mind if my future husband has female friends ....but there should be limits!! like no touchin att all...no kissin :XD:!
anyhow i think i'll giv him what he wants...he wont need any other FEMALE frnd :XD:

^ That's why I need to talk to the Mr. before you tie the knots. He needs to know what kind of trouble he's getting into!

i think it's ok to hang out with friends from the other sex, but no touchy!

Its not my life style and I wouldnt accept it .. if it was just about female friends, I think I should be ok with it especially if I know them . But, him kissng and hugging other girls .. na2aa that would not make comfortable at all ..

Well, I don't think my future wife would get too jealous cuz that isn't my lifestyle, ok I might say hi to girls I know..but once I'm married there's a limit..

And why would I kiss other girls cheeks if I had the best cheeks in the world to kiss anytime I want?

^ That's why I need to talk to the Mr. before you tie the knots. He needs to know what kind of trouble he's getting into!

It's not like I'm asking for the impossible :angel:

It's not like I'm asking for the impossible :angel:
so you expect yourself to be the only woman he's going to talk to for the next 50-60 years?

so you expect yourself to be the only woman he's going to talk to for the next 50-60 years?

Not exactly. What I mean is that a hi and bye won't harm, but going out? Talking on the phone? Hugging? Kiss on the cheek? NOWAY!

^ Let's say he goes out during his lunch break with female collegues, would that be okay?

^ Let's say he goes out during his lunch break with female collegues, would that be okay?

I can't believe you asked that question! You know how clingy I am, yet you ask that obvious question :mmhmm: No not ok, since I'm planning to be a housewife.. He can always give me a call to give him company during his lunch breaks. If not, he can always go with his male colleagues.

No, I wouldn't like it if the guy I'm with hugs and kisses other girls even though they're just friends. I have guy friends and they don't kiss or hug me, so why should he hug and kiss other girls. In the schools i've been in most of the girls don't mind hugging and kissing their guy friends so it was normal to see that and I didn't find anything wrong with it, but I wouldn't do that myself, and the guys in my classes knew that so never tried to.

I can't believe you asked that question! You know how clingy I am, yet you ask that obvious question :mmhmm: No not ok, since I'm planning to be a housewife.. He can always give me a call to give him company during his lunch breaks. If not, he can always go with his male colleagues.
argh loosen up a tiny tiny little bit. if he phones you and says i'm gonna have lunch with jane to discuss the new contract, tell him 'lovely, give me half an hour cos i really like jane , i want her to give me advice on a new handbag'.
there. savviness. don't drive him into hiding and doing things behind your back

Minerva, since you've said that.. Another thought came in mind :p I wouldn't mind him going for lunch with a non-local.. In other words, western people are okay.. But a local colleague? NEVER. He'll have to do it behind my back, but if I find out.. Silent treatment is it.

If he was "Western" it wouldnt bother me at all, but if he was Omani.... NO WAY.:D

I know now that i can light fires :D

I dont know since im not planning to be in a relationship anytime soon neither did i before ...though if i was in some other persons shoe than yes i would mind him hanging out with his female friends without me being with him

You never know what will happen and i dont think he would come happily telling if anything did happen :p

I personally wouldn’t be comfortable not because I don’t trust my spouse but because it is something odd in our culture especially religion.

If a girl or guy happens to be kind of cool with all the kissing and hugging thing then its just how they are brought up doesn’t necessary mean that they cant be trusted.

if a guy wants a girl who isnt like that.. then he shouldnt be rinds with girls too.. u cant do something n not want it to happen to ur parter !

I don't think how outgoing they are or how many friends they have has anything to do with trust. Sure, it might bother you, but trust is something between you and the person. It has nothing to do with other people.
ditto

all depends on your trust for him/her. also depends on your mentality. but as long's you trust them none of this should be an issue.

how can u trust if this is the situation?

you simply trust.

a hug or wtever doesnt mean anything. innocent until proven guilty...
you havent seen anything that proves otherwise, so why doubt her. no healthy relationship is based on distrust.

hummmmmmmmmm, its not ok with me at all

not with the idea to have female friends, going out and talking on the phone n ect
if he has to do all that then he is not the one i want, these things i will have to investigate about it before the engagement if i found out that he does one of these then i wouldn't mind to go away and ask him to find another girl..

at the end its not in our islam hello ppl don't forget that we are MUSLIMS AT THE END please:)

but the earth consists of many religions. and even in islam i've never heard of friendships being prohibited between two genders. it's just culture that limits these things. but it's all according to how open you are. if you're closed up and conservative... you should look for a conservative guy/girl...like you.

I don't know if I will mind provided that is the way they were brought up and it became a norm, like I would not like it if he kissed every girl he met but with some of them, he has been doing that even before we met, so I don't think I will mind. However, generally it is better to stay clear of all contact because of the society we're in and because of religion. It has nothing to do with me specifically but perhaps the fact that a "married man can kiss other females; how can his wife allow that?" argument will be raised, it is much better avoided.

In addition, to me it has nothing to do with trust. I can still trust them because I can sure hell tell the difference between a friendly hug and one which involves getting feely-feely-touchy :os