I don't know if this is a cultural habit or one of the islamic regulations.. but it happens in quite a number of families including mine.

When a man wants to get married, the woman's family set conditions (if there are any) and if he agrees to them, then only the marriage takes place.

For example, when I was proposed, my family accepted the man under one condition: that he doesn't stop me from studying (because I was still studying then) and has to support me (encouragement wise, not financially) until I graduate and if I decide to work, then I should and he shouldn't stop me from that. That way I am guaranteed that my husband won't wake up one day asking me to stay at home and not study or work.

Other families set other conditions like: she should stay at her own place (not with the man's family), he can't ask her to change her sect (if they have different sects and it's a major issue for them), etc.. many many more..

Basically, it's not one of the things you talk to your spouse about before marriage and agree upon. It should be formal and an understanding between both families so you can stand up and defend yourself in case he ever changed his mind.

~ Does your family set any conditions? If they are not personal or private, care to share?

~ If you're not married yet, what kind of conditions will you ask your family to talk to your husband's family about?

~ What happens if, after marriage and although there are conditions, the husband changes his mind? What actions should be taken by the woman and her family?

donno if it's cultural or it's just human, but yah it happens, almost all the time...

the conditions i heard about in my family are the ones u mentioned, like:
- complete her studies
- let her work
- be her man, even before the wedding (like, after the malka, she is fully dependent on u)
- Stay at ur own place (not all the time though)


it didnt happen in my family, but in some families, when the girl has an old mother, and no father, she sets a condition, that her mom should move in with them...

it happenes alot..n i think its really normal, becouse as u said to prevent the husband 1 day from waking up n stopping her to go to school or work becouse that was in the contract at first..

for me i dont really like applying conditions if the marriage was a love match, coz both of you must have spoken about these issuers before so i dont think its needed to adress them officially unless the bride's family think's its important, but for who r engaged based on an arranged marrige i think its comlusery becouse the couple dont know each other unlike the couple who knew each other b4..

in my family, they always asked for a separate home..i dont know.. well maybe the man cant afford it at first. you dont know what the circumstances might be.. so in my opinion asking for that without considering the husband financial state is kinda of selfish though it's kind of the her right to ask.

I think conditions are Islamic ally approved… I think, in our case in Oman, where the future wife and husband don’t have the chance to live together and in most cases, do not have enough time to learn about each other, the family has the right to secure their daughter’s well-being with this man… asking for extravagant wedding arrangements is too much but things like work, school and living in a separate house is OK.

There is a misunderstanding about living in a separate house; people think it is an extra thing the man is providing, while in Islam living in a separate house is the woman’s right that she can claim at any time after the marriage even if they didn’t talk about it before the marriage was approved.

Its an Islamic thing not really a cultural thing though I must say it is becoming more common place in Western marriages too. It the West its called a Pre-nuptial agreement and its legally binding. In Islamic countries its also legally binding, once hes signed the document he cannot go back on it. (In theory that is, but practically if he reneged on the contract you would have to go to court and ask that it be enforced)

When we got married it was a pretty standard:
I be allowed to work if I choose
I be allowed to travel to my home country at least every two years
That he must abide by the responsibilities of a husband as laid down in the Quoran and Sunnah
Some things about our kids (sorry a lil too personal to share)

Cant remember what else I put in there.... some other lil odds and ends.

^ Interesting, thanks for sharing hijabi :)

There is a misunderstanding about living in a separate house; people think it is an extra thing the man is providing, while in Islam living in a separate house is the woman’s right that she can claim at any time after the marriage even if they didn’t talk about it before the marriage was approved.

So you're saying even if the wife lives comfortably at her in law's place but decides to have her own house for no reason, he must provide her with her own home?

BTW, he cannot go back on his terms that was contracted at time of marriage. That's the whole point of having a contract, he is legally bound to those terms. If he breaks a condition, then basically he is pretty much breaking the marriage contract, and as hijabi mentioned courts would generally address such issues.

^ What if he breaks the contract anyway? Does that lead to divorce if the wife asks for it?

^It depends on the contract itself. Usually a remedy clause will be drafted into the contract. Such as "If the husband breaches any of the conditions outlined, then the wife has a right to choose to either rectify it through courts or to seek a divorce if she sees fit" or something along those lines.

But I guess, if the contract is silent, then the court has the jurisdiction to decide what the woman deserves, be it divorce, a rectification such as allowing her to work if her husband forbade her contrary to the contract, or perhaps if this conflict will put a huge strain on the marriage, then divorce might just be the suitable outcome. I guess it depends on the circumstances, the extent of breach, the harm caused etc.

We're just two brothers so I've not seen any sisters getting married.

But the cousins, that's another case and the women of my family go to extreme levels of bargaining every single bit, about the dowry (sounds to me like selling or buying something, in this case, the girl!!) and what Whisper said.

They recently got my cousin sister engaged and set conditions that she would complete her studies and after marriage she will live in her parents' house with the groom! I think now that's overkill.

I've heard some families set stupid conditions if they don't want to give their daughters to those particular families asking for her hand. ex. "you have to wait 4 years", for no reason.

These conditions should be eliminated and let the girl just speak to her to-be hubby about these things and they should have a mutual bond with each other. Don't let the whole family put their foot on your heads!!