What are some of the reasons a man would deprive his wife (not mother, sister or daughter) from working?

He can afford her fully, but she wants to work because she wants to make her OWN money or for another reason, she is just bored sitting at home.

I mean, he's not giving her an option of "Honey, it's upto you if you want to work or not, but you don't have to. I can support your needs fully".

So what do you think are the reasons?

Insecurities...maybe he is afraid she will meet a hot guy at work....

maybe possessives? they just dont want them ( laidies ) to go out n mix with the outer world?

i have no idea..

Probably jealousy, or maybe he's afraid she'll make more money than he makes, orr he might feel that once she has her own money and isn't dependent on him he won't be worth so much to her.

Insecureness.
I think he might be afraid on the wife.
He wants her to take care of the kids and not the maid.
Want to see her home when he comes back...

I don't know..
I think it just might be that he doesn't want to see her working too much and become stressed.

He just doesn't want other man laying their eyes on HIS wife, and most probably he wouldn't want the maid to take over. Ahh, if only I end up with a husband who doesn't want me to work :love:

Insecurity.

See.. it goes like this:

When you are a husband and you are afraid that you may not be all that and a packet of crisps, you figure that your wife will only stay with you because she needs you. And this is always true up to some point. Therefore.. you must create this need.

For example, a emotional need.. we all need our husbands for emotional support right? What better way to create that need than to break your self esteem first?

For example, the need for companionship.. some men will make sure he gets rid of your friends so you will have to need him for any kind of companionship.

Then.. you have that financial need.
Without money, you ain't going no where honey. So, you can't work, he will control where the money goes too, and will control how much you get, if you get any at all.

This way, he knows he has you.. he has you under his thumb.

A real man, a man who is confident in his wife, who believes in her and who is prepared to actually make a go of his marriage by being a decent husband will not have such insecurities and fears.

The husband is probably one of those close minded people who think a wife should stay at home to take care of the kids and house. I think a marriage should be built on trust and if one cannot trust his/her spouse to do a task such as, work which therefore means interacting with the outside world, then the marriage is bound to fall apart.

Insecurity.

See.. it goes like this:

When you are a husband and you are afraid that you may not be all that and a packet of crisps, you figure that your wife will only stay with you because she needs you. And this is always true up to some point. Therefore.. you must create this need.

For example, a emotional need.. we all need our husbands for emotional support right? What better way to create that need than to break your self esteem first?

For example, the need for companionship.. some men will make sure he gets rid of your friends so you will have to need him for any kind of companionship.

Then.. you have that financial need.
Without money, you ain't going no where honey. So, you can't work, he will control where the money goes too, and will control how much you get, if you get any at all.

This way, he knows he has you.. he has you under his thumb.

A real man, a man who is confident in his wife, who believes in her and who is prepared to actually make a go of his marriage by being a decent husband will not have such insecurities and fears.

Yes yes YES!!!!!!!!! Well put!! Well put!

If a man sees that his wife wants more self-fullment and she believes by working it will add more quality to her life WHAT IS WRONG with her working????

What I hate also is when a woman has a degree she worked HARD for and then once married the husband expects she gives up EVERYTHING while he can continue on with his own merry lifestyle per his pre-married days (including being with his friends at ungodly hours while she is at home with the kids or ALONE).

OMG DON'T get me started girl! SHEESH!! Hits a sore point with me. :6:

Insecurity.

See.. it goes like this:

When you are a husband and you are afraid that you may not be all that and a packet of crisps, you figure that your wife will only stay with you because she needs you. And this is always true up to some point. Therefore.. you must create this need.

For example, a emotional need.. we all need our husbands for emotional support right? What better way to create that need than to break your self esteem first?

For example, the need for companionship.. some men will make sure he gets rid of your friends so you will have to need him for any kind of companionship.

Then.. you have that financial need.
Without money, you ain't going no where honey. So, you can't work, he will control where the money goes too, and will control how much you get, if you get any at all.

This way, he knows he has you.. he has you under his thumb.

A real man, a man who is confident in his wife, who believes in her and who is prepared to actually make a go of his marriage by being a decent husband will not have such insecurities and fears.

Best answer until now!
well said! :)

I agree with Thalia. Its about control. In most cases men who want to have absolute control over their women are the ones who wont allow them to work.

If you dont have any money and you dont have an outside support system, you cant leave, you cant argue or disagree, you have to ask him for every lil thing.... it gives him power over you and your kids.

I work because I need to, we need the extra income, but even I was married to a very rich man, I'd still work. It gives me a sense of independance.

I stay with my husband because I want to, not because I have to. Why would anyone want a wife who was totally dependant on him? Only the insecure, power freaks thats who

I agree with Thalia. Its about control. In most cases men who want to have absolute control over their women are the ones who wont allow them to work.

If you dont have any money and you dont have an outside support system, you cant leave, you cant argue or disagree, you have to ask him for every lil thing.... it gives him power over you and your kids.

I work because I need to, we need the extra income, but even I was married to a very rich man, I'd still work. It gives me a sense of independance.

I stay with my husband because I want to, not because I have to. Why would anyone want a wife who was totally dependant on him? Only the insecure, power freaks thats who
thank you.

I needed to read that.

I know of women who are in a marriage and feel trapped. When they have small kids even makes it that much harder to leave especially if you don't want to break up the family but in the end would there be less stress on the wife and kids if well you divorce? I don't believe in divorce....maybe a legal separation but at the same time I wonder why should the woman be penalized because her husband is a jack *****? If he will not consider couple's counseling then I would start looking at alternatives. Life is short...life is too precious.

He just doesn't want other man laying their eyes on HIS wife, and most probably he wouldn't want the maid to take over. Ahh, if only I end up with a husband who doesn't want me to work :love: me too :p but i will need a housemaid too.. i like the idea of getting lazy

i think the problem is him not giving options he shoudlnt really force it...

thalia's post is the best post of this thread.

when a man does not want you to work, it's time to find another man.

Lets say I am not going to be in this situation, she should work!

i don't see myself getting allowance from my husband, at all.
i'd like to make my own money, and have some independence.
besides, sitting at home is not really as fun as going out there, socializing and making your life a lot more interesting.

Perhaps because he wants to ensure that she stays home to raise the children, that he doesn't want other men seeing his wife in public and interacting with her, that it is a way to control her and make her need him (as Thalia stated). To these kinds of men, the idea of their wives's independence scares them. She can easily leave if she is financially stable. So what better way than to order her not to ;)

What Thalia said.

I think it's important to discuss this before you marry someone. Make it clear that you plan on working/continuing to work even after marrying them, and that it is non-negotiable. You don't want any nasty surprises later!

He just doesn't want other man laying their eyes on HIS wife, and most probably he wouldn't want the maid to take over.:

Exactly :yes:

- So he can play his role as the "man of the house".
- To make her need him. When she has no money, she wont be able to challenge him, he can do whatever he wants without the fear of being abandoned by his wife. There's an old saying "If you dont want your bird to fly, don't let it grow feathers!"

However, I wouldn't pick a wife who doesn't work. If the wife works, she would have her own world that keeps her busy. Not doing anything and sitting at home creates boredom for most people, and boredom leads to many unpleasing consequences.

What Thalia said.

I think it's important to discuss this before you marry someone. Make it clear that you plan on working/continuing to work even after marrying them, and that it is non-negotiable. You don't want any nasty surprises later!
People change Libellula.

I hope to god you never wake up next to someone and say to yourself .. "who tf is this? This is not the man I married!"

Before marriage they say "yes" to everything ... then you have your kids, and he'll say.. "nanny? No thank you. Children need their mummies" ... then it will be.. "Work? Your family and your household needs you. Your place is here now." etc etc..

Men like this must have a: 'How to manipulate your wife in 10 easy steps' guide.

^ That's why the safest thing is to set conditions. The family should tell the guy that he's in no position to distract (or make decisions about) her education or career if he wants to marry her. If he agrees, the marriage happens and by doing that he won't be able to violate because there were witnesses and maybe documents that proves his acceptance of this condition prior to marriage.

Strange that Only Lym addressed the point of raising the children, cuz as far as i know, that's the reason MOST men i know, would like their wives to stay home for...

many men wouldn't want their kids to stay all day with a nanny, while the mother is working and coming home tired from work...

i would like my wife to work, so she can help me with the expenses :p

Strange that Only Lym addressed the point of raising the children, cuz as far as i know, that's the reason MOST men i know, would like their wives to stay home for...

many men wouldn't want their kids to stay all day with a nanny, while the mother is working and coming home tired from work...

i would like my wife to work, so she can help me with the expenses :p
but the opening post does not mention children.. so I assume we are talking about women who do not have young children to take care of.. what would a man's excuse be then?

What is his excuse for the wife to not work during the hours that her children are at school?

:)

There are various reasons for that .. some have insecruites .. some want thier children to be raised by thier mothers only (the same way they were raised since thier mom did work) .. others dont accept mixed enviroments and lets face it unless you are a teacher you are bound to work in a mixed enviroment.
I dont think you can pin one point and say its the reason, it differs .. my husband for instance wishes if I would stay home. He wishes to come home, have a cooked meal for lunch by his wife. I come after him with my current job. However, I told him the only condition that I would stay home if he can afford to give me my current salary. Ofcourse he cant .. and he understands that. We need two people working at home if we want to live a certain life style.

People change Libellula.

I hope to god you never wake up next to someone and say to yourself .. "who tf is this? This is not the man I married!"

Before marriage they say "yes" to everything ... then you have your kids, and he'll say.. "nanny? No thank you. Children need their mummies" ... then it will be.. "Work? Your family and your household needs you. Your place is here now." etc etc..

Men like this must have a: 'How to manipulate your wife in 10 easy steps' guide.
People do change, but if you set out your conditions before marrying them, then they'd have to respect those later on, especially if you make them conditions in the marriage contract or the conditions are relayed by your guardian/father/etc.

In my family, when a girl gets married, her father/parents will normally sit her prospective husband down for a talk and make it clear that there are certain conditions to them giving their approval/blessing for the marriage. Normally things such as the girl's education, career prospects, living situation, etc are discussed.

I got married quite young, and my father made it clear that my husband should never stand in the way of my education - that I should be able to graduate, do my Master's, Phd, and whatever else I wanted. Also, I should have the choice to work (or not).

Anyway, I think at the end of the day this "problem" goes back to who you marry, what their background is like, etc. If a guy's mother does not work and he was brought up to believe that a woman's place is at home, it's likely that he'll have issues with his wife working. If the guy comes from a less traditional family and his own family members work (women), then he shouldn't have a problem with it.

Background is so important, because whenever you have any problems or any issues, your partner's response or the stance they take will likely be based on their background and upbringing. That's why it's always best to go for someone who is as similar to you as possible.

Before marriage they say "yes" to everything ... then you have your kids, and he'll say.. "nanny? No thank you. Children need their mummies" ... then it will be.. "Work? Your family and your household needs you. Your place is here now." etc etc..

that's so true!

for myself i think mothers later on should more think of raising their kids in a proper way and shouldn't forget their Primary important role in the society so we can see better generation than the one we see these days. I am not against working mothers but this will always affect the attitude when; kids, teenager and finally to adult.

and i dont understand Thaila is she thinking like men to tell how men think !!!!
I agree with some of what you've said about the emotional needs, but when it comes to financial and getting rid of your wifes friends this is something like saying Oman is full of snow :P

I'm sure all these reasons are possible...but why assume that the reason is negative?

Maybe he thinks it's the best thing in terms of the family environment for the children. Maybe he does not want people to think he is unable to provide for his wife and family by himself. Maybe he is concerned that the type or timing of the work will not be good for his wife, or for the good of their relationship.

Perhaps in any of these he could be wrong in his thinking, and personally I would always want to discuss this with my wife and make sure we are in agreement. But it's unfair to make the assumption that the husband is some kind of tyrant or insecure...isn't it possible at least that his intentions are good?!

easy...

reasons:

he's a dictator and control freak :)

and who said that non-working woman always stay at home and are bored..? they can leave..i see women going out..you can still leave the house even if you dont work:XD: gosh! no on said they have to stay at home. there are things that can be done when you're not working but still be independent....like go grocery shopping, pay the bills, take care of stuff..etc..
Even IF i weren't to work, i would not stay at home.whatever that needs to be done that the husband is a bit busy to do, i'll do it. i'd take the pressure off and help out....not stay at home and be lazy and bored!!!

There you go...maybe that's what he has in mind...not being a "control freak" or a "dictator". I think you are the one who will be "mustabidda"...

..now get back in that kitchen and make me some lunch, lady ;)

^get off your lazy behind and make it yourself :)

for myself i think mothers later on should more think of raising their kids in a proper way and shouldn't forget their Primary important role in the society so we can see better generation than the one we see these days. I am not against working mothers but this will always affect the attitude when; kids, teenager and finally to adult.

and i dont understand Thaila is she thinking like men to tell how men think !!!!
I agree with some of what you've said about the emotional needs, but when it comes to financial and getting rid of your wifes friends this is something like saying Oman is full of snow :P
I'm not saying all men are like that. I'm just explaining how an insecure man goes about becoming indespensable to his wife.

One of them is not allowing her to work, so she is financially dependant on him. And when that happens, you can't do shit without "getting permission", because first thing you will be asked when you ask for money is.. "What do you need it for?" .. IF your reasons are good enough by him, you might get some...

Complete control and manipulation of your life.

I'm sure all these reasons are possible...but why assume that the reason is negative?

Maybe he thinks it's the best thing in terms of the family environment for the children. Maybe he does not want people to think he is unable to provide for his wife and family by himself. Maybe he is concerned that the type or timing of the work will not be good for his wife, or for the good of their relationship.

Perhaps in any of these he could be wrong in his thinking, and personally I would always want to discuss this with my wife and make sure we are in agreement. But it's unfair to make the assumption that the husband is some kind of tyrant or insecure...isn't it possible at least that his intentions are good?!
A woman on the corner in a really really short skirt with everything hanging out is likely to be a prozzie.

But of course there is the odd chance that she just outgrew her clothes. :rolleyes:

for myself i think mothers later on should more think of raising their kids in a proper way and shouldn't forget their Primary important role in the society so we can see better generation than the one we see these days. I am not against working mothers but this will always affect the attitude when; kids, teenager and finally to adult.

and i dont understand Thaila is she thinking like men to tell how men think !!!!
I agree with some of what you've said about the emotional needs, but when it comes to financial and getting rid of your wifes friends this is something like saying Oman is full of snow :P

And what exactly is our primary role in society? Housemaid? Nanny? Doormat? This what Allah created me for - to mop floors and cook for the lord and master of the house?:rolleyes: Actually science disagrees with you Hotlink... children whose mothers work are actually more independent, do better at school, college and esp when they start work. They are more capable of deaing with the real world and are more content in general. The reason? Bcos when youre home day in and day out where do you find the time to really be with them? In between scrubbing the toilet making lunch, making the beds..... Working mothers also feel more relaxed with their children, send more quality time with them and bcos theyre happy with themselves as a woman AND a mother they make better mums.

Im not saying one is better than the other - its a personal choice but I wil not allow this preconceived darconian notion of barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen to continue on to another generation of young women!:angry:
ou
Most men who dont want their wives to work are control freaks - it has nothing to do with raising the kids, men looking at you etc. If it was then why are you allowed to go to the mall? Souq? Weddings? Drive? Plenty of men out there not just in an office! AND why doesnt he trust you? Does he think you'll drop your knickers for the first guy who smiles at you, cos well.... youre a woman and woman are stupid?:rolleyes:

Insecurities...maybe he is afraid she will meet a hot guy at work....

Thats what i am afraid of!!

Thats what i am afraid of!!

Why? If you love and cherish her she will never stray not even if George Clooney wanted her to. Women are not driven by physical attraction, we are driven by feelings/ wmotions. If she loves you and more importantly she knows how much you love her, she wont stray - EVER:D But if youre gonna be a lazy husband who takes her for granted.... ho hum you better watch out.;)

i wouldn't want my wife to work.

As per another thread, the majority of girls answered that they wouldnt want work women to get close to their guy and they would prefer to be house wives, same way I would prefer my lovey dovey to be waiting for me at home. To live the 'Omani Dream.' I hope my wife isn't a crazy revolutionary women, who just destroy relationships rather than make them work by promoting irrelevant women's rights issues in everything there is! From tomorrow we wil see the women filling up gas at the petrol station if it were upto them!

Why? If you love and cherish her she will never stray not even if George Clooney wanted her to. Women are not driven by physical attraction, we are driven by feelings/ wmotions. If she loves you and more importantly she knows how much you love her, she wont stray - EVER:D But if youre gonna be a lazy husband who takes her for granted.... ho hum you better watch out.;)

men are very insecure being...

and who said that non-working woman always stay at home and are bored..? they can leave..i see women going out..you can still leave the house even if you dont work:XD: gosh! no on said they have to stay at home. there are things that can be done when you're not working but still be independent....like go grocery shopping, pay the bills, take care of stuff..etc..
Even IF i weren't to work, i would not stay at home.whatever that needs to be done that the husband is a bit busy to do, i'll do it. i'd take the pressure off and help out....not stay at home and be lazy and bored!!! yes i got friends who are house wives and they got lot of things to do.. which i cant do, cos i have no time, busy working...oooooofffffffff i need long vacation..

Why would any woman let her husband make that kind of decision anyway? I think it is fully up to the woman herself, if she studied then why not use the knowledge she accumulated?

I think as most mentioned above, its either jelousy or insecurity. I would never stay with a man that wants me to stay at home. But I must add that being a house wife in and of itself is a very tough job.

Why? If you love and cherish her she will never stray not even if George Clooney wanted her to. Women are not driven by physical attraction, we are driven by feelings/ wmotions. If she loves you and more importantly she knows how much you love her, she wont stray - EVER:D But if youre gonna be a lazy husband who takes her for granted.... ho hum you better watch out.;)

well said. :D totally agree.

And what exactly is our primary role in society? Housemaid? Nanny? Doormat? This what Allah created me for - to mop floors and cook for the lord and master of the house?:rolleyes: Actually science disagrees with you Hotlink... children whose mothers work are actually more independent, do better at school, college and esp when they start work. They are more capable of deaing with the real world and are more content in general. The reason? Bcos when youre home day in and day out where do you find the time to really be with them? In between scrubbing the toilet making lunch, making the beds..... Working mothers also feel more relaxed with their children, send more quality time with them and bcos theyre happy with themselves as a woman AND a mother they make better mums.

Im not saying one is better than the other - its a personal choice but I wil not allow this preconceived darconian notion of barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen to continue on to another generation of young women!:angry:
ou
Most men who dont want their wives to work are control freaks - it has nothing to do with raising the kids, men looking at you etc. If it was then why are you allowed to go to the mall? Souq? Weddings? Drive? Plenty of men out there not just in an office! AND why doesnt he trust you? Does he think you'll drop your knickers for the first guy who smiles at you, cos well.... youre a woman and woman are stupid?:rolleyes:

you don't like your role in society ? "alum madrasatun en a3dadta'ha a3dadta sha3ban qayumo ala5laq" : the direct translation, the mother is a school if she is well prepared she will generate a society with principles and best atitude.
I wish todays girl believe in this more than to think "Independent" :mmhmm:

If you think about it the mens role is less important than female in many ways. so female should be glad to have this role.
strange world