View Full Version : Adultery & Marriage
Endure Whisper 11-04-08, 09:05 PM I've been taught in school and by my family that you're not allowed to get married to someone you've had sex. If you did and anyway got married to them, you're forced to get a divorce. BUT, if you never committed adulterly with your spouse prior to marriage, but you know he/she has had sex previously with someone else, then it's okay to marry them.
That's what I've learnt regarding this issue from the Ibadhi sector; since that's the sector I follow.
My uncle has a different approach to this. He told me that the fact that you know your husband/wife committed adultery prior to marriage, even if it wasn't with you, you're not allowed to marry him/her. If you do, you're also forced to get a divorce.
I asked my dad to confirm this. He's a religious man who knows many famous Ibadhi sheikhs (Islamic scholars) in Oman, and he confirmed to me what I've stated above:
...you're not allowed to get married to someone you've had sex. If you did and anyway got married to them, you're forced to get a divorce. BUT, if you never committed adulterly with your spouse prior to marriage, but you know he/she has had sex previously with someone else, then it's okay to marry them.
For the Ibadhi followers: is this what you've been taught? Confirm please.
For the other sectors, I believe in Shia (and please correct me if I am wrong), it's okay to marry the one you've committed adultery with..
I don't know what the Sunni sector states about that.
These are the most common sectors in Oman and the ones I am familiar with. However, let me know what you've been taught by your sector in regards to adultery and marriage.
This will be a helpful guide for me.
Dam3eti 11-04-08, 10:03 PM I am Ibadhi and that is what I've been taught too, you can't marry someone you slept with. I never heard about the other point, I don't see why you can't marry someone who had sex with someone else and repented.
marianna 11-04-08, 10:13 PM But why can't you marry the person you slept with yet you can marry someone who slept with someone else (man of course) women not suppose to do this sort of thing.
minerva 11-04-08, 10:16 PM ah so you can sleep with a guy but you can't marry him if you do so? (i'm sure i got it wrong, but that's how i read it.... )
I would have thought it was the other way round that you would be forced to marry. What if the girl becomes pregnant?
Dam3eti 11-04-08, 10:23 PM I think you can't marry the guy you slept with as a punishment for the sin you committed, I'm not sure though. Like you couldn't wait until you're married and disobeyed God and had sex with the guy anyway..
*shushu* 11-04-08, 10:24 PM ah so you can sleep with a guy but you can't marry him if you do so? (i'm sure i got it wrong, but that's how i read it.... )
That's how I understood it too:os Is that what was meant, or have I misunderstood the claim?
Dam3eti 11-04-08, 10:26 PM ^ ya, but she didn't mean that u "can" sleep with him, it's still a sin. But if you do, you can't marry him.
Superbia 11-04-08, 10:27 PM I never knew about this, until I questioned the divorce of one of my aunts.. Where I was told that it was because she and her husband had sex before marriage and when they knew after 30 years of marriage that it's forbidden and their marriage is said to be "ba6il" they went to the mufti shee5 5alil, and he got furious and told them that they shouldn't live together anymore, since they're not married in God's eyes.. However, each one of them has taken a different path now.
Anyways, my mum told me that this is just followed by the Ibadhi sect, unlike the Sunnis.. They believe that the guy should "istir" the girl by marrying her.
As far as I know, is that there is a verse in the Qura'an.. Where both of these sects interprets it in a different manner. :os
minerva 11-04-08, 10:33 PM i think if they happen to sleep together and are in love, they should keep it hush hush, get married and praise each other's purity.
*shushu* 11-04-08, 10:42 PM Wait, by having sex before "marriage" do you mean before the "marriage party" or the "milka"? 'Coz as far I know, after the milka you are allowed to do whatever with your partner as by islamic law, you're legally married:os
minerva 11-04-08, 10:45 PM Wait, by having sex before "marriage" do you mean before the "marriage party" or the "milka"? 'Coz as far I know, after the milka you are allowed to do whatever with your partner as by islamic law, you're legally married:os
i am not muslim but i don't think they can sleep together if they've only had the malka....and what i meant with sex before marriage if a courting couple, who are in love, go to far....they should go ahead and get married. and keep hush about it.
*shushu* 11-04-08, 10:52 PM ^ O, hmm... In that case, I have to disagree. Lying about their past might get them what they want, but I don't think it's right.
Libellula 11-04-08, 10:53 PM I heard both; that you can't marry someone you had sex with, and also you can't marry someone if you know they had sex previously with someone else.
The main reason for the first is that you two have rushed things before their time, and as a punishment you're forbidden from being with that person.
shushu- After the malka, a couple is officially married in the eyes of God. The wedding reception later on is more or less just to inform people they're moving in together. Not having sex after the malka is a cultural thing. If they have sex it's totally fine religion-wise, they're considered to be a married couple already. Some people choose to have the malka and wedding reception on one day. The malka is the religious ceremony where the couple is married, and the wedding party/reception has really no significance religion-wise. It's just a celebration.
minerva 11-04-08, 11:02 PM ^ O, hmm... In that case, I have to disagree. Lying about their past might get them what they want, but I don't think it's right.
but if they are in love and they are going to have a good marriage that's to last....worth keeping it all between themselves and God. They'll make up for their 'sin' in other ways, bring up the children in a good way, respect each other and staying together through thick and thin for the rest of their lives. Doing things that God likes.
Endure Whisper 11-04-08, 11:38 PM Okay, I can understand the first point because you didn't hold yourself from the beginning and rushed things.. but the second point, does that mean a person who committed adultery is not allowed to get married ever?
Endure Whisper 11-04-08, 11:41 PM ah so you can sleep with a guy but you can't marry him if you do so? (i'm sure i got it wrong, but that's how i read it.... )
You didn't get it wrong. That's the way it is in the Ibadhi sector. I understand the reason behind it, but if it happened to me, I wouldn't get a divorce. I would follow the other sectors that allow it the same way I follow other sectors in different issues.
But yeah, you're not allowed to marry someone you've slept with before marriage. That's according to Ibadhis, let's see how it is with the other sectors.
minerva 11-04-08, 11:45 PM You didn't get it wrong. That's the way it is in the Ibadhi sector. I understand the reason behind it, but if it happened to me, I wouldn't get a divorce. I would follow the other sectors that allow it the same way I follow other sectors in different issues.
But yeah, you're not allowed to marry someone you've slept with before marriage. That's according to Ibadhis, let's see how it is with the other sectors.
if they slept together out of love and were committed to each other.....as i said before...keep it with themselves and with God. if they are burdened by guilt, they can do something..pray or do something extra good to bring blessings upon their union.
Okay, I can understand the first point because you didn't hold yourself from the beginning and rushed things.. but the second point, does that mean a person who committed adultery is not allowed to get married ever?
No it means that if you did a sin and God covered it for you, then you don't go and say it. When a husband knows that his wife had sex with another man before illegaly or a wife knows her husband did the same thing then their life will be full of doubts and they hardly will make it go on.
Arabian Princess 11-04-08, 11:59 PM I will quote what I said in the other virgin and non-virgin thread, and this is as far as my knowledge goes about the Ibadhi sect.
This is why, in Ibadhi sect, its haram to marry someone you for sure know had sex outside marraige. If you know they did, your marraige cant happen. Its harsh I know, and goes against honesty in marraige that alot of people call for but it is stop people accepting such a sin and to insist that a marriage should be based on "sakina" (peace at heart is best how I can translate it).
Originally Posted by Libellula View Post
A lot of people don't seem to agree with this ruling though..
Yes, and I know alot of people who consider the sect too strict when it comes to this .. however I think when marraige comes in place, I strongly beleive sakina is very important .. you dont want to be in doubt if your marraige is valid or not .. so to in order to shut that little doubt in you, a person needs to be careful on who they accept for marraige.
This is what I think.
I thought that the Ibadhi sector doesn't allow marriage between two people who had sex together before marriage, and not marriage between any non-virgins.
That, and this too. They say if you did a mistake and you truly repented you shouldnt go and tell the person you married about it. Allah managed to cover it up for you so you need to keep it covered. Telling the future spouse will creat a place of doubt in the heart of the two and that goes against the fact that marraige is about sakina. There is a verse in the Quran that says that "al zani la yanka7 ila zaniya aw mushrika"
Arabian Princess 12-04-08, 12:03 AM if they slept together out of love and were committed to each other.....as i said before...keep it with themselves and with God. if they are burdened by guilt, they can do something..pray or do something extra good to bring blessings upon their union.
They dont need to tell anyone .. if they agree with this ruling and they beleive that thier marraige is not correct thier lives would not be easy .. its better to be safe before having kids and all .. it goes back to how strongly you beleive in this rule or not.
minerva 12-04-08, 12:05 AM They dont need to tell anyone .. if they agree with this ruling and they beleive that thier marraige is not correct thier lives would not be easy .. its better to be safe before having kids and all .. it goes back to how strongly you beleive in this rule or not.
but if they feel 'right' with each other, then their love making before marriage must have felt 'right' too. i think they bring it up afterwards as an excuse for divorce, when something goes a bit iffy...
Endure Whisper 12-04-08, 12:09 AM Arabian Princess, how sure are you in regards to the 2nd point? I had that double checked with Sheikh Khlafan Al Aisri and he said that if it's not you who your husband had sex with then it's okay to marry him because he repented and he also has the right to marry someone after all, even if he committed a big sin as such. I mean, his life doesn't stop after having sex with someone... that makes sense to me.
Endure Whisper 12-04-08, 12:11 AM minerva, sometimes covering up for things doesn't help you. It's enough God knows about it. But I agree with what you're saying, you make more sense to me.
minerva 12-04-08, 12:11 AM Arabian Princess, how sure are you in regards to the 2nd point? I had that double checked with Sheikh Khlafan Al Aisri and he said that if it's not you who your husband had sex with then it's okay to marry him because he repented and he also has the right to marry someone after all, even if he committed a big sin as such. I mean, his life doesn't stop after having sex with someone... that makes sense to me.
oh and what if it was 'you' who had sex with him..?
AMARANT 12-04-08, 12:14 AM as far as i know, u cant marry someone u had sex with, for 2 reasons:
- a punishment, for doing the sin, and desrespecting Allah.
- so that people dont use it as an excuse, like having sex, so that later on, thier parents agree on thier marrige...
minerva 12-04-08, 12:14 AM minerva, sometimes covering up for things doesn't help you. It's enough God knows about it. But I agree with what you're saying, you make more sense to me.
but why should a couple be giving a count of what they did 'before' to society? if it's a sin, its between them and God. they have nothing to hide. if they were committed, it was only love. and that makes the sin a minor one. they didn't go with each other out of just lust.
Arabian Princess 12-04-08, 12:19 AM Endure, maybe there are different opinons between scholars. I remmber reading a book of fatawi by shiekh khalili and I read this.
Minerva, love is not everything. You need to feel content that this marriage is the right step to take. You can be in love with an alcoholic, but would you marry him? Love blind us from mistakes. Society might not know, and in many cases the society wouldnt know they had done it .. its how both of them feel about it and how strong they agree that the ruling makes sense. If they do, then that doubt in thier hearts that thier marraige is not valid will always be there and might explode any min.
Endure Whisper 12-04-08, 12:22 AM oh and what if it was 'you' who had sex with him..?
It goes both ways, I guess.
but why should a couple be giving a count of what they did 'before' to society? if it's a sin, its between them and God. they have nothing to hide. if they were committed, it was only love. and that makes the sin a minor one. they didn't go with each other out of just lust.
It's not about the society. It's a sin and they should know it. If they insist on doing it, then it's between them and God.. but who would want to continue living a sinful life when deep down they know what they're doing is wrong, that's if they truly believe it's wrong.
Other Muslims from other sectors don't think it's wrong so they continue living their lives peacefully.. so it's all to do with your beliefs.
Endure Whisper 12-04-08, 12:24 AM as far as i know, u cant marry someone u had sex with, for 2 reasons:
- a punishment, for doing the sin, and desrespecting Allah.
- so that people dont use it as an excuse, like having sex, so that later on, thier parents agree on thier marrige...
What sector do you follow?
This is the first time I know about this !!!
I mean the logic is that they should be forced to marry, I am confused !
Endure Whisper 12-04-08, 12:32 AM Storm, that's according to some sectors. I think part of Sunnis believe that.
I know it's very confusing. One religion, many partitons with great extremes.. :os
AMARANT 12-04-08, 12:33 AM What sector do you follow?
Ibadhi . :bored:
Arabian Princess 12-04-08, 12:47 AM Storm, that's according to some sectors. I think part of Sunnis believe that.
I know it's very confusing. One religion, many partitons with great extremes.. :os
Thats a blessing .. Iktilaf al 3ulma2 rahma :)
Endure Whisper 12-04-08, 12:51 AM It is ?! How?
It confuses me so much that I sometimes start doubting in Islam being the correct religion! Why aren't we all united instead?
Arabian Princess 12-04-08, 01:01 AM It is ?! How?
It confuses me so much that I sometimes start doubting in Islam being the correct religion! Why aren't we all united instead?
thats a whole thread by itslef :)
It is rahma (mercy) because in areas where they are not black and white, you can always choose what fits best with you. There are rulings are so clear in Islam that you cant disagree with them, but since there is no unifed agreement with scholrs on some issues, you have the luxury of listening to different people's opinons and why they say its ok or its haram. It gives Islam the space to adapt to different generations.
Endure Whisper 12-04-08, 01:05 AM Wow, I didn't know that.. Then, if we take the above scenario, where different scholars have different opinions or says, and we choose to listen to any one of them, that should be okay?
Arabian Princess 12-04-08, 01:14 AM Wow, I didn't know that.. Then, if we take the above scenario, where different scholars have different opinions or says, and we choose to listen to any one of them, that should be okay?
It depends on your aproach .. some people wouldnt worry themselves with following the reasoning behind the ruling would take the rule from the sect they follow. If you wish to look for something from other sects, they you have to be content in your heart that you didnt do it because its "easier" or because "its what you like" but do it because it makes sense and the proof the scholar you choose is valid.
I am not a scholar and I cant tell you its ok .. but this is what I think.
Endure Whisper 12-04-08, 01:21 AM Interesting.. Thanks..
AP, Good answers.
This is also one of the Al-Khalili fatwas related to the topic:
السؤال :
ما حكم من تزوج بامرأة كانت بينه وبينها علاقة محرمة دون الزنا ؟
الجواب :
جاء في الحديث عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلّم ( العينان تزنيان واليدان تزنيان والرجلان تزنيان ويصدق ذلك ويكذبه الفرج ) ، ومعنى ذلك إن لم تكن مواقعة بالفرج فلا تترتب الأحكام التي تترتب على الزنا من هذه الأحكام حرمة هذه المرأة عليه ولكن مع ذلك التنزه هو أولى وأفضل ، والله تعالى أعلم .
Wow, I didn't know that.. Then, if we take the above scenario, where different scholars have different opinions or says, and we choose to listen to any one of them, that should be okay?
The following two fatwas explain how the disagreement among scholars is mercy (ra7mah) as far as it is the issue related to the branches and doesn't collides with a clear evidences and the second one is being selective in selecting a fatwa.
I know it is in arabic but I think we can have an exception jut to make the issue clear to members.
السؤال
كيف يكون اختلاف علماء المسلمين رحمة للأمة الإسلامية ؟
الجواب :
نعم ، اختلاف علماء المسلمين هو رحمة بالأمة الإسلامية فيما إذا كان هذا الاختلاف في الفروع ، أي لم يصادم نصاً قطعي الدلالة وقطعي المتن ، أما إن صادم نصاً قطعي الدلالة وقطعي المتن ففي هذه الحالة يكون هذا الاختلاف سبباً للنقمة لأنه لا يجوز لأحد أي كان أن يخالف أمر الله ، أو أن يخالف أمر رسوله صلى الله عليه وسلّم ، فالله تبارك وتعالى يقول ( وَمَا كَانَ لِمُؤْمِنٍ وَلا مُؤْمِنَةٍ إِذَا قَضَى اللَّهُ وَرَسُولُهُ أَمْراً أَنْ يَكُونَ لَهُمُ الْخِيَرَةُ مِنْ أَمْرِهِمْ وَمَنْ يَعْصِ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ فَقَدْ ضَلَّ ضَلالاً مُبِيناً ) (الأحزاب:36) .
وقد أمر الله سبحانه وتعالى عباده بأن يطيعوه ، وأن يطيعوا رسوله صلى الله عليه وسلّم ، ثم أن يطيعوا أولياء أمورهم ولكن مع ذلك نبه أنه عند الاختلاف والتنازع يجب أن يرد الأمر كله إلى الله وإلى رسوله صلى الله عليه وسلّم فقد قال الله سبحانه وتعالى ( يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا أَطِيعُوا اللَّهَ وَأَطِيعُوا الرَّسُولَ وَأُولِي الأَمْرِ مِنْكُمْ فَإِنْ تَنَازَعْتُمْ فِي شَيْءٍ فَرُدُّوهُ إِلَى اللَّهِ وَالرَّسُولِ إِنْ كُنْتُمْ تُؤْمِنُونَ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ ذَلِكَ خَيْرٌ وَأَحْسَنُ تَأْوِيلاً ) (النساء:59) .
فأمر الله تعالى إنما هو أمر رب السموات والأرض خالق الكون مصرف الوجود الذي أسبغ على العبد نعمه ظاهرة وباطنة ومنه مبدأه وإليه منتهاه فهو جدير أن يطاع ولا يعصى.
وأمر رسوله صلى الله عليه وسلّم إنما هو أمر المبلغ عن الله الذي هو معصوم من الخطأ والزلل الذي وصفه الله تبارك وتعالى بقوله ( وَمَا يَنْطِقُ عَنِ الْهَوَى إِنْ هُوَ إِلا وَحْيٌ يُوحَى ) (النجم:3-4) ، وقد جعل الله طاعته صلى الله عليه وسلّم من طاعته عز وجل فقد قال ( مَنْ يُطِعِ الرَّسُولَ فَقَدْ أَطَاعَ اللَّهَ وَمَنْ تَوَلَّى فَمَا أَرْسَلْنَاكَ عَلَيْهِمْ حَفِيظاً ) (النساء:80) ، فإذاً لا يجوز أن يأتي أحد أياً كان ليرد حكماً جاء عن الله تبارك وتعالى أو جاء عن رسوله صلى الله عليه وسلّم مع ثبوت ذلك الحكم وصحته .
وهذا كما قلنا عندما يكون النص قطعي الدلالة وقطعي المتن ، أما عندما يكون غير قطعي الدلالة كأن يكون عاماً فإنه قد يختلف العلماء في تخصيصه بالمخصصات المتنوعة ، هناك مخصصات كثيرة تخصص العمومات حتى قيل ما من عموم إلا وقد خصص ما عدا الأشياء التي لا يجوز أن تخصص أي التي يقتضي العقل استحالة تخصيصها ، فهذه العمومات تكون عموماتها قطعية الدلالة ولا تكون ظنية الدلالة فحسب لأن العقل يقضي باستحالة تخصيصها كقول الله تبارك وتعالى ( وَأَنَّهُ تَعَالَى جَدُّ رَبِّنَا مَا اتَّخَذَ صَاحِبَةً وَلا وَلَداً ) (الجـن:3) فلا يجوز أبداً أن يخصص هذا العموم ، وكقوله سبحانه ) لَمْ يَلِدْ وَلَمْ يُولَدْ ) (الاخلاص:3) ، فلا يجوز أن يقال بأن هذا العموم مخصوص وأن الله تعالى ولد أحداً أو ولده أحد تعالى الله عن ذلك ، وكذلك قوله ( وَلَمْ يَكُنْ لَهُ كُفُواً أَحَدٌ ) (الاخلاص:4) ، وكذلك قوله ( لَيْسَ كَمِثْلِهِ شَيْءٌ ) (الشورى: من الآية11) ، إلى غير ذلك من الآيات التي يقتضي العقل استحالة تخصيصها .
أما العمومات التي تتعلق بأفعال العباد فإن هذه هي التي خصصت حتى قيل ما من عموم إلا وقد خصص ذلك إنما يرجع إلى العمومات التي تتعلق بأفعال العباد ، فنحن نجد في القرآن الكريم التخصيص لكثير مما جاء من عموماته ، نجد القرآن يخصص القرآن ، ونجد حديث النبي صلى الله عليه وسلّم يخصص أيضاً عمومات القرآن حتى ولو كان آحادياً لأن دلالة العام دلالة ظنية .
وقد يختلف العلماء في تخصيص المخصصات لهذه العمومات وذلك بأن ينظر بعضهم إلى أن هذا المخصص جاء لسبب وأن هذا السبب قد فقد ، ولا يعتبر إذاً مخصصاً للعموم ، ونظر بعضهم إلى أنه لم يأت لسبب خاص وأنه لا يزال على تخصيصه للعموم مثال ذلك أن الله تبارك وتعالى قال ( قُلْ لا أَجِدُ فِي مَا أُوحِيَ إِلَيَّ مُحَرَّماً عَلَى طَاعِمٍ يَطْعَمُهُ إِلا أَنْ يَكُونَ مَيْتَةً أَوْ دَماً مَسْفُوحاً أَوْ لَحْمَ خِنْزِيرٍ فَإِنَّهُ رِجْسٌ أَوْ فِسْقاً أُهِلَّ لِغَيْرِ اللَّهِ بِهِ) (الأنعام: من الآية145) ، هذا عام وقد جاء تخصيصه بكثير من المخصصات من ذلك تحريم الصيد على المحرم فهو مخصص لهذا العموم ، ومن ذلك أيضاً تحريم الخمر لأن الخمر من ضمن المطعومات وهو مخصص لهذا العموم .
ولكن مع هذا كله أيضاً هناك مخصصات اختلف العلماء فيها كتخصيص هذا العموم بتحريم الحمر الأهلية لأنه ورد النهي عن الحمر الأهلية ، ولكن كثيراً من العلماء قالوا بأن هذا النهي إنما هو لأجل حملها متاع الناس وحاجة الناس إليها وإلا لما نهي عنها ، فنظراً إلى هذا اختلف العلماء ، ولا يعنف أحد ممن يقول برأي في مثل هذا الأمر . وكذلك تخصيص هذا العموم بتحريم ذوات الناب من السباع والمخالب من الطير .
ومثل هذه المخصصات أيضاً المخصصات التي طرأت على قول الله تبارك وتعالى ( وَأُحِلَّ لَكُمْ مَا وَرَاءَ ذَلِكُمْ ) (النساء: من الآية24) ، هنالك مخصصات مجمع عليها لا يجوز الخلاف فيها بأي حال من الأحوال لأن الأمة أجمعت عليها كتخصيص هذا العموم بتحريم كل ما هو حرام من قبل النسب إذا كان من جهة الرضاع بحيث يلحق الرضاع بالنسب ، جاءت أحاديث بذلك والأحاديث أجمع عليها وبسبب هذا الإجماع عليها كان ذلك مما لا يسوغ لأحد أن يخالف .
وهناك بعض المخصصات الأخرى قد تكون بسبب النظر والاختلاف كخطبة المرأة في عدتها إلى غير ذلك ، هذه الأمور إنما هي أمور راجعة إلى أدلة ظنية ، وما كان الاختلاف فيه بسبب الرجوع إلى الأدلة الظنية فإنه لا يسوغ التفسيق فيه ، وفي هذا تكون الرحمة بالعباد ، أما أن يخالف أحد نصاً قطعياً في كتاب الله فذلك مما يسوغ أبداً ، والله تعالى أعلم .
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السؤال
هناك من يتمسك بهذه المقولة وهي أن اختلاف العلماء رحمة ، ثم يردف هذه المقولة بمقولة أخرى : من أخذ بقول من أقوال المسلمين فهو سالم ، ألا ترون سماحة الشيخ أن هذه المقولة مع تلك تؤدي إلى نوع من التسيب في السلوك المسلم ؟
الجواب :
لا ريب أن اختلاف العلماء رحمة ، ولكن لا يعني هذا أن تتسيب الأمة بحيث تتتبع الرخص فيأخذ المسلم بهذا الرأي وبهذا الرأي وبهذا الرأي حتى يركب من عمله مجموعة من آراء لا تعود هذه الآراء إلى قول أحد من علماء الأمة ، هذا مما لا يسوغ .
ولذلك ضبط كثير من العلماء مثل هذه الأحوال بوجوب أن يرجع العامي الجاهل الذي لا يستطيع أن يرجح رأياً على رأي إلى رأي العالم المعاصر القادر على الترجيح والنظر والاستدلال حتى يوجهه إلى الأخذ بالدليل الراجح فلعله يبين له الدليل فيكون بذلك هذا العامي قد أخذ بالدليل متابعة لذلك العالم الذي بيّن له الدليل .
أما أن يُترك الحبل على الغارب ويفسح المجال لأي أحد يأخذ بما شاء من الآراء ويدع ما يشاء فقد يفضي هذا الأمر إلى أن يجمع شتيتاً من الآراء بحيث يتبع هذا العالم فيما ترخص فيه ويترك تشدداته ، ويأخذ برخصة العالم الآخر ويدع أيضاً تشدداته ، ويأخذ برخصة العالم الآخر في المسألة الأخرى ويدع تشدداته ، فيجمع مزيجاً غريباً وخليطاً عجيباً من الآراء الشاذة التي لا ينبغي لأحد أن يعول عليها ، لا ريب أن اختلاف علماء الأمة أيضاً رحمة لكن لا على هذا الأساس ، فإن كان هذا العامي مقلداً لعالم فليأخذ بقوله في المسائل الفرعية من غير أن يخرج عن رأي ذلك العالم ، هكذا ينبغي ، والله تعالى أعلم
I was taught that only if two people slept together before marriage, then it is not permissible for them to get married to each other because for one, it is a punishment for their sins and another reason is because it might encourage couples who want to get married but can't for one reason or another. So they end up sleeping together and then they would be forced to get married - getting what they want.
I never heard about the fact that you can't marry someone who is not a virgin. It doesn't make sense to me. I assure you it won't do anything to the "sakina" of my heart or anything. It is just something I am going to accept and from how much we hear about men who are no longer virgins, it is not seen as a big deal nowadays - unfortunately.
Arabian Princess 12-04-08, 11:33 AM I never heard about the fact that you can't marry someone who is not a virgin. It doesn't make sense to me. I assure you it won't do anything to the "sakina" of my heart or anything. It is just something I am going to accept and from how much we hear about men who are no longer virgins, it is not seen as a big deal nowadays - unfortunately.
You will accept it today, but for how long? and any way maybe its a reason why somone would think million times before commiting such a sin. Like you said, unfourtountly some dont value its seriousness.
Is it permissible for a zaani (fornicator) to marry a believing woman?
Question:
please tell me can i marry a beliver if i`ve had sex with a non muslim please answer?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
If a fornicator repents sincerely, Allaah accepts his repentance. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.
The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;
Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds; then verily, he repents towards Allaah with true repentance” al-Furqaan 25:68-71
See also question no. 728.
If he repents, then he may marry a believing woman. If a fornicator repents, he should conceal his past and not spread word of it. And Allaah knows best.
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
You will accept it today, but for how long? and any way maybe its a reason why somone would think million times before commiting such a sin. Like you said, unfourtountly some dont value its seriousness.
I will accept if for as long as my marriage lasts :inno:. But I see your point, the implication of this rule might make people think that this is a very serious sin and should have severe consequences.
Endure Whisper 12-04-08, 12:20 PM Icey: thanks for the fatawi. But, let's say a Suni person who believes that you can marry someone who is not a virgin because that's what he/she is taught but also read these fatawi which are issued by an Ibadhi scholar. What is he/she to follow? The fatawi although his teachings teach him differently? Or he is allowed to do what he was taught?
In general a Sunni follower will not accept an Ibadhi fatwa. Sooo they we wouldnt accept the ruling and would take the Sunni ruling which is that you may marry that person as long as you both sincerely repent to Allah. And Allah knows best
When I asked that question Endure, the answer I got is:
a) If you're looking for a fatwa about a specific topic, then you should ask Scholars of your own sect.
b) If there is no consistency between the scholars of your own sect, then you get to choose which scholar to follow but s/he has to be from your own sect.
As in I want to know a fatwa about this topic, I go to A and B since both of them are scholars from my sect. I listen to both of them yet both of them can't agree on one thing. Here you've the chance to follow either A or B's reasoning because one of them makes more sense to you than the other. Apparently that is permissible.
Endure Whisper 12-04-08, 02:25 PM ^ Okay, I get you now!
ToomuchaT 12-04-08, 03:05 PM A similar case is for the person who kills a person just to inheret his money, that person will be punished by not inheriting the dead person. or :
من استعجل الشئ قبل أوانه , عوقب بحرمانه
Forgot to add, the bible says: Marriage is a commitment not an excuse.
sophis^catrina 13-04-08, 02:09 AM Thats a blessing .. Iktilaf al 3ulma2 rahma :)
Absolutely true. This freedom of opinion and the academic freedom in Islam is incredibly wonderful. It is so diverse, so pluralistic, and intelligent.
Life is not black or white, neither should the Islamic laws be black or white.
cLueLess 13-04-08, 03:48 AM You're not allowed to get married to someone you've had sex. If you did and anyway got married to them, you're forced to get a divorce.
That's what I've been taught as well.
If you never committed adulterly with your spouse prior to marriage, but you know he/she has had sex previously with someone else, then it's okay to marry them.
In my opinion, this verse answers you question very clearly.
"Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden" (24:3).
^^
So what happens if two people sleep together before marriage and then get married anyway but don't tell anyone?
Any consequences if your sect teaches that you can't get married if you've done that?
I mean, if someone is in that position, has been married for twenty years and has kids, do they have to divorce or something?
^^ I personally know a couple like that. After 25+ years of marriage and two adult children, they got divorced for that reason. The scholar said their marriage was never valid, so they had to get divorced and never sleep together again. Also, the scholar mentioned that every time they'd sex during their marriage, it was "adultery", since there were never lawfully married :os
Endure Whisper 13-04-08, 10:40 AM ^ Lym for that reason, I find Islam and Abadhis very harsh. I mean, a divorce!!!!!!!! Come on....!!! Islam does forgive and I follow the sectors such as Sunni who allow that! Divorce doesn't make sense to me.. Not at all! Unless I get a strong valid reason to why and how's that harming anyone I would take your words.
FLORENTYNA 13-04-08, 01:01 PM ^^ I personally know a couple like that. After 25+ years of marriage and two adult children, they got divorced for that reason. The scholar said their marriage was never valid, so they had to get divorced and never sleep together again. Also, the scholar mentioned that every time they'd sex during their marriage, it was "adultery", since there were never lawfully married :os
but what if both of them didnt know and they just came to knw after 25 yrs? i mean they didnt know it was haram..I think GOD will forgive them they were ignorent...complicated
sophis^catrina 14-04-08, 03:12 AM ^ Lym for that reason, I find Islam and Abadhis very harsh. I mean, a divorce!!!!!!!! Come on....!!! Islam does forgive and I follow the sectors such as Sunni who allow that! Divorce doesn't make sense to me.. Not at all! Unless I get a strong valid reason to why and how's that harming anyone I would take your words.
You see, that is why it is a mercy that we have ikhtilaf (difference and freedom in opinion), and so many different schools of thought. :cute: Imagine, just having an Ibadhi ruling on this issue. It's wonderful that we have so many varied schools of thought. :D
BTW, Islam isn't harsh. Just the Ibadhi's ruling on this particular issue. :p
Arabian Princess 14-04-08, 10:57 AM BTW, Islam isn't harsh. Just the Ibadhi's ruling on this particular issue. :p
Its not about who is linenet and who is harsh. Each sect's scholar base thier judgment on the proof and knowledge they have. A scholar is like a judge, checks the findings and base thier judgment on whats best for the couple and the society. Yes it might be harsh, but if it will lead to a better society then it better be harsh!
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