Traditionally, when a man wants to get married, he should prepare some money and/or gifts for the woman he wants to marry. That's the dowry that the woman's family specify or leave it upto the man. Anyway, in this thread, we're not discussing how ridiculous this whole dowry issue is getting, but rather something else.

~ Why do people want to know how much your dowry is?

When I got engaged, a few of my friends and cousins asked me how much my dowry was! I told them I didn't want to share because I thought it was something personal and basically it was none of their concerns.

~ Does the dowry determine how much you're worth?

If the woman's family don't specify how much the dowry should be and leave it upto the man, how does he determine how much he should give you? Does he just give you what he can afford or evaluates your lifestyle and how wealthy your family is?!

~ Why is it some families (here in Oman it is very common in the interiors), the father takes some share of his daughter's dowry?

The only explanation I could give to that is because he raised her. But isn't that his duty; whether or not she got married, he has to raise her and support her fully!

Share!

I don't know anything about this as I'm still not married and none of my sisters are, I have no idea how much my dowry is and if my parents would ask for a specific number or leave it up to the man.

daughters will be given to the highest bidder i'd say!!

I don't think one's family should specify how much the dowry should be :os It's just I dunno.. It doesn't click! After all, they'll be one after marriage.. So what's the purpose of it? His money will be my money, and my money will be his money. So whatever.

what's the average range for a dowry? how do the family specify it? if they have more than one daughter, do they ask for the same amount? will a prettier girl get more dowry? if one daughter is really successful and has a very good job, would they ask for more?

If I received monies for a dowry I would invest it in CD's or downpayment on a house. Too much money to buy just clothing an jewelry with. Didn't UAE and Oman lower this so that more young couples can marry?

To me, if the girl's family specifies how much the dowry is, its like they are putting a price on their daughter as if she's a product for sale. It's demeaning.

I guess people ask about how much someone's dowry is because they're just inquisitive. The dowry doesn't determine how much a woman is worth. I think the man should just decide on the amount to give based on what he can afford, not based on the lifestyle of the girl.

isnt this the 3rd thread about dowry in the last 6 months? :think:

well i like the families that leave the amount to the future husband, very respectful, and the guy wont let them down and come with a small amount...

i dont wanna share my dowry with my friends

to me, when a father asks for too much dowry, it's like he is selling his daughter...

and Minerva, i guess, when a girl is wanted, her dowry increases...

like if the parents have a pest for a daughter, they can put a notice on their door that says 'daughter for marriage, no dowry needed'.

^^ lol even if the daughter was the Devil, wont happen, not in Oman xD

like if the parents have a pest for a daughter, they can put a notice on their door that says 'daughter for marriage, no dowry needed'.
:hyper: :hyper:

When I went to an engagement in Libya once, it happened like this:

First women go meet other family's women. We sit, drink copious amounts of disgusting tea and eat lost of sweets. The women say that their boy would like the family's girl and ask what they expect of him. They kinda haggle over this and that.. and strike a "deal". So many goats, so much money, so much gold, a house etc..

Then they go home and have a small party.
Then the big strong mans go. They meet other big strong mans and they discuss "real" business. They probably drink more tea and have less sweets. In the end, they kinda finalise what the women started.

All through this, the bride and groom never meet together to discuss with these people what THEY want. :S

Anyhow.. it appeared to me that apart from the gold, and the house, nothing was really going to the bride. The money and livestock seemed to be going to end up at her dad's hands.

.

I would mind the sweets..I am a sweetaholic. I know that in Oman there is varying amounts of what the dowry is. Now is this dependent on the income level of the bride's parents?

Traditionally, when a man wants to get married, he should prepare some money and/or gifts for the woman he wants to marry. That's the dowry that the woman's family specify or leave it upto the man. Anyway, in this thread, we're not discussing how ridiculous this whole dowry issue is getting, but rather something else.

~ Why do people want to know how much your dowry is?

When I got engaged, a few of my friends and cousins asked me how much my dowry was! I told them I didn't want to share because I thought it was something personal and basically it was none of their concerns.

~ Does the dowry determine how much you're worth?

If the woman's family don't specify how much the dowry should be and leave it upto the man, how does he determine how much he should give you? Does he just give you what he can afford or evaluates your lifestyle and how wealthy your family is?!

~ Why is it some families (here in Oman it is very common in the interiors), the father takes some share of his daughter's dowry?

The only explanation I could give to that is because he raised her. But isn't that his duty; whether or not she got married, he has to raise her and support her fully!

Share!

AAHA!! A very very great subject! An excellent question! You know, i agree with you..i don't understand how it's anyone's business to know what your dowry is. It's personal!! I wouldn't like it if someone asked me how much!!! would piss me off! Like why is it their concern anyway!!?:bored:


About the second question...very very good question. i was wondering that myself.:think:

As for the third question, that is just wrong for the father or family to take some of her dowry. It just shows how ignorant they are. It's like selling their daughter to get some benefit. :angry: That's what it implies to me. :bored:

That will NEVER happen in my family. Whatever i get, it will be all for me and EVEN if i wanted to give them some, they wouldn't accept it.

what's the average range for a dowry? how do the family specify it? if they have more than one daughter, do they ask for the same amount? will a prettier girl get more dowry? if one daughter is really successful and has a very good job, would they ask for more?

what i hear is that the average is 7,000 rials :os
i don't know.
i am not married so i don't know how the whole process goes and i am not sure what would be an acceptable amount:os
all i know is that i wont take less than average.

and Minerva, i guess, when a girl is wanted, her dowry increases...
exactly! very good point! I'll keep that in mind :rolleyes: I just hope that other men know that :p

Ok firstly, Islamically speaking its not the father or anyone elses place to decide how much the dowry is. the dowry is a wedding gift, just like in other cultures your new husband buys you gifts before the marriage and on the wedding day.

I think people want to know just because theyre nosy. Simple as that.

No it doesnt show the worth of the girl. I know that educated and working girls get higher dowries but thats a silly cultural thing thats only started in the last couple of years. Its not selling - it just shows appreciation. And if it really was indicative of the girls worth then I must be worthless cos mine was very little by Omani standards.

Some fathers are just plain ignorant. There are however some girls who give some of the money to their fathers, mothers and siblings as a gift. Thats different from him forcibly taking the money - the dowry belongs to her, no one has the right to take even one baiza of it.

The govt has made the dowry OR2000, that is supposed to be the legal limit however very few ppl abide by it. Where we live the average is OR4ooo - 5ooo. Ridiculous! These poor guys have to take bank loans to pay the dowry and then the girls complain that their husbands dont have nay money to spend on them. Duh! You just sucked him dry!

The problem with dowries in todays world is based on ignorance of Islamic law.

but how do you know a good amount to give her without offending her and making her feel like she is worth less? How does the guy decide? what if the guy can only afford 3,000 yet she comes from a good family and they'd take that as insulting and would consider that cheap??:os (i'm not saying she is something to be sold but it's just a few questions)

how does that work?
it's been a question in my mind for ages :shy:

~ Why do people want to know how much your dowry is?

Out of curioustiy I guess .. I think its non of thier business
~ Does the dowry determine how much you're worth?
Not at all ..during the prophet days, a woman had the Islam of the guy proposing to her as her dowry!
~ Why is it some families (here in Oman it is very common in the interiors), the father takes some share of his daughter's dowry?
I dont know why .. but I guess its tradition .. some give gifts to the mother too.

what's the average range for a dowry? how do the family specify it? if they have more than one daughter, do they ask for the same amount? will a prettier girl get more dowry? if one daughter is really successful and has a very good job, would they ask for more?

In Oman, HM adviced that the dowry to be 2000 RO to easy on men who want to marry. But it depends from region to another. Some regions in Oman go up to 20,000 and others have 2000 as thier basic ones.

In my family, we dont ask for a specific amount we just leave it to the groom but the basic amount is kinda simmiler .. so me and my sisters received simmiler amounts. In other families who specify, usually the father would set an amount and ask it for all his daughters in order to be fair to all of them. I doubt there is any relation between the pretiness and how successful the daughter is to how much dowry she gets. However, some greedy families would check out how wealthy the groom family is and would specify accordignly.

another note, the dowry is usually used by the bride to get ready for her marraige .. so she ends up buying clothing and stuff ..

Ok firstly, Islamically speaking its not the father or anyone elses place to decide how much the dowry is. the dowry is a wedding gift, just like in other cultures your new husband buys you gifts before the marriage and on the wedding day.
Then it's the guy who decides or is it him and her together?? :think:

I think people want to know just because theyre nosy. Simple as that.
Exactly!! or they are bored! :bored:

No it doesnt show the worth of the girl. I know that educated and working girls get higher dowries but thats a silly cultural thing thats only started in the last couple of years. Its not selling - it just shows appreciation. And if it really was indicative of the girls worth then I must be worthless cos mine was very little by Omani standards.
I see...:)

Some fathers are just plain ignorant. There are however some girls who give some of the money to their fathers, mothers and siblings as a gift. Thats different from him forcibly taking the money - the dowry belongs to her, no one has the right to take even one baiza of it.
My point exactly! It's different if i gave it..but still , they wouldn't take anything.

The govt has made the dowry OR2000, that is supposed to be the legal limit however very few ppl abide by it. Where we live the average is OR4ooo - 5ooo. Ridiculous! These poor guys have to take bank loans to pay the dowry and then the girls complain that their husbands dont have nay money to spend on them. Duh! You just sucked him dry!

The problem with dowries in todays world is based on ignorance of Islamic law.
really?? it's 2,000?? ooh okay then..didn't know that.:shy:
hmmm..we'll see how it goes....as long as he's a nice person...i don't care if he got me a ferrari for the dowry, i wouldn't accept it wallah..i just want someone to be nice to me..and not rude or moody or blunt or mean! That is worth more than all the gold in the world to me. :) And i wouldn't allow my future husband to take a loan! That is a BIG mistake! I wouldn't want our lives to start with debts!!:os we'll see how it goes...
but you know, if it is a law, then most men should be aware to not give less than that. so i guess it's ok. i don't know.

another note, the dowry is usually used by the bride to get ready for her marraige .. so she ends up buying clothing and stuff ..
exactly..but does that include the wedding dress too? or is that something that the groom pays for separtely?:think:
with the way the prices are going up and dresses costing god knows what!!:os

Traditionally

It's not tradition but part of Islamic law of a valid marrige is to include 'sadaq' which is also called 'mahr' or dowry. So it is obligatory bridal money that the husband pays at the time of marriage.

Conditions of a valid marraige

1) consent of both parties.

2) " Mahr" a gift from the groom to his bride.

3) Witnesses- 2 male or female.

4) The marriage should be publicized, it should never be kept secret as it leads to suspicion and troubles within the community.


~ Why do people want to know how much your dowry is?

Maybe due to curiosity only.

~ Does the dowry determine how much you're worth?

No, the lower the mahar of the bride the more 'baraka' as stated in the hadith.

~ Why is it some families (here in Oman it is very common in the interiors), the father takes some share of his daughter's dowry?

A woman’s 'saqad' is her right and so it is not lawful for her father or any other person to take any part of this 'sadaq' without her permission.

And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allâh has made it lawful).(4:4)

but how do you know a good amount to give her without offending her and making her feel like she is worth less? How does the guy decide? what if the guy can only afford 3,000 yet she comes from a good family and they'd take that as insulting and would consider that cheap??:os (i'm not saying she is something to be sold but it's just a few questions)

how does that work?
it's been a question in my mind for ages :shy:

there is no specfic system .. but there is 3urf .. a guy who is told to pay whatever he cans shouldnt go and pay a 100 RO because he knows thats not what is generally known in the country. people dont live in isolation and know how things go.

exactly..but does that include the wedding dress too? or is that something that the groom pays for separtely?:think:
with the way the prices are going up and dresses costing god knows what!!:os

It depends from a family to another .. in my family, the wedding dress was our responsibilty. I know the prices are high, this is why the dowry is slightly higher these days to help the wife use it for her marraige expenses.

Angel Eyes, the dowry amount is a gift so technically it should come from him but the common practice has always been that the girl and her soon to be hubby discuss what the dowry should be.

Dowries dont have to cash - In the time of the Prophet(SAW) she took 2 dates and a bowl of milk, a girl I know asked for a bag of butterflies etc etc Its a gift and the lower the dowry the greater the blessings of Allah on you and your marriage. And in my experience your husband will love you more cos you were brave and smart enough to not bankrupt him. Your dowry can be anything you like, in Oman there must be a cash amount but it neednt be large. I'll tell you a lil secret - my dowry was OR5 and that my husband take me to Hajj before I die. What else does a woman need in this world?

oh i see.
so i guess it differs from family to family.

It depends from a family to another .. in my family, the wedding dress was our responsibilty. I know the prices are high, this is why the dowry is slightly higher these days to help the wife use it for her marraige expenses.
true.
aha...higher as in how much wouldy u say?:think:

I'll tell you a lil secret - my dowry was OR5 and that my husband take me to Hajj before I die. What else does a woman need in this world?

mashallah :D

If you wanna know how much ask her, tell her the truth and she can handle daddy for you. And why are Muslim Omani girls wearing Christian wedding dresses? Yugh!

aha...higher as in how much wouldy u say?:think:

like the general dowry paid in our families are usually between 2 to 3 k .. it goes higher to 4k sometimes depending on how the family of the groom are.

^what the?:os

didn't get you on the first part...and as for the ring thing, it's nothing to do with religion. not for me anyways, not coz i i'd wear the ring means i am christian. for me, it's something personal and intimate and to me represents loyalty. :D

------
and honestly i am not a materialistic girl and i am not crazy about money!

oops, that post was meant for hijabi...

arabian princess: oh ok then, that's good to know. So far in my family, no one from our generation or our age got married so i don't know how it goes or how much would be ok. i am sure i'd be the first one to get married though!:XD:
inshallah :)

^what the?:os

didn't get you on the first part...and as for the ring thing, it's nothing to do with religion. not for me anyways, not coz i i'd wear the ring means i am christian. for me, it's something personal and intimate and to me represents loyalty. :D

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and honestly i am not a materialistic girl and i am not crazy about money!

what ring? Im not talking about the ring - Im talking about the big white poofy wedding dress.

Its sweet that you think thats what the wedding ring means.:p It doesnt mean that, but its sweet that you think so:D

Wow so many replies I hardly can see who should I get back to, but most of my queries were answered. I just didn't know that some families would actually raise the dowry just because their daughter's education (or anything else that makes her extra special).

In regards to specifying the amount, I don't think if the woman's family did that it only means that they're selling, or putting a price on their daughter. What if it means their daughter "needs" the money to prepare for the wedding?

here's a poofy wedding dress.
don't wear it.
it's disgusting
:rolleyes:
http://fashionbride.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/vera-want-wedding-gown-lace-green-ribbon.jpg

^I don't think I will feel like a bride until I am wearing a white puffy (maybe not so) wedding dress :p

I think it might just be out of curiosity that people ask how much was your dowry. This is how it works in my family? After the men in my family accept a proposal, the groom's side would naturally ask about the dowry price so they can proceed with the marriage preparation. I've never seen the men in my family specify a figure but they would rather say "anything you can afford.". Now don't take that answer literally, it is just a formality. At this stage, the bride and groom would have already asked one another how much she expects, how much he can afford or what is the standard price. Anyways, in our families it is approximately 3000 rials.

I don't think it determines the worth of the girl. It's after all a gift that has many purposes. Most prominently, it is for the bride to prepare for her marriage life because God knows she needs a whole new closet but also, it is a reason for the man to be "more" patient in his marriage especially if he worked hard to earn that money with his own bare hand.

I think R.O.8,000 is the best amount for a dowry, nothing more, not less than 6,000 and not more than 8,000.

What is the traditional Omani wedding dress any pictures to share?

I don't understand why is the dowry that significant, since at the end of the day the couple will have to share their financial stuff, and they'll be a married couple :os Makes no sense to me whatsoever, his money is hers and vice-versa.. That's how I see it. :sunsmile:

What is the traditional Omani wedding dress any pictures to share?

I'm not sure, but I'm guessing it's the normal Omani traditional clothing but in white? OR green? No idea! :think: Point being, it's NOT common.

I think R.O.8,000 is the best amount for a dowry, nothing more, not less than 6,000 and not more than 8,000.

I wouldn't state that as an average :os 6 to 8 K is probably for people whom are really well off! And I mean well off!

I think R.O.8,000 is the best amount for a dowry, nothing more, not less than 6,000 and not more than 8,000.

A recent graduate will take forever to save up that amount of money. The common male citizens are already complaining that it is too expensive to get married in Oman and the acceptable dowries nowadays can be as low as 2000 rials. What will happen when it become 6000? More men won't be able to wed and more spinsters will appear. So I think it is a very unreasonable average. Also, a girl does not need that much for her wedding preparation. I think it is going to be a very sad day for Omanis when the dowry standard is a minimum of 6k. So lets try keeping it on the lower end for the good of this society.

Specific amount for dowry does not depend on how pretty the girl is or how educated. It depends on the families and communities. Some communities demand demand as high as RO 50,000 while others can settle for less than 1000.

According to Islam, the less the dowry the better, as not to burden the groom.

I have a friend who proposed from a wealthy family, and they asked for RO 15, yes fifteen, he sent 3,000.

As to who shud get the money, it all should go to the bride, father has no right to this money, and this is according to Quran (I believe)

I have a friend who proposed from a wealthy family, and they asked for RO 15, yes fifteen, he sent 3,000.


15,000? or 15 as in 1 and 5 (10+5)?! lol :think:

I don't mind arranging any amount as long as I am sure that my father in law is on his death bed & he has a good fortune to leave behind

^ LOL! Why do you want your father in law to be in his death bed when you can simply choose to marry someone else?

I think it's inappropriate to ask for a very high dowry. It makes you feel like your selling/buying something.
At the same time, if I was a man I won't mind how much am gonna pay as a dowry as long as I'm 100% sure I made the right decision by picking the right and suitable spouse to live with me the rest of my life..

^ LOL! Why do you want your father in law to be in his death bed when you can simply choose to marry someone else?

He wants to invest his money and get a good profit in return. :)

5K is the average these day if im not mistaken, last few marriges i witnessed had this amount...

What usually happens then to the dowry after the marriage. What is the money spent on and when married does the woman keep it all or does it go into a joint account etc.

The money is spent on wedding preparations. The bride has to go for beautification sessions, buy new clothes and jewellery, and sometimes it's also a contribution to the wedding ceremony that's going to take place.

What usually happens then to the dowry after the marriage. What is the money spent on and when married does the woman keep it all or does it go into a joint account etc.

The dowry money is the brides money and only hers. So the only way it would end up in a joint bank account is if she consents to that. But you can do whatever with your dowry money, it is not necessarily used for wedding preparations. My aunt put a down payment on a nice car with her dowry money. Others buy lands as an investment. However,the most common use is for the wedding preparations; she has to buy clothes, gold, perhaps the wedding dress, her facials, waxing etc. Sometimes the parents pay for all your wedding preparation and its your prerogative how you want to spend your dowry money - most likely on Gold since it is very expensive nowadays.

I think R.O.8,000 is the best amount for a dowry, nothing more, not less than 6,000 and not more than 8,000.

yeah i think that's a good range honestly :P

I wouldn't state that as an average :os 6 to 8 K is probably for people whom are really well off! And I mean well off!
Yes dear..you are absolutely right :rolleyes: some families would not take less than the range of what rossonero gave.

5K is the average these day if im not mistaken, last few marriges i witnessed had this amount...
yeah 5K is good too but any lower than that to some well off families would be an insult i guess:os i think 5 k is pretty good though. It's not TOO much and not TOO less.
The money is spent on wedding preparations. The bride has to go for beautification sessions, buy new clothes and jewellery, and sometimes it's also a contribution to the wedding ceremony that's going to take place.
exactly! :D

what ring? Im not talking about the ring - Im talking about the big white poofy wedding dress.

Its sweet that you think thats what the wedding ring means.:p It doesnt mean that, but its sweet that you think so:D

looool i like the poofy dress though :XD:

and yeah...i AM sweet...no wonder i think sweet things :D
lol:XD:

thanks:D

15,000? or 15 as in 1 and 5 (10+5)?! lol :think:


Its 15 as in 10 + 5, basically 15 Rials, not 15 thousand Rials.

And the girl is from extremely wealth family.

I asked my elder brother if it is OK to bargain over the dowry...he said it is kinda cheap unless too exaggerated but other things before the wedding can be discussed, not bargained!

I will not bargain but I will say.... this is all I have... :) or let's wait for the Eid sales

I think a good dowry will be an exam or a test given by the father that a proposing man has to pass in order to marry the girl. However, for my case, she has to pay me the dowry not the other way around.

Salam

Dowries are an age old tradition in most cultures, even Christians used to pay dowries.

http://www.infoplease.com/spot/dowries1.html

The origin of the white wedding dress:

http://www.weddinggazette.com/content/004568.shtml

I didnt mean to imply that the "poofy" is ugly, I absolutely do not think the white poofy dress is unattractive at all, I think theyre lovely. :cute: I just think thats its sad that Omani girls are forsaking their traditional wedding dress for these dresses. The traditional dress is gorgeous and empitomises the young Omani woman. The white poofy is designed for parading, gliding down the aisle but in Oman, most girls dont walk anywhere, they just sit and then walk to the car, from the car to the "bridal" room and thats it.Its impractical. I think its sad when any ppl forget their tradition and try to imitate another culture.

There arent many photos of Omani brides available on the Net because that would be Eib and the photos I have cant be put up here either - Im sure my neices and friends would kill me. :dev:I found one that kinda shows some of the dress......

6490

The off topics of "Finance issues" have been moved to a new thread:

http://www.englishsabla.com/forum/showthread.php?t=53820

How much I get doesn't really matter to me. Honestly speaking, I'd much rather get a family heirloom, something that has a sentimental value, you know... As in, Yeah, you're accepted welcome to our family:angel: