There are times when small things that happen between you and your spouse gets you mad. You don't want it to turn into a big issue and yet you don't want it to happen again.

When things like that happen between my husband and I, I say it right then and there. But if he's not at home, I send him a text message or if he already went to bed before I got back home, I would write something on a piece of paper for him to see when he wakes up (since he wakes up before me to go to work).

Doing it this way, in my opinion, is the best way. He ends up apologizing or explains himself. Anyway, to me, as long as I sent out the message to him, I don't expect anything in return. I just want him to "know".

With my friend, this does not work for her. She and her husband "never" have small arguments. Everything small is so huge that they end up fighting about or sometimes give each other silent treatments for days!

Another friend said that when this happens (something small), she avoids eye contact and talking to her husband. He has to bug her to open up to him and when she does that, she ends up exploding (LOL obviously, she held it in for so long!).

Finally, there was a guy sitting with us. He did not agree with us at all. He said that if he ever bothered his wife by doing/saying anything, she should just keep quiet because there are days when he takes her "sh*t"! He doesn't think communicating and sharing what bothers us over stupid (or meaningless: his exact word) things would strengthen the relationship. He believes that when you know your spouse is taking your "sh*t", you bond with them more!

Although I asked for his opinion, I disagreed with him. What do you think?! And how would you handle small issues?

I kinda agree with the last guy.

As time goes buy, you kinda start to pick out what is worth arguing about and what is not. Kinda like a post office that sorts the mail, you have to put issues into "this cannot go down" and "this needs a little mention" and "this is not worth fighting over".

Maybe at the beginning, you have nothing really to argue about and the small issues seem like the only probs you are having.. making them worth some attention.

As time goes by, bigger issues begin to emerge. You have to deal with them and the smaller issues seem stupid and not worth the fight. Otherwise you could be arguing 24/7.

Some things fall inbetween... where it's not a huge issue, but still a serious one that would still be worth taking that chance. We might end up arguing, we might not kind of thing.

And here is the irony.. picking a fight on the smallest stupidest things every single time creates a bigger problem in itself.
Sometimes letting things slide and maybe mentioning them in a nice way in passing conversation, days later, is the best option... or rather the most fruitful one.

oh sorry, thought this thread was about cars handling :os

Agh Endure you made us hate the word spouce for these all threads about them :os

I never knew that marriage has many problems until I knew the problems and relationships sabla :XD:

I don't think there is a specific technique for handling a problem between spouces ( again ) it just should be spontaneous.

And If my future wife wrote me a piece of paper telling me that she is mad of something I'll crack up Lol it's just funny ( Maybe I'll work in correcting her gramatical and spelling mistakes )

Pointing out every single mistake he does seems harsh. If I kept doing that, my husband would probably start to avoid spending time with me since he won’t feel comfortable around me. Its like he wouldn’t be able to act him self when I am around and he must constantly try to act perfect not to upset me.

There are small things that I just pass and learn to live with. If it’s something huge then I’ll just tell him how I feel about it rather than shouting or accusing him of being bad and all.

What's an example of these problems?

She should talk, even about the silliest issues!

You have to pick your battles. In a marriage you need to communicate with each other not just about the mistakes but about everything, everyday. That way he'll know what hes done without you having to point it out to him. Sometimes men just dont think and may say or do silly things, if it really bugs you then you should tell him but if it just a lil annoying, let is slide. No ones perfect. Keeping it bottled up inside or sulking while you wait for him to figure it out isnt healthy. And it could take him forever to figure it out. Men just arent that sensitive, he may not even think it was wrong. Be gentle, men dont take critisim well (who does?) and let the small stuff go.

I didn't say I would pick on EVERYTHING. There are just small things that annoy me and are repititive that's why I want them to stop.. which I don't find anything wrong with. Other things, I agree I let them pass since they wouldn't make a difference. Actually, there are times when it's something quite big but I don't bring it up because it's one of my husband's habits that I need to learn living with.

Agh Endure you made us hate the word spouce for these all threads about them :os


Awww.. Sorry! :p

What's an example of these problems?

These are some that my friends and I were talking about:

1) I empty the bin and ask him to take it out, he doesn't do it for days. I always have to do it.

2) I go out with my friends and ask him to feed the baby but ends up sleeping! I can't go out with my friends anymore because I always worry about my baby not being fed.

3) Has lots of energy for work but not for me or the family, he can't go out and just wants to get lazy.

4) She only wants me to go out with my friends when she's invited to a wedding or has other plans. Otherwise, I cannot leave her alone. She needs to have a plan so I can go out.

These all seem very small to me but they really irritate you. You want them to stop and you want your spouse to be more understanding.

1) I empty the bin and ask him to take it out, he doesn't do it for days. I always have to do it.

If he doesn't get it, I will place the trash bin in his closet, so his clothes stinks and then he knows he needs to remove it since it is HIS job.

2) I go out with my friends and ask him to feed the baby but ends up sleeping! I can't go out with my friends anymore because I always worry about my baby not being fed.

Put a dozen reminders around the room. Let the alarms clocks ring and ring with loud metal music. One at 7 pm, one at 7 15, one at 7 25, one at 7 35..and so on, till he wakes up, but make sure when setting the reminders, you keep several minutes of "silence" in between, giving him time to fall asleep only for the subsequent alarm to wake him up!

3) Has lots of energy for work but not for me or the family, he can't go out and just wants to get lazy.

I will bring the popcorn and the blanket. He can choose the movie!

4) She only wants me to go out with my friends when she's invited to a wedding or has other plans. Otherwise, I cannot leave her alone. She needs to have a plan so I can go out.

Run away after she falls asleep :p. No, seriously. I think once a week or so, you both need a break and should spend it with your friends. If s/he doesn't get that you need space sometimes, walk out. I would.

I thinks with things that REALLY bother you, you should talk, talk and talk about it till it settles in their head. If it doesn't, drastic actions are needed such as above :p But yeah, I agree with Thalia, pick your battles. No body wants to be picked on everything they do.

^ Ahhh trust me Lym, you don't want to be doing that all the time. You need to talk about it or atleast draw a comment and they should get you. That's what I do, I don't argue about it. I just tell my husband that I don't like this and that, and I noticed when I tell him what I don't like he changes it right away. He appreciates that I tell him how I feel instead of giving him silent treatments or getting really upset.

^^ Haha, I am kidding for the most part. I don't think I will be doing that :rolleyes:. But as I said, your first attempt is always communicating what is bothering you. So yeah, I will talk to him gently first, tell him more assertively the 2nd time, make him listen for the 3rd to the 20th time, but if it doesn't work, what is one to do except take actions! After all, action speak louder than words. It might just work seeing as words served no purpose.

^ I don't think I will be able to handle my husband if I spoke to him more than twice. He's old enough to understand from the first time!

^ Some people are just thick or if I am a bit nicer, forgetful :rolleyes:

^ Thank God he's not thick or ignorant and I am not so nice and not so forgetful haha!

But yea, I see where you're going with this..

Obviously I don't pick on every little thing that bugs me, there are some things that you just have to tolerate. I only bring up the ones that really annoy me, and he does the same.

We agreed right from the start that if something one of us does is bothering us, then we'd talk about it and try change things.

It's just not worthing criticising your partner over some things, especially if they're not affecting your life in a huge way.