Lots of people live in fear of being disliked, and they can't speak without calculating how everyone else will react and making sure everyone will like what they say. The more they think about what they say the more fake their personalities become because they hide their real thoughts and feelings.

Everyone starts out fearless, but something happens to some people, maybe they get shouted at or laughed at for something they say, and they get a shock and it feels bad.

They get scared of people, because they think people can make you feel bad, so some of them become suck ups, like "I'm nice to you, so dont be mean to me" and some of them become nasty to send out a warning of "don't be mean to me or I'll say something so mean you'll cry", but underneath theyre both the same.

But theyre wrong about something- being shouted at or whatever doesnt feel bad, the only thing that feels bad is fear, so no one else can actually make you feel bad.

For example, the first time I got shouted out at in school when I was a little kid I probably felt really bad and scared of getting in trouble again, but after the millionth time of the same thing I didn't feel anything.

So practice here by facing your fear and say what youre thinking to everyone.

If I did that, I'd definately upset a few people. And that's not fun.

Ok, it is fun, but I don't want people to know how mean I am because I fear they might dislike me.
*cough*

If the Democrats tax and spend party win the election in 2008 ... I am so screwed (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7125580.stm).

First thing they'll do is pass something like this ... :hyper:

Ok there I said it ... :XD:

To be honest, I'm a mixture of both.

According to my mom, I didn't really speak until I was 4 years old but when I did I spoke pretty good. Ever since then, I rarely talk and I never show my own feelings for fear of being vulnerable or exposing myself. I've been that way for as long as I can remember and I don't think I can change that. I've always believed in listening first, then talking. I don't have a fake personality but I do reveal my feelings or thoughts to only those who are very close to me.

While I am very reserved to myself, at the same time i can be very frank when talking to people as I can be very apathetic about the consequences. it's kinda hard and weird to explain..

I think Morpha has issues.

:p

Oh, I just woke up and I'm not focused...should we say what we think on the same topic or anything? :XD: since jack's reply is random :p

if we all said what we really thought, wouldnt that cause MORE problems? that's WHY we have a conscience! if i said everything i thought about/to a person...all hell would break lose!:XD:..it's better to keep things to yourself..but hey, there ARE limits to my patience..:6: it's better to be humble and patient.
and always think twice before saying something to someone because you dont know how that person will take it. they may feel offended
==========
really great thread shai. Good topic :)

Sometimes it is only reasonable to refrain from saying what you really think or how you feel. It is not about having a fake personality, it is simply choosing not to reveal yourself to a certain bunch of people. It is only a fake personality when you go all out and pretend that you feel "y" when you are actually feeling "x". If you just keep quiet and not participate in the discussion, it does not mean you're fake. Or if you just "nodding" to keep them quiet, that is not being fake either. It just means that you are not in the mood to argue with them.

If I did that, I'd definately upset a few people. And that's not fun.

Ok, it is fun, but I don't want people to know how mean I am because I fear they might dislike me.
*cough*

You could let out your more sensitive side

If the Democrats tax and spend party win the election in 2008 ... I am so screwed (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7125580.stm).

First thing they'll do is pass something like this ... :hyper:

Ok there I said it ... :XD:

:hmm:

To be honest, I'm a mixture of both.

According to my mom, I didn't really speak until I was 4 years old but when I did I spoke pretty good. Ever since then, I rarely talk and I never show my own feelings for fear of being vulnerable or exposing myself. I've been that way for as long as I can remember and I don't think I can change that. I've always believed in listening first, then talking. I don't have a fake personality but I do reveal my feelings or thoughts to only those who are very close to me.

While I am very reserved to myself, at the same time i can be very frank when talking to people as I can be very apathetic about the consequences. it's kinda hard and weird to explain..

Even if youve been like a mouse since the day you were born, its never too late to break out of your prison of fear. The first time someone stands up in front of an audience to do public speaking for a presentation or whatever theyre usually a nervous wreck. What if they did it every month? Or every day? The more you face your fear, the more it goes away.

I think Morpha has issues.

:p

Oh, I just woke up and I'm not focused...should we say what we think on the same topic or anything? :XD: since jack's reply is random :p

I meant say what you think when youre here on Sabla because its probably easier than speaking your mind in real life so its like practice.

if we all said what we really thought, wouldnt that cause MORE problems? that's WHY we have a conscience! if i said everything i thought about/to a person...all hell would break lose!:XD:..it's better to keep things to yourself..but hey, there ARE limits to my patience..:6: it's better to be humble and patient.
and always think twice before saying something to someone because you dont know how that person will take it. they may feel offended
==========
really great thread shai. Good topic :)

Oh geez. :rolleyes: You never listen to logic I swear :XD:

Honesty is the best policy :)

Sometimes it is only reasonable to refrain from saying what you really think or how you feel. It is not about having a fake personality, it is simply choosing not to reveal yourself to a certain bunch of people. It is only a fake personality when you go all out and pretend that you feel "y" when you are actually feeling "x". If you just keep quiet and not participate in the discussion, it does not mean you're fake. Or if you just "nodding" to keep them quiet, that is not being fake either. It just means that you are not in the mood to argue with them.

Yeah :) I guess the difference is whether you're quiet because you're scared, or because you just don't care.

If the relationship between children and their parents is based on fear, the only ones missing out are the parents, they won't get to know their childrens' real personalities.

When those children grow up, they know they longer have to fear being beaten up, scold at ... so their real personalities come out. And then the parents say: "How did our child change, what happend, he/she was such a good child, we raised him/her so well!"


So practice here by facing your fear and say what youre thinking to everyone.

This fear is what we call: Hayaa'. Which means the feeling of honor that makes a person stay away from anything that makes them look less. Some might translate it to Shyness, but that's not right, it doesn't mean Shyness, in Arabic Shyness is Khajal.

Ya :yes: ^

I really think Shai has a point..
At the same time I can't agree with you..
If I opened up and told EVERYONE how I feel about them and what happens in my life they would DIE! :XD:
I just told them how MISERABLE I am in the UK and EVERYONE, yes all my family and strangers, couldn't take it!
(Let us go back in time by 3 months! :p)

I don't need to prove that because you all know how I can be ANNOYING when it comes to me opening up! :p

Sometimes it is only reasonable to refrain from saying what you really think or how you feel. It is not about having a fake personality, it is simply choosing not to reveal yourself to a certain bunch of people. It is only a fake personality when you go all out and pretend that you feel "y" when you are actually feeling "x". If you just keep quiet and not participate in the discussion, it does not mean you're fake. Or if you just "nodding" to keep them quiet, that is not being fake either. It just means that you are not in the mood to argue with them.

What you post always impresses me :)

I really think Shai has a point..
At the same time I can't agree with you..
If I opened up and told EVERYONE how I feel about them and what happens in my life they would DIE! :XD:
I just told them how MISERABLE I am in the UK and EVERYONE, yes all my family and strangers, couldn't take it!
(Let us go back in time by 3 months! :p)

I don't need to prove that because you all know how I can be ANNOYING when it comes to me opening up! :p

It feels better than pretending youre ok though eh? Maybe if you speak your mind more at school you can solve some problems. Tell the teacher what you think of the work, tell your roommate what you think of his behaviour, and see what happens.

^ He can't go all emotional though. That's not good.

It feels better than pretending youre ok though eh? Maybe if you speak your mind more at school you can solve some problems. Tell the teacher what you think of the work, tell your roommate what you think of his behaviour, and see what happens.

Don't you think that this can't apply in the conservative societies here in the mid east? You really can't speak your mind with the stubborn, authoritative old folks be it parents, bosses, college professors or the government. In the case of my life, the college professors think they have god like powers and they actually are extremely biased as they'll flunk people they hate, or old men will prefer interacting more with the young women in the lecture, and they will hold a grudge over students who correct them which is sadly a no no (i.e in my IT class, the professor pronounced the word computerize as computereez.. I corrected him and he actually gave me a nasty look, and continued the lecture pronouncing it the same way :p).

Sometimes you have to flatter people to convince them.. isn't that called charm? Be it your friends, girlfriend, wife, professors or bosses. We all do it..

Also I never said I was afraid, I never talk because its who I am. Its my nature, and even though you may consider it a weakness, I consider it as one of my strengths. It makes me feel superior that I am capable of reading people's actions and expressions yet they only see a blank expression unable to see through it. I do however express my feelings to only those that I trust and love. I also express my frankness and I can appear extremely bitter to those whom I resent as I have no fear of what they're capable of doing. I don't find anything wrong with that. I pretty much take things to the extreme. Then again, maybe im not understanding the topic well enough.

^ He can't go all emotional though. That's not good.

Yeah keep it together Squinty, don't start bawling on people :p

Don't you think that this can't apply in the conservative societies here in the mid east? You really can't speak your mind with the stubborn, authoritative old folks be it parents, bosses, college professors or the government. In the case of my life, the college professors think they have god like powers and they actually are extremely biased as they'll flunk people they hate, or old men will prefer interacting more with the young women in the lecture, and they will hold a grudge over students who correct them which is sadly a no no (i.e in my IT class, the professor pronounced the word computerize as computereez.. I corrected him and he actually gave me a nasty look, and continued the lecture pronouncing it the same way :p).

Sometimes you have to flatter people to convince them.. isn't that called charm? Be it your friends, girlfriend, wife, professors or bosses. We all do it..

Also I never said I was afraid, I never talk because its who I am. Its my nature, and even though you may consider it a weakness, I consider it as one of my strengths. It makes me feel superior that I am capable of reading people's actions and expressions yet they only see a blank expression unable to see through it. I do however express my feelings to only those that I trust and love. I also express my frankness and I can appear extremely bitter to those whom I resent as I have no fear of what they're capable of doing. I don't find anything wrong with that. I pretty much take things to the extreme. Then again, maybe im not understanding the topic well enough.

Yeah old men are the worst. But I dont think Squinty is going to criticise his professor, he'll just say I'm struggling with this work and maybe if he says it enough times they will cut him some slack and help him out. The squeeky wheel gets the oil.

And the whole point of being charming is honesty... dont pretend to like people, just actually like them.

Theres nothing wrong with being quiet, you dont have to be a blabber mouth but like I said to someone else if youre quiet because youve got nothing to say then fine, but if your quiet due to fear then you'll feel better if you face your fear. You said something about feeling exposed and vulnerable when you talk, that sounds like fear.

I wish I could open up and just be frank about what I am feeling, but it's a bother for me. For one thing I feel too exposed (not sure about the fear theory here lol) and for another sometimes my emotions are in so much conflict I don't know what I am feeling so it's better to keep my mouth shut then let the wrong impression come out.

I don't tend to be fake as when I am not in a happy mood ppl notice it coz I am quiet. I don't see the reason why I should burden anyone else with my gloominess lol :p

Only really special ppl get to revel in my gloominess and listen to my lamentations *grins*

It feels better than pretending youre ok though eh? Maybe if you speak your mind more at school you can solve some problems. Tell the teacher what you think of the work, tell your roommate what you think of his behaviour, and see what happens.

Did all that and it didn't turn out too well! :)
That is why I will keep it to myself because at the end of the day I will know people will not get hurt because of me! :cute:

lol I never open up to anyone. Maybe my sister some few times or my best friend once :cry:.
Thats it. walla I think I am a guy what the
but hey I don't think I fear those sh!ts

^^
You have to open up sometimes but not always... :p
If you keep everything inside one day you will blow up and won't be able to calm down..

^ Or start smoking.

^ Nice.

fegi anyone ?

^ Or start smoking.
don't joke like that or I might take it seriously next time! :p

^ Nice.

fegi anyone ?

Don't listen to her! :XD:

I wasn't kidding...