~ Su

Warning : This is a bad attempt to write a love poem, but a good experience meh.

the poem :

A child’s heart…to b reborn…
The black and white horizons found a colorful blossom.
The petals fallout…and a regenerated hope grown.
After roaming in the flood of the sansei, a beast found his horn.
The eyes that jotted his misery to stone.
The scent that hypnotizes a fiend thought to be unknown.
She, who occupied the storm within, shall find her way home.
The warm embrace that will shake the world, a true fantasy will be shown.
That night, ravens will turn white and the beast won’t hunt alone.
Her face took me down six feet under.
Her smile welt down my never-ending anger.
Her mind summoned the melodic serenade.
Her eyes brought a gorgeous rainbow into my shade.
Her heart blazed mine and the jester is no longer façade.
The scattered thoughts will be united and the ultimate goal will soar.
As I walk in the desert of my dreams, she’s the one who makes it green.
The heavens gates will recognize me.
The altar of my consumed mind will abandon me.
The sky is finally celestial and the roses are dancing.
She is the queen of my heart, with a crown I kept for long.

I will not let this breeze ends, but I will be the guardian of her. Her, the spirit of my fire, is sealed within me until the scrolls of the pact expose, the land of my desire…will float into eternity, into cupid’s home…

-----

Chaw, Looking forward for comments.

Its Cute...i like it:cute:

It's good!
sweet ^-^
wonderfully expressed

Haha.
That was enjoyable.
The ending was good.

I liked...
"The heavens gates will recognize me"
Because in the poem you kept saying how much of a monster you were and heaven won't accept you etc.
But when she is around you, heaven will welcome you.
Something like that.

Even though it may have sounded simple and people did not see it the way I did, I liked it best.

Yay interesting!
I admit I didn’t see that xD that way

At first I took it to generally mean that she makes him a better person?
I kind of got that also when he said “Her smile welt down my never-ending anger”
And from the other lines too
Haha I’m seeing it all wrong ? ><
I think everyone will interpret it a bit differently ne ><
Perception..
I kind of took the whole thing as him finally finding love..
"She is the queen of my heart, with a crown I kept for long"
And how everything changed..
from darkness.. to everything he described!

I always feel wrong when I analyse poems >< I feel like I’m ruining it
Breaking it apart
But I suppose others find beauty when they do
I guess it’s because I know I’ll make mistakes, miss a lot of things.. and not give credit where credit is due.. you know recognising/ acknowledging everything.
But sometimes when I learn something about a poem.. I kind of appreciate the poem more..

Umm hehe I’m drifting again and probably not making any sense ><
You need to write more of em love poems Phat :p
hehe it was a good experience for u writing it, and a nice one for us reading it :p

Thx cute ting and twinkle, appreciate it.

and glad you liked it FE, it was a hard one to write.

appreciate it.

You know I liked it alot...
This is a reallly good one.. :D..

Just awesome..

A very Nice One..
Good Ending.. And an enjoyable peom.
Well done :)

Damn you are right, this "poem" really does suck.

Thx Lolly and dash
wordlife, 6o5 7alak. :D

Just wanted to ask yew,
What does the title means? "~su" :shy:

Just wanted to ask yew,
What does the title means? "~su" :shy:

good you asked, Su is the spirit of fire according to the Basque people. :)