What if your husband's closest friends who are also committed were playing around and flirting with other women? Would that make you suspicious about him? Would you feel uncomfortable everytime he goes out with them?

Keeping in mind, he's the one who comes and tells you all about their activities with other women and how he disapproves it..

no
if he tells meabout them n all that means hes not doin the same
wih means its ok :D

Nope. It wouldn't bother me what his friends did, especially if he wasn't being secretive about it and he told me of their activities/behaviour in a disapproving manner. It shows that he has nothing to hide and he isn't like them. I don't think that you should ever judge a person by who their friends are.

Nah..I know who I'm marrying. I trust him and I'm pretty confident myself, if he's with me, then he's with me...I wouldn't assume things just because of a silly thing.

What if your husband's closest friends who are also committed were playing around and flirting with other women?
That's their own business. Maybe their wives arn't satisfiying them enough.

Would that make you suspicious about him? Would you feel uncomfortable everytime he goes out with them?
That wouldn't make me any bit suspicious. I trust my husband, and I would know if I'm not satisfying him enough or not. Also, I wouldn't mind him going out with them. Everyone is different. They're mature enough to make their own decisions, its not like when they were younger and per pressure affected them.

What if your husband's closest friends who are also committed were playing around and flirting with other women? Would that make you suspicious about him? Would you feel uncomfortable everytime he goes out with them?

Keeping in mind, he's the one who comes and tells you all about their activities with other women and how he disapproves it..
I am going through this right now.

It doesn't bother me and it does at the same time.

It doesn't bother me because I trust my man with my eyes closed. He knows what he is throwing away if he steps over the line and I trust his judgement. In the end, if he's going to be unfaithful, he'll do so, one day or another.

It bothers me though because I know that if my friend was that way, it WOULD be a problem for him. :hmm:

i dont think i'd think wrong about him, i'd think his friends just need to just go and get laid lol...but Say i met my husband the sameway as his friends like by flirting and than ya maybe...


ITS ALL ABOUT TRUST

hmm... his friends are his friends... not him... no I wouldn't judge him. Or worry.
Unless there was a sign in him himself... all other doesn't define him.

It bothers me though because I know that if my friend was that way, it WOULD be a problem for him. :hmm:

I hear you :yes:

If there's trust & faith in him + you do ur job well, then no friend will affect him..

Some men are smart tho, telling my wife that my friends do this n that and I despise it might have other purposes :angel:

Nah..I know who I'm marrying.

:o :o :o

Who?!?

If there's trust & faith in him + you do ur job well, then no friend will affect him..

Some men are smart tho, telling my wife that my friends do this n that and I despise it might have other purposes :angel:

Braiki--honest guy, but a GUY--gets it.

Yes, I think you should trust him.

No, I don't necessarily means you're in the clear.

Some men are VERY CLEVER.

I knew a man who had a friend. His friend would call his wife ALL THE TIME. "Honey, I'm here. Now, I'm going here. I'm with this person, doing this. In an hour, I'll be doing this..." Etc., etc. She would get sick of it. "Okay, Okay, you don't need to call me every five seconds. Go on; do your stuff, it's okay."

Then he'd say, "Time to go see my girlfriend! I'm in the clear for a while..."

She trusted him totally til one day one of his girlfriends became a Christian of some sort and repented! She went and told his wife about his behavior with her and others and asked forgiveness!

Well, I don't know if she got forgiveness. But the wife took his kids and moved out and divorced him. And the thing was--stupid ***!--he loved her and missed her.

Trusting is a risk. You have to decide. And as long as it's not just plain stupid, it's a good thing to do. What other choice do you have? But you can't just say you are "safe" because of some kind of evidence....

WHY does the guy hang around with these friends? Find some new bloody friends. Try to find good folks and wean him away from the unhealthy friends, at least a bit.

Nope. That should be his choice. He should be the one who decides that he has not got the same interests as his friend. If you object, he's going to want to stand his ground. If you leave him to decide for himself, it's just a matter of time till he gets fed up of the same thing.
He is a grown-up after all.

he's the one who comes and tells you all about their activities with other women and how he disapproves it..
that's a good sign but I'd open my eyes more, just in case

that's a good sign but I'd open my eyes more, just in case
If you are receptive to your man, you'll know if something is up.

They say the wife is the last to know. I tell you, the wife is the last to admit it. Many women know something is up but live in denial until someone else finds out and has proof.

Nope. That should be his choice. He should be the one who decides that he has not got the same interests as his friend. If you object, he's going to want to stand his ground. If you leave him to decide for himself, it's just a matter of time till he gets fed up of the same thing.
He is a grown-up after all.

Grown up married people choose together. They don't fight turf battles and stake out zones of autonomy. That's for teenagers.

Grown ups don't go around trying to impress everyone with how grown up they are.

So do you choose your wife's friends too Jeff?

Don't be absurd! One shouldn't treat their spouse like a child.

Hands up all you guys and girls who would appreciate your husband/wife choosing your friends for you.

Not even teenagers would do that, let alone grown-ups. Well most of them anyway.

The best thing for a married couple is to choose friends together.

If I was bringing home friends who were a bad influence on my son, I would expect my wife to say something about it, wouldn't you? It's not a matter of exercising a veto.

Partners in a marriage should have wide latitide in choosing friends. But when those friends have a serious capacity for being a bad influence or pulling one of the partners astray, the other partner should get to say something about it. And a wise husband or wife will listen.

If your husband is hanging around with thieves, I think you're entitled to say, "Honey, let's see if we can't find some more wholesome people to spend time with. Don't spend all your time with these guys." And if your husband is wise, he will listen to you.

The same is true if your husband is hanging around with a bunch of profligates.

"This is my business, not yours!" may get a round of applause from young people who are thinking of being independent of their parents and all. That doesn't mean it's a wise policy.

Is it just me or does "wean him away from the unhealthy friends" sound like the you are asking the wife to "mother" their husband? Not many men will appreciate that kind of attitude. Sure, it would be ideal to choose our husband's friends, lol, but that's not how it happens in the real world. Usually, those friends have been there before you, and just because YOU don't like them, it doesn't mean you can FORCE your spouse to get rid of them.

What you are not agreeing with me on (which I think is absurd and which I think you are doing simply just to be disagreeing) is that I would prefer to talk about it but in the end, leaving the decision in his hands, because I believe he will come to the right decision alone, in time.

Tried and tested.

Is it just me or does "wean him away from the unhealthy friends" sound like the you are asking the wife to "mother" their husband? Not many men will appreciate that kind of attitude. Sure, it would be ideal to choose our husband's friends, lol, but that's not how it happens in the real world. Usually, those friends have been there before you, and just because YOU don't like them, it doesn't mean you can FORCE your spouse to get rid of them.

What you are not agreeing with me on (which I think is absurd and which I think you are doing simply just to be disagreeing) is that I would prefer to talk about it but in the end, leaving the decision in his hands, because I believe he will come to the right decision alone, in time.

Tried and tested.

You know, I'm not sure that we really disagree.

I think you are talking about avoiding constant interference and the impression of bossiness. That's a good strategy.

In return, though, a good husband will want to take his wife's advice seriously.

It's happened to me many times that my wife has suggested something to me, I've gotten irritated and prideful and rejected it, and then gone away and thought about it and decided she was right.

And on other occasions, we disagree and she comes to see that I was right.

I don't think it would be sensible for me to conclude that since I'm a man and men shouldn't be bossed around and treated like children, she shouldn't be talking to me about what bothers her or that I shouldn't listen to prove my independence.

But then, I'm not sure we disagree on that.

Yes, it's tricky to go to your husband and say, "Honey, I'm worried about the friends you have and the effect it may have on us in the end." But if there is a serious chance the effect may be seriously bad, it's worth the risk. If your husband goes out with his friends once too often, and slowly starts picking up the habit of sleeping around you may kick yourself for not having said anything, especially if he was sincere to start with.

That's all I'm sayin'.

Is it just me or does "wean him away from the unhealthy friends" sound like the you are asking the wife to "mother" their husband? Not many men will appreciate that kind of attitude. Sure, it would be ideal to choose our husband's friends, lol, but that's not how it happens in the real world. Usually, those friends have been there before you, and just because YOU don't like them, it doesn't mean you can FORCE your spouse to get rid of them.

you're right, tested and tried that too, caused alotta troubles between us :yes:

Well, everybody wants to preserve their own individuality.

But there are only two kinds of successful marriages:

The ones where one person always submits without complaint to the other (those are the unhappy ones.)

And the ones where each submits in turn to the other and they begin to form an 'us' (those are the happy ones.)

I'll be glad if my wife had such friends, they can entertain me whilst she's away

It's happened to me many times that my wife has suggested something to me, I've gotten irritated and prideful and rejected it, and then gone away and thought about it and decided she was right.

Exactly. That's what I'm talking about.


Infact, since I mentioned my own experience, I can say that we did talk about it, actually it was him that brought it up, I asked if he really has anything in common with him, if he ever thinks it was a bad idea to meet up... and he obviously did, because he hasn't seen him in a while.

But I never demanded or even asked him to not have him or a friend. He made his own mind up about it. I might have influenced it, but not that much. He knew it already.

Well, that's great. You have a mature husband. And you know him and you're being a perceptive and good wife.

I think it depends on the person and the case how you handle it.

Do I enjoy being bossed around? No, and I can get in a fine temper about it too, thinking how mature and manly I am and throwing a temper-tantrum that would put a three-year-old to shame.

But in the end, it's more important to do what's good for both of us. Sometimes that means holding firm and refusing. But sometimes, it means coming back and saying, "I was stubborn; you were right; let's do as you suggest."

Even when it galls the heck out of me to say it! :p

:o :o :o

Who?!?
Very funny :cute:

I agree with fengy.

well, if i said that i completely trust him and it won't bother me then I'd be lying :shy:

it'll annoy me..friends have influence and sometimes it's a bad one..
and as BrAiKi said..some men are really smart and they plan ahead before telling you, you might think they're being honest and telling you how they disagree with what their friends do and all..but their intention might not be entirely good.

i think it depends on his friends activities, is it just flirting or is it more than that, are they married and cheating on their wives?

I'll be glad if my wife had such friends, they can entertain me whilst she's away

My thought exactly :D

But sometimes, it means coming back and saying, "I was stubborn; you were right; let's do as you suggest."


hahaha this is sooo relevant at this time... really. Just yesterday was one of those moments... and yes, in the end he came back and did just that.

I'm not saying I'm always right, :p , but if there is an evident chance that I might be wrong, I won't bother arguing about something.

There's an Arabic saying that goes: tell me who your friend is, I tell you who you are.

There's an Arabic saying that goes: tell me who your friend is, I tell you who you are.

It is not always right! I have many examples. 90% of my friends smoke, some even do worse, I do not smoke and i do not do anything I know is wrong. So if you see my friends doing that, would you think I do the same?

It is not always right! I have many examples. 90% of my friends smoke, some even do worse, I do not smoke and i do not do anything I know is wrong. So if you see my friends doing that, would you think I do the same?

You must be one of very few exceptions then! I find it hard to believe that people don't get influenced by their friends (not just acquaintances)..

I know for certain that whenever someone approaches me for marriage, I would ask about the type of friends he hangs out with.. it is important that they are respectable, well mannered and descent individuals... I know my parents would care about this aspect too..

Well, if I had to look at it from a mother's point of view, I'd rather my kids hung out with decent kids who's parents forster the same values in them.

But a grown up who has experience of the world and people, can most probably have friends of different beliefs, views and habits and not be influenced personally by them like a teenager who longs to 'belong and be accepted' does.

You must be one of very few exceptions then! I find it hard to believe that people don't get influenced by their friends (not just acquaintances)..

I know for certain that whenever someone approaches me for marriage, I would ask about the type of friends he hangs out with.. it is important that they are respectable, well mannered and descent individuals... I know my parents would care about this aspect too..

Yah well, I'm one of a kind :angel:

I don't agree with the saying Bimzoori mentioned. I choose my friends for who they are, not what they do.

There's an Arabic saying that goes: tell me who your friend is, I tell you who you are.
Would you say that you and I are friends? Yes?

Okay well you're prim and proper and respectable, lovable, miss goody two shoes, who would never ever mistreat someone.... and I'm not.

I don't think that saying is true all the time :p

i hate it when people go like ur blu blu coz ur friend is
like we are different peoplefor craps sake

Would you say that you and I are friends? Yes?

Okay well you're prim and proper and respectable, lovable, miss goody two shoes, who would never ever mistreat someone.... and I'm not.

I don't think that saying is true all the time :p

LOOOOOOOOOOL! LOL! well, I'd call that differing personalities! :p Regardless of these minor difference, you're a well mannered, respectable individual with a good reputation.. to make things clear, what I would find hard to identify with is for example is someone who does drugs/smokes/drinks and is a ****ty Ho :os I wouldn't judge them for the choices they've made in life but I wouldn't call them friends either.. acquaintances, yes.. friends, no thanks..

Bimzoori, maybe this would be clearler is you defined what a friend is?