Disciplining other people's kids

[Lym]

I’ve repeatedly heard the phrase that it takes a village to raise a gentleman. Having said that, I believe that the saying holds a compelling truth; it does take more than one hand in order to raise a well-mannered child.

I encountered a few mothers who frown upon the mere mentioning of someone else disciplining their kids. They say that no one should discipline or punish their children. Instead the mothers should be merely informed about her children's bad behavior and she would react and punish them accordingly.

So I am generally asking:

~Would you allow people around you to set your kid straight if they did something immoral?

~Would you rather be the only one who punishes your child and discipline him/her in the method you think most suitable to their characters?

~If you do allow others to raise your kids; who would it be? Would it be your mothers, siblings, cousins, friends, etc?

~ Do you think it is only the parent’s job to discipline their kids or anyone who observes a bad behavior should do something about it regardless of who their relationship to the child?

~Any inputs? Another interesting question is, who took part in raising you other than your direct parents?

[Capitano]

Lym, thats too much to answer at midnight, nevertheless, i dont mind at all, someone to "discipline" my kids. it could be our relative, friend. the most important for me is that the way this person will excute his disciplining. i mean i wish it is what i would do in that case.
i mean if this person is going to do what i was going to do, then i am very happy with it. in fact it is even better. becasue the kid then does not thing that the parent is objecting what the kid has done only becasue h/she is the parent, but someone else showed their disagrrement to the actions of the kid. which hopefully makes the kid think twice.
in conclution, i dont mind someone close takes my duty in that sence. unless the person is going to beat the kids without good reason :Shock:

by the way, kids sometime really make you mad :angry:

[Libellula]

~Would you allow people around you to set your kid straight if they did something immoral?
No. If they do anything, it should be telling me what my kid did. They're not allowed to tell them off or reprimand them. That's my job.

~Would you rather be the only one who punishes your child and discipline him/her in the method you think most suitable to their characters?
Yes. I would never accept someone else to punish my children. They have no right, and they don't know what sort of punishment is effective.

~If you do allow others to raise your kids; who would it be? Would it be your mothers, siblings, cousins, friends, etc?
Only my parents. No one else.

~ Do you think it is only the parent’s job to discipline their kids or anyone who observes a bad behavior should do something about it regardless of who their relationship to the child?
It's only the parents' job. No one else should have a say in how my kids are disciplined.

~Any inputs? Another interesting question is, who took part in raising you other than your direct parents?
My parents and my nannies. I hated it when my nannies used to punish me. I used to get so angry because I didn't think they had any right to do so, even though technically speaking my nannies were the ones who played the "parents" role in my life.

I hate it when I have my parents permission to do something, and then other people come and tell me off for doing it. For instance, I shake hands using my right hand. That's the way I've always done it. One of my aunts always tells me off in public when she sees me doing that. She thinks I should use both hands when greeting an older person. I get so angry when she mentions it in front of people. I don't think she has any say in the matter! I'm fine with it, my parents never mentioned it to me, so it's none of her business.

I have another aunt who always tells me off when we go swimming, saying that a Muslim girl shouldn't expose her thighs even to other women. She repeats this to me every time she sees me at the pool, and it really pisses me off. Frankly, I don't see how it's any of her business. My parents know what I wear and they have no objections, so it doesn't concern her at all.

[Capitano]

Libe, the issue here is about kids. the two examples you gave, seems at least to me, are not kind a things for kids.
am example, friends of us visiting us at home, saw my son spit at his sister - bad school habits - told him firmly not to do it. - i was informed wheni came to the scene- these are the type of discipline i mean.
ciao

[Libellula]

I'm talking about things that happened a few years ago, and still do happen. A 14 or 15 year old is still a kid as far as I'm concerned.

[Acid Fairy]

~Would you allow people around you to set your kid straight if they did something immoral?
Yes,definitally but within limits.

~Would you rather be the only one who punishes your child and discipline him/her in the method you think most suitable to their characters?
I would rather be the one who set my kids straight but if they did something wrong during my absence and deserve to be punished then i dont mind other ppl doing it as long as i approve of the method.


~If you do allow others to raise your kids; who would it be? Would it be your mothers, siblings, cousins, friends, etc?
My parents and siblings.

~ Do you think it is only the parent’s job to discipline their kids or anyone who observes a bad behavior should do something about it regardless of who their relationship to the child?
Anyone who observes bad behavior from a child should say something as long as they know who their parents are and that they wont mind them scolding their kids.

~Any inputs? Another interesting question is, who took part in raising you other than your direct parents?
My aunt, grandmother and nanny and I'm very grateful to them for always being there for me guiding me and making me the person I am today
:)

[Lym]

~Would you allow people around you to set your kid straight if they did something immoral?
Yes, I would if I am not there to witness what they did wrong but the condition is that the punishment should be appropriate and suitable. If my child did something wrong in my presence then, it is only my husband and my duty to set them straight- no one else.

~Would you rather be the only one who punishes your child and discipline him/her in the method you think most suitable to their characters?
I must admit I would prefer to be the one only who disciplines my kids, but that's not realistic. Most of the time, they would be in school where they would be most definitely raised by their teachers or when I am not around, then someone on my behalf should take charge and again discipline them in methods I approve of.

~If you do allow others to raise your kids; who would it be? Would it be your mothers, siblings, cousins, friends, etc?
Family members & Friends whom I know want the best for my children.

~ Do you think it is only the parent’s job to discipline their kids or anyone who observes a bad behavior should do something about it regardless of who their relationship to the child?
I think it is anyone's duty to reprimand a spoiled child, but then it should be carried out within limits and not in a severe manner. Preferably, I would want the stranger just to point out the mistake they did in a civil manner and then inform me of the my child’s misbehavior. However, no one has the right to raise their hands on my kids.

~Any inputs? Another interesting question is, who took part in raising you other than your direct parents?
It was mostly done by my parents.

I always wondered, for the mothers who oppose to the idea of someone disciplining their child, let's say you've a 2 year old child who did something wrong, and you were not around. The person- other than you or his father- knew that you didn't approve of others raising your child, but they should merely inform you of his behavior and they did. How do you expect the 2 year old to be disciplined for something he did long after and he no longer remembers the action he did which was wrong? He would not understand why you are scolding him in the first place unless someone reprimands him right there and then (when he committed the mistake).

[mimosa]

I am pretty strict with my children about good manners etc. There is a difference between "setting them straight" and "disciplining" them. I am quite happy for anyone to tell my children, if they are doing something wrong, that they should stop - but in a calm way. I don't need to shout at my children or hit them, so I certainly wouldn't expect anyone else to do it.

[Bimzoori]

the way I see it is, families, especially in Oman, are always interacting with one another at a very close and personal level.. its not uncommon for kids to be spending so many overnights at their aunts/uncles, relatives or even family friends' places during weekends and holidays.. I think, if a parent is comfortable enough allowing his child to spend time at another person's place and be around other people's company, it is only logical to accept it that his might kid need to be disciplined by someone other than himself.. we don't live in isolation and the kids are not with their parents 7 days of the week!


This reminds of an incidence.. I was spending the day at a family friend's place.. they had a 4 year old child who was extremely hyper and acted funny + weird the whole time (literally).. As I was having lunch, he would pull my shirt and hit my back..neither of his parents did anything about it (the mother actually thought her child's acts were sooo adorable :rolleyes: ) I however managed to keep my cool for some time.. I tried to escape and avoid the naughty boy after lunch but after sometime, I obviously needed some rest.. so I made my self comfortable in the living room and the boy came after me and kept jumping all over the place.. he then started shouting "TOOO" "TOOOO" into my ear... and yeah, the mother thought he was extremely funny and cute... My temper was still under control... he then started SPITTING ON MY FACE, and yeahh the mother kept laughing at how "cute" her child was :eh: .. at this point I made it obvious I was extremely uncomfortable and made it clear to both of them that it was NOT funny and it was about time for the kid to behave himself... the mother seemed disappointed at my reaction.


so yeah, point is, I dont usually feel comfortable disciplining random people's kids, especially if I dont know them well, but the case of the above example was very extreme and i felt forced to do something about it. If I ever have a kid like that, I would appreciate it if someone would lend me a hand in keeping him under control..

[Libellula]

^^ LOL okay I take back what I said. I would smack that child in front of his mother.

[BliNd_MelOn]

~Would you allow people around you to set your kid straight if they did something immoral?

No. If they think my children did something wrong,they should just tell me at once,so I can deal with it right away and not later on,for children tend to forget.

~Would you rather be the only one who punishes your child and discipline him/her in the method you think most suitable to their characters?

Ofcourse.. Do you know how embarrassing it is for a child to be told off or punished by someone other than his/her parents?

~If you do allow others to raise your kids; who would it be? Would it be your mothers, siblings, cousins, friends, etc?

Probably my parents would have the right to butt in a little.. hehe

~ Do you think it is only the parent’s job to discipline their kids or anyone who observes a bad behavior should do something about it regardless of who their relationship to the child?

Oh my god! Just any other person to descipline my children? NO! What is descipling exactly in this case? If the child asked for something ,didnt say "please", they could point that out for him/her thats ok! hehe or ask him to say "thank you" .
Just the simple things..

~Any inputs? Another interesting question is, who took part in raising you other than your direct parents?

Just my parents..