How Can U Help?

[Da Man]

Salaam

Imagine!!Once upon a time u meet a girl, ask about her & her family, get good feed back about her & finally decide she is the one 4 u.

U initially go & talk to her father to find out if u can send ur family to ask her hand in marriage. He says yes. Ur family r all excited, get ready & they all go to meet the future mother in law.

All goes well, ur waiting for the initial answer so the Men(ur father) can go ahead with the final part of the engagment, it takes them 1 month to answer u back, & u find out that they refused..... :( ......WHY?

Because ur uncles were alcoholics & u dont have a Qabilah (Tribe).

U r shocked

What do u all think went wrong?

Why r we getting more of these cases everyday in Oman?

Why r you getting blamed 4 what ur uncles did?

What do u think U can do to fix this problem?

P.S U & ur familiy r very well respected & have families in Blad (interior)

Ta7eyati

[DeSerTDesTroYeR]

What do u all think went wrong?

The answer the gave back is what went wrong, unless there is more to it then what they have said.

Why r we getting more of these cases everyday in Oman?

Am not sure if this is an everyday case in Oman. But such cases happen when people focus on materialistic or social status, instead of the person himself. Basically I would consider their priorties messed up, this is based on what has been pointed out.

Why r you getting blamed 4 what ur uncles did?

Cause there are people who worry what other people think and worry of how things can effect their social status.

What do u think U can do to fix this problem?

Try again and make a point that you are worthy of being considered despite the reasons they mentioned.

- Uncles alcholic point; it's something you are against yourself and wouldnt allow such activity happen in your house. (This is, if you actually agree to this point)

- Tribe name point; It shouldnt be a way to judge you with. Many men from famous tribes married and treated their wives badly or werent any close to Allah. And many who which they consider "with no tribe name" are close to Allah and treat their wives as queens.

If they want to refuse for something in the guy himself personally, perhaps thats justified. But beside that anything else would most likely be in some sort cause of benificial purposes.

[Da Man]

Let us say u went back & talked to them....

U find out the mother initially was very happy about you, then ppl fm outside the family pumped her with words like: ' she will live in the same house with the mother' ' she must not agree to that' ' the boy was refused once by other families previously for the same reason'......of course the mother changed her view about me & in Muscat every family knows another family & gossip follows u where ever u go.

I wonder why ppl like to get into other ppl's bussiness :yell:

So, what should I do know, the girl is supporting me all the way, her younger brother is giving her a hard time every single day regarding this issue.

Should I raise this issue to Court? What do u all think!

[DeSerTDesTroYeR]

Court? I think that's a little extreme. Would the guy want the girl to live away from her family forever? And cause seperation among them?

I can understand the guys' frustration, but personally I would think starting a new life from a troubled one is not a good start. But in the end the guy himself would be the one who knows all the difference circumstances of the situation.

Considering that the mother was actually happy at first and only got negative from others gossip/talk. Then there might be a chance to prove them wrong in whatever they have mentioned. And also try to find a solution for their acceptance.

[amo_l_oman]

is not a good start you meant?

[Najah]

I agree with DD, and if it started like this hamdulilah rabil 3alameen you never know what allah has written for you. You try your best in showing the best of you, people like this don't deserve you so you shouldn't really be upset about it (thats if it was you). There are tons and many other different options around, never limit yourself and pray alot whatever is written is what you'll get inshalllah.

[Da Man]

Thanx DD & Najah....

Hamdulilah I'm happily married, but its my friend who is going thru this Hindi film, I'm just trying to get other ppl's opinion, & help him....

Aparently if u go to court & inform them about a problem like this, they investigate, call the father & ask him if he refused the boy because of his family name...He is given a week to think about it, & informed if u still refuse, the judge will be the girls waley amr & marry them....Shocking ha

If this is happening in our courts, this tells you how bad ppl can be in our country....

Why do u think this is allowed in court?Do u support that? I DO.... :)

Ta7eyati

[Lym]

I support the courts too ... :)

If he and the girl want one another and he is perfectly eligible and appropriate for her except for his 'last name' , then tell him to take her to court and get her married ! Our society has no more room for arrogant close minded people.

[Da Man]

U go GIRL.....

I feel the same, but he is trying to do it the proper way,

In Allah Ma3 Al Sabereen.

Unfortunatly the girls younger brother is now also against him, his best friend, who wanted to marry the girl but she refused, gossiped about the boy & told him that he knows him & he is not suitable for her....Since when friends decide who should our sisters marry?

The older brothers they r happy with him.

The wifes of the brothers have started threatening the girl telling her if u marry this boy & u have kids, they will not play with their kids...... :lift: Can u imagine the ppl we have in this world....

P.S The Girl has an older sister who is in her mid 30's & still not married, because every time a person proposed they refused... :eh:

Let us hope that one day that family will come to their senses & say YES inshallah....

Ta7eyati