Is he after you or your womb?

[sophis^catrina]

Is the baby balance wrong?

As choices for women increase, more of us are putting off pregnancy while we etablish careers- leaving men, who've always just assumed the baby thing would happen at some point, with a strange new sensation. And a new marriage problem. Men are getting broody, while women aren't. :6:

Examples...

Brad Pitt famously broke down on a talk show when asked when is he going to start a family... Jennifer on the other hand, was not up for it... which might be the major reason for their seperation...

Nick Lachey said he can't wait to have children... while Jessica Simpson is flat out refusing to get pregnant for another 4-5 years....

So why is then that while women are withdrawing from the idea of having a family right now, men are getting broodier? Is it because our generation has the real choice over the timing of children, men might see the family they always thought they'd have 'some time' slipping away? Or is it really because they want to stay in control?

Is the one solution we have is men should start marrying older women who feel ready to start a family, rather than young girls? :angel:

[IceTea]

It's not the right thing women are doing when delaying having childerns for many years after marraige. It's known that women have a specific period when they are active and the chance of pergnancy is high. And the more they grow older the less chance of having kids will be until they become "3aqir". Therefore, it's the best time of of having kids is between the age of 18 to 40 for women, so approx 20 to 25 years period. And if a couple want to have like 8 kids then delaying the whole process is not the right thing to do.

Saying that women need to establish a good careers is not a valid excuse to stop having childern, women can always study, work and be good mothers.

Another reason is that men in general marry younger girls and they want to have kids after few years of marraige, which is something logical.

[NaBHaN]

A woman who delays it is a turn off. family should come first..and THEN they can focus on their career. The solution is for the man to pick the right woman who is willing to sacrifice her career for her family. There are some men who dont care about having a family , so those can just end up with the women whom are obsessed with their careers..and all will be happy.

[Amir]

Of course family comes first and all that. But making a girl a mother while she is not ready for it would only make more problems. As well as, if we think that a girl would be come matured after giving birth that is also wrong.

A woman should not be forced to be a mother, but it should be left to her choice, that she wants to have kids, that she wants to feel like a mother, she wants to be something.. and on wards.

You can't just put all the pressure on a woman just because you want to be a father soon and have kids and all that.

Such events gets into creating problems between couples. Where the man starts feeling like something has been hidden from him, well so many other wierd feelings would come too and that would start things from doubts to break up of families.

In order to prevent this from happening the best is to open up before marriage, both of them should decide and have some sort of family planning.

Icey 8 kids? Goodness are you going make a basketball team bro? That was olden time when couples needed so many kids to help them in feilds, fishing and other things, but if today an Omani tries to have 8 kids when he can only earn RO120 I don't think so he would be able to take care of them, plus 8 kids? Dude you must be kidding!

[fatamooo]

Ya I dont know if anyone would be able to have as many as 8 kids, thats a mammoth responsibility, but I basically agree, that I don't think it's wise to put off having kids for so long because of a career. Maybe for example if the mother and father were trying to improve their health for the baby's sake - like my bio teacher told me about this married couple he knows who were married and put off having babies for a period of time, a year I think, so that they could change their lifestyle completely.
They both quit smoking, drinking, ate really healthy and did a lot of exercise, the wife especially became really concerned with her weight and health, she reduced her weight to its optimum size, ate natural healthy foods and they both did whatever in order to reduce stress, tried to go natural with as much as they could.
And then when they finally did have babies, il7amdillah they were perfectly healthy.

[IceTea]

Icey 8 kids? Goodness are you going make a basketball team bro? That was olden time when couples needed so many kids to help them in feilds, fishing and other things, but if today an Omani tries to have 8 kids when he can only earn RO120 I don't think so he would be able to take care of them, plus 8 kids? Dude you must be kidding!


I don't think your reasoning is valid one when you said they need them to help in fields, fishing, etc. There is nothing wrong in having many kids but ofcourse the couple should take into account that they can support them and raise them well.

I thought you want to have 10 kids ;)

[mimosa]

Sophis, that is one of the most outstanding thread titles ever!

Personally the "womb" part is and important thing for me in a relationship. I have three kids but would happily have three more, and I would not want a woman who was not interested in kids.

I'm not saying that I would not be happy with a woman who we found out could not have kids - adoption etc would be an option; it is the shared desire for children that is the issue. Like any other important thing in life, the relationship will only work if you want the same things.

[MissieQuest]

I think somehow it's right that many men are more after kids than some women, in particular if I think about Western countries.
In France :love: , for example, where public childcare is very extensive, many women have both a career and children; but things look quite different in neighbouring Germany. :think: I've heard that getting a nursery school or kindergarden place is almost impossible there; so many women with a good education say NO to children. And then, when they are 40, they start to panic :os ... :o
I haven't been to Germany, but I was told about this. When those "mature" mothers finally have their baby, they quite often discover that they miss their job and their success. They become more & more frustrated :bomb: , end up in divorce and alone with the kids. :weep:

I think for whatever one decides, "panic" is never a good advisor. :lift: Here, in Iran, I have many friends who panic, too, even if they are only in their twenties. But they are really so worried that they might never experience this thing called love :heart: :blush: , which I really can't understand. :think:
Ok ... not that I'm not crazy with my huuuuge crush on that Frensh cutie dentist :love: ; but I think it's very well possible to start a successful family in your thirties. :) I also told my friends that they should better not believe that marriage and children are nothing but heaven.

I think a major issue which makes some women panic that they won't find anybody soon and others delay marriage is the fact that women's expectations on marriage have changed. Marriage isn't seen like school (something where you just have to go through) any more, but rather as a path to happiness and never-ending luck. So, the expectations on the husband-to-be get higher and higher and higher... :help:
In my opinion everybody should know what he or she wants the partner to be like, but it can't be that the smallest flaw disqualifies somebody immediately. :alien:
The Irani girls I know are really very, very choosy.
And that overdosis of choosiness could really make some women to stay alone for a long time.
I think it's best if a person knows what he or she wants from one's partner, has some basic expectations, but is not extensively choosy. :cute:
As for children, it's a biological fact that a woman's fertility declines when she is in her late thirties ... so better find out what your priorities are before u reach that age. :)

[Enigma]

Why? Because women want careers! The thing is; women feel the need to delay it because they know once they have children it would be difficult to maintain a high-flying career. Motherhood is a full time job, if you've got extra time you probably want to use it to spend relaxing or with your husband! Women are pressured to finish whatever they need to do before they get married (or before they have children to be more exact) because there won't be a chance for it later on.


family should come first..and THEN they can focus on their career.

See now this is a typical man quote. They don't understand that its very difficult to do both at the same time. Why? Because they think of themselves in that place. What men are missing is the point that while they have the luxury of choice to do both; women don't! The woman has to be there 24/7, ever ready for her children. Men come and go and it doesn't affect the situation.

Personally, I want to at least finish my degrees before I start having kids. Balancing both (although do-able) would make my life a crazy mess. However, women who are over 35 (or even 30) really ought to think about kids instead of their career! But each to his own anyway.

[Orion]

Great! No rug rats ... we can practice making them just in case until than ...

And if she doesn't want to do that either ... well ... ummm ... is she rich?

[Abs]

Why cant a woman have a career and family at the same time? What's the big deal?

[MorphaKnight]

she CAN have both.. its just that the risk of family being seperated from one another is high. I don't mind if a woman can get a job and be independant and all that but well when I look at my aunt's family I begin to doubt what I believe in. I mean all my cousins are off doing something with their friends. This type of scenario is all over the developed nations where you'd see some distrust between family members and you'd see kids turn against their parents and fully trust their friend's advice than their parents. I mean my aunt's family isn't as united as the family Im in back home.. even the relatives we keep in touch with them. Well my mom keeps in contact with them almost daily...

[Shinoda LP]

The more the couple delays it, the more difficult and out of tune the whole parent-child relationship gets ... I mean, when the kid becomes a teenager, dad and mom are quite old already while their counterparts are pretty young and so on, so forth.

Besides, Sophis only looked upon Hollywood examples. Of course actresses/models would love to have kids as late as possible to remain at their career-peak, knowing what kind of an image a hollywood mom gets when trying for movie roles. Of course being a hollywood mother has now become a fashion anyways ...