Your Parents & your obligation?

[Arabian Princess]

As we all know, in Islam parents are given a very high pirority that allah assosiated us worshping him to taking care of our parents:


وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلاَّ تَعْبُدُواْ إِلاَّ إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلاَهُمَا فَلاَ تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّ وَلاَ تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلاً كَرِيمًا (23)

وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا (24)

And your Lord has commanded that you shall not serve (any) but Him, and goodness to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, say not to them (so much as) "Ugh" nor chide them, and speak to them a generous word. (23)
And make yourself submissively gentle to them with compassion, and say: O my Lord! have compassion on them, as they brought me up (when I was) little (24)


My questions here, to what extent shall we obey our parents?? what if our desires conflicted with thiers, what (Islamicly not socially) should we do?

How do you relate to these verses of the Quran?

[Enigma]

وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلاَهُمَا فَلاَ تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّ وَلاَ تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلاً كَرِيمًا


Arabian Princess, that verse is talking about treating your parents well and with respect. There's nothing in there that suggests we have to do whatever our parents want us to do when it comes to our life decisions. As long as you are good to your parents, take care of them and everything then you have done what Allah asked you to do.

Otherwise you become their slave :eh:

[mimosa]

I agree with Niggy. For example, I respect both of you and try to treat you kindly, but it doesn't mean I will do as you tell me - just respectfully agree to differ!

[Raed]

As we all know, in Islam parents are given a very high pirority that allah assosiated us worshping him to taking care of our parents:




My questions here, to what extent shall we obey our parents?? what if our desires conflicted with thiers, what (Islamicly not socially) should we do?

How do you relate to these verses of the Quran?

I have asked a scholar once about the following:

If a man wanted to marry woman that his parents did not approve of, would that be considered a sin?

His answer was as follows:

If the reason of them rejecting her, or not agreeing to their son’s taste has to do with religion say she is not a good Muslim, then it is a must for him to obey.

If not, then he has free will and it is not considered a sin, however he should still try convincing and pleasing them.

[Arabian Princess]

Enigma, one of the way parents would tell you is that what pleases them is you to follow what they think is right, a classic example is what Raed mentioned.

I am not saying a person should be a slave to thier parents, but we also should respect thier wishes and try to facilitate between the two ends.. if the word "uff" shouldnt come out of our mouths to them .. what about diregarding thier opinion and doing what pleases us only?!!

good example Raed, and intresting answer .. I'd agree with him.. I think its important to convince a parent with the kids choice instead of insisting on thier choice no matter what's the parents reaction would be.

[Enigma]

We can take their opinions of course, but that doesn't mean we should have to make every decision in life according to their wishes! I mean AP, we need to live our lives not live the life they want us to live. Parents also need to know when its time to take a backseat and let the child be the driver of their life. Too much interference is just wrong.

[MiSs DeViL]

i agree with her^^^ !!

[Arabian Princess]

no one said you shouldnt live your life .. parents obligations also is to give the child the good upbrining to know how to live thier lives right?

am just saying, one form of respecting your parents, is accpting thier decisions, and if somoene cant, they should convince them otherwise instead of going aginst them.

[Enigma]

And if its something very important to you but they won't be convinced otherwise? ;)

[Arabian Princess]

if you ask me personly, I would follow what they wish .. I hate it so much when I dissapoint my parents ..

[mimosa]

How about if, say, you wanted to marry a nice respectable Muslims boy from another "community" and your parents said you can't marry e.g. a Belushi, Lawati...how about if they didn't like him because he was black, or white for that matter with a big ginger beard! How about if your parent's attitude was totally unreasonable and un-Islamic...wouldn't it then be your DUTY to do the right thing rather than obey your parents when they're wrong?

[Arabian Princess]

I think I've explicity said here many times, I would never marry someone aginst my parents .. but I'd talk to them about thier opinions ..tell them what I think about the issue .. I did actually many times .. my uncle was very scared that I'd marry someone they wouldnt approve of.

[Pineapple Thief]

I think its very important to respect their opinions, whatever they are. That doesnt mean accept them, but consider them, give them deep thought, before acting. They are your parents after all.

To expand on that issue mimosa brought up (brilliant question me think): whats the religious opinion on that. The partner is of a different religious sect, and the parents dont like that. Not a different religion note, a different sect, but the parents dont want that. Are you obliged to listen to them? I would say no, its all the same religion, but Im interested in hearing other opinions.

AP, I think you wouldnt disobey your parents not because of religion, but because you love them and respect them deeply, and see a lot of wisdom in their opinions? :)

[Arabian Princess]

Ofcourse PT, this is why I said personaly :)

[fatamooo]

I think all parents eventually stop telling their kids what to do after they feel that they've grown up and matured enough for them to make their own decisions. Personally, my life is basically a perpetual struggle between me and my parents, but secretly, I'm relieved that I have parents who know better and at least point me towards the right direction.
There's this trick my parents use when I argue with them, they say after a fight, "So you're NOT going to listen to what we tell you to do?" and that ALWAYS makes me hesitate :p... I find I can't just say no to them, and if I do it's just out of spite, and I don't follow through.
As for me disagreeing with them on principles and things; they don't really have unreasonable and bigoted principles, and I agree with ALMOST all of them (except for just a few things which dont affect me anyways) so I really doubt they would ask me to do something which goes against my beliefs. If they do, I would just point out to them that I've always done what they asked of me, but I can't do this specific thing out of principle. I THINK they would understand :p.