View Full Version : The cold shivering hands ...
Haroundb
27-12-04, 04:31 PM
Is the forbidden relation more hot than the legal one? I mean why do some men seek satisfaction outside? I know that some men do make relations with women far less in beauty and very less sexy than their wives. Why they do that? Is the wife missing something? are men all over the world did agree on treason? What is the motivation? Is there something extra in the forbidden relation? What is it?
When you are a happy man with a lovely sexy wife and beautiful sweet kids, what comes to your mind to go to the cold shivering hands seeking pleasure?...
I was never able to understand this myself. I've heard and seen a lot of women coming in to the clinic with these problems. I just can't understand this, maybe you men can help me?!!
Scorpio27
27-12-04, 04:42 PM
May be men needs a break a change.
Like we go to chineese restaurant and Italian.
We go for a vacation to overcome the monotonus life!
May be , who knows!
Men are humans with louds of needs they just want every thing that make them feel good and high! He wont just be enoughed by what God gave him gotta go after something new hot and interesting!
I mean they have all this things but its his nature cant see what is given to him! First he'll see her the beauty queen ever then after getting her ...thats it she's not most wanted any more!
sophis^catrina
27-12-04, 05:54 PM
When you are a happy man with a lovely sexy wife and beautiful sweet kids, what comes to your mind to go to the cold shivering hands seeking pleasure?...
That's an easy answer. He is not happy. He seems happy to you. He has a sexy wife. But in a marriage what really counts is the attention he gets from her. How does she treat him. Most importantly, does she have time for him? Or is she always busy with the kids? Do the kids seem to be more important to her than him? Does she no longer want sex? Does she listen to his suggestions, when he says that he prefers her to do something (e.g. the little things). Basically is he still the centre of her world?
He goes to his mistress, because of what he says 'she understands him'. But perhaps the real case is that she gives him all the attention. She spoils him emotionally and never refuses his advances sexually. She has no crying kids at her place. She has all the time for him. She makes him happy.
The truth is at the start of any relationship it is always the second case. Although after some time, the woman gives birth, they have a family and everything changes. This is normally the typical time when men cheat. It takes a couple who really want to work hard at their marriage coz they truly love one another, so that they stay monogmous- talk and try solving their problems.
You really do have to work hard at a marriage to really make it work. :(
It has nothing to do with him trying to get what is forbidden. The reason is that he gets from his mistress what is lacking in his wife. You might be surprised, but she could be far less beautiful than his wife, but because she knows how to treat him is what makes her attractive. ;)
Haroundb
27-12-04, 06:03 PM
You are right... I think you gave me one more idea...
Acceptance, I think what makes the man turns away is that the wife has a stronger "No", sometimes men do think of little things which they imagine that it will make something sweet...These things are simply ignored by the wife and simply accepted by the *** which can do anything just with a twink of an eye...
This needs a revision, I think!
Open... can we say that the wife must be more open to her husbands ideas?
Sophis, I completely agree with what you said. Men look around when they can't find what they want in their women. I can understand that, but I think that before taking such a step and trying to find happiness outside his house, he could've probably started with his wife. He could've told her about his feelings, you said it, it takes a lot of work to keep a marriage going on. He should've tried his best to make things work in his house, with his wife, and if everything fails to work, and he's still not satisfied, he can probably think of an alternative solution which would make him happy.
No matter what problems he might be having, cheating is never acceptable, at least, not in my dictionary. You never hurt someone you love my cheating, that's just the easy way out I believe.
Sophs what u said is quite True ..but..
Haround
Open... can we say that the wife must be more open to her husbands ideas?
How do we know that the wife hasn't been open to her husband , Ok this is what i heard from a woman who confronted her husband's infidelity, its kinda weird but some men Limit their marital relationship with their wives to a certain degree, they can't go on beyond it .Reasons are , she is the mother of my kids for God Sake, she kiss's my kids !! .. ok whatever that meant , the bottom line is Some men (am not generalising ) Finds it oKay to have it done with a mistress , but wife is a sacred being !
At a personal level i agree with you Haroun , married couples should discuss such matters up front and be more open .
DeSerTDesTroYeR
27-12-04, 09:52 PM
It all started from the forbidden apple...
The thrill that comes to someone by driving dangerously, standing on the edge of a window or building. Commiting a sin. All that is a thrill... which is in the end chemcial ... it makes those people unaware of what they do, or more like accepting to do it, just to enjoy for that moment that feeling.
Probably its one of the most demanding feelings a human being would have...
Scorpio27
27-12-04, 10:08 PM
It all started from the forbidden apple...
The thrill that comes to someone by driving dangerously, standing on the edge of a window or building. Commiting a sin. All that is a thrill... which is in the end chemcial ... it makes those people unaware of what they do, or more like accepting to do it, just to enjoy for that moment that feeling.
Probably its one of the most demanding feelings a human being would have...
Exactly true, I have no further your honor :cool:
Haroundb
27-12-04, 10:12 PM
DD do you mean there is no reason, and it is simply nature...I don't agree!
How far the wife should be corporative? Can the wife be the mistress? Would this stop the husband from seeking prohibited pleasures?
X-press
27-12-04, 10:30 PM
Is the forbidden relation more hot than the legal one? I mean why do some men seek satisfaction outside? ....
When you are a happy man with a lovely sexy wife and beautiful sweet kids, what comes to your mind to go to the cold shivering hands seeking pleasure?...We can discuss in great length this subject and we might still not know the exact reasons why a man, who apparently has everything to be happy in his marriage, still falls for something else.
I believe the best explainations should be given directly by the men who themselves can't resist such temptations, even if they try 'hard' not to commit adultery. I suppose if a man wants to 'justify' why he is doing something wrong, he can always find any reason others people will buy.
No matter the reasons, if they are really valid or if they are due to simple thrill to taste what is forbidden, if that person is a muslim, he should remember that "Allah will take his faith from him as a man takes a shirt off over his head."
I think not one reason is to be considered. many reasons come together, how they are broguht up, moral, values, personality, environment, wife, children, family, stress. All this add's up to any human being and make them act un-natural.
A good guy who knows and fears allah will never let anything affects him, instead work things out. if its his wife lack of knowledge and care then communication and trying to fix it is the solution (u don't just marry, you marry wisely, if you dont like how she is, go back and rethink why you chose her, same thing to women). If enviroment control is instead of it controlling you, we all humans and we all go through tough times. if and if there is always an if and a solution for it.
DeSerTDesTroYeR
28-12-04, 04:30 PM
DD do you mean there is no reason, and it is simply nature...I don't agree!
How far the wife should be corporative? Can the wife be the mistress? Would this stop the husband from seeking prohibited pleasures?
Nature? No, its not at alll. Its a point where someone decides to get involved in something they arent supposed to. Its a decision unconciously or fully concious made to fall into it. There are many triggers for it... I just described what seemed to me to be the surface of it.
Those who are drivin by such feeling are to first and last blame their selves. Even if a husband had the most terrible wife! He doesnt have any excuse for cheating or going around committing sins. To help his poor soul, that is not being treated as fair as he would think.
Its all comes down to the inner strength. A man can be married to the best woman ever! And still commit a sin and the other way around. Same applies to the women. Its a human feeling that does exist.
One of the best ways I can see those who have such feelings can seek is through enchancing their spirit. Know their limits, know their morals, remember their believes and beware that if its something they might regret doing, then they are better off without it.
But for those who have no worries about any of that... then... there is nothing to stop them from being like this ..except they realize it on their own.
X-press
28-12-04, 07:42 PM
A good guy who knows and fears allah will never let anything affects him, instead work things out. Najah, even the good guys or those fearing Allah fall for such temptations. The main problem is Satan who is very powerful and who has the power to blind anyone so that he or she can go astray. He turns what is bad into something good, what is ugly into something beautiful, what is wrong into something right...
You are right Xpress, None of us are complete but a real momen who fears allah can stand against satan (I do stand against him so many times and others as well), and alhamdulilah there are many men out there who fear allah and never fall into such trap.
Hmm, well if even the good men out there, forget their believes sometimes and run behind their needs, then that doesn't give us much hope, so no, I don't believe that.
It could be the wife's fault in failing to recognize what her husband needs, but it's also the man's job in trying to fix things before looking somewhere else. But I still believe that there are men out there that would stick to their families even though they're not entirely happy and satisfied with their lives, otherwise, most people would be divorced by now.
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