As we all know, the family pride is one of the top things that most families try to maintain, especially in the arab socity. This is good. But there is a point that confuses me somehow in regard to what I hear from stories and stuff like that. Okey what I'm about to discuss is kind of controversial because you might disagree. But I'm just telling you what I hear so correct me if I'm wrong in what I'm gonna say.

The issue is that when illegitimate sex (commiting Zinna) happens, I often hear from people that the family of the girl forces a very strict and sometimes violent methods over the girl, and they sometimes do kill her for her sin since she disturbed the name of the family! While the family of the boy who's also envolved in this shameful sin isn't getting what he really deserve from his family. His parents somehow don't feel that its a big sin; which is why I think it doesn't reach to the level of killing the boy.

I'm not saying here that the families should kill the boy if they commited such a shameful sin.. Please, don't get me wrong.. I'm just wondering about this:

First of all, do you think this is true?
If yes, then is it fair? Like why do you think that *and I'm generalizing here* families think of their doughters as the only "pride" they have? Why they don't pay much attention to their "sons" as well and punish them as much as they do to their doughters?

I hope I was clear in putting my thoughts.


Red_Zone

I have always has viewpoint about this issue with my family, friends etc. I’ve reached my own conclusion that it is determined by how the society considers how this issue should be addressed. What I have never understood isn’t it the male member of the family who carries the family name? Wont the actions and results of his commitment for sin result in linkage to his name and the family? While the girl once married does not carry the family name, thus whatever result i.e. children would not carry the family name thus would not be involved in carrying the shame.

A girl who had pre-marraige sex and all the society know about her will find it difficult to get married, maybe that is the main reason. It's not an easy issue when the girl brings shame to her family because of commiting "zina". However it's easy for the boy to get away from it and can get married from other places.

A girl reputation is like a white sheet she needs to maintain it until she gets married officialy, one drop of blood in her white page will be enough to spoil everything including her family reputation!

What I have never understood isn’t it the male member of the family who cares the family name? Wont the actions and results of his commitment for sin result in linkage to his name and the family?

It's not about who carries the name Warda. Yes, you're right that the male is the one who carries it, but I think that a "pride" of a family can be influenced by both genders; not "only males" nor "only females." Which is basically why I'm posting this thread. I'm thinking its not fair from any family to make their honor be concerned to only one gender. Just like the example I stated in my previous post. The families usually make more restrictions on their daughters and not on their sons, which makes me feel that the honor/pride of a family is not balanced.

Am I making sense to you guys? :shy:

I do understand but yet there has never been any balance in this issue and most of the weight is placed on the girl. Even though it takes two to make that sort of mistake.
What Icy said is true but i really think it related to the society and how they consider the situation as a whole.....imagine IMAGINE that a few years down the line society considers the opposite then i think it would be common place to think that the male is wrong

I do understand but yet there has never been any balance in this issue and most of the weight is placed on the girl. Even though it takes two to make that sort of mistake.

Yes Warda that's what I wanted to say. I just feel something is wrong with the mentality of our society because it's not fair to blame it all on females while the males don't get the same punishment.

A girl reputation is like a white sheet she needs to maintain it until she gets married officialy, one drop of blood in her white page will be enough to spoil everything including her family reputation!

Exactly Icy! Now the following question: WHY? Why this happens only to women? Why does this only effect the women marriage and not men? Why is it easy for the "dude" to get away from it while the ladies can't? That's exactly where I want to land this discussion. There's an unfair gap in our society don't you think?

Because women are weak, sensitive and soft. And breaking her virginity like breaking a cup made of glass difficult to repair.

As for men the story is different, do you agree?

I'd agree with you because sadly this is how it goes nowadays. But from my prespective, I think that the way it "should" be is that breaking a male virginity must also be like "breaking a cup made of glass difficult to repair." The problem is that we're just taking it easy on the guys while it shouldn't be like that..

red zone are you into reading books in Arabic ? If you are then I would like to refer you to something al munfloo6i wrote decades ago and it remains so fresh regarding this topic.

yes it is not Islamic and it remains verdicts ما أنزل الله بها من سلطان. Let us deal with the situation. Does this mean that we should go Lenient with girls? or more strict with boys?

when a girl is killed for committing zina without being married, then have we followed Islam rule regarding such matter?

Solutions? Solutions? as sa3eed sale7 (my fav comedian) said in a play : "rubey 3yaalik"

raise a generation with such awareness.

Does this mean that we should go Lenient with girls? or more strict with boys?

Neither.. nor. I'm only saying that there is no equality in regard to the punishment. I think it would have been better if it was in a moderate and equal level for both the boys and girls. Not too much for girls and too less for boys. *Y3ny Not too lenient yet not too strict on them. *

when a girl is killed for committing zina without being married, then have we followed Islam rule regarding such matter?

I think the answer is NO but i'm not so sure as I don't have enough knowledge about this issue. But I feel its a wrong judgement on the girl, or rather not the kind of judgement she deserves *but that's just me*. All I know is that some families did actually do it. I honestly don't know what the Islamic standpoint is about it. Enlighten us :)

You know red zone, you just made me think about something. Is it just me or is it that usually families take 'pride' in the good things their sons do that just adds to the good reputation of the family, while it only takes them a small mistake, probably not as huge as zina, to bring 'shame' to the family.

Fair? I think not!

But that's what the society is sadly like, and I agree with Raed. We want to change this, we need to start then with teaching our children, that their good deeds and their bad acts, whether they were girls or boys will affect our reputation as a family, as a whole that is.