A married man's father dies and his mother is now alone, would he get his mother to live with him and his wife in the same house, or what should he do?

Women: Do you agree that your husband's mother come and live with you?

Note: This is a difficult question, so don't jsut answer it so fast, think for a while, and imagine yourself in the situation and then give the answer.

Depends whether I have a whole bunch of kids or not.

If it's just me and my husband, then no.

If we already have children and it's a full house, then fine with me.

Plus it really depends on her age.

it depends on the situation and the mother herself .. and the house we are living in.

ok, seeing my mom in law she is a really lovely and quite woman .. I wouldnt mind her living with me at all .. but again I live in a small apartment, I dont think in the current apartment she or me would be comfortable .. but dont mind it when the house is bigger .. in fact I think its better to have a grandmom in the house when you have kids .. they kind get the right education especially when you are a working mom.

You reminded me of a friend who once said: I can marry any woman I want, but I only have one mother, which I cant change.

I will accept my mother-in-law because she should be more important to my wife than I am to my wife. If my wife in the other hand does not like to be with my mother, then I think she should look for another husband.

Plus it really depends on her age.

whats age to do with this?

well ,,, i dona mind at all ,,,, as long as i have a big house so each of us will be comfortable and happy in here place ,, otherwise i dona think it will work in small houses as AP said ,,,

and of course ,,, as i do love my mother and always wana take care of here ,, also my husband loves his mother ,,and his responsiblity to take care of his mother ,,, and if he didnt do that i will force him to ,,,

cause its clear ,,that he has one mother ,,, but he can have any number of women ,,, :)

Sure I would and no it didn't take a lot of thinking on my part. She's been my mother for all these years and if her son doesn't take care of her, then who will?

I dont mind at all having my future mother-in-law at home when i get married.. I wouldnt want my husband to object of me having my Mum around..why would i object having his mum.

OK ... take it like that, your house is very small and there is no extra place for a new commer, and in the same time there is no way that he can leave his mother alone. We don't have options here, it is sure a serious problem!

I'm not married but a mother is more than a person to me, and one of my wanting is to have a good relationship with my mother in law (i will do anything to maintain that), BECAUSE respecting my mother is my number one priority, so it's obvious i would accept her with an open arm and heart even if i was living in a TINY, itsy bitsy house. If there isn't any solution but her coming to live with us then she is more than WELCOMED, cause if it was my mother, there won't be any other solutions but living with us.

(We will sell their current house, and move to a bigger one that can fit us all, why complicating things, and HONESTLY, how small will our house be to not fit one person only, but if u want to use the word 'If' then there is no way we can't compromise.

take it like that, your house is very small and there is no extra place for a new commer, and in the same time there is no way that he can leave his mother alone. We don't have options here, it is sure a serious problem

agree in a heart beat.

I don't have a word in that! Actually, a woman should never say "I don't want you mom".. this is the first thing your husband will always use against you. As much as you love your family and want all the best and support for them, you want your husband to care for them also! The same should be here; you should accept your mother in law with happiness and open doors 24/7!

You know people what I am talking about, it the next six months after his mother comes in. When the two sides run out of "sweet words" and when his mother comes to a situation that she forgets that she is sitting in another women's house. Form the side of the husband, it is very simple, jsut you can say "It is his mother" no one can speak a word after than, but every one forgets the rights the wife has in her house. I am not saying anything about the mother, maybe the mother is a very good woman, but many are not. We all know that if two women are in the same place, there is a lots of possibilities that problems will arouse. And remember that whoever claims that the mother is having a better position than the wife is wrong, it shouldn't be taken that way. Both the wife and the mother has their own rights. Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) has gave us a warning against misdealing with our wives, and many people think that shouting at their wives to satisfy their mothers is a religious action, but sure "IT IS NOT!". Don't fool yourself and try to feel happy about it...! You have promised Allah to protect your wife and to support her, don't just shout at her face and say "It is my mother" no it is your mother and not her mother. If you want to take your responsibility you have to take it fully and ask permission and support of your wife and do remember that letting your mother stay in your house is a favor from your wife that you have to remember it all your life. My words are to men who think that it is a simple thing and forget the big list of things that they have to do to get this shifting done correctly.

There are lots of problems which will happen after each part gets to be used to the situation, then only you will fell the problem. Yes is a problem which needs a lots of effort to be solved. My point is to give lots of attention to this issue because it may happen to anyone of us and really I am 100% sure that we are not prepared for it. We have to improve the way we think into things and this is the main idea about this thread, to let you know that we have to spend more effort and not to leave it to the current flew of things and then when a problem happens we regret our bad luck and start shouting to the side which we think is weaker and mostly it is the wife side. Yes this subject needs lots of consideration more than we think it has.

I think you should try it out first. If it prooves to be problematic then you make some changes but before that I would be welcoming. However, I'm not fond of mothers who just cling on to their sons for no reason.. and I know a couple who are like that. At that time I would expect my husband to be firm enough to set her straight.

But of course, if she is really in need then I'd welcome her as my own mother. After all, she is the one who bore me my (supposedly) wonderful husband.

I know Haroun its not easy .. I saw it in many families .. I know a woman who treat her mom in law bad when she is her aunti (dad's sister)!!

but then, some cases you need to forget about the small pic and think about the bigger one .. the mom is alone, needs attention .. and my husband has a duty to take care of her .. if you say that my husband cant provide a bigger house for us, he wouldnt be able to provide her a separate house too!
its humanity within the wife that should speak here!!

Plus, maybe its me but I think you can work with every human being if you try hard. Yes there would be problems thats something I wouldnt doubt about .. I fight with my own sisters sometimes!! what about a woman who my husband surly loves!!
but then the wife (being the younger, and mostly the better educated) should overcome that!!

I really beleive its the kind of support the wife should provide the husband .. part of marraige complications!

I would think that if i was put in such a situation i would not mind accepting my mother in law or my own mother but i would try and allow it that they can have thier own privacey away from the hussle and bussle of the main house.

My grandmother is living with her daugther who has moved to a new house, they provided a whole section in the basement (common living/tv room) for her and an extra entrance so that she can entertain her own guests. Visitors come directly to the basement entrance without going through the main house.

But every one must know his rights and the husband “MUST” appreciate his wife's support, not say it is her duty. As I know, these days people don't know what are the rights and they does only follow what they think is right and what they know it is appreciated amongst the community regardless of it's correctness.

We all appreciate the man who loves his mother and just shout at his wife and make it look like he is "dominant husband”, and this sure comes from the education the husband receive before he is married, about women and how they make him hate his family and parents. Yes many mothers and fathers do teach their sons that they has to be so firm in the future house, and to expect that his wife will act aggressively against his mother . The husband comes prepared to fight and ready to defend his mother and this is how it works of many men I have seen them personally in my life. From the outside it seems fine and pure religious, but Allah only knows who is right and who is wrong and who is acting unfairly.

Just want to say that Allah will not forgive you if you support you mother and shouted at your wife, just as soon as you hear of a problem. Fair and be careful that Allah will punish you for not being fair and you will be asked about it one day when your mother will not defend you in front of Allah because you know that this day every one will be willing to save himself the burning fire. We as men have to be very careful dealing with our wives, and this is not an option, it is a must.

My advice to all husbands, don’t be very fast on it, just use your mind and remember that if you judge today, you will be judged tomorrow.

Haroundb, I'm impressed! Its nice to know that some guys care about their wives as they do their mothers. I believe the Prophet Mohammed PBUH never ceased to stress how important it was to be good, fair and giving to your wife although men today seem to ignore that completely. :zzz:

Haroun, yes ofcourse appreciation should be there .. even with his own right!!

a husband who shouts at his wife isnt the idea husband too!! I would be aginst that!! a balance should be there and the husband should know that. As you said it always depends on the education of the husband.

but I thought you are talking here about the idea of the husband's mom living in the house and the wife's reaction

but I thought you are talking here about the idea of the husband's mom living in the house and the wife's reaction

Both husband and wife, and more clarification just for both sides, like if women don't know their rights then they have to know, and if men don't know how to deal with it, they have to think. Just I have noticed that many men and sure I am one of them, while discussing this issue, we do feel so strong about it while in fact we are in the weaker position. It is all related to duty of both sides and especially husband who normally think that his right to make decisions and forgets his duty to satisfy his wife for her supporting him with his problems. In other words, “If your wife agreed that your mother will stay with her in the same house –even out of obligation- he as a husband must do his part of supporting his mother by supporting his wife”

this situation i guess demands the need for grown up minds.....and i mean people who know what they are doing and consequences.

for the son.....he has no option but to do whatever is best for his mother....heaven lies under the feet of the mother.....so, if he cannot put his mother and wife under one roof, then he should tell his mother that and if she understands, she will not insist in staying with the son.

for the wife.....she should have the brains to hold on to the mother-in-law as most husbands do not know but only rights of the mother and no matter how bad the ma-in-law is she should try to ease the situation and not be around where she always is.

for the ma-in-law......she has to be old enough to understand from experiences of the other women and how to cope up with such situations.....i do not think mother-in-laws are bad but it's the daughter-in-law who makes her be bad by her doings....if you are good to her she will obvoiusly be good to u.....and vice versa.

hope Allah will help you out.