be? I have been to only 3 funerals in my life, and 2 of them were in my own house. And to tell you the truth I hated every minute!! I thought funerals were meant for ppl to mourn and remember that we are all going to face the same fate,….but instead, the whole thing turns into a social event, where women talk about the latest gossip, share recipes and eat!! Y3ani the family is already sad for losing a family member, instead of helping them get through it….the ppl impose themselves for 3 days, and diminish the house resources (food, drink…etc)….is this how the funerals (3zzas) should be?

I remember a funeral that took place at my neighbors house. A mentally retarded kid had passed away and to my shock the whole neighborhood was "almost" partying. Supposedly he was locked up in a room and used to scream till early in the morning or so ... if I remember correclty, someone had come home and given us some biriyani the next day too. :os

I really hope my daughter and son's generation will act differently and more decently when it comes to funerals....it is sad to see people one minute apparently crying as if we cut their legs and the next laughing loud as if they heard the best joke of their life!

I think men show more respect than women..and so far the funerals I've been to made me actually feel that someone was indeed dead..and will be missed.

i think so as Nabs...do think cause men get to witness the burials, thats why they act differently?
do Funerals need to be conducted for three days? or is it more?

I agree with nabhan, and i think bloom u raised a good point, BUT BUT BUT, i remmeber when my grandfather died and he was kept in our living room with tons of womans around YET STILL they were gossiping and some was checking heself out and some and some. I think its womans nature or something!!!

I like it to be one day and thats all, wasting food, wasitng time, wasting everything when its more than one day.

i get so mad at funerals i'd love to punch some of the people there

some preach be quite show respect the next minute u see them laughing and talking on thier gsms
but that's just a small perecentage

IVe only been to one funeral and it was a terrible, but useful, experience.

Unfortunately 3aza nowadays are like that. People know it's wrong yet they do it. I mean when the 3aza is conducted in a house people have meals. What I know from Sheikh Al-Khalili he said in 3aza there shouldn't be eating. As this will look like celebrating & people attempt to forget the main reason of meeting at home whichi s 3aza t mourn over someone who died.

Men show better respect for two reasons, Men at the burial are too busy with the janaza & burrying the dead person. Although I found some men do talk about life & their personal activities.
The 2nd reason men show more respect is the 3aza in mosque or Sabla that belongs to mosque & since it is not a nature of men to gossip, even though some do. Men show better respect & especially it's conducted in a sacred place which is the mosque.

To mourn over someone is ok, but to provide food is not allowed & there is no such thing in islam during the prophet time that is why it's called bid3a.

Peace out...

The funerals i've been weren't like that at all, everyone was sooo upset the atmosphere was very depressing and i hated it :os

I dont mind having food, I mean we have to eat, and some people come from different regions and some from out of the country and just stay the night over. So the walima part is fine with me, but some gossips and irrespectful habits that occurs during the time where everyone is just extreemly upset is just.....!!

but Najah, the family is already going through distress, i don't think it will be fair for them to be forced to prepare a feast for the guests!! the gusets should just come, drink coffee and dates and then leave...

I agree with you Blossom, but how can you control that, where will those close related family members who come from far away stay? They will have to stay there. I remmeber when we had it at home it was just impossible to not cook, cook and serve, cause all my family members were there and everyone just help each other. Kidz, old people, all of those can't stay without food.

I mean personally, ya it adds to the stress but we need to eat anyhow.

there is difference between eating and having a feast....we need to eat to satisfy our hunger, i have no problem with that. but what happened is, in most of the (3zza) you find yourself infront of a buffet!! the family will cook several dishes, friends will bring some more...its like the whole point of this gathering is to eat!!

oh ya well thats ok, drifiting from the main issue.

Well, women bring food for reasons that they will be staying in that particular house for long & they will end up eating. Plus many others are coming & they will need to have thier meal before they go back to their homes, especially those who live far. Due to almost every woman coming to that house is bringing some type of food. Eventually the table will be filled with varities of food. That's why it seems like they are not just eating, but they are having a feast.

According to Al-Khalili, there was no such thing during prophet's time. 3aza is just to give the person your condolences, not to sit & talk about life or bring up topics that have nothing to do with the occasion. That's why it's called Bid3a.

Cheers....

I posted in other thread 3azza as an example of a change in the Omani society for men. In the past people used to offer different types of food "e.g halwa, fruits, etc" it's like a party but since long time this bad habit has changed. Now they only offer dates and coffee in all 3azza I have been two. Another change in the 3azza is also the timing, people used to stay in 3azza from morning to maybe 9 o'clock night, now it's only to maghrib prayer and everyone goes home. I believe this was an order from the mufti as I can remember. Two things changed and this is good but one thing remains is that people tend to talk and gossip in the mosque or sabla and this needs to be reduced, I hope women will also do some changes!

Its Unfortunately Many Women has Turned 3azza as a place for gathering where they can talk and exchange world and gossiping Information, and many will keep Phoning to each other asking where the 3azza is so they can drive over and spend the day as if they are going for a Picnic :lift: :weep: :weep: :weep:

I agree.. i've been to quite a few 3azza's over the years, and although us the younger generation are forced to help out with the food and drinks etc. i have noticed that all the women just end up gossiping.. which i really think is unrespectable.
I thought it was just our kind of omanis, but a friend of mines father passed away who is a different mathhab, and although nobody was helping with drinks and all, the women were still gossiping!! Another thing i don't get is reading of quran at a 3azza, its known that it is of no use to the dead, and it is only of use to the living. So why read it at the 3azza, if u could be performing du3aa'? people read more quran than du3a' at 3azzas, which shouldn't be the case.

If it were up to me, i would not bring any food, just drinks. Constant ad3iya, and visits should be a max. of about half an hour. Unless you are extremely close to the family, then stay if needed. otherwise just pay your respects, id3i for the dead and get out.

I agree with you Blossom, but how can you control that, where will those close related family members who come from far away stay? They will have to stay there. I remmeber when we had it at home it was just impossible to not cook, cook and serve, cause all my family members were there and everyone just help each other. Kidz, old people, all of those can't stay without food.

I mean personally, ya it adds to the stress but we need to eat anyhow.

well once i been to a funeral and tthey didnt provide food on purpose though ppl were waiting for food but it was never served... i think we need to embarasse people who go to funerals to eat ... and tell them that we arent going to serve any food other than dates and coffee

Its Unfortunately Many Women has Turned 3azza as a place for gathering where they can talk and exchange world and gossiping Information, and many will keep Phoning to each other asking where the 3azza is so they can drive over and spend the day as if they are going for a Picnic :lift: :weep: :weep: :weep:


nice one Sleyum :color:

I agree.. i've been to quite a few 3azza's over the years, and although us the younger generation are forced to help out with the food and drinks etc. i have noticed that all the women just end up gossiping.. which i really think is unrespectable.
I thought it was just our kind of omanis, but a friend of mines father passed away who is a different mathhab, and although nobody was helping with drinks and all, the women were still gossiping!! Another thing i don't get is reading of quran at a 3azza, its known that it is of no use to the dead, and it is only of use to the living. So why read it at the 3azza, if u could be performing du3aa'? people read more quran than du3a' at 3azzas, which shouldn't be the case.

If it were up to me, i would not bring any food, just drinks. Constant ad3iya, and visits should be a max. of about half an hour. Unless you are extremely close to the family, then stay if needed. otherwise just pay your respects, id3i for the dead and get out.

Hello NK 105 ...

As far as i know that reading Quran in 3azza or even if not a 3azza gives criedts for the dead people .....

Food at a funeral?!? I have never heard of this before! I've been to funerals before, unfortunately, one was a few months ago - the atmosphere was very sombre and quiet... just women in the matam, most were weeping, everyone was sitting quietly reading the qoran, while the men were preparing the body. I don't remember any gossiping and frankly there might have been some, but I honestly don't remember it, because at a funeral, we should be spending our time thinking about the deceased, not about what other people are doing, shouldn't we?

At a funeral, food would probably be the last thing on my mind!!