A girl I know been in love with this Guy for almost two years, He is a very good man, loves her so much and so does she, Things are just great between the two. In this past two years, three different guys proposed to her, one of them is her own cousin, since she is in love with this other guy she rejected all three, Now the problem is Her parents, they didn’t pressurise her with the first two, but now they are starting to wonder and get worried, that there might be something wrong. About this other Guy who she loves, he is in no position to propose now, she truly understands that, she doesn’t mind waiting, but doesn’t have the guts to tell her parents about him, as they are very strict.

Now the thing is her parent demanding explanations, valid reasons, and the reasons she has given are Invalid to them. Her mom is worried that her daughter might have developed some kind of complexity toward this whole marriage issue. They are religious, so they believe being too picky is not right and it might lead her being 3anis(which is not the case)!.

Her parents totally convinced that this 3rd Guy is Mr right for her, so they harass her day & night. Trying everything to convince her, even arranging a meeting for them but she is trying to get away from it.

-What can she do to convince them that she is not against marriage, just doesn’t want this guy?

-What’s the right thing for her to do?

Right thing to do is to try to get the guy she loves to purpose
it's just an engagment not a wedding

I don't see any other solution but for the girl to come out and tell her mom that she wants to marry another man... sure she will be mad but at least she will know whats going on right? And this is the one time in the girls life where her decision is the most important. I can't think what I would do in that situation except for tell my mother... It's a hard situation. I feel sorry for whoever is in this dilemma!!

I think the best thing to do is try to convince the guy she loves to come and propose if his family would agree.. as Crazy said it will only be an engagement..

And if she is close to her mother then she better tell her about the guy she loves...

I hate it when men say that they love you, but they are in no position to propose! God **** it, it's just a proposal not a wedding! It doesn't cost you anything, just saving your girl a lot of hear ache and pressure! :bored: If you enjoy her company that much, ask her at least for marriage out of respect for her!

exactly my thought
Strange world we live in

I will go with CR proposal, and if the guy "which she says he loves her" refuse then it means he is a player. Therefor, she then needs to listen to her parents and get married to the 3rd guy and love can be generated between them if she has the intention otherwsie she will end up spinster '3anis' which will lead us to Sleyum thread.

She should either:

Convince the guy to propose,
or,
Confide in her mother.

There's no way out of it, really.
Unless she says that she's just not interested in getting married.

Ask your guy to talk to his parents and through them to your parents. I don't think there's a more straight forward way than that.

again like what all members above said .. nothing can be done except him coming to propose ... what are the reasons for him to be able to prpose? Finance? like what sophis said, proposal doesnt cost a thing.
Education? again, proposal wouldnt stop that!!

we live in a soicty that gives a girl who refuses alot of proposal a bad image .. and then, if it happened and she couldnt be with the guy she loves .. everyone would make her feel guilty about it if she didnt get married. This is why, him coming to propose would stop all these talks and worries .. and its also an assurance to the girl!

I will go with CR proposal, and if the guy "which she says he loves her" refuse then it means he is a player.[/b]


I think that most girls should take note of what Mr. Tea said here. :yes:

Ask your guy to talk to his parents and through them to your parents. I don't think there's a more straight forward way than that.
This is the absolute best solution Haya. Since her parents are strict, they would most probably accept the parents coming to them with this issue rather than the guy or her. Have HIS parents talk to HER parents. And like the rest said: is an engagement or even a promise to an engagement & NOT a marriage.

Sophis, I don't agree with you and Icey. Not all guys are in a position to propose and its not because they don't want to (what guy enjoys seeing the girl he loves get proposed to by someother chap?) but perhaps because of certain social/personal reasons that the girl's parents will refuse him. Maybe he does not have a degree, or is not working yet and becasue of those things he fears (and has grounds for his fears)that the parents will refuse him.

no matter how strict ur parents are , the least u can do is tell to your mom about it ... if he bf loves her as much he wouldnt mind and it would be nice if he also started knowing atleast the mom ,by visiting or what can be accepted in this family so atleast the mom can understand the situation in a clearer way and can know whats going on not to pressure her anymore ..

I think that most girls should take note of what Mr. Tea said here. :yes:


Thanks for the compliment :)

Sophis, I don't agree with you and Icey. Not all guys are in a position to propose and its not because they don't want to (what guy enjoys seeing the girl he loves get proposed to by someother chap?)


You are assuming here the guy is really loves her and his intention is to get marraid and not something else. That is what he needs to prove to the girl and take a further step.


but perhaps because of certain social/personal reasons that the girl's parents will refuse him. Maybe he does not have a degree, or is not working yet and becasue of those things he fears (and has grounds for his fears)that the parents will refuse him.

If we assume you are right, then at least the guy should try to be proactive and discuss with his family, and go to propose if they refused then that is soemthing else. At least he proved that his intention is to get marraid from this girl and now the girl in the picture and she can push from her side.

look what i think is..that girl should talk to her
parents that she wanna get married from aguy that she think that
she gonna be happy with him4 whole life not aone who just came like that!!
she should tell them if she felt good about someone she gonna say yes from the
first sec that she felt good about him....coz she donna wanna hurry and
get the wrong guy coe she know that he gonna be her husband and thats not
easy thing to think about...she should tell them too that her whole future in
this answer (( i mean yes or no)) not only her life,even her children in future..
who r their future granddsons and doughters...

and after that she must talk to that guy((who loves her )) and tell him that he have
afew mounths 2be ready 4 propose!! god why he is that cold
if i was a man and i loved agirl i won't let her go out of my hands
i will run to her parents!!

no and whats made me mad that he knew that three different guys proposed 2her!!!
aaaaaaaaaah i wanna kick him now :(

Haya, the way I see it, I think that this guy should just ask his parents to propose to the girl. It's the only logical solution here. I can understand if the guy is not ready to propse, there's always the fear of being rejected if they've still haven't achieved what they wanted, like finishing school, or getting a good job and saving some money. Men, who are true about their feelings, want to be absolutely ready when proposing so that the girls famiy would have no reason to say no. But in this situation, this girl can't wait any longer. Her man needs to take a quick move, and like Niggy said, let it be just a talk between the two families, nothing official, but at least she'll get her man, and her man would get her and get the chance to finish what he wants then get married when everything is ready.

Most of you if not all judged the guy ? wonder why ? ist because most believes that there are no decent guys left . Most of what you guys said might be real and true but as Enigma and DrN said which they touched the core of the problem the guy is not ready and him proposing Now might turn it to rejection by girl's family especially when there is someone else waiting for Yes and has an advantage of an approval by girl's family. Its very Natural for the girl's family to compare between the Two and he might easily loose.

Arby
we live in a soicty that gives a girl who refuses alot of proposal a bad image .. and then, if it happened and she couldnt be with the guy she loves .. everyone would make her feel guilty about it if she didnt get married. This is why, him coming to propose would stop all these talks and worries .. and its also an assurance to the girl!

You are Right , but what you suggested can not be considered now , what other solution are there ? or its a no way out sistuation?

Those who suggested to confide the mother is the only option that can fit now, however the consequences are unknown ,so its a risk.
Being close with kids is something and for a mother to accept that her daughter is involved even if its a decent relationship is something else.

Toxic
!! god why he is that cold
if i was a man and i loved agirl i won't let her go out of my hands
i will run to her parents!!
no and whats made me mad that he knew that three different guys proposed 2her!!!aaaaaaaaaah i wanna kick him now

lol kick him. Toxic nothing is worst for a guy than seeing the person he loves being wanted by other men for marriage and he cant do much about it. If it was entirely up to him things might have been different.Sometimes Families complicate things be it his or her family.

Haya, the other soloution is to wait and I know its very hard ..

another soloution is to ask the to have a talk with his parents, maybe if they knew they would speed things up!!

Yeah most members gave the best logical way outof it...ask the boy to talk to his mum/dad and then will confront the girls mum/dad and plus i personally think the girl should tell her mum no matter how strict the mother is she is telling her mum that she wants to marry someone not date him...no matter how strict a mother is i believe she loves her kids and will always understand them...

-What can she do to convince them that she is not against marriage, just doesn’t want this guy?
*She should tell them the truth that she is not intrested in him,or maybe she is not ready for the commitment.

-What’s the right thing for her to do?
*Let her pray salat istikhara..that will help her decide which one to go for.

All the best to her:)