Well our new relationship guru :D said an intresting statment:

"I keep hearing people talk about love all the time and dedicating songs to one another over the radio, so romantic init? Valentine day, anniversary, and blah blah and they can’t last for couple of years, and because they believe in love so much, the minute it fades out of marriage problems start coming up to the surface "

what do you guys think of this?

I totally agree with you .. but for those who married out of love "ONLY"

think about it in like you are preparing a dish, love is one of the ingredient that would make the dish taster .. but it doesnt mean that without it the dish is nothing!! plus, that ingredent alone is nothing but an ingredent!!

Love is nice to have, but if you dont have it, it doesnt mean you marraige wouldnt work!!

I need to watch out my words are used against me! bring it on all the red point I will fall down standing up. :gap:

I would like to see people's opinion about it, especially love birds, those who have crush, and above all optimistic full of hope people.

Married people please get in, after all people like me can talk the talk but in the end of the day yall do the walk

Love is not always romantic. Romance is a type of love, but love itself is bigger than to be described in words!

....they believe in love so much, the minute it fades out of marriage problems start coming up to the surface "

what do you guys think of this?
I have to disagree, as marital problems don't have to start only when love fades, but they can even come from day #1 when two people in love start to live together.

In many cases, it is just the opposite. It's because there are marital problems (in addition to the same routine) that love slowly fades...

It reminds me of a joke which said something like: "marriage is a ring on his finger and two rings under her eyes"... :laugh:

This is what I think relationship gurus Raed and AP.

Not true. Problem arises when you don't work hard at a relationship. The trap that people fall into when falling in love is that they believe love is the solution to everything. This means that they don't work as hard for a relationship to work as couples who got married for the sake of marriage.

As soon as the spark begins to fade, they don't work hard to rekindle it. If they realise they have a problem and work hard to add the spark back, it will be a success. While arranged marriages, the partners know that they will need to work hard to rekindle a flame.


For a marriage (relationship) to be a success will depend on how much you want to work at it. Success does not lie on the reason of why you got married (love or arranged).

Everything in life requires hard work to be a success. Put the effort, it will work. Don't put any effort to rekindle a flame, it will fail.

I can see where love is an factor in added into a formula that makes marriages work, but there are people around who fall in love blindly without judging as to how or where thier relationship is going, while others just like to live in the 'love' phase i.e. just cuz XYZ is married and in love i need to be to.

There are others who are not so lucky in the sense that they get married thinking that they will find love and passion with their partner( arranged marriages) but sadly fall into the trap and realise that such an emtional bond is hard to create.

Once you dont have the emotional connection with your better half and dont work to develop that you might as well get out of the relationship since you would simply be hurting each other in the end. I think that i would choose that option if i ever find myself in this situation, it may be hard but in the long run you dont end up resenting the other person.

its not beacuse of love princess, its beacuse of dreams and fantasies. we go through life dreaming about the perfect marriage, perfect husband, perfect life, never-ending happiness..etc and then we are faced with the reality we just pull back without trying to work things out.

Blossom, sometimes love creat these fantasies.. people who are "in" love tend to be dreamy and think of marraige as a rose garden .. while you need to think more of it .. marraige is full of ups and downs, and you should be ready to face it.

marraige is full of ups and downs, and you should be ready to face it.


True Arby but people always have mis-conceptions of what love and marriage should be like, we are never informed or advised by our parents that it would be a hard thing and something that does not always works out. Ok fine we can see by example of our parents but yet each relationship and marriage is different where there are no guarantees in life.

Life can be one big ball game, but we don’t have to struggle to live it

True, you know before having the malka (3 years back) my uncle called me and told me that marraige life is not always smooth and told me about the thin rope theory, if my husband's pushes I should let lose .. and if I pushed he should let lose. At that time I thought this wouldnt be hapening to me .. and smiled shyly to him .. but I realised it happens in ALL marraiges and thats the key to a successful marraige!!

they call it Sha3rat ma3aweyah. The hair of ma'oiah

yaaaaah, that what I meant :) thanx raed.

But knowing ''US'' we dont like to give in easily.... :D :D and how many times are you expected to give in anyways?

7.6 X 8.9 times :gap:

that equels to about 70.3 so that would be 70% Read :D thanks hehehe make sure i calculate everytime i get into an argument with my husband lol

Islamically you should always give in as long as he did not ask you to commit a sin

:bored: :rolleyes: Alla yi3een the hot temper in some women :P :inno:

exactly, especially coming from our family .. we should be excused shouldnt we warda :eek:

So whats the conclusion, I'm lost and no longer know what love is!

No one knows, don't search too much, you will not find an answer.

Blossom, sometimes love creat these fantasies.. people who are "in" love tend to be dreamy and think of marraige as a rose garden .. while you need to think more of it .. marraige is full of ups and downs, and you should be ready to face it.

love does not creat fantasies, its us who have this idea of love and how it should be.

...people always have mis-conceptions of what love and marriage should be like, we are never informed or advised by our parents that it would be a hard thing
I don't really get how someone can have a misconception of what love is all about (?). Love is a wonderful feeling which can only be experienced from within and either we do 'feel' it or we don't.

When it comes to having misconception about marriage, there is always the exemple we have every day in front of our eyes, which is our parents marriage.

After so many years of marriage, do we see them 24/7 hugging, kissing, missing each other terribly, calling each other daily to tell sweet words, showing themselves to their best level, being so in love as if the world has stopped...etc? I believe no.

Though I agree that each marriage is different, but seeing on a daily basis our parents behaviours, reactions and attentions towards each other can already give us a good idea what marriage is all about and how we will end up feeling (if not looking :rolleyes: ) after many years.

The only difference with our parents marriage is that we might be lucky to have something slightly better or we might be unlucky to have something much worst. This is simply a reality.

As Sophis said above, the success of a relationship or marriage is how much effort both (not only one) partners are willing to put into it, and this in good and in bad time.

Marriage can be compared to a growing flower. If we take care of it from the beginning and regularly give it the proper care, then it will hopefully grow strong on its root and well. If we do neglect it here and there, there will surely be signs either on the steam, on the leaves or on the overall shape of this flower ;).

I don't really get how someone can have a misconception of what love is all about (?). Love is a wonderful feeling which can only be experienced from within and either we do 'feel' it or we don't.

When it comes to having misconception about marriage, there is always the exemple we have every day in front of our eyes, which is our parents marriage.

After so many years of marriage, do we see them 24/7 hugging, kissing, missing each other terribly, calling each other daily to tell sweet words, showing themselves to their best level, being so in love as if the world has stopped...etc? I believe no.
[/color]

Xp- if you read my post carefully you would see that i did mention parents into the post. YES! our parents are the best examples as to showing us what love and marriage is all about. If you are lucky enough to have parents who are emotional and passionate about each other then you are bound to be misconcieved as to the true image behind marriage. As for love then we could be decieved into believe that its easy and lasting.....which sadly it does not!

Warda, I did read your entire post carefully and only stressed a second time that we have our parents as an exemple.

I repeated it, as many might never think that it is indeed an exemple,... or many might presume that their future relationship or marriage will be so much different or better than their parents.

Though I do not wish to put any single person off when it comes to marriage, but usually it is not commun for a maried couple to remain passionate after years together. It can happen and some members might be lucky to fall in that minority :).

However, after 10 or 20 years, with hard work, love and understanding, a marriage can still be good and strong without the first years passion....

Thanks for clarifying and support my point.......Marriages are unwarranted ventures in a humans life it depends on the individual to develop into and shape into what he/she wants.