If you are sooo in love with a person and he is soo in love with you and this has been going on for 3 years, but he can't propose to you until after 1 and half years!! I mean it is impossible for him to do any formal step before that period of time, according to him.(though the reasons doesn't make sense to you AT ALL!)

You want to get married and tired of being single. A very good guy approached you for marrige and you know you can fall in love with him if you set your feelings free, but you don't love him yet. He is soo amazing but you only got to know to him for about 2 weeks..


whom would you go for? wait for one and half year for that person you knew inside-out or go ahead with this other guy?

utimetly depends on the person can he/she wait? is it worth the wait?

I think that you have to know the new guy first and then decide. Other than that don’t make any decisions. Just wait and watch (few months), things may really change in a blink of an eye! What looks like so far may come to be so near and what looks very nice and suitable, my turn after sometime worse than expected.

Take more time, simple and clear ;)

I think that you have to know the new guy first and then decide. Other than that don’t make any decisions. Just wait and watch (few months), things may really change in a blink of an eye! What looks like so far may come to be so near and what looks very nice and suitable, my turn after sometime worse than expected.

Take more time, simple and clear ;)

So baiscally have two at the same time!! :lost:

put the one I love in the situation .. he knows things should be formal in this society for me to live stressless ..
I wouldnt let him go unless he shows me no concern of what I am saying.

utimetly depends on the person can he/she wait? is it worth the wait?

Lets say the girl can't wait because she is getting old, plus she is just fed up of being single. However, she loves that person who can't do any formal step, but the problem here is that he has no good excuse for not making any step except that his parents dont want him to do any step until he finializes something which will take a year or maybe 2!!

put the one I love in the situation .. he knows things should be formal in this society for me to live stressless ..
I wouldnt let him go unless he shows me no concern of what I am saying.

I am not sure if I got you right, however, he can't do any step because his parents want him to go for further studies first and that will be for 1 or 2 years.

She should inform the one she loves about the situation and see what he will do.. if he did nothing then she should get to know the other guy, pray istikharah and see if this is kheer for her...

Cuz if the one she loves had convincing reasons then fine its worth the wait specially if he is a good respectable peron and loves her.. But if he gives reasons that don't make sense then he is just wasting her time and she deserves better...

He is the guy, if he cant convince his parents now .. when then?

I know I might sound harsh .. but that what I will do .. he doesnt need to go into marraige if he doesnt have the means now .. a malka is enough... I am a girl and the society never leaves me alone!!

thats how I will be thinking!

Totaly agree with you AP.. what you said is true and the girl can't wait for ever and socity won't let her rest in peace.. and if the guy's parents agree (he should try to convince them) then they should have at least malka..

Lets say the girl can't wait because she is getting old, plus she is just fed up of being single

to me this whole sitiuation sounds abit wrong , so it doesnt matter to her , who she gets married to as long as she is getting married at the end. :scratch:

She should tell the one she loves, the whole situation and see if there would be any different solution other than waiting, to me it seems that she already set her mind , since she believes that this other new guy can be loved easily if she leggo of what she has now, she is not convinced with the reasons given to her.

it all depends on her , if she has the capability of forgetting and moving on then let her go for this new guy, provided that he is worth it.

I'de rather wait for the one i love than just getting married for the sake marriage, i know i wont be happy unless am with HIM provided that am convinced with all the reasons he has .

he can't do any step because his parents want him to go for further studies first and that will be for 1 or 2 years.

I wouldnt wanna marry a guy, who's parents decide for him

I'd agree with Arby and BR she should put the guy on the spot if you want me here i'm if not there's someone out there
when's that person going ot talk to his parents and do something about it

it is impossible for him to do any formal step before that period of time, according to him.(though the reasons doesn't make sense to you AT ALL!)
if it doesn't make sense at all then is important to talk with him about it, but once decided to leave him, marrying just cause of marrying that is a wrong step.

I would wait for the first guy. I'm not afraid of being single and well, if I've waited 3 years already what harm would another year and a half do? However, his reasons should be worth the wait.

He is soo amazing but you only got to know to him for about 2 weeks..

[B]

You've just known him for two weeks, how do u know that he is that amazing?

Risky, but I would stick with Mr. First.

If the guy is worth it and if he's serious about wanting to marry you, then wait wait wait! But some guys, just use the 'I'm not ready', 'I'll be ready in a year an a half' kinda crap just to get the girl off their @ss. So you gotta be sure this guy is for real. You guys can get engaged now and then get married whenever. Bring it up, ask him what he thinks. Tell him you want to feel secure. And let us know what he says lol

wait, i just re read what you said and the guy was like he doesnt want to take a formal step WTF??.. ok, let him talk to your brothers, if you have any older brothers. I dont know why but i dont like this guy.. Tell him about the guy that came and asked for you and see what he has to say.

Wait for my man.

I would wait for the first guy. I'm not afraid of being single and well, if I've waited 3 years already what harm would another year and a half do? However, his reasons should be worth the wait.

What if after the wait he comes and tells you saionara? what will you do then? if he gives reasons that make no sense then it means he is not serious.. and he is not worth the wait..

You want to get married and tired of being single.
You have answered yourself:

In every woman’s life there are three men:

- a man she loves.
- A man who loves her.
- A man whom she gets married to.

Just pray al istekharah. BUT before you pray all scholars insist that istekhrah has to be prayed with “tajarud” which means you leave emotions out of it. Become objective and make both options equal then pray. For if you tilt towards one option, 1000 prayers won’t do you good making your choice. Maybe it is helpful if you can imagine a daughter of yours running through the same situation, that’s the best way to convince the child within.

In every woman’s life there are three men:

- a man she loves.
- A man who loves her.
- A man whom she gets married to.

this is intresting :D

so the lucky ones are who have the three men within one :)

Raed some of us don't have any of these men ;)

read the story of Imaam Ahmad's wedding, you will be amazed how romantic our history is.

who is imam ahmed?? and where we can find the story?

yeah where can we find it :hyper:

Raed
- a man she loves.
- A man who loves her.
- A man whom she gets married to.

inshallah my man will be all of the above :shy: . almost there .

In every woman’s life there are three men:

- a man she loves.
- A man who loves her.
- A man whom she gets married to.



Raed, come on what kind of theory is this? Perhaps what used to happen in the middle ages. Just look at Wardat Al-Khaleej, MoonChild and all the married people in this forum. They have all three.

Haya, he is being so pessimistic, let's keep away from him before he starts making the both of us cry when explaining. :gap:

Time shall be on my side when hope is on yours Sophi.

Time shall be on my side when hope is on yours Sophi.

Raed, what abt the so many people who have gotten married to those whom they love and love them in return? You can't deny that! Not only that most people don't just fall in love once in their lifetime!

Explain your point of view then.

I think we are drifting from the main topic, There is a girl for crying out loud, and she is .. aa she is aaa, confused! Yes confused that is the word I am looking for! thanks Microsoft word "nice !getting away with it Raed! smooth..!" :gap:

where is Imam ahmed story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :angre:

where is Imam ahmed story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :angre:

Hopefully you'll be luckier and he'll actually respond to your request.

I am actually hoping to find it online, but the thing is I can't type Arabic over here! so I am waiting till I get off work. Then I will go to an Internet cafe, if I can't find it though, I will have to look for it in my own humble book collection. Which I will get to in matter of days Inshulla. Only then you would find out his story.

Sophi,

here is the deal start a thread and I would be part of it I promise, but this is like stealing someone's thunder! its not ethical.. really! "gap"

give me the full name of the guy and how to find it .. and I will find it for you and post the link .. ma mushkila ..

yup we stole RD thunder.. sorrrry :sorry:

Al Imaam A7mad bn 7unbal

to me this whole sitiuation sounds abit wrong , so it doesnt matter to her , who she gets married to as long as she is getting married at the end. :scratch:



It is not like she wants to get married to anyone just for the sake of getting married. Sometimes a girl reaches to a point where she feels lonely and wants to get married instead of being on relationships that will spoil her reputation and waste of time. When there is someone who loves her madly and this guy is very good, it is not difficult for a girl to fall in love with him after marrige, even though she is in love with a person whom can't force his family to even go propose!!

So basically what i meant is that she wants to get married and move on with life but the one she loves can't do a formal step, not even proposal, because his parents told him to wait for a year or 2 after he finishes his studies or that sort!

If the guy is worth it and if he's serious about wanting to marry you, then wait wait wait! But some guys, just use the 'I'm not ready', 'I'll be ready in a year an a half' kinda crap just to get the girl off their @ss. So you gotta be sure this guy is for real. You guys can get engaged now and then get married whenever. Bring it up, ask him what he thinks. Tell him you want to feel secure. And let us know what he says lol



Well the guy is very serious about the girl but the problem is that his parents dont want him to even do engagement because he is completeing his studies(and this is not High school, it is university).

And when the guy was told about all this and how the girl was feeling, he said "So you can't wait for me! and you are cheating on me! ...bla bla bla...wish u best of luck in your life...etc". This was the last time the girl told him though they talked about it at least 10 times before and he didn't want her to marry someone else and made it a big issue but the last time she told him, he said that.

Ok, they dont have to get formally engaged, but let his parents talk to her parents.

You know, I think him saying that his parents want him to complete his studies is a lame excuse.... you know, the deal with guys is that they get scared and stuff when things get serious, know what I mean? It's like they want to move on, but then when it becomes more real they are like "oh d*mn, I don't want to grow up, I'm a toys r us kid." So that's the deal with that.

Ok, they dont have to get formally engaged, but let his parents talk to her parents.

You know, I think him saying that his parents want him to complete his studies is a lame excuse.... you know, the deal with guys is that they get scared and stuff when things get serious, know what I mean? It's like they want to move on, but then when it becomes more real they are like "oh d*mn, I don't want to grow up, I'm a toys r us kid." So that's the deal with that.


Wallah the guy couldn't even propose informally. Anyhow, the girl made up her decision and moved on with the other guy. and guess what!, they are getting formally engaged on Thursday :love: . They will get to know to eachother for sometime then decide whether they should get married or not.

oh
well mabrook to her :)

The girl is smart!

Wait for my man.
i agree that u should put him on the spot , if he really loves u hell either convvince u to wait for him for a very good excuse or propose ..

and again if it was me , i would wait for my love IF im positively sure he loves me back the same way .....

Once again, another theory of mine proves right! someone hold my head it is too big for me to walk with ! :gap: "check the 3 man theory"

but until now its only two sections of the theory is right .. if she gets married to this guy .. your theory is still incomplete :p

sorry for spoiling it for you Raed :gap:

hello? there are two guys that we know of :

- one who loved her. " Technically dumped"

- the future to be husband.

and the lack of our awareness of "lover boy" does not mean his inexistence..

so I am right again “God the head I need a crane to lift it now!” :gap:

Nop Raed:

1- the one she loved - the guy she has "technicly" dumped

2- the one who loved her - the second guy

3- her future husband - not yet known ;)

so you see, if guy number two marries her .. 2 and 1 will be the same guy .. your theory is wrong again!

is it really hard to see it from my angle ? arby concentrate girl,

there is the unknown guy who loved her , she might not know he is there. In fact he might never be there. so you can never dispute over this point.

there is the future husband to be "the guy who PROPOSED"

there is the dumped fella.

LOOOL...you guys (Raed and Arby) make me laugh:-)

so you mean to say, in your theory, the guy who loves can sometimes be unknown?!!

YEAHA!!!!!!! secret admirers are always there

hmmm intresting .. if thats the case, you can never know if the three men were on one .. or there werent .. makes it complicated :os

you think it is easy, there is a lot of calculations that goes into this!

I am sorry Raed I still don't agree. You say the one she loves. Most women do not love once in their lives. The man she is thinking of marrying, by the looks of it it seems that she will fall in love with him before the marriage date.

Your statement assumes that people fall in love once in their life time. Most of us fall in love more than once. A woman may not marry the first, second or third man she falls in love with. But she may end up marrying the fouth.

yah right Raed :p


so shall I go in a mission to look for my secret admirers .. send out questionnairs, e-mails and so on .. :scrach: need your help raed to analyze the data :p

Aha smart! :app:

This is when we introduce other variables such X, Y , Z , for each case. I am like the classical Egyptian teacher who guides you step by step..

So what did we learn today ? That there are secret admirers, that there could be many of each case..

yah right Raed :p


so shall I go in a mission to look for my secret admirers .. send out questionnairs, e-mails and so on .. :scrach: need your help raed to analyze the data :p

read my text : S E C R E T ... they are to remain that way unless they want you to notice them; you know love litters, flowers ..etc.

but 7araaaaam I want to know them .. it will raise the low self esteem I had when I was a teenager :weep:

Ok mmm are we like going to have a discussion here or what? Anyway I'm off.

I wonder if I have a secret admirer...