I have a question that seems to be kinda relevant. What is the role of the other's 'family'? I understand the importance of coming from a good family, but is it all so important? As long as the individual is up to scratch, cant the reputation of the family be disregarded?

do u think that if u meet a good person in a family with a bad rep. would u still marry them? or would u just look the other way and look for somebody else?

The other's family plays a big role. When you marry someone, you marry their family, so it's best to be on good terms with them. If someone comes from the sort of family you cannot live comfortably with, then it's better to put an end to everything, because family differences can cause a lot of problems.

When you want to plant your seeds it should be done in a good soil and environment in order to survive.

IceTea!

When you want to plant your seeds it should be done in a good soil and environment in order to survive.

IceTea!

With the new Technologies u can plant any where u want even in the salty water... this is what we have been taught in the school :hyper:

But what's the relation between the agriculture & this thread :lost: :flamed:

hey i think flirting is bad do you but the schools sre changing our minds to perfect (wich i hate :yuck: :yawn: :bang: :mad: :tiered: )

fatamoo, how is this thread related to flirting ;)

Well I agree with Ice Tea, you should choose who you marry from, not necesserly tribal background but religiously and morally.

You dont want your kids to grow up with a family with a history of crimes for example!!

ok but lets say the family have a history of drinking alot. but the person u want to marry is a great person and the total opposite! would u refuse the person just because of the family?
i mean isnt tht unfair to the person?!

i want my kids to be from a good family

do u think that if u meet a good person in a family with a bad rep. would u still marry them? or would u just look the other way and look for somebody else?

Even if i want too, ( which i doubt), My parents will NO WAY allow it.

I to be honest will make sure that I struggle enough to convince my parents about it if their reasons were his family is so and so cause I don’t really understand how it will effect us and our kids? Yes they will be there all the time BUT I can’t imagine the WHOLE family to be bad, for sure there will be some good members in it and I will make sure we melt with the good ones. I just don’t agree with this reason.

A Note: I personally will never fall in love with someone before knowing where I’m standing family wise. Acceptance and all and if you say you never know when you will fall, I will never go deep involved in it before calculating things out.

Najah, lets assume you are marrying into a family with no morals .. most family members drink, smoke, swaer and so on ..

anyway, you have kids, your kids will have in interact with his dad's family .. I am sure your husband would want his kids to be close to his family as you are close to yours. When your kids intearct with thier kids who have the same morals, wouldnt they pick up the same attituide?! would you want that to happen to your kid!

It would be nice to be able to isolate our small families from the enviroment around us .. but when we cant, we better choose the enviroment we want our small familt to live in!

I just don't find it fear enough to end a relationship with someone because his/her family isn't good to my standards. Just put yourself in that "someone" position. He/she loves you so much and you tell him/her that I can't marry you because your father/or any relative is so and so. How would he/she feel? We must not blame that "someone" because it's not his/her fault, is it?


Red_Zone

Most family members you mean: the family iteslef that consist from a father a mother and the siblings, or do you mean the ENTIRE qabeela?

I never ever came across a whole Family (in my opinion all the relatives) and all of them were bad?

If it was the family (small one), I won't be living with them, you know how Oman is, everyone is Busy, i mean seriously they meet once in a month if they were that close. When we interact inshallah when my kidz are old enough to understand, i for sure will educate them the difference between good and bad. The environment will influence them for sure, but its everywhere, bad behaviour is everywhere when you don't diciplin them correctly.

and to be honest, there is noo such perfect family in my opinion. If it wasn't obviouse then hidden things are worse.

The moral side, will be him. I will loook morals on him, not his whole family. each and every human differ, and there are some GREAT families with bad siblings, and great great person with terrible families!

ok but lets say the family have a history of drinking alot. but the person u want to marry is a great person and the total opposite! would u refuse the person just because of the family?
i mean isnt tht unfair to the person?!


Yes, I would refuse that person. If a person grew up in an environment where drinking was normal, then I'd be surprised if they themselves didn't drink. I would always be suspicious of the person.

wouldnt they pick up the same attituide?! would you want that to happen to your kid!

obviously u wouldn't want tht to happen to ur kid, but u raise them to learn from other peoples mistakes as well as their own. You show them tht what these people are doing is wrong. And u bring them up in ur way. Plus u dont meet ur family too often.. maybe once every 2 weeks.. but just for a while.. at least once ur married..

Yes, I would refuse that person. If a person grew up in an environment where drinking was normal, then I'd be surprised if they themselves didn't drink. I would always be suspicious of the person.

Ok but let's say tht the whole family drinks (eg.) except for this one guy.
He's seen his dads condition when he's drinking, his brothers condition when he's drinking, and he is old enough to see that he doesnt want the same thing to happen to him. They've learnt from first-hand experiences of living the life with drunks in the family. They know what can go wrong. And this guy is a genuinely good person, good muslim, whom has asked for ur hand in marriage. u'd still refuse?
isn't that unfair to him? i mean, he didn't do anything wrong, it's not his fault tht the family drink.

Plus u dont meet ur family too often.. maybe once every 2 weeks.. but just for a while.. at least once ur married..

it depends how you would want your kids to be raised .. I not very much in favor of visitng the family on occasions ... I want my kid to know his family well .. and grow up with them .. this is why its important to choose the family!

but most people dont find out about the families until its too late. and once they DO find out about the families, they are already falling for the guy. So if the turn back it would be a great loss.. to be honest i think its extremely unfair to the guy.. its not his fault tht his family is like tht.. and wut if anything the situation strengthened his morals? u rejecting him is like saying u might as well drink WITH the family, cuz nobody will let u marry their daughters with tht kinda reputation.

Yes, I would refuse that person. If a person grew up in an environment where drinking was normal, then I'd be surprised if they themselves didn't drink. I would always be suspicious of the person.

don't be surprised at all, and let me tell you someting out of an experience. People who drink or smoke never act like it's normal, deep inside they know its not normal and they will go allllll bossy not letting their kids doing it, and i think those who get exposed to such thing watch and learn cause its never easy living with such people.

it depends how you would want your kids to be raised .. I not very much in favor of visitng the family on occasions ... I want my kid to know his family well .. and grow up with them .. this is why its important to choose the family!

I would always love to interact with both my family and his family. I aslo want my kidz to grow up with his family but the thing is you need to specify what bad family is.

Moral wise: I saw a fantastic qabeela(family if thats what you are reffering to) who have very bad unbehaved siblings, but their name wont get screwed up because that qabeela is well known and i've lived with some who people think that family has a curse in it from father to the youngest son but two of his kidz are the most great creatures i've ever met in my life. I saw a very non-religouse parents with more then religouse kids.....etc

I can go on, but i just can't get what do you mean by a good family. :d

A good family are respectable, with morals and have good reputation. I know that not all the kids would be perfect .. thats normal .. but if alot of them do things that I wouldnt accept my husband to do .. why shall I enter that family?
First, I would feel very different than them and I wouldnt be comfortable, Second I would care about my kids.

ok i can see where your'e going but still, not very convinsed :D

I personally will never fall in love with someone before knowing where I’m standing family wise.

you can never know where u're standing family-wise with the in-laws, unless u are actually married to the guy! it's not like they would let u in on the family secrets if ur NOT FAMILY. and once u DO get married, its too late to back out. because u figure u love the guy. Would u sacrifice marrying into a family with a "bad" rep. for the "good guy"? or just ignore the guy altogether?

Most family members you mean: the family iteslef that consist from a father a mother and the siblings, or do you mean the ENTIRE qabeela?

NO 7asha not the ENTIRE qabeela.. i just mean the real immediate family.. as in dad, mom, sis bro.. etc.

I personally will never fall in love with someone before knowing where I’m standing family wise.

you can never know where u're standing family-wise with the in-laws, unless u are actually married to the guy! it's not like they would let u in on the family secrets if ur NOT FAMILY. and once u DO get married, its too late to back out. because u figure u love the guy. Would u sacrifice marrying into a family with a "bad" rep. for the "good guy"? or just ignore the guy altogether?


well in that statement, i meant where i stand in my family not his family. Clearly, before i fall in love or get involved deeply i will make sure that my family likes him and accepts him if not i will try my best to convince if and lasama7 allah if they TOTALY said no then i guess we are not meant to be, offcourse this final no will be out of long term of discussion's and convinsing. So ya am not talking about my in law's am talking about my own parents and FAMILY.

Most family members you mean: the family iteslef that consist from a father a mother and the siblings, or do you mean the ENTIRE qabeela?

NO 7asha not the ENTIRE qabeela.. i just mean the real immediate family.. as in dad, mom, sis bro.. etc.

yeah here i was addressing the question specifically to Arby, but thanks alot for the calrification :) and this makes it more interesting cause you narrowed it down, make me stick into my concept tightly :D

I personally will never fall in love with someone before knowing where I’m standing family wise.



Easier said than done. You cannot choose who you fall in love with, it just happens.

In answer PT's question I would say that reputations do not mean scratch to me. I don't care, simple as that. What is a reputation anyway? Most of the time its the content of people's gossip, and lets face it, whether you are good or bad you will still get talked about in this society.

Phoenix, you would be surprised! I think that kids who come out of homes that have had abuse, cheating or drinking will either come out just like their parents or they'll be the total opposite because they've seen the damage all that can do. I'd actually prefer the latter to someone who's never been exposed to it all because you know that since he knows the results he's more likely to stay away from that. Many people who come from bad families grow up to become extremely hard workers at making their family the opposite of what they grew up in, that past knowledge IS their drive!

As for my children, I think that it would just make them stronger inside. It'll either break you or make you stronger right? And as long as me and my husband are around then breaking is out of the question. I plan to raise my children on MY terms, not society's. Besides, I think that having those hurdles to overcome throughout childhood is something that makes a person a better one in the end. If you don't know the rough life you'll remain weak, naive and spoiled. I want independent, strong minded children who would never judge someone or have any racism or predjudice towards others. If they've been through all that themselves then they know what its like and would never put it upon others.

We live in a different world than we did 20-30 years ago. Today the immediate family is what makes you, not society or even the extended family (you see them what, once a month and on Eid?).

I would never judge someone because of his family, not only because I wouldn't wnat them to do it to me but because its just not in me to do so. I've seen the best people come out of the worst families, and vice versa.

Lets judge people for who THEY are and not for any other external reasons, isn't that what you would want?

I have a question that seems to be kinda relevant. What is the role of the other's 'family'? I understand the importance of coming from a good family, but is it all so important? As long as the individual is up to scratch, cant the reputation of the family be disregarded?

do u think that if u meet a good person in a family with a bad rep. would u still marry them? or would u just look the other way and look for somebody else?

The family that we are tying with in a marriage have to have good reputation, money shouldn't be considered, as long as they have good reputation in society that we are living among.

Many people wouldn't care about what others say about them, it is still as of my opinion good to consider the family we are tying with, even if you like them, its like reputation matter, as in say "would you marry a person whos mother had some affair with other men?" such things remain unethical in our societies, and will always reflect to your partner later to you as well, that is the society we live in. There are certain things that we can't consider and we can't look upon in our family matters, but this shouldn't be a problem if you are an individual who wants to go far away and live far away from the society you belong to.

However, everything cannot be taken, and in this world not everything is perfect, so some of us would say "we shouldn't relate the person we love with whatever that person's family have to do", and I say that is very true. If we can get a person that is different, and we can love them, and they can love us, as that is what matters, I personally wouldn't care about my partner's family, as I would keep that. But again whatever our partner might be, they can't change what they have achieved of reputation except if your partner is known for the perfection.

Things such as "marrying a prostitute's daughter", do you expect your family to ever consider this or to at least even say yes, regardless that the girl you have chosen is a good girl? And she is significantly different from her family? :no: NO I don't think so this would be easy! Although I think we can if we don't care about many things!

Easier said than done. You cannot choose who you fall in love with, it just happens.
Najah i think u got a good reply to that!!

And Enigma i share those EXACT same views with u 1000%!!!
(with the raising of kids and the inner strength and EVERYTHING)
Totally agree.. i think tht after experiencing the hard life, as u said u either beat em or u join em. And after realizing from first-hand experience what alcohol can do to you, it literally GUARENTEES that they will stay off it forever. Once you break the trend, its broken for life for you... and yeh u'd live life being the wiser!

A family's reputation is important but I've yet to come across a family without at least a couple of bad apples. What irritates me is how ppl are so quick to point out the faults of other families and why they won't associate themselves with them while conveniently turning a blind eye to their own problems. As far as I'm concerned, as long as the guy himself is respectable and his immediate family (i.e. parents and siblings ONLY) are good ppl then I couldn't give two hoots whether the rest of his family are members of a circus.

Yeah a family rep. is important but sometimes i think LOVE is blind! Personally i am marrying the man and into his family so i think yeah it important for the sake of my kids!

A family's reputation is important but I've yet to come across a family without at least a couple of bad apples. What irritates me is how ppl are so quick to point out the faults of other families and why they won't associate themselves with them while conveniently turning a blind eye to their own problems. As far as I'm concerned, as long as the guy himself is respectable and his immediate family (i.e. parents and siblings ONLY) are good ppl then I couldn't give two hoots whether the rest of his family are members of a circus.

yes but what im asking is what if the immediate family were the bad apples, and the guy himself was the good one.. or one of a few good ones in the immediate family?
EG the whole family drinks except for him and.. i dunno... his mom

We live in a different world than we did 20-30 years ago. Today the immediate family is what makes you, not society or even the extended family (you see them what, once a month and on Eid?).

I seriously dont want to live like that .. I want kids who are grown up within the family, who share a sense of community with people who are related to them. I wouldnt want my kids to see thier extended family (grandparents, uncles and aunts) only during eids!!! My plan is to get them grow with them ..

yes but what im asking is what if the immediate family were the bad apples, and the guy himself was the good one.. or one of a few good ones in the immediate family?
EG the whole family drinks except for him and.. i dunno... his mom

That's a bit more tricky. If I'm gonna have to be mixing with his family on a regular basis (which I guess I would have to do) I don't think I'll marry him. I can't stand being around such company...ya3ni ppl who drink or are into $hit, specially if they don't see anything wrong with what they're doing. I wouldn't want to bring my kids up in such an environment either.

once again.. dont u think that's being unfair to the good guy involved?

I think its quite sad that some would judge a person cause of his family. Not all apples fall close to the tree.. and so its best to actually look into that guy and who he is instead of judging based on something that someone else did.

I think its quite sad that some would judge a person cause of his family. Not all apples fall close to the tree.. and so its best to actually look into that guy and who he is instead of judging based on something that someone else did. Totally agree with ya 100%!!