If your family had some sort of deep-rooted secret, is it okay to keep it from your spouse/partner or should you let them know?

What would you do, when it comes to family scandals, etc? Keep it away from them or let them know? Do they even have a right to know?

It depends on how serious the relationship is, if you are heading toward marriage then yes, your partner has every right to know everything. If not, I would say its up to you whether or not you feel comfortable sharing that info.

yes.. I think the partner should know every thing. he/she has to know exactly what he/she is gettin him/herself into. :)

I don't think it depends on the strength of the relationship, but on the partner's personality!! If he is a big gossiper u can't give him/her one of your family top secrets!!
It doesn't mean you r not hounest with your partner, but u have to be hounest & loyal to your family to protect their privacy..

Do they have the right to know?

If it doesn't relate to them & non of their business Y we spread the secret around?!

It depends. If its a family problem thats very private, and wouldnt affect your relationship either way, then it doesnt need to be said I think.

If it has no impact over a person's life, and could continue the rest of their lives not knowing, then there is no need for access information. Keep that folder off the shared ones.

If your family had some sort of deep-rooted secret, is it okay to keep it from your spouse/partner or should you let them know?
Good topic Phoenix!

Everyone is different, some need to share, others prefer to remain silent...

As we are talking about an issue which is not directly related to our partner, I do not see the need to have to share it with him.

I believe that if our family has its own secret, it shouldn't be unnecessarily exposed to even other members of the family who are not aware of it. There is nothing pretty to expose family scandals and nothing to gain by letting our spouse know about it.

To my opinion, what would be wrong is if our partner is one day upset at us, because we kept this secret or this scandal to ourselves....

But Xpress, if you marry this person he becomes part of your family, therefore has every right to know. And before that, he should know so that he makes his decision.

Some scandals hurt a family's reputation, if you marry into that family it will hurt yours too (not fair I know, but that's society for you). That's why you have a right to know.

If your family had some sort of deep-rooted secret, is it okay to keep it from your spouse/partner or should you let them know?
In a way or another for sure is something which affected also my life and will also our life in common,and when you start with a skeleton then another follows and it ends with a skeleton,so better bringing out immediately.

it depends. Like if its a problem that is over, or something that happened a while back and is considered 'the past' now. It's up to the person to tell their partner or not. But If like the problem is something their family is going through right now and the person is worried/depressed or whatever, then yes, their partner should know whats going on so the partner could be more understanding and be there for him/her.

I know that i will always share, I'm never good at keeping things covered specially if they are as close as someone you live daily with. I mean he/she suppose to be your soulmate. El7elwa, pheonix i think is talking about your partner, so would you live with a person you don't even trust, i mean a gossiper! no way for me, he wont be like that inshallah, and therefore I would tell him. I love to be aware of my surronding too, and to know everything therfore i would expect him to tell me so :p (mutual)

I am like Najah, I wouldnt live with myself if I didnt tell him .. I just cant.

same here have to tell her everything. I want that person to know as much as possible of me and my family since she's going to be part of it

if this secret would have a direct affect on our relationship & marriage later on ..then yes i will definitly tell him thats part of being Honest and Frank ..but not everything should be told,thats what i hear from elders .. that a woman should learn to keep few things to herself and not to sharre everything with her husband especially issues related to her family...
but new generation differ i guess..gurls are generally blabers ..i dont think they can hold secrets or anything...

No, he should know!

I believe that both before and after marriage, people should consider carefully before revealing uncomplimentary personal info. (unless absolutely necessary), because it causes one's spouse to lose respect, and is thus detrimental to the relationship.

It causes them to lose their feeling that "my spouse is the most wonderful person"; why erode that feeling, if you can prevent it?!

What does digging it up help? It's better to let go of the past, move on from it, and focus on the positive.

This issue has already been discussed, though not from the family angle: "I want to know everything about you" (http://www.englishsabla.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23884)

As for the family issue: Except for extreme, exceptional cases, it is wrong to disclose private information about someone else without their permission. Especially in the case of two people who are still getting to know each other, where, despite the best intentions, each one does not yet know whether the other one is to be trusted with private info.

I actually think that the person a guy or girl is gonna marry should know all about each other BEFORE they're married, not after! I think it's more fair that way, I mean, the other person has to know just who they're marrying, not just the rosy, airbrushed picture of yourself. If this person still wants to marry you after that, then that shows how strong your marriage is going to be!

if you think that these secrets gonna affect his/her decision to marry you than you should not hide them. but what if you were asked by your family not to tell? cause some things are better left untold....what would you then?

yeh i think the person should know.. if the relationship is close enough.

If anybody watched soap operas, like Passions or Days of Our Lives(hahah - they're so silly :D), they would know that secrets between people, no matter how irrelevant they may seem, could have a negative effect on the relationship in the long run. So it's a matter of getting your priorites straight, basically. If the family secret/scandal is so major and confidential that it's worth risking a marriage over, then maybe... although I don't know what kind of dysfunctional family would have a problem THAT bad - If so, anyhow, I think that the person who has the secret should at least come clean about the fact that there are certain things in her life concerning her family that she just cannot share with him, and just hope that her significant other will be understanding enough to accept it.

This Is My Two-hundredth Post.... Wooo Hooooo!!!!!!

I don't think that you'd have to tell your partner family secrets if it didn't involve them or affect them in anyway. For instance, if my direct family had a problem.. I would not confide in my partner and tell him, because frankly, it does not have anything to do with him. Unless the problem was a major one, and could have drastic effects on both our lives, then he really doesn't have to know anything.

If anybody watched soap operas, like Passions or Days of Our Lives(hahah - they're so silly :D)

somehow I doubt the reliability of your sources of information ...

If your family had some sort of deep-rooted secret, is it okay to keep it from your spouse/partner or should you let them know?

What would you do, when it comes to family scandals, etc? Keep it away from them or let them know? Do they even have a right to know?
As far as it is not related to (manhood disabilities), then nothing is a secret. :gap: