Say No to a Second Wife!

[Enigma]

I'm sure you have all heard that women & men can impose conditions on a marriage to eachother in Islam. What I'm not sure women know is that when they are legally to become married in Islam it is perfectly acceptable that she request the husband to sign that he will not take another wife while he is married to her. If he does, she has every right to terminate the marriage and request for a divorce on the basis that he annulled the contract and she will be granted a fuss free divorce from the court.

Girls, would you request this on your day of marriage?

Guys, how would you feel if she did?

Personally, I know I would never marry a guy who would even consider it so it shouldn't be a problem. But not all women marry men whom they are 100% certain wouldn't consider a second wife which is why I ask..

[CrazyReD]

I have no intrest in marrying a 2nd one , however I don't think a women can demand that if he takes another wife then she can just get a divorce and I think there are situations which a man can marry another women it's not just i wanna get another one to spice up my life
atleast thats what i think

[Enigma]

What sort of situations KR?

[Bonita applebum]

i'd love to ask for something like that on the day i get married from my husband.. but thats like im telling him ... I DONT TRUST YOU !! i dunno wat ur capable of doing in the future .. u might want another wife etc.. i'd think the guy would feel quite ANGRY at the thought of that .. n the fact that u have to sign some sort of agreement like that.. is crazy... but it would come in handy dont get me wrong.. im totally against this whole 2nd wife thing.. drives me CRAZY! but then again ... its life.. u cant do anything about it!

[CrazyReD]

well if she can't have children and the husband wants to have children
thats one from the top of my head for more i need to do research again these are my personal opinions from my understanding but i might be wrong i'll do some reasearch once i'm done with these tests and will post back :)

[Shinoda LP]

If my wife can't have kids, I'd much rather go to an orphanage and make a kid happy. No thought in my mind about having 2 wives at one time ...

[Bonita applebum]

thats the best option to adopt a child... but y is it all " if my wife cant have kids " why couldnt it have been ... if " we cant have kids " :)

[Shinoda LP]

thats the best option to adopt a child... but y is it all " if my wife cant have kids " why couldnt it have been ... if " we cant have kids " :)

Because I DO NOT speak on my wife's behalf. If I can't have kids (as in medically), then I don't know what my wife might do ... lol. I'm sure though that she'd adopt one, rather than marry another guy. :D

[CrazyReD]

personally i think if a man really loves his wife he wouldn't marry another women

[Bonita applebum]

and vice versa!! but in situations like these.. i belive a woman considers her mans feelings more than he would to her... she wouldnt wanna be the one that ppl say oo .. look at her she asked for a divorce just cause he couldnt have kids! but men .. would gladly do so .. no questions asked! ( most of them at least )

[Mr_BaLuCh]

I Have a Article i would like to share with u guys,


The Second Wife
By Shariffa Carlo Al Andalusia


http://www.allaahuakbar.net/womens/second_wife.htm

[Bonita applebum]

quite interesting.. thanks :)

[Enigma]

I have found that Muslims have fallen prey to the Western ideal of one woman for one man

How is it a western ideal when its human nature? Did ADAM the father of all mankind have more than one wife? He had only Eve. One woman for one man. If you honestly think that its not in our nature to want a monogomous relationship then you gotta take some courses in human psychology darling. The emotions set with marriage and relationships are not wired to accept an intruder.


The majority of men admit to committing adultery and a growing number of women do the same..

1. So if some men around the world act like jerks, we tell them okay, you can do the same thing but this time we'll make it legal?

2. Just because he's got 3 more options than his one, do you really think he'll stop at that? If a guy is going to play around he'll do it regardless of how many wives he's got.

3. Since he says that women are doing it too, then why don't we give them s'more hubbies too!


because of the insane divorce rate

Divorce rates only became a problem in the last 20-30 years. You cannot point the finger at their divorce rates, men have been men since sanat siktoo and yet marriages remained inact till recently.


I have heard Muslim women say, I would rather that my husband commit adultery than that he bring a second wife.

How unfortunate that is that women are they way they are biologically. This woman might okay that for herself but she shouldn't be in such a hurry to impose her silly ideas amongst us other women. Take a look around you, which destroys a relationship more: a guy having meaningless sex or him falling in love and making a commitment to another woman? It doesnt take much sense to tell you that the latter would be more damaging.


Then, we have others who claim that Polygyny is only in cases where war has taken the majority of the men, or in special circumstances - like when the woman can not bear children or when the woman is sick.

Those 'others' who she is disrespectfully talking about are scholars with much more knowledge than she could buy with her life's worth. There is a REASON those cases are excusable & acceptable. In the absence of a fertile woman or a sick one the man's needs are not able to be met (mind you neither are hers in the case of infertility and yet she pays always, doesn't she? :) ) if he has all that pray tell me what his excuse is to ask for another?

If Mohammed PBUH claimed the women were so delicate they broke as easily as glass does then why would you hurt her in the most severe way a man can?

If a woman's job is to be a good wife as so many men and prude women claim and she does this job you repay her by putting someone in her place and belittiling her 'duty' in such a way? You tell her to do the job and then you rob her of it!

She did however bring up the issue of the Quranic verse which states clearly that men do NOT have it in their power to be fair to more than one wife, and the actual rule for taking one more is that he be fair. Which in its own way annulls the verse before it! Which leads you to understand that only in CERTAIN and urgent circumstances should man take more than one wife.


If it were wrong, or even makru - as some state - then we would not find the majority among our best generations practicing it.

I have always said, that just because so many people practice something that NEVER makes it a reason for it to be right. Thinking it does is lack of intelligence.

In the Prophet's time (PBUH) he and his companions took more than one wife because they were in war, because men were scarce and women were lonely therefore WANTED to at least be married for that is their nature. And to spread Islam, I hardly think its smart to compare that time to now.

Has anyone read about the current situation in China? Men there outnumber the women because of an unfortunate doing (like war); female infanticide. China is also the place with the world's highest population. If you cannot find a man to marry, I'm sure you will find one there.

This woman has a lot of opinion but not much understanding, a lot of balls but no heart. The article is sentence after sentence displaying her hatred of the west (or fear of it?). We as a society should take what good we can of a deveolping community and leave what is bad for us, but should never blame our mishaps on them.

Though in this case, it is not a mishap but merely a development of mind and an urge for happiness. If we can find that we need not to complicate things for ourselves by dictating rules that will make us miserable.

[HITMAN]

ok i have a Q, why in islam women arent allowed to marry 4 men?

[Mr_BaLuCh]

Bcoz One Is Enough For Them

[Scorpio27]

No second marriage unless there is a valid reason, phisycal sickness of 1st wife, death of 1st wife. And if your wife is polygamer then you should divorce her and choose a better one:(

Anybody seen "StepMom" Julia robert and Sarandon ...?

[Arabian Princess]

I wouldnt do it .. as Bonita mentioned it gives an indication of lack of trust.
Personaly, thought I highly dont want it .. I cant be sure that my husband wouldnt marry another woman ..
I would be sad and deprest if he did, but if he did it for a valid reason I would have to accept it ..

[HaYa]

It has nothing to do with Trust !!.. its a Right given to a muslim man to get married to more than one .. u r just asking him not to practice that right !!..

so why ist a big deal if a woman keeps it as a condition of divorce !..
Nobody knows anything about future ...so many love mrriages broken up..when they first fallen in love did they ever expect that one day we will be divorced !!..

if Not written but verbally it should be discussed among couples how each feels toward this second wife issue and what would be the consequences if it ever occurs no matter what reasons behind it.

Enigma

Personally, I know I would never marry a guy who would even consider it so it shouldn't be a problem

how would u know ?.. ! no one knows..!!..
however nowadays Guys cant afford having more than one wife be it financially or mentally .

[amo_l_oman]

I might also ask the guy not to marry second, but can never be sure if says yes he will respect it. A gambling like another...

[Bonita applebum]

Enigma


how would u know ?.. ! no one knows..!!..
however nowadays Guys cant afford having more than one wife be it financially or mentally .[/QUOTE]

which is true.. financially their not capable of doing so...mentally .. according to most men .. we are headaches... just imgaine u have 4 women nagging more the once for things YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO OFFER IT TO THEM! :lost:

[sanwin25]

I am sure teabag will have something to say about this ... (probably quote a few verses from the Quran as well)

:)

[HITMAN]

Bcoz One Is Enough For Them

and so is one wife more than enough!

ppl r dodging the question as i can see!

[DorellaM]

Bcoz One Is Enough For Them

You must be some kind of man then...

One man is enough for women, but one woman MAY not be enough for the man?? How does that work out. I would think that if the guy wants to marry just cause the girl can't have kids, then why couldn't the girl marry another guy if he's impotent?? Don't make no kind of sense at all in my book.

I'm sorry ladies, but i would feel so uncomfortable sleeping with my husband knowing that he's having sex with another woman (for any reason at all)....

[Bonita applebum]

any lady wouldnt want that!!

[Mr_BaLuCh]

I m not talking about my personal view.... Its a Islamic View

[HITMAN]

so plz provide us with a rational islamic explanation, why can men have and women cannout have more than one spouse?!

[Shinoda LP]

so plz provide us with a rational islamic explanation, why can men have and women cannout have more than one spouse?!

Here are my reasons. Sorry, I'm a non-Muslim, but couldn't stand you asking the same question twice. :)

1. During the religious war era, many Muslim men would go wage the war and hence leave behind their wives and kids ... family. "Someone" came up with this idea of one guy being able to marry more than 1 female, since the ratio of females to men was going WAY too high.

2. The birth issue. If your wife can't give birth and you want a kid, go marry another 'capable' lady with your wife's consent.


I guess thats what I know about this issue.

[HITMAN]

1- the era is over now!

2- the sterility can be from the part of husband too!

[CrazyReD]

well the quran says that a man can marry 4
women can't marry more because who'll be the father (this might be solved these days but then your going against religion)

i'm sure icetea will be helpful

[DorellaM]

This question is for the ladies such as Enigma and Bonita.

Since you both feel how i do about it then what do you both say about this being written in the Quran?

[HaYa]

DorellaM

No woman on this whole planet would accept the idea of her husband being sharred by another woman..! but i cant go on talking against the multiple wife issue , its a right given to a muslim man , if i talk against it then am talking against Islam..
i can say that its been misused nowadays, i can keep it as a condition of divorce for my husband but i can not go on saying its wrong when it is set By ALLAH !! i can not wrong the Creator (astaghfor allah)

[Najah]

Girls, would you request this on your day of marriage?

I will never let my husband sign such thing and personaly i dont think it looks or feels right. One of the reasons is bonita's the trust issue.
inshallah there wont be an issue or anything to anyone like this and if it did then hamdulilah, allah kareem.

[Arabian Princess]

"Someone" came up with this idea of one guy being able to marry more than 1 female, since the ratio of females to men was going WAY too high.

Shinoda, its not "someone" who came with the idea .. it was written in the Quran!!

Hitman, leave alone all the reasons for marrying a second wife and lets consider it logicly. If a woman got married to more than one guy, and had a baby .. who would be the father of the baby??

Dor, its a right to Muslim men for various reasons. It doesnt mean he HAS to do it. In fact, the Quran advices men to keep one in order to be fair ..coz they can never be fair.

[Kazablanka]

In libya, a man is not allowed to get married to more than one women. So, I am safe!

[HITMAN]

Hitman, leave alone all the reasons for marrying a second wife and lets consider it logicly. If a woman got married to more than one guy, and had a baby .. who would be the father of the baby??

Arabian, the logic is that idenifying the father is very simple, "dna testing"!

my whole point is, either both genders should be allowed polygamy, or none of them! my personal opinion!

and most of the men nowadays marry a 2nd-3rd-4th wife for no valid reason, their only reason is to have sex with more women, lets face it! and thats really sick!

[jack]

Personally, I know I would never marry a guy who would even consider it so it shouldn't be a problem. But not all women marry men whom they are 100% certain wouldn't consider a second wife which is why I ask..When the option is always there ...

You never know what the future will bring ...

So ... yes get it in writing !

So much of Islam is about "prevention" ...

For the ones that said they wouldn't ... why not be safe instead of sorry?

[Enigma]

Hitman, you cool. I didn't expect that from you who comes across as a bit of a pervert at times :p

Dore, like I said before I believe it was meant for that time and later on for certain circumstances. You must remember that polygamy was hugely practiced at the time and there was no limit to how many wives the men took, so the Quran did something great by limiting it to a minimum of numbers (keeping into mind the society's situation). However, we no longer live in such circumstances so I don't see the need for it except for pure greed and taking advantage of God's blessings. I believe he made that rule for the satisfaction of the women who couldn't find husbands and now men are betraying that and hurting their women with it instead.

Jack, it ain't that simple. What if he's offended when I ask for that? Like the girls said, he'll bring up the trust issue.

[jack]

Jack, it ain't that simple. What if he's offended when I ask for that? Like the girls said, he'll bring up the trust issue.If you were a multi millionare it would be that simple. You would get a prenup ... ;)

If he is offended and refuses ... maybe he is not the man you thought he was :scratch:

[Arabian Princess]

Arabian, the logic is that idenifying the father is very simple, "dna testing"!

Hitman!! DNA testing was discovered like 10 years ago or something .. the rule was out 1400 years old!!

[HaYa]

i dont know why ppl relate this issue with Trust !! as I said before and am saying it again! its a Right Given to a muslim man!! .. so when a woman asks him to do it in writing , it doesnt mean that she doesnt trust him , all she means is i dont want you to practice this Right !! Thats all!!!.. why ist offensive!?


Jack


When the option is always there ...

You never know what the future will bring ...

So ... yes get it in writing !

yes true ! makes sense to me!

[Sleyum]

In libya, a man is not allowed to get married to more than one women. So, I am safe!

If that's the Case then Libya is denying the Man rights from Islamic point of View and that dangerous,

Man life isn't complete unless he goes for second one :hyper:

[Arabian Princess]

In fact Slyum his life starts to be misrable when he goes for second wife.

[BrAiKi]

with nowdayz women....man aint even gona THINK bout marryin another one!
but hey! it is okay in islam, which APPLIES ON MUZLIMZ ONLY, so dont watse ur tyme doin this n that to change it

[IceTea]

Personally, I know I would never marry a guy who would even consider it so it shouldn't be a problem. But not all women marry men whom they are 100% certain wouldn't consider a second wife which is why I ask..

I don't think you as a muslim woman has the right to stop your husband from marrying another woman which is one of his rights in Islam. You have the right to ask him to treat you well and in a fair way as the main condition for in suitation but not to stop him.

[IceTea]

In libya, a man is not allowed to get married to more than one women. So, I am safe!

And why would we take libya as example, I wonder why men in libya will agree to such rule which is halal in Islam.

[IceTea]

However, we no longer live in such circumstances so I don't see the need for it except for pure greed and taking advantage of God's blessings. I believe he made that rule for the satisfaction of the women who couldn't find husbands and now men are betraying that and hurting their women with it instead.



It's not up to you to say such thing against Allah rules which are clearly stated in the Quran. Islam rules are valid for all times and places, no exceptions.

[Arabian Princess]

Ice Tea, its a muslim woman right to have it in her contract of marraige that her husband shouldnt marry another woman.

[IceTea]

Where it's mentioned it's her right, and who will agree to such condition anyway :D

[Dr N]

I wouldn't marry someone if I knew that he isn't going to be loyal to me. I'm gonna base it on trust and if I choose someone then I know for sure that he's not going to think of someone else, and I wouldn't need a paper to make me feel safe.

It would be a matter of trust between us.

[mimosa]

I don't think taking a second wife is good for your relationship with wife #1, except in very rare (and frankly, weird) cases. If I were a woman, and I had the chopice, I'd d@mn well put it in my marriage contract! Then again, I don't share your religious beliefs. But there's the rub:

I had always been told by forward-thinking Muslims who, like the Niggies of the World, I respect as cool-headed and open-minded interpretors of theological theory. I had always been told that the Qur'An said "you may marry four wives IF you can treat them equally", full stop. The implication was therefore that nobody could ever be truly "equal" in their feelings and treatment for more than one woman, and it was therefore not to be encouraged in real life.

Imagine my surprise on reading the actual passage. Sure, it says that. But it goes on. Rather like the anti-Islamist who quote "kill the non-believer wherever you may find him" without the long and rather more moderate sounding pre-amble which explains that peace is always the first choice, the Muslim anti-polygamists conveniently take this passage without its ending: "And if you try but cannot treat them equally, then just be nice to them" (I'm paraphrasing, but that's exactly what it expresses).

So, the Qur'An says: "Marry up to four, treat them equally, and if you can't never mind, just try to be nice". Sorry Niggy, Nooner and the rest: My sympathies are with you, but the Almighty would appear to be with "The Noble Twins".

[IceTea]

I wouldn't marry someone if I knew that he isn't going to be loyal to me. I'm gonna base it on trust and if I choose someone then I know for sure that he's not going to think of someone else, and I wouldn't need a paper to make me feel safe.

It would be a matter of trust between us.

dr n, the man who marry more than one wife should be loyal to all of them. I don't know why do you consider him not being loyal if he marry another wife. I can see that women are being selfish.

[Scorpio27]

I believe Enigma ment "Say Yes to One wife".

If a person have a wife, he shouldn't go for another unless there are valid reason.
If the existing wife die, what then ?

If She leaves her husband, what then?

If she is paralized ?

Unable to reproduce?

TC

[IceTea]

had always been told that the Qur'An said "you may marry four wives IF you can treat them equally", full stop. The implication was therefore that nobody could ever be truly "equal" in their feelings and treatment for more than one woman, and it was therefore not to be encouraged in real life.





mimosa, a man who have more than one wife is exused if he loves the 2nd for example more than the first wife. Becaue heart feelings are beyond human control. So there is no problem in that.

[IceTea]

I believe Enigma ment "Say Yes to One wife".

If a person have a wife, he shouldn't go for another unless there are valid reason.
If the existing wife die, what then ?

If She leaves her husband, what then?

If she is paralized ?

Unable to reproduce?

TC

Hasanain, having a reason is not a must, a man can marry up to 4 wives as per Islam rules.

[Scorpio27]

Enigma:

What about Girlfriend / Boyfriends? ( Love affair) :love:

Say no 2 second BF/GF ? Am I right?


After doing some romance or making love if you break the relation, should you go for 2nd ?:D


We are Hypocrites in some cases:D
:bang:

[Kazablanka]

And why would we take libya as example, I wonder why men in libya will agree to such rule which is halal in Islam.

I wasnt asking you to take libya as an example, I was just telling ya that I am not worrying about my husband getting married over me. And the main reason its a law in libya is cuz when people used to get married to more than one wife it used to cause a lot of problems and the number of divorces increased. So, to avoid all the problems, they put up the law that you are not allowed to have more than 1 wife but its ok to have a mistress. lol how sad is that??

Anyway, about a woman putting it as one of the conditions of marriage. I've heard that its haram or makrooh or something like that cuz a man has all the right to marry mroe than one wife. Oh and even if like a woman put it as a condition, he still has the right to marry another one... cuz islamically its ok. or something like that.

[IceTea]

kaza, I thought you will marry Omani guy.

Personally I find it silly when a woman will put such condition in the marraige contract and it just shows insecurity. Beside that people change after marraige and she might be following her emotions and feelings when she decided to put such condition. But latter when she have a family, kids and a husband who love her she will ignore such condition and she will support her husband to marry another woman if she really loves him.

[Kazablanka]

kaza, I thought you will marry Omani guy.

I'd marry anyone who would say "yes".

[IceTea]

How about "yes" for 2nd wife kaza so we can change the title latter.

[Blue_Chi]

I think that the permission for a man to get married to more than wife was originally created as an exception to people in extreme conditions, but overtime people just overused and considered it as a matter of free choice and ability. To me, under normal conditions just for the sake of getting another wife, it does not sound right.

[Kazablanka]

I totally agree with Blue_Chi.

I think I'd only be comfortable with my husband having a 2nd wife is if I am not able to have kids.

[Scorpio27]

Allah do not like or asked men to marry more then one. And he didn't make it haram to marry more then one. I know that he don't appreciate marrying more.

I will let you know according to Quran and Hadith later.


Unless you can treat all wife equally you must not marry more. And for human it's impossible to treat all equally.

Regards


Don't be blind plz

[Scorpio27]

Polygamy


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Polygamy was a way of life until the Quran was revealed 1400 years ago. When the earth was young and under-populated, polygamy was one way of populating it and bringing in the human beings needed to carry out God's plan. By the time the Quran was revealed, the world had been sufficiently populated, and the Quran put down the first limitations against polygamy.


Polygamy is permitted in the Quran, but under strictly observed circumstances. Any abuse of this divine permission incurs severe retribution. Thus, although polygamy is permitted by God, it behooves us to examine our circumstances carefully before saying that a particular polygamous relationship is permissible.

[Scorpio27]

Our perfect example here is the prophet Muhammad. He was married to one wife, Khadijah, until she died. He had all his children, except one, from Khadijah. Thus, she and her children enjoyed the Prophet's full attention for as long as she was married to him; twenty-five years. For all practical purposes, Muhammad had one wife - from the age of 25 to 50. During the remaining 13 years of his life, he married the aged widows of his friends who left many children. The children needed a complete home, with a fatherly figure, and the Prophet provided that. Providing a fatherly figure for orphans is the only specific circumstance in support of polygamy mentioned in the Quran (4:3).


Other than marrying widowed mothers of orphans, there were three political marriages in the Prophet's life. His close friends Abu Bakr and Omar insisted that he marry their daughters, Aisha and Hafsah, to establish traditional family ties among them. The third marriage was to Maria the Egyptian; she was given to him as a political gesture of friendship from the ruler of Egypt.

This perfect example tells us that a man must give his full attention and loyalty in marriage to his wife and children in order to raise a happy and wholesome family.


The Quran emphasizes the limitations against polygamy in very strong words:

"If you fear lest you may not be perfectly equitable in

treating more than one wife, then you shall be content with one."

[Scorpio27]

(4:3) "You cannot be equitable in a polygamous relationship, no matter how hard you try." (4:129)


The Quranic limitations against polygamy point out the possibility of abusing God's law. Therefore, unless we are absolutely sure that God's law will not be abused, we had better resist our lust and stay away from polygamy. If the circumstances do not dictate polygamy, we had better give our full attention to one wife and one set of children. The children's psychological and social well-being, especially in countries where polygamy is prohibited, almost invariably dictate monogamy. A few basic criteria must be observed in contemplating polygamy:


1. It must alleviate pain and suffering and not cause any pain or suffering.

2. If you have a young family, it is almost certain that polygamy is an abuse.

3. Polygamy to substitute a younger wife is an abuse of God's law (4:19).

[Mr_BaLuCh]

Assallamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuhu


Marriage


1. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) said,"O Assembly of youth, Whosoever of you who possesses the necessary means (for nikah/marriage), then he should marry, for verily this is most protective for the eyesight and chastity for the private part. Whosoever does not possess the means then he should fast because this will aid him in curbing his desires." (Mishkaat. page267)

2. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) said, "When a servant of Allah Ta'ala marries then he has completed half of deen (faith)." (Mishkaat. page 268)
3. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) said,"A women is (generally) married for one of four reasons, her wealth, her family, her beauty or her deen, so attain success by giving preferance to deen, may your hands become dusty."(an arabic _expression of encouragement or amazement ) (Mishkaat page 267)


Commentary: Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) said, The best of you is he who is good to his family (Mishkaat). The institution of marriage in Islam is given a very lofty status by Shariah and plays an integral role in constructing a sound and healthy society. The coming together of two individuals via the act of Nikah brings about a new dimension and outlook to the lived of both husband and wife. In order for this relationship to be productive and successful a definite decision of co-operation and consideration needs to be made from both sides. An atmosphere of giving and taking needs to be created and at times one will have to forego his or her rights, and sometimes go the exttra mile to fulfil the right of ones spouse.
Allah Ta'ala has placed the man as a care-giver and guardian over the woman. Therefore the man's attitude and actions can have a crucial impact in maintaining a harmonious marriage.

[Light of Islam]

intresting thread but very old one!! plz i was a obout 2 open new thread about the same issue !! so sorry but i need 2 make sure if it's haram for a guy to marry 2nd wife if the first one is loyal, physically alright & can have children? plz i need a short and direct reply thank u?

[jack]

plz i need a short and direct reply thank u?No it is not haram.

[Threadlike]

Let's say you don't have polygamy at all...
The alternative that would come up is nothing but adultery. Is that what humans want to live with?. Instead of legal, public marriage by the knowledge of the first wife, you have a frustrated, endless, illegal, socially looked down upon, sexual relationship.

You noticed the LARGE number of women that the prophet PBUH married who were widows or old women who couldn't care for themselves at that cruel time? The prophet PBUH had examplified one of the highest importances of polygamy and that is the fact that (at that particular time and even in some cases of our current time) women needed support and protection and that could only be provided by the man, and who is better a man than the prophet PBUH?! That is one of the MAIN reasons of polygamy.

The same question you asked HITMAN, was asked to Dr. Zakir Naik.
His answer was:

A lot of people, including some Muslims, question the logic of allowing Muslim men to have more than one spouse while denying the same ‘right’ to women.

Let me first state emphatically, that the foundation of an Islamic society is justice and equity. Allah has created men and women as equal, but with different capabilities and different responsibilities. Men and women are different, physiologically and psychologically. Their roles and responsibilities are different. Men and women are equal in Islam, but not identical.

Surah Nisa’ Chapter 4 verses 22 to 24 gives the list of women with who you can not marry and it is further mentions in Surah Nisa’ Chapter 4 verse 24 "Also (prohibited are) women already married"

The following points enumerate the reasons why polyandry is prohibited in Islam:


1. If a man has more than one wife, the parents of the children born of such marriages can easily be identified. The father as well as the mother can easily be identified. In case of a woman marrying more than one husband, only the mother of the children born of such marriages will be identified and not the father. Islam gives tremendous importance to the identification of both parents, mother and father. Psychologists tell us that children who do not know their parents, especially their father undergo severe mental trauma and disturbances. Often they have an unhappy childhood. It is for this reason that the children of prostitutes do not have a healthy childhood. If a child born of such wedlock is admitted in school, and when the mother is asked the name of the father, she would have to give two or more names! I am aware that recent advances in science have made it possible for both the mother and father to be identified with the help of genetic testing. Thus this point which was applicable for the past may not be applicable for the present.


2. Man is more polygamous by nature as compared to a woman.


3. Biologically, it is easier for a man to perform his duties as a husband despite having several wives. A woman, in a similar position, having several husbands, will not find it possible to perform her duties as a wife. A woman undergoes several psychological and behavioral changes due to different phases of the menstrual cycle.


4. A woman who has more than one husband will have several sexual partners at the same time and has a high chance of acquiring venereal or sexually transmitted diseases which can also be transmitted back to her husband even if all of them have no extra-marital sex. This is not the case in a man having more than one wife, and none of them having extra-marital sex.


The above reasons are those that one can easily identify. There are probably many more reasons why Allah, in His Infinite Wisdom, has prohibited polyandry.

Another question that I have only provided a short answer for was, 'Why is polygamy allowed in Islam?' and Dr. Zakir Naik answered:


Qur’an is the only religious book on the face of the earth that says ‘marry only one’. The context of this phrase is the following verse from Surah Nisa of the Glorious Qur’an:

"Marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one."

[Al-Qur’an 4:3]

Before the Qur’an was revealed, there was no upper limit for polygyny and many men had scores of wives, some even hundreds. Islam put an upper limit of four wives. Islam gives a man permission to marry two, three or four women, only on the condition that he deals justly with them.

In the same chapter i.e. Surah Nisa verse 129 says:

"Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women...."

[Al-Qur’an 4:129]

Therefore polygyny is not a rule but an exception. Many people are under the misconception that it is compulsory for a Muslim man to have more than one wife.

Broadly, Islam has five categories of Do’s and Don’ts:

‘Fard’ i.e. compulsory or obligatory

‘Mustahab’ i.e. recommended or encouraged

‘Mubah’ i.e. permissible or allowed

‘Makruh’ i.e. not recommended or discouraged

‘Haraam’ i.e. prohibited or forbidden

Polygyny falls in the middle category of things that are permissible. It cannot be said that a Muslim who has two, three or four wives is a better Muslim as compared to a Muslim who has only one wife.


5. Average life span of females is more than that of males


By nature males and females are born in approximately the same ratio. A female child has more immunity than a male child. A female child can fight the germs and diseases better than the male child. For this reason, during the pediatric age itself there are more deaths among males as compared to the females.

During wars, there are more men killed as compared to women. More men die due to accidents and diseases than women. The average life span of females is more than that of males, and at any given time one finds more widows in the world than widowers.

Even if every man got married to one woman, there would still be more than thirty million females in U.S.A who would not be able to get husbands (considering that America has twenty five million gays). There would be more than four million females in Great Britain, 5 million females in Germany and nine million females in Russia alone who would not be able to find a husband.

Not to mention that RESTRICTING a right is a) Being unfair towards your husband and b) Being completely unfair to the other women who may need his help. I'm not saying that most men these days practise polygyny because of sexual desires, but I'm saying that it is not the right way to practise it and that is not its only purpose in Islam. As you know there are also rules for polygamy, including that the husband may be able to spend his money equally on both (or a higher) number of wives.

Indeed, you cannot be involved in a second marriage unless your wife knows. From a fatwa on IslamOnline, I quote:

So in the light of the above, it’s clear that the matter is not just having a right to do so, it’s how you use that right. As we have said in many fatwas how Islam caters for the rights of women, men should not tamper with rights that Islam made inalienable to women, part of which is to respect their humanity. They are not property that can be done with at any time without any consideration; women are life partners.

All these reasons are nothing to be stopped at if you're a Muslim. If you're a Muslim, you believe in what the Qura'an and Sunna say (usually) without considering a second thought! The text of the Qura'an is crystal clear.

I hope I provided some more material to clarify the entire issue and (before I forget) this is quite an excellent thread that (I hope) will delete the misconception that polygamy is being 'unfair' to women.

[Thalia]

In libya, a man is not allowed to get married to more than one women. So, I am safe!
LOL

I hope that was sarcasm.. cos that is oh so incorrect!!!

[IceTea]

so sorry but i need 2 make sure if it's haram for a guy to marry 2nd wife if the first one is loyal, physically alright & can have children? plz i need a short and direct reply thank u?

No it's not haram.

[BeachBambi]

When i got married my father made my husband write and sign such an agreement. My father in law has 2 wives and endless unhappiness and upset is caused to his first wife (my husbands mother). He went against her wishes when he married wife number 2. My close friend is a second wife - again she is unhappy and often feels neglected and pushed out by his family. I have other friends who say that they never got to know their father properly as he had to share his time with all his wives. I have never yet seen a successful marriage consisting of a husband and more than one wife.
We are blessed with one daughter - due to what happened to me i can no longer have any more children. My husband has not left, taken a second (or third or fourth!) wife and has not had an affair. If he felt that my unfortunate ability to no longer bear children is reason enough to be unfaithful (legally or otherwise) - then he is not a man that i want to be with anyway.
Women always have been and always will be stronger than men. Allowing men multiple wives (don't forget, Islam is not the only religion to practice this) is merely pandering to their weaknesses and lack of control.

[QuEeN]

if the man really loves his wife he'd never marry anybody else over her even if she wasn't able to had children for example because that's so damn selfish

[Threadlike]

^And what if the first wife tells him after a while that he SHOULD marry someone else and have children because she doesn't want to be a reason of their sorrow...Or tell him that whoever children they are, she will consider them as hers as long as they are his? Tell me who's selfish if the first woman restricts her man from marrying even though she has some disability?!

Not seeing women like these isn't a proof that there are no women like these.

"(don't forget, Islam is not the only religion to practice this)"
What are the other religions that practise this? And by 'this' I mean a limited number of wives with certain conditions...Not religions that 'don't put a limit' to the number of wives!

[Chantalle]

Men just can't get enough. Seriously, he has a beautiful fertile wife. She has it all, yet he still considers getting a second wife. Okey he may be financially stable, but he won't be able to juggle theirs needs at the same time. How can you love more than one woman?

So a man should never consider getting multiple wives unless he had a legitimate excuse. That is, if his wife is infertile.

[BeachBambi]

I believe the Mormon religion also allows husbands to have more than one wife, although i do not know what if any restrictions they have.


So a man should never consider getting multiple wives unless he had a legitimate excuse. That is, if his wife is infertile.[/QUOTE]

So, your belief is that a womans role in life is purely to be a baby producing machine? How archaic. I thought the world had moved past such thinking. Marriage (and a woman) is so much more than that.

If your wife cannot hear or cannot speak would that also mean there is a reason for taking a second, third or fourth wife? I don't think so. Please explain the difference.

[Threadlike]

Naaah BB...The Mormons had forbidden polygamy since 1890.
And no a woman isn't a 'baby producing machine' but children ARE the bringers of happiness to many homes. At least for many men. The fact that a woman restricts a man from the basic right of being a father just because she has not been able to gain her right of being a mother is SO unfair. It must be a choice of the man at that point, not of the woman!

[BeachBambi]

Have just done a Google search and it would appear we are both correct! Polygamy was banned as you said about 100 years ago. However many sects still practice it and are not prosecuted (especially in Utah) - see www.absalom.com and www.religioustolerance.org

Well, this raises my eyebrows to the ceiling and makes me thank the Lord, the world and everything elsethat i have the wonderful husband that i do and he does not share you thinking! The only person who has the right to determine who shall or shall not be able to have children is God himself. He has reasons for everything and we should not question his choices.
We know someone who is unable to have children. His wife left him as she said he was not a proper man. How has that made him feel? AWFUL, USELESS and 1/2 a man. So now he refuses to ever marry again. How bad is that? And how does it make a woman feel if her husband does that to her?
What if your wife did that to you? Think how it would affect you.

[Threadlike]

First of all BB, I'm extremely sorry for whatever you have went through. And now I'm seriously blaming myself many times for not making my tone even a little softer. I'm sorry for that too! I hope Allah SWT gives you, your husband and your daughter ultimate happiness for your life to come, Ameen. I won't reply to the fact that you just called me a person you wouldn't like to see more of around you, you're someone older than I am, being polite, I just can't reply!

Now back to our topic:
Think of the man who does not give his woman a divorce? Or is just there and insisting to her that she doesn't love him anymore if she wants to leave him? There are MILLIONS of women who agree with their men getting married to other women to have children if their men ask for it...They're not WEAK nor are they SURRENDERING to our 'society of males', they're simply faithful women. I admire your husband who has taken what God had given him with happiness and glee. He is an example of a man who had chosen to remain faithful to one wife. As you may have read earlier, polygamy is not promoted in Islam, but only allowed. But for those who don't do the same thing that your husband did (we're different humans too), God had given them a solution that lies in the form of polygamy. I mentioned in my previous extremely long post that women are life partners, not objects. If one should by any means include a 2nd wife in his life for any particular reason, one should do it by also asking his first wife first and informing her. After all, how does polygamy due to infertility differ from polygamy due to the second woman being a widow for example? They both include services to the Islamic society. One being reproduction (the prophet PBUH said, 'Reproduce, I will stand proud with you on Judgement Day') and the second being social maintience for someone who may be poor and unaccepted in the society!

As for your last question,
It depends on the situation I'll be put in BB. Although I hope not to be involved in such a problem but if something of the sort happens: for starters, I'd blame myself a thousand times for marrying a woman who was not honest enough to keep my private life secret after she left me. I would look for therapy and if that doesn't work then perhaps maybe look for a wife who loves me and does not want children. As I said, it will all depend on the situation itself at the time!

[BeachBambi]

Okay, so i think we agree to disagree!
I can't and won't ever condone polygamy although i do find it a fascinating topic to discuss - and you certainly do discuss it in an amazing and clear way. I think it is a subject that is always going to be controversial and will always provoke strong reactions on both sides. I am just a very fortunate woman who happened to meet a pretty amazing Omani man and we (thankfully!) share the same views on this subject.

Please don't misquote what i wrote. I said i was happy my husband did not share your views - i DID NOT say i did not want to be around you. I don't know you to say that.