Marriage in Islam

[Enigma]

Forced Marriages:

Although Allah SWT says:

“Thy Lord has decreed, that you worship none save Him, and (that you show) kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age with thee, say not ‘Fie’ unto them nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word” (Al-Israa’: 23).

And children are commanded to keep good ties and seek their parents pleasure, it is strictly forbidden for the parents to force their child do marry someone they do not wish to:

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has stated, “A woman who is never married before cannot be given in marriage without her consent; while a woman who is married before cannot be given in marriage without her order!”

There is also the story about the girl who approached the prophet PBUH, complaining that her father had forced her to marry. Once the prophet had proof of her story from the father himself he ordered for the annulment of the marriage (of which she refused, later being content with her husband).

Imam Ibn Taymiyyah has rightly said, “Just as parents cannot force their (grown-up) children to eat foods they do not wish to, they have no right to force them to marry someone they don’t like.”

[Enigma]

When Parents refuse your choice of a spouse:

1. Islam encourages us to marry persons for whom we have special feelings and affinity.

2. We are advised against getting carried away by merely the outward appearances of a person; these may be quite misleading. Marriage is a life-long partnership and a person’s real worth is determined not by his or her physical looks, but more so by the inner person or character.

Hence, after having mentioned that people ordinarily look for beauty, wealth and family in a marriage partner, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, advised us to consider primarily “the religious or character factor” over and above all other considerations.

3. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “If a person of acceptable religion and character presents himself for marriage, marry him, otherwise, there would be widespread sedition and rampant corruption in the land.”

4. Parents, however, have the authority to intervene should you choose someone of questionable moral and religious character.

5. If your parents objection to your marriage is based purely on racial, cultural or ethnic grounds, you are allowed to seek other channels of authority to intervene in such a case, as long as the person of your choice is of acceptable religion and character.

Link (http://www.islamonline.net/fatwa/english/FatwaDisplay.asp?hFatwaID=82598)

[Enigma]

Conditions for Nika7:

The minimum conditions for the validity of nikah are the following:

~The consent of the guardian of the woman,

~ presence of witnesses

~ offering and acceptance,

~and finally mahr (dower).

Once the above conditions have been fulfilled, the marriage will be deemed as valid; but if these conditions are not fulfilled, then it will be considered as being null and void.

As far as the consent of guardian is concerned, it can only be dispensed with if the guardian is simply refusing to give consent for considerations other than Islamic, in which case the judge can authorize the marriage after having followed the due process.

Society has a share in marriage in the sense that people should know that both of you are married so that they do not suspect you of maintaining an illicit relationship. The concept of a marriage “just for both of you or for Allah” is not tolerated in Islam.

Link (http://www.islamonline.net/fatwaapplication/english/display.asp?hFatwaID=117325)

[Enigma]

Obligation of Announcing the Marriage:

Az-Zuhri says that the announcement of marriage is obligatory. If two people get married secretly with two witnesses and ask them to keep it secret, they should be separated immediately.

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "Make the marriage well-known and announce it."

Ishhar means that marriage should not be concealed. Neighbors, friends, relatives, etc. have to know about it. Witnesses are not sufficient to meet such a condition.

Link (http://www.islamonline.net/fatwa/english/FatwaDisplay.asp?hFatwaID=78921)

[Enigma]

Ruling of Marriage by the condition:

“Although marriage is generally considered a highly recommended act, yet from the point of view of fiqh (Islamic jurisprudence)—because of diverse circumstances—it can readily fall into one of the four categories listed below: Fard (obligatory) or mustahabb (recommended) or haram (forbidden) or simply halal (permitted).

1. Fardh:

If a person is so tormented by sexual desire that he/she fears falling into the sin of fornication. Since staying away from fornication is obligatory, and since marriage is the only avenue for legitimate sexual satisfaction, it becomes obligatory on such a person to get married. This is based on the principle in jurisprudence that says: “If an obligatory thing cannot be fulfilled except by fulfilling another, then fulfilling the latter becomes equally obligatory.”

2. Musta7ab(recommended)

If, however, he or she is not so tormented by sexual desire, and, hence, there is no fear of falling into sin, and is capable of fulfulling marriage duties (financially, among others) then it is highly recommended to get married if one has the means to do so.

3. 7aram (prohibited)

If a person knows for certain that he or she cannot fulfill the duties required in marriage, and there is no fear of his/her falling into sin. Islam forbids us from doing injustice to another person; this would definitely be the case if one were to neglect his/her spousal duties.

4. 7alal (permitted)

If a person has no means to marry and is, therefore, incapable of fulfilling his spousal duties, but has strong desire, it is permitted for him to get married—provided he tries earnestly to seek an honest source of living.

LInk (http://www.islamonline.net/fatwaapplication/english/display.asp?hFatwaID=101037)

[Enigma]

Rejecting a Proposal:

Although I mentioned a hadith earlier (The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “If a person of acceptable religion and character presents himself for marriage, marry him, otherwise, there would be widespread sedition and rampant corruption in the land.”) this is mainly for the guardians of the person.

A person (male or female) has the right to reject any proposal he wishes. "Since marriage in Islam is a partnership based on free choice, it is ultimately yours to decide whom you wish to marry". It is RECOMMENDED you accept the proposal of a man with good character & religion but the choice is yours in the end.

However, one shouldn't judge a person without a good study of his personality and also without consulting Allah SWT with istikhara prayer.

Link (http://www.islamonline.net/fatwaapplication/english/display.asp?hFatwaID=87516)

[Blossom]

i agree that sometimes parents, refuse for stupid reasons, like family name, skin colour...etc. but that does not mean we should go against them. we need to preserve family relations as well.

[Diva]

Great thread Enigma.

Blossom, but when parents refuse for stupid reasons, isn't that somehow 7aram?

[Najah]

Very informative thread Enig, Thanx..
Dive, I never heard that its Haram (what do you mean by somehow).


4. Parents, however, have the authority to intervene should you choose someone of questionable moral and religious character.

5. If your parents objection to your marriage is based purely on racial, cultural or ethnic grounds, you are allowed to seek other channels of authority to intervene in such a case, as long as the person of your choice is of acceptable religion and character.


I like to stress these two lines from your thread. Some people really need parent's supervision in their decision. These two sentence distinguishes between them, there are many case's where the girl/boy is not aware of the moral and religouse parts and think that parents are just trying to authorize their opinion. Some of them expose it from personal experience. One should always try to look at it from different perspective not only from the self-desired side.

[Diva]

Dive, I never heard that its Haram (what do you mean by somehow).

I've heard a few times that it's 7aram in some sects (although I don't know which ones). I guess it's one of those things that people can't agree on. I think saying it's 7aram is quite harsh but that's just my opinion. If anyone knows for sure whether there are ppl who regard it 7aram then plz elaborate.

[Pineapple Thief]

5. If your parents objection to your marriage is based purely on racial, cultural or ethnic grounds, you are allowed to seek other channels of authority to intervene in such a case, as long as the person of your choice is of acceptable religion and character.
------------------------------

Deary deary me. While this may be an option, it practically severs ties with parents if it is opted for, and thats no good at all, especially in this society.

[Soulless]

Ruling of Marriage by the condition:



3. 7aram (prohibited)

If a person knows for certain that he or she cannot fulfill the duties required in marriage, and there is no fear of his/her falling into sin. Islam forbids us from doing injustice to another person; this would definitely be the case if one were to neglect his/her spousal duties.


LInk (http://www.islamonline.net/fatwaapplication/english/display.asp?hFatwaID=101037)

Thats my point so any one who feels that he or she can not fulfill the duties reuirements of marriage should not think of getting married .. is that Right Sister Engima ? :confused:

Engima you really made me feel happy by posting this useful , meaningful information :hyper: :yes: im so happy :)

So marriage is not a must in islam :)

Thanx for opening this thread

[Blossom]

Diva: i don't know if its haram or not, but i know its wrong....but should we correct a wrong act by committing another?

[Arabian Princess]

exactly blossom, its wrong but it doesnt justify marrying a person without the parents consent in my opinion. I think Islamicly, if the couple went to the judge and provided thier reasons, he might accept to marry them if they were valid enough. Otherwise, the parents has to accept.

[Diva]

but should we correct a wrong act by committing another?

Of course not. You've got a point. But where do you draw the line if the parents are being very unreasonable? And most of the time they come round anyway once they're faced with the reality of what's happened/gonna happen and they have no choice but to accept. But it's risky as no one knows how their parents will react. And I'm not sure how many ppl are willing to take that risk.