"I'm hoping to meet someone and be happy with them. But that's not as easy as it sounds. I'm a 37-year-old woman with two children. Men aren't beating a path to my door,"

This is what Nicole Kidman recently declared in an interview and personally heard the same from the so called normal women, not exactly stars like her, just women in search of a new chance from life and love.
What is that prevents a man from having a relation with a divorced or single woman with kids?
Fear of commitment, fail, responsability or dealing with a woman who a has a tangible past represented by her sons and daughters?

I wouldn't know much but maybe they want to enjoy life with their wife with no kids, maybe they think taking care of kids is a big responsibility and they are not ready for it.

Some might be afraid of what others would say..

Originally posted by amo_l_oman
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What is that prevents a man from having a relation with a divorced or single woman with kids?


I will only talk about a divorced woman as the 2nd case is not valid in Islam.

I think a divorced woman with kids chance of getting married again is very low espacially from single men side as they always prefer to marry a single woman to start their new life with.

Second reason a divorced woman with kids means she is already old woman and again men prefer young women most of time younger than them by average of 4 years. And some times the gap could be ten years or more between them.

Another reason is the kids from her previous marraige and last reason is maybe men will view this woman as the reason for getting divorced by her previous husband (which could be wrong ofcourse).

Originally posted by IceTea
Second reason a divorced woman with kids means she is already old woman and again men prefer young women most of time younger than them by average of 4 years. And some times the gap could be ten years or more between them.


Not all divorced women are old.. some get married very young and have kids early.. so they are not that old.. I heard about girls at the age of 18 - 20s who are divorced with kids...

Originally posted by Blood Rose
Not all divorced women are old.. some get married very young and have kids early.. so they are not that old.. I heard about girls at the age of 18 - 20s who are divorced with kids...

You are right few exceptions always there, but if you look at it in today world women get married in their 20's not as in the past.

Originally posted by IceTea
You are right few exceptions always there, but if you look at it in today world women get married in their 20's not as in the past.

there are girls still getting married young, as soon as they finish high school. some don't even wait to finish high school...

so what other reasons men "run a way" from divorced women with kids?

Originally posted by Blood Rose
there are girls still getting married young, as soon as they finish high school. some don't even wait to finish high school...


Yes there women getting married very young but is it common in Oman for example today? Most girls today want to finish their study before thinking of marraige.


so what other reasons men "run a way" from divorced women with kids?

I have stated some reasons above according to my opinion. Another reason which I can add is the compition from single young girls. If there are many single girls then they will have the first chance, don't you think so?

However a divorced woman might get married men attention to be 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife.

Ok for Muslim members: what's wrong with a widow or a devorced, in her 30s, with 2 children about 10 years old?

The rest, if they like, can answer to the starting question :rolleyes:

Originally posted by amo_l_oman
Ok for Muslim members: what's wrong with a widow or a devorced, in her 30s, with 2 children about 10 years old?



Nothing wrong, if it's written that she will get married again then she will for sure.

But don't you think that a woman in such suitation will prefer to stay with her kids looking after them instead of thinking to marry again.

Originally posted by IceTea
Nothing wrong, if it's written that she will get married again then she will for sure.

But don't you think that a woman in such suitation will prefer to stay with her kids looking after them instead of thinking to marry again.

some of them need to get married again as they don't feel secured enough without a man in their life. And don't forget that some women have needs as well...

Originally posted by Blood Rose
some of them need to get married again as they don't feel secured enough without a man in their life. And don't forget that some women have needs as well...

If they know that then why they don't make a good relationship with their ex-husbands and avoide men to reach to the stage of divorcing them. I'm not saying that it's their mistake only, but we can see that divorced women chance in getting married again is weak. So they should sacrifice and listen to their husbands while they are having a family and a husband.

Originally posted by IceTea

But don't you think that a woman in such suitation will prefer to stay with her kids looking after them instead of thinking to marry again.

A life must be complete both with kids and husband God's willing but my question was for men, why you turn things upside down :rolleyes:

So ice t, to you, with men it's okay for them to marry like you've said so many times before, even if he's very old he still gets the chance to marry a young girl, while a woman who has done nothing wrong but got divorced and is now taking care of her kids should live like a nun and devote her life to her kids.:rolleyes:

I see nothing wrong with such a woman getting married again, and it really surprises me how some can be so think to not see beyond age and look into the character and personality. Maybe she's a great person, who was unfortunatlly not very lucky with her first marriage, so then what? Stay home and do nothing? If she wants to remarry, I wouldn't understand why older men, maybe younger ones are looking for a fresh start and I can understand that, but it shouldn't always be rule.

In fact, if a man does marry a divorced or widowed woman and takes care of her children, I think that it would be the most noble thing he could ever do.

I think some men are hesitant to get involved with a divorced woman who has kids, because dealing with her ex-husband, custody issues & schedules, and all that, can be very difficult.

These days, it goes the same for women - they don't want to get involved with a guy who has part-time kids, the ex-wife might be making trouble in his life etc.

I was in that situation (divorced mother of one), and it's not easy to build a new relationship with the ex trying to make trouble, getting the child(ren) in the middle by playing custody games just because he is mad you are dating again ... it took about 5 years for my ex to stop playing idiotic games, and even though things have calmed down emotionally, the joint responsibility and communication to care for the children lasts until adulthood! I think it takes a special person to be willing to take on that burden in order to be with the one they love...

Thanks for sharing your experience Moonie: don't you think is also the fear of not being able, be a woman or a man, to know which role he/she should play with the children? Is obvious no one can replace but must be also difficult for a person to understand in which way to relate to them.

PS/ If i made some mistake in asking the q according to your religion just pm me and i'll make a multiple thread :p

Originally posted by amo_l_oman
Thanks for sharing your experience Moonie: don't you think is also the fear of not being able, be a woman or a man, to know which role he/she should play with the children? Is obvious no one can replace but must be also difficult for a person to understand in which way to relate to them.


That can be a big problem too.... I've been on both sides of this one. My first husband had a child from a previous relationship, whom we saw every 3rd weekend ... this was from the time the child was about 5 years old. There was no question of my being any kind of "real" parent to her (her dad really wasn't either!), no disciplining of her would have been permitted. I tried to have influence by explaining things to her when it seemed that her parents weren't doing a good job of it, and we got along quite well but I was more of an "aunt" to her - a respected and loved adult in her life every so often...

On the other hand, since I re-married when my own daughter was 4 years old, AND Wanderer was going to be a major part of her life (since she lives with me much of the time) AND we planned on having more children , it was very important to me that he be a parental figure from "day 1" ... we were always of one mind on that subject and it has worked out just fine... BUT I know when a step-parent comes into a child's life later on there can be trouble accepting them as an authority figure and it's really hard for everyone...

Personally I think the "right" answer is that step-parents ARE parents and they need to work as a "parental team" in their household ... the biological parent MUST back up their authority ... and the non-biological parent must accept the responsibility and use it wisely of course. There is, as you say, no way (and no need) to "replace" the bio-dad - and I think damaging to the child to attempt to break any bonds of affection between either of his/her parents.

Originally posted by IceTea
If they know that then why they don't make a good relationship with their ex-husbands and avoide men to reach to the stage of divorcing them. I'm not saying that it's their mistake only, but we can see that divorced women chance in getting married again is weak. So they should sacrifice and listen to their husbands while they are having a family and a husband.


so who to be blamed for women for having very weak chances????!!!????

No one.

They should be happy with their chances.