JoyFull
07-06-00, 09:55 AM
MATURITY:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can
function as adults. Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball
cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high
school romances rarely work out.
HANDWRITING:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just
chicken- scratch. Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot
their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large
loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from
a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the
end of the note.
BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, toothpaste,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from a Holiday
Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is
437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
RESTROOMS
Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Women use restrooms
as social lounges. Men in a restroom will never speak a word to each
other. Never in the history of the world has a man excused himself
from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey Tom, I was just about to take
a leak. Do you want to join me?
CATS:
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't
looking, men kick cats.
OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends
and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is
vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
SEX:
Opps...Objection http://www.omania.net/evip/ubb/smile.gif 3aib...I can not tell so http://www.omania.net/evip/ubb/wink.gif
Sorry
DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress
up for: weddings and funerals.
LAUNDRY:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article
of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants, before he will do
his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty
sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul, and take his mountain of clothes
to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the
laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old episodes of
"Love, American Style."
WEDDINGS:
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony." Men
talk about "the bachelor party."
MENOPAUSE:
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of
complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The
nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual.
Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction -- he buys aviator
glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes
shopping for a Porsche.
THE TELEPHONE:
Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone
to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her
girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the
same friend and they will talk for three hours.
PLANTS:
A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The
man waters the plants. The woman comes home five or six days later to
an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.
CAMERAS:
Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for state
of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography
classes. Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end
up taking better pictures.
LOCKER ROOMS:
In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and
women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as
well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.
Women talk about one thing in the locker room -- sex. And not in
abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and
they never lie.
GARAGES:
Women use garages to park their cars and store their lawnmowers. Men
use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, they
watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in
garages.
MOVIES:
Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene.
This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced
by a man. The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is
Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.
TIME:
When a woman says she'll be ready to go out in five more minutes,
she's using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football
game's just got five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time
outs, commercials, or replays.
CONVERSATION:
Men need a good disagreement to get talking, e.g., "Wow, great
movie.", What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size,"
"Well, maybe he got it because he knew about those Mafia guys," etc.
Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men
by saying something agreeable:"That garden by the roadside looks
lovely." "Mm hmm." Pause. "that was a good restaurant last night,
wasn't it?" "Yeah." Pause. And so on. Women on a night out talk the
whole time.
Men on a boy's night out say about twenty
words all night, most of which are "Pass the Doritos" or "Got any more
beer?
_______________________________
JoyFull sign http://www.omania.net/evip/ubb/wink.gif
------------------
Tonight...I looked up at the stars, and I wonder where you are. Tonight I gazed upon the moon, in hopes that I would see you soon.
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can
function as adults. Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball
cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high
school romances rarely work out.
HANDWRITING:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just
chicken- scratch. Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot
their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large
loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from
a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the
end of the note.
BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, toothpaste,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from a Holiday
Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is
437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
RESTROOMS
Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Women use restrooms
as social lounges. Men in a restroom will never speak a word to each
other. Never in the history of the world has a man excused himself
from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey Tom, I was just about to take
a leak. Do you want to join me?
CATS:
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't
looking, men kick cats.
OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends
and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is
vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
SEX:
Opps...Objection http://www.omania.net/evip/ubb/smile.gif 3aib...I can not tell so http://www.omania.net/evip/ubb/wink.gif
Sorry
DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress
up for: weddings and funerals.
LAUNDRY:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article
of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants, before he will do
his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty
sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul, and take his mountain of clothes
to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the
laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old episodes of
"Love, American Style."
WEDDINGS:
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony." Men
talk about "the bachelor party."
MENOPAUSE:
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of
complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The
nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual.
Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction -- he buys aviator
glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes
shopping for a Porsche.
THE TELEPHONE:
Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone
to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her
girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the
same friend and they will talk for three hours.
PLANTS:
A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The
man waters the plants. The woman comes home five or six days later to
an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.
CAMERAS:
Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for state
of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography
classes. Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end
up taking better pictures.
LOCKER ROOMS:
In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and
women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as
well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.
Women talk about one thing in the locker room -- sex. And not in
abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and
they never lie.
GARAGES:
Women use garages to park their cars and store their lawnmowers. Men
use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, they
watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in
garages.
MOVIES:
Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene.
This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced
by a man. The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is
Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.
TIME:
When a woman says she'll be ready to go out in five more minutes,
she's using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football
game's just got five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time
outs, commercials, or replays.
CONVERSATION:
Men need a good disagreement to get talking, e.g., "Wow, great
movie.", What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size,"
"Well, maybe he got it because he knew about those Mafia guys," etc.
Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men
by saying something agreeable:"That garden by the roadside looks
lovely." "Mm hmm." Pause. "that was a good restaurant last night,
wasn't it?" "Yeah." Pause. And so on. Women on a night out talk the
whole time.
Men on a boy's night out say about twenty
words all night, most of which are "Pass the Doritos" or "Got any more
beer?
_______________________________
JoyFull sign http://www.omania.net/evip/ubb/wink.gif
------------------
Tonight...I looked up at the stars, and I wonder where you are. Tonight I gazed upon the moon, in hopes that I would see you soon.