I Have a Problem!

[One4All_All4One]

I've been visiting this sabla for sometime and i liked the way you guys post ..i have a problem and im not sure if you could tell me what to do or what do you sujest!

This problem is not mine.. its more like a family problem..
My sister is in love with my cousin.. well both families are aginst it! her family and mine too.. but these two ( my sister and cousin ) are still talking to each other and going out.. my parents dotn know about it!! if they do then shes dead!! and they wont stop it!! they know that there is no way out.. Both familes disagree to it coz lots of problems had been created.. (i.e: people talking within the family!!, lots of fitna in the family!! everyone says something bad about the other and so on!! and its effecting us) and so on.. i my self dont want it to happen!! they are not ment for each other!! what is suppose to happen now??

[Kamakazy]

Welcome to the Sabla all4one

i think if you visite the topic posted by Safaa I don'r know what to do!!! (http://www.omania.net/vb/showthread.php?threadid=1549) it might help you!

btw, what is couseing the problem in both the families?

[Safaa]

Well..Kamakazy,
this is normal i guess..it happens everywhere and to everyone.
We all have family problems but different kind.. at the end when a problem get solved, we find ourselves facing other problems..

IT'S LIFE..
God with you all

[Aziz Al-Harthy]

Safaa,

I think your sister to love your cousin is not bad thing, but should be in Islamic way, and to go out without ridhaa (agreement)or hide/force with her cousin is wrong, she can go out with him after aqd zawaj only that is ok.
So may be that is the reason is create a problem for both family.

If We are really Muslim we have to follow our rule and regulation and we are proud of it. We should remember and keep the Value of Women in Islam and to follow satan want she want.

To break relation between family is just five minutes but rebuild again it will take ages, (wataawanu bil-birri walaa-taawanu bil-ithmi wal udwaan).

And tell your sister azawaaj is qism unaasib.
And should be ridhaa (agreed) by both parties, I mean parents and your Sister/cousin.

But our lovely religion is not allow us to use force, hide or back doors, should be openly and ridhaa.

Your brother,
Aziz Al-Harthy.

[One4All_All4One]

Well yes this problem is in both families.. and nothing is there to be done..

[Jadgaliya]

All4One.. how can u say they r not meant for each other.. u cant say that.. they wouldnt like each other if they didnt have many things in common.. i think u should be helping ur sis out in this one..

[Faisal]

Dear All4one , even steel can be molded if it be heated in the fire ,

and so it was with the hearts of your sis and your cousine which were melted by the fire of love ,

then the boundries which are between the 2 familes can be melted by your efforts .

Nothing can be solved by pushing nor by force , Diplomacy is the best way to solve things , they better be dilpomatic and solve the problems between your family and the path to their marriage will be alright then,

rathar than keeping away from the thing which stop them they better turn the tide to their side and solve the problems 1st , let them think of this , which is better than going out together.

wish them all the best,

faisal

[One4All_All4One]

Hi there all..
well thats to all those who are giving theer opinion.. but when i said that they arent meant for each other i meant to say that the problem in both families are really big im sure that its not easy at all..
Plus my cousin is very close to me i know him very much as much as i know my sister.. therefor i know that the rent ment for each other!! dont get me wrong but im 100% sure this wont work out!! ya3ni why sould btoh families be aginst it!?? that means that we are all at wrong and they are right?? mosta7eel!! any parent would know the best for their children.. and they think that they love each other and not thinking in any other way!! we have talk to them both in every possible way!! now the only way for them to get together is to run away!! which is impossible too!! im not agiest my sister.. i want the best for her.. but i know that she wont be happy with my cousin..

[Arabian Princess]

what faisal says is right ..
maybe this thing will help to melt all the problems within the two families .. even though that you all think that they are not good togther .. sometimes ALLAH creats such intrest so the problems between families go away ..
I know that u might think that they do not match .. but do not see the problem from thin angle only .. see it bigger .. it is people from the same blood fighting for somthing that really does not matter sometimes ..
I am sure you can help .. first talk to your sister closly .. ensure here that you want the best for her .. and the best is the way she sees it ( do not be against her .. she needs somebody to be on her side) .. ask her to think carefully what will happen if the family discovered that they are going out .. it will only make problems worser and she might ever get married to her cousin ..
then talk to your family .. tell them that hwat they are doing is 7aram .. and against religion .. is your sister did anything bad they are the one to be blamed of .. she clarfied and the guy thier intention .. to be married with sunat Allah wa rasuluh .. so why make thing complicated ?!
try to talk to them by diplomacy .. inshallah things will be btter ..
ok then .. this is for now and wish all the best for your sister ..

[MagicMan]

Marriage between cousins can be a very bad thing, especially if parents of the cousins do not get along very well.

However, if people love each other and do want to get married, I, as a parent, would not interfere, but I would want to say what I want to say, and then give my blessings.

Besides, in some countries it is illegal for first cousins to get married (USA??) - the reason is that a lot of diseases generate because of the proximity of blood - like sickle cells, diabetics etc, and the closer the partners, the more danger to pass on to offsprings.

My advice is to get older peoples like grandparents to be involved.

The other day I was joking to my 12 year old daughter teasing with her cousin, teasing her 'so you like him, eh?' - she retorted, 'no way, he is my brother!'.

Thanks to TV Sattelite dish!!

Regards,

MagicMan.

[One4All_All4One]

Dear Arabprnces.. why are you saying that my parents of aunty is at fault??? you cant say its haram.. as a matter of fact what my sister and cousin are doing is haram.. how do they go against their parents.. Doing things behind there backs and all.. i have struggled alot to knock some sense into my sister head but no use of trying all that!! she just wont listen.. i tried talking to her as a friend and all she says is i know what im doing.. and you don’t know what loves mean!! Hey come-on. why should my parents or my cousins parents not agree to it if they thought it will be for the best for both of them.. All parents wish the best for their children.. No parent would want there sons/daughters to suffer!! they know it better!!

[Jadgaliya]

i dont see what is wrong with what ur sis and cousin r doing.. maybe the going out alone part is not right, but otherwise, there isnt anything else thats wrong.. if u think that falling in love is wrong, then u r wrong.. our prophet MOHAMMED, loved his wife, khadija. there is nothing wrong with it.. and ur parents havent allowed them to try.. maybe they have heard about all the problems that are created when first cousins get married.. but not all the marriages between relatives are a failure.. and in fact looking at real numbers and studies, marriages between relatives are the ones that are more successful coz no man will allow any harm to come in his relative's way.. i hope both families start thinking right and not ruin two ppl, and not allow them to get married..

[Arabian Princess]

Dear one4all_all4one
I did not mean that what your sister is doing is not worng andd haram .. it is indeed is .. but sometimes when a peson thiinks that he/she is right (espeically if people arre aginst them) they will be stuborn and continue doing it just to show everbody taht they are right and that as your sister discribed knows what she is doing .. you have to take her by diplomacy in order to win her heart .. tell her that you agree that she loves the guy and she is meant for him .. but the idea of going out will make the famiily mad .. will make them not ever accept for them to get married ever .. and so one ..
the other thing .. the family knows what is best for her .. but if she is so stubborn and she doesnt see it .. it is going to be her life at the end .. and in case she did not get married to this man and problems occured between her and her future husband .. she will always blame the family for it .. and more and more pproblems will occur ..
Ba3dain it haram to refuse a guy who is good and respectable for any reason .. the main reason that should be taken is his Islam ..
I do not know the guy .. and I do not know how is him Islam .. I am judging genarally .. and if there is any other reason other then him being a cousin then your family are also wrong .. she can simply go to the courrt and get married . that will creat more problems ..
at the end .. they are both family for Allah's sake .. One blood and as the mathal says ( al thifir ma yitlaa min al laham)
best of all ask her to pray Istikhara and Allah be with all of you .. Ameen

[Cool_Life]

Hello everybody,
I am a new user but I have been going through thr posts since long. I would like to share with you this site and hope I will be welcomed.

I would like to know for how long have the sister and the cousin been in love and willing to get married? was it for long? if yes,
why don't you keep in mind that they are serious about eachother and it is not fair for the families to be against them unless they have a proper reason?

When we try to solve such problems, we should sometimes put our selves in their position. When it is their choice in geting married, they will take their responsibility about their problems after getting married. Unlike when the family choses the husband/wife for them. They will blame them in the smallest issues.

In the past, it was easier to control such cases. But now, the girls have the right to raise their hands and talk or refuse infront of their parents. That is why we should not ever force our kids.

I faced the same problem with my family. I got married to a Kuwaity guy. They never agreed at the begining because of his nationality. I forced them to agree and I am very happy in my marriage life. This is the fourth year since I got married. They prefer my husband than my sister's hasband. Because he gives more respect to my parents and above this to me.

My only advise for you and your sister is to take this issue seriously and never wait till they reach to the court as you said. Try to be a friend to her as much as you can. Listen to her and show her love because she needs it. You can never gurantee happiness between your cousin & her or when she gets married to another man.
I'm sure that they will get along whether they got married or not because they are families!

[BomBola]

hey allz,,,
i think I know whom are you talking about "One4All_All4One" .. cause I have heard about this problem before!!!!!

kul mushkila ow ilha 7al.. inshallah if your sister & cousin truly love eachother.. they will get married.. otherwise they wont.. but they have to pray alot.. & by force..things will never go right.. you have to listen to both sides .. the parents & the couple .. & if you're very much sure that you can help (either the parents or the couple).. I advise you to enterfere.. & if you feel like you can do nothing.. I would advise you to stay away .. but I think that your sister would really appreciate your help.. either for her to get married ..or to make her forget about your cousin.. if she realy can forget him!
you should be with what you feel right..
never judge after listening to one side..

[SoMe1]

Cool_life Welcome to our sabla!! :)

i didnt wanna comment on this subject b4.. but now i was like.. Hmm well what the heck!!
you never know it might happen to me in the future ( im not wishing for it ) but inshallah kheer..
Dear One4All_All4One allah ma3 il7aq and if its maktoob for them to be together then nothing would stop then.. on the other hand if its not maktoob then nothing could be done walla keef??

[Edited by SoMe1 on 05-19-2001 at 08:02 PM]

[One4All_All4One]

Originally posted by Loo*Tiii~
hey allz,,,
i think I know whom are you talking about "One4All_All4One" .. cause I have heard about this problem before!!!!!



LooTiii do i know you?? what did you mean by that?? anyways i guess your right i better stay out of it since i tried ever trick in the book!! and inshallah '7eer as SoMe1 said its all for the good inshallah!! So ill just back off!! Thanks all for your help ..
Welcome Cool_Life to the sabla and im happy to see that your first post is for this subject :)

[Cool_Life]

One4All_All4One,

I advise you to do what ever you feel right after reading all the posts. And I hope everything will be fine.

Regards,

[4-ever-young]

Well i know i am a bit late in replying but i tired once to reply and got disconnected!!!

first is first welcome to the sablah...
I am sorry to hear about ur sister and ur cousin it seems that the family is in a very akward situation due to them being related which complicates things!

In your postion i wouldnt know what to do... i would just pray for them...and ask allah to show my sister the right way......has your sister paryed Salat al Istikhara...for her cousin..?
if not why doesnt she try it?
I wish u all the best in sloving the problem and insha allah everntying will work out for the best!