I don't know what to do!!!

[Safaa]

Well..
I don't know if you guys can do anything but i feel like sharing it..

We are having kind of Family problem..(my sister and father actually)..
It started when my sister met this guy..I have no idea when or how but I know they are in love and wanna get married, The problem now is that my father will never let this happen. You are asking why?

His family name is the reason!!! Yess..I don't know till when this will keep going in our culture..we are dividing ourselves to Omanis, Zinjbaris, and Belushis.. Maybe it's normal since we lived with it long time ago and ppl are getting mix now..But surprise, we still have some parents (like mine) who think that omani girls can marry omani guys bass!! On the other hand, guys are allowed to marry to whomever they want.

It's getting so big and my sister is changing, she said that she will never marry anyone but him..I know nothing about the guy, and somehow i don't feel friendly with him, but I respect my sister and my father...by the way, it's not just my father who doesn't agree with that, my whole family is mu3aqadah..My uncles, grandfather and grandmother...they will make it big.. even neighbors will have their words that might hurt my sister, maybe she's crazy coz she let this happen.. I have no idea :(

I'm so lost..I feel i need to do something :( to get this solved..I know no one listens to me coz i'm younger than her.

I'm sorry if i'm bothering you with my family problems..but this concern our socaity as Omanis.
what should i do?

[Edited by Safaa on 05-09-2001 at 03:02 AM]

[numismatic]

Yes Really it is too bad that we are still discremenating people. I think if the guy is a good man, and obeying Allah and can support a family, this will be the most important.

Have you tried to resort to your father's friend or somebody whom your father respects and try to get this man along with the problem.

I have a friend who decided to marry one girl he knows, but his father said NO! Why? because that girl is Sunni Muslim. My friend tried many ways to solve that problem, eventually he went to Sheikh Ahmed Al-Khalili and told him about that problem. Sheikh Ahmed gave my friend a letter to his father blaming him for such an action. Then, my friend's father accept the marriage and my friend is now living with his wife and children with his father. He got it!

[Arabian Princess]

Dear sis ..
I can understand exactly how can a situation like this might have an effect on you ..
The problem if your family are very very concern about qabila .. no matter what your sister will do .. it will only be worse .. maybe what the firend of nusmiatics did .. go to alshekh al khalili or anyone who your father respect and ask him about the situation and that if he approves it or not .. and maybe that will influnce your fathers dicison ..
Talk to your sister also .. tell her to be against the family coz that will only make them mad .. ask her to be diplomatic with them and try to make them decide through examples and proofs not through being stuborn ..
May Allah lead her .. ask her to pray istikhara ..and it is more powerful than a hint from Allah .. she will know what is best for her and Allah will sort things out later ..

[SoMe1]

This pray is to gaid you and help you take the right dissition.. you must make this sala b4 making any act which is going to effect your future.. and marraige is really important.. for me i feel sorry for people who think this way.. and another thing about shee3a and suni and abathi thing is really crap.. arent we all moslims?? why are we trying to make a difference bettween us..
anyway Safaa tell your sister that she should pray salat il isti'7ara and Allah sub7anah wa ta3ala will only gide her to do the right thing.. 3asa an to7ibo shay2an waha shar lakom.. wa 3asa an takraho shay2an waho '7ayer lakom.. No one knows whats good for them or bad..

[Safaa]

Thanks for your opinion guys..
I talked to my other sister and told her what i think, the problem is that they can not talk to my father right now because he's sick and we are afraid that he thinks alot and then can't sleep the nights ..
He gets worry so fast. He's a great man though..I'm sure if it wasn't the whole family, he would understand, but ppl talk alot maa yer7amo.

Thanks again and god help us all enshallah.

Carez.

[Jadgaliya]

i am offended that ur dad wouldnt let ur sis marry a zadjali guy.. after all there is nothing wrong with us zadjali's.. but allah yikoon fi 3own ur sis..

[numismatic]

Dear Safa,
Willn't be good if you just remove the family name that you have specified. By saying "because of his family name", readers can get it.

Am I right safa?

[Safaa]

Hey Jad..Don't be offended please..You know old ppl dear. Wallah I didn't mean nothing..I have best friends from ur family name and they are the best.

I'm sorry again, I shouldn't have mentioned the family name. Thanks numismatic :)

[Jadgaliya]

it's okay safaa.. i understand.. i just hope everything goes well for u..

[SANTOS]

Along time ago, my auntie whom is 3 years older than I am, fell in love with this guy, but it was the same problem again, he wasnt from a known family if you catch my drift, and of course her father (my grand father) refused furiously, to the whole idea, she did not want any one but him, she changed, got realy sick and upset, and she did not have any one but me to talk about it, I was 18 then, and said to her let me see what I can do? @ 3am as I was lying next to grandpa; I said to him: why do you make life hard on ?????,
he sat down in away I got so frightened, and he said: dont you see, that he is not not known to us, and thats includes his family. I said:so what? she loves him and he loves her and thats what it all matters, if you really love your daughter, I think you should give her the chance to marry the person she loves, and I beleive the feeling is mutual(cause I have investigated about the guy she loves, and he was OK).

Beleive me I did not know were I got the courage from, to say what I have said? I only know that my aunti got marreid a month later to the same man, its been 17 years now and there oldest daughter is 15.

I beleive the father is the key, if he agrees the whole problem is fixed.

The subject is sensitive and it has to be approached with extreme care.

(Yagaal seroh fee asgar khalquh)