our title would be men,women and marriage!!!


1..At the cocktail party, one woman said to another," Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man"

2..A little boy asked his father , "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married ?" And the father replied, I really do not know son, I am still paying"!!

3..What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying ? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.!!

4..Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every country, son."!!

5..How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

thanks for that Xman...
what would we do without ur posts that puts a smile on our face? heheh

i wouldn't be hear if it wasn't for u guys. u're the guys i would speak to if i'm in trouble. i owe u alot.

you dont owe us anything,,,,we are here to listen to u and hope to put a smile on ur face as u put one on ours!!

Hey Xman.. keep'em coming pal.. we need some jokes to change our mood sometime!!

well said i couldnt have said it better!

"He who does not know one thing knows another".

<font color="blue"
BOY: Since we met, I can't eat or drink...

GIRL: Why not??

BOY: I'm broke.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

BOY: May I hold your hand??

GIRL: No thanks, it isn't heavy.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

GIRL: Did you miss me while I was away??

BOY: Were you away??



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

GIRL: Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night??

BOY: What time was it??



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me!

BOY: You love me...



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a Ring??

BOY: Sure, what's your phone number??



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

GIRL: I think the poorest people are the Happiest.

BOY: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest Couple.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

CAROL: Do you remember when you proposed to me?

I was so Overwhelmed, I couldn't speak for an Hour.

PETER: Yes darling, that was the happiest hour Of my life...



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

GIRL: Darling, I want to dance like this Forever.

BOY: Don't you ever want to improve??



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

BOY: I love you and I could die for you!

GIRL: How soon??



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

BOY: I would go to the end of the world for You!

GIRL: Yes, but would you stay there??



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

SHARON: Have you ever had a hot passionate,

Burning kiss??

TRACY: I did once. He'd forgotten to take the Cigarette out Of his mouth.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

Man: You remind me of the sea.

Woman: Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?

Man: NO, because you make me sick.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

Wife: You tell a man something; it goes in One ear and comes Out of the other.

Husband: You tell a woman something: It goes in Both ears and Comes out of the mouth.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm Ugly. What do u Think, Peter?

Peter: A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

Peter: Mom, does God use our bathroom?

Mom: What make you say that, Peter?

Peter: Because Daddy bangs on the door every morning and yells, "Oh god, are you still there?"



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

Customer: How much is that tie?

Salesman: Forty dollars.

Customer: Why, I can buy a pair of shoes with

That much money.

Salesman: But how would a pair of shoes look around your neck.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

Woman: How can I ever repay you for your kindness and consideration to me?

Man: By cheque, money order or cash.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

Sam: I hate to see a girl standing in a bus when I'm comfortably seated.

Lily: So what do you do?

Sam: I close my eyes.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

Teacher: Have you given the goldfish fresh water?

Pupil: No, Sir. They haven't finished the water I gave them last week.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

Mom: Why are you wiping the floor with that cake?

Son: Well, it's a sponge cake, isn't it?



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

Man: I'm new around here. Will you please direct me to the bank?

Little boy: I will, but only if you pay me ten dollars.

Man: Why should I pay you so much?

Little boy: Because bank directors are always highly paid.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner.

What are you charged with?" he asked.

"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.

"That's no offense," replied the judge.

"How early were you doing this shopping?"

Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.</font>

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Here is a nice 1 ..

At a dinner party, the speaker who was the guest of honor,
was about to deliver his speech when his wife sitting at the
other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the
word "KISS" scribbled on it.

A guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife has sent
you a KISS before you begin your speech. She must love you
very much."

The speaker replied, "You don't know my wife. The letters
stand for "Keep it short, Stupid."

http://www.things-that-make-us-smile.co.uk/img1.jpg


[Edited by Xman on 05-02-2001 at 08:49 PM]

Hey i liked that one Loo*Tii~ lol

Xman nice one!

Both are laugh out louder's.. KWA KWAKWAKWA !!!!!

this is a bit cruel for men..but i just thought that it is funny...sorry guys!!

1. Don't imagine you can change a man unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon -- they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander -- it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.


[Edited by 4-ever-young on 05-04-2001 at 11:26 AM]

Originally posted by 4-ever-young
[b]this is a bit cruel for men..but i just thought that it is funny...sorry guys!!

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.<<<<<<<<<< lOolz 7elwaaaaaaaa

3. If they put a man on the moon -- they should be able to put them all up there<<<<<<<<< yeah thats right!! Mako fayda!!

4. Never let your man's mind wander -- it's too little to be out alone<<<<<<<< hahahahahahahaha, you got that right!

5. Go for younger men. You might as well, they never mature anyway<<<<< i guess thats true too!!

8. Women don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types<<<<<<< Hmm i guess ive seen that alot!

9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it<<<<<<<<<< ill try that some day

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital<<<<<<< la!! OK!

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks<<<<<<< i tried that didnt work!!!

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his<<<<<< yeah!!

15. Sadly, all men are created equal<<<<< bado Sa7

A young executive was leaving the office at 6 pm when he found the CEO
standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document,
and my secretary has left.Can you make thisthing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the
machine. "I just need one copy."

Lesson learnt: - Never, never assume that the boss knows everything.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window: "I want to open a damn checking account."
To which the astonished woman replies: "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up b****! I said, I want to open a damn checking account right now!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this
bank."
Having said this, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank
manager to tell him about her problem customer.
They both return and the manager asks the old geezer ... "What seems to be the problem here?"
"There's no damn problem, sonny," the elderly man says.
"I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!"
"I see," says the manager thoughtfully. "And you're saying that this b**** here is giving you a hard time?"

Lesson Learnt - If you are RICH, you can get away with almost anything.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when
the American turned to the Japanese and asked ...
"What kind of -ese are you?"
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."

The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you ?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.
The American, now irritated, then yell, "What kind of -ese are you...
Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, etc......"
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of '-key' was he.

The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of '-key' am
I ?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a monkey, donkey or a Yankee ?"

Lesson Learnt: Never insult anyone.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who
found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie
appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he
said ...
"Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish.
When you run towards the pool and jump in, you shout what you want the pool
of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped in and
shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The
Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next was the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and
immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped
in and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last was the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he
stepped on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted,
" ... S H I T !!!!!!! .... "

Lesson Learnt: Think twice before you say something.

Shit hah.

nice one.

Keep em coming girl. U know we need someone like u to cheer us up.

Here's a nice one:
There was once an Omani, a Palestinian and an Indian exploring a desert. When they were done and wanted to go back to their homes, they couldn't find their way out. Luckily, the Omani found a lamp, rubbed it, and there came a ginni who promised to fullfill each of them one wish. The Palestinian was like " I'm lost in the middle of a desert, my wife and children are waiting for me. Please, I want to go home". Within a fraction of a second, the Palastinian was sent to his home. Next was the Omani who asked to be sent to his home too. Within a fraction of a second, the Omani was sent to his home. Finally came the Indian's turn. The Indian thought for a moment and said: " My Omani and Palestinian friend left me alone in the middle of the desert, what am I going to do alone? My wish is that you bring them
back (!!!)"
Worth a laugh, ha??

i got that from internet. 'jokes'


Read:
A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle.

He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened the bottle.

A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said,

"I am so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you any wish, but I can only grant one."

The man thought for a while and finally said,

"I have always wanted to go to Hawaii. I've never been able to go because I cannot fly. Airplanes are much too frightening for me. On a boat, I see all that water and I become very claustrophobic.

So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii.


The genie thought for a few minutes and finally said,

"No, I don't think I can do that.

Just think of all the work involved. Consider all the piling needed to hold up a highway and how deep they would have to go to reach the bottom of the ocean. Imagine all the pavement needed. No, that is just too much to ask."

The man thought for a few minutes and then told the genie,

"There is one other thing I have always wanted.

I would like to be able to understand women.

What makes them laugh and cry,
why are they temperamental,
why are they so difficult to get along with, when they want attention, when they don't.
Basically, what makes them tick."

The genie considered for a few minutes and said,

"So, do you want two lanes or four?"

hehe kewl jokes...they made me laugh!!

Xman
Insha allah i will always try to put a smile on ur faces :)

i got this through an e-mail and i thought it was funny
Enjoy!

The Ugliest One

There was a middle aged couple who had two
stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. They
decided to try one last time for the son they
always wanted.

After months of trying, the wife became pregnant
and sure enough, nine months later, delivered a
healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the
nursery to see his new son. He took one look and
was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He went to his wife and said that there was no way
that he could be the father of that child. "Look at
the two beautiful daughters I fathered." Then he gave
her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling
around on me?"

The wife just smiled sweetly and said,
"Not this time."