Hello people..

As all of us know that every guy want to have a good lady from a good family with a good reputation, he wants to be her first man in her life, he wants to be her first love, he doesnt want a girl who was in love with someone else then her ex dumbed her..

So when men want to get married they ask about the girl first and get all the information about the family that he gonna marry from, ask about her reputation and manners ..etc

Now adays its hard to trust anyone, even if there reputation is good, u never know whats behind that girl, u dont know if she was in a relationship with another guy and for some reasons they broke up, these days u dont trust your sisters and cousins for god sake..

So the question is:
How can you know if this girl is good or bad? how can you know her reputation?? how can we judge her? on which bases? how can u know the truth ?

* How can you know if this girl is good or bad? how can you know her reputation?? how can we judge her? on which bases? how can u know the truth ?

If you have known the girl for quite sometime and you truly think there are spark around, then you'll get the answers to the above.

Otherwise, you'll know once you're in bed ;)

Otherwise, you'll know once you're in bed

:eyes: Nobody wants to be in that situation i think..thats why i opend this thread...its not that simple!

Reading answers in this thread isn't going to make your married life any simpler and better.

Its for you to make that happen ...

Take this for example, would you want to marry a person whom you know, trust and care for? or would you marry a person who your parent has seen and liked, and you know nothing else about him?

The second case almost certainly causes a lot more problems than the first!

Ok,,,i agree with you that the second case is the best..BUT if u are not in love ?? or u loved one and it just didnt work?? u feel dipressed and u'll just look for any lady to marry(even if u dont love her)..some ppl here in oman are still thinking that old way, they just want to get married for the sake of getting married and having children, so they just ask their parents to look for them..

well..if the girl's reputation was bad then it would be well know to the public what she;s done. but one shouldnt believe everything he hears about the person. investigate..and try to find out from trust worthy people the bottom line of the whole thing. but then even though it was true..doesnt everyone deserve a second chance..and should one dump his girl cause of a mistake she's done in the past? it really depends i guess.

Nabhan is absolutely right. Our cultures are usually a bit harsh, esp. with girls whenever they get in any sort of trouble, and it usually remains as a black spot for a long time, and it's really unfair. We all do mistakes, somestimes big mistakes, at some time in our lives, and we learn from them. It's true that a wise person should avoid what is wrong, but sometimes, you tend to learn what've done when it's over.
As for your question amooor, if you know the girl, then you should be able to know what she's like, if not, then try asking about her, ask about her friends, etc... or maybe if your family has already spoken to her family, ask to speak to her directly, get to know her better.

Originally posted by Shinoda LP
* How can you know if this girl is good or bad? how can you know her reputation?? how can we judge her? on which bases? how can u know the truth ?

If you have known the girl for quite sometime and you truly think there are spark around, then you'll get the answers to the above.

Otherwise, you'll know once you're in bed ;)

i agree.

asking and investigation might give you an indication but there's only one way to find out!!!!

Originally posted by amo0or
these days u dont trust your sisters and cousins for god sake..
[/B]

you know why??? cause of all the evil thought we guys have on our minds about other girls. we think everyone is like us, even girls.

The truth is, you can never be 100% sure of what you hear about a girl's reputation. A lot of the time you'd hear all the good things and anything "bad" would be kept a secret. The only way to find out the real truth is if the girl actually trusted you enough to tell you about any previous relationships.

Because of the way we think, I doubt any girl would actually do that willingly because as soon as someone finds out that she's had a boyfriend before, they'd immediately label her as "bad" or "used", etc.

People do make mistakes, and it's what you learn from these mistakes that count. Everyone is young and vulnerable at some point in their life..

Originally posted by amo0or
So the question is:
How can you know if this girl is good or bad? how can you know her reputation?? how can we judge her? on which bases? how can u know the truth ?

It depends on the girl in question:

If she is a known girl and her family know the guy family then it's not a problem to find about her history and background. Because in our society and espacially now adays it's easy to hear about any problems happend around us. And is this girl done some bad actions in the past then it's will be known to everybody.

But if she is a new girl and could be from different area then it's not possible to make sure about her past completely. but by asking many people who know her and know her family it's possible to get some details about her past life and if she done some fatal mistakes. Thats why in this case it's a good idea to take enough time to ask about the girl and do the required investigations before taking any decision.

Why care, and why so bothered about the past..
No one is perfect and very rarely to get all what you really wanted from the Women,

The only peaceful option and very easy going dont ask or never wanted to know the past, just keep with present and future, if a Women behave and respect you the way you wanted and happy then that where you should look and appreciate, even if her previous record was from Red light district dont look at that, that's is history..

Originally posted by NaBHaN
well..if the girl's reputation was bad then it would be well know to the public what she;s done. but one shouldnt believe everything he hears about the person. investigate..and try to find out from trust worthy people the bottom line of the whole thing. but then even though it was true..doesnt everyone deserve a second chance..and should one dump his girl cause of a mistake she's done in the past? it really depends i guess.

Second chance?? Nabhan we are talking about life, future, sons..
its not easy to live with a girl that she was in a bed with another guy b4 you...
ppl will not stop talking about her, then ppl will not stop talking aout me, te ppl will not stop talking about her sons and of cours u dont want your son to listen to such things about his mother from out..

Originally posted by NaBHaN
well..if the girl's reputation was bad then it would be well know to the public what she;s done. but one shouldnt believe everything he hears about the person. investigate..and try to find out from trust worthy people the bottom line of the whole thing. but then even though it was true..doesnt everyone deserve a second chance..and should one dump his girl cause of a mistake she's done in the past? it really depends i guess.

Second chance?? Nabhan we are talking about life, future, sons..
its not easy to live with a girl that she was in a bed with another guy b4 you...
ppl will not stop talking about her, then ppl will not stop talking about me, then ppl will not stop talking about her sons and of cours u dont want your son to listen to such things about his mother from out..

Originally posted by Dr N
Nabhan is absolutely right. Our cultures are usually a bit harsh, esp. with girls whenever they get in any sort of trouble, and it usually remains as a black spot for a long time, and it's really unfair. We all do mistakes, somestimes big mistakes, at some time in our lives, and we learn from them. It's true that a wise person should avoid what is wrong, but sometimes, you tend to learn what've done when it's over.
As for your question amooor, if you know the girl, then you should be able to know what she's like, if not, then try asking about her, ask about her friends, etc... or maybe if your family has already spoken to her family, ask to speak to her directly, get to know her better.

Aha,,and what if her family dont know what she did..and the girl kept it inside her as a secret, are u going to say also that i am going to discover it on the bed???
It is really a comlecated situation, everyone is getting scared now adays of this problem..

Originally posted by Big MO
you know why??? cause of all the evil thought we guys have on our minds about other girls. we think everyone is like us, even girls.

yeah exactly..i think what you've just said is right..:rolleyes:

Amo0or, as we get older, we becoem more independent and we rely on ourselves, we don't go and tell our parents every single detail!!
Now yes, she might have done something wrong, maybe she feels guilty about it, and she was able to get through, no need to tell her parents and get into a lot of unnecessary problems when everything is over, and she knows that she'll be more careful. So why worry so much about it? You find a good girl, you talk to her, know her, you like her then you marry her, you don't then it's over, it's simple, it's all a matter of trust and having someone you can really get along with.:)

What if i trust her and then later on i discover that she doesnt love me and she just took me for the sake of having a husband?

And why make such negative assumptions in the first place?!!
And as I said, when you get to talk to her and know her, it becomes easier to find out what type of a person she is! She can't fake a personality 24/7, something will definitly show you the real her!!
Your idea does occur, but not to everyone, and here I would say that it's a matter of luck, we all get what is written for us in this world, and we all make bad choices at some point in our lives, but you'll then get the chance to correct it!:)

Originally posted by amo0or
Second chance?? Nabhan we are talking about life, future, sons..
its not easy to live with a girl that she was in a bed with another guy b4 you...
ppl will not stop talking about her, then ppl will not stop talking about me, then ppl will not stop talking about her sons and of cours u dont want your son to listen to such things about his mother from out..

I agree with Amoor.

For more details refer to this (http://www.englishsabla.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=12849) thread!

Amour

As far as I can see, girl reputation can damage her marital relation only if you let with her past interfere in between. Yeah I do agree that people will not stop picking on her but again if you give time to listen to them.

Lastly, If we keep bringing our past and listen to people's nagging, I'm sure, we wouldn't find any married s.l.u.t.s.

Very complicated solution ...

How can you know if this girl is good or bad? how can you know her reputation?? how can we judge her? on which bases? how can u know the truth ?

Amoor …
If u came to know someone who wants to marry from ..No doubts that you will be hesitative because you still haven’t got answer for your questions above ..

Firstly..you will get to know the answers from the way she talks, the way she thoughts, but there are answers which wont get it unless your are close enough to her, once she trust you and make sure that she can’t leave without you her conscience will force her to talk to you openly (you should start)…here you should appreciate her plainness and believe me she will never ever forget your forgiveness.

2nd thing don’t you never ever give attention to ppl speech, they do talk about everyone not only bad reputation ppl, and your there to protect her from such attcks ..not standing against her.

I have witnessed such situation happened to my friend ..he came to know a sweet girl and they love each other till death and he used to ask me …"how will I know about my girl honor in the past ..coz im seriously thinking of proposing her but I am abit hesitative" I was like shirk ..from answering his question ..but I suggested him to talk with his sweet heart openly ..and they did which lead them to end up with new white page which guided them to right track .

Finally..
God do forgive his human beings, Don’t Forgive the One who loves you?

God do forgive his human beings, Don’t Forgive the One who loves you?

Mashalla nice answer and u really said it all...

well..now u were talking about your love?? am i right?
ok what if u dont love her and u just wanna get married and asked your parents to look for a girl?
dont know maybe u gonna answer me the same answer above!

Just a question: If the girl did have a boyfriend in the past, is it like 100% she's still not a virgin?

I mean a lot of girls do have bf's but most of them dont actually SLEEP with 'em. :D

To the gurlz: That's why i said relationships were a waste of time and energy.. and u lose ur REPUTATION. So take care ya'll.

Originally posted by Cerulean
Just a question: If the girl did have a boyfriend in the past, is it like 100% she's still not a virgin?

I mean a lot of girls do have bf's but most of them dont actually SLEEP with 'em. :D

To the gurlz: That's why i said relationships were a waste of time and energy.. and u lose ur REPUTATION. So take care ya'll.

Well having a Boyfriend doesnt mean loosing her virginty!!
And here ONE GIRL her self said that a lot of girl do have BF's but most dont sleep with?? what do u get from this post????

Originally posted by Shinoda LP


If you have known the girl for quite sometime and you truly think there are spark around, then you'll get the answers to the above.

Otherwise, you'll know once you're in bed


I was just saying, in most cases you wouldn't know if the girl was going out with another guy before. Thats if no one knows of course.:rolleyes:

Yea true!

Sadly, all my love attempts have gone from beautiful to worse due to un-explainable reasons ... so, I am not going to dwell on that issue anymore ;)

A girl is bad for a reason and good for a reason

You judge a gurl by the way she talks , dresses , deals with people. How respecful she is with her family. Her believes and principles.

What I read from u AmoOoOr Really upset me
A girl does not have to be bad just because she fell in love before. These are natural feelings.
Every girl should have her limits thats all.
It doesnt make me any less from a gurl who has NEVER spoken to a guy before in any way!! If I respect myself and know my limits and have done nothing wrong that would disgrace myself, my name and my family and whom i'll be getting married to.
There are many types of relationships with the opposite sex.
You could marry a women who had no idea about love, feelings and attraction, but then she turns out to be ignorant, un educated,rude and many more.
Everyone should look for the right kind and type of wife. But being in pure love with another Man before ur husband , which is just innocent and sinless then whats the harm? we all do have feelings and we all make mistakes and it does not have to be a mistake at the first place. As I said, there must be limits.

As u said, it's hard to know what a girl is really like and what she has done in her past but then if u want some one so perfect then the guys must do the same thing. This is really pissing me off!!

It's all about respect , decency and morals.
Falling in love before marriage with some one else is not really the case. If a girls reputation is damaged, then it's damaged and u'll know about it. If it's not then dont judge her for her small actions. We all do simple mistakes.

1)How can you know if this girl is good or bad? how can you know her reputation??

By getting to know the girl, speaking to her , asking people who are CLOSE to her about her not peole from outside because that source of information is not always trusted :D :D but it wouldn't do any harm if u did ... you could ask members of ur family to get to know the girl if u wanted to propose to her that could help cause people who are older are wiser i guess ! :duh:

2)How can we judge her? on which bases?

There are really no basis u can judge a person on i mean the basis varies from a person and another so there's no any common basis except for Good family, Education, Personality mmnmnmnmn dunno what else? :confused:

3)How can u know the truth ?

You can never know the truth ( il7geega 3end 9a7ba :D) Everybody has their own deep secrets and thoughts that never share it with any1 even the people who are close to them so its hard to know the truth just believe whats infront of u and what u've observed from the girl's attitude, lifestyle etc that could be a big part of the truth but no the whole truth ;)

amo0or




how about praying iste'7ara, For sure ALLAH wont let you down.


i do agree with you that it's hard to trust nowadays but that doent gie us the right to assume things on the grils. i think iste'7ara will help alot.

I am shocked, even if she make mistake doesn't she deserve a second chance? If GOD forgive who are we not to:confused: I am not saying that let girls make mistake but those who already make mistakes :( but ppl change :angel:

As Men wants us not to question about their past so the same should apply for girls so good man will marry a good girl and a bad Boy will marry a bad girl:D isn't that fair enough:c2: :

Very fair, Jamila.


But sadly that's not the case here. it's almost EXPECTED for a guy to have had previous experience and the girl to be as innocent as can be.. :yuck:

Originally posted by amo0or
Second chance?? Nabhan we are talking about life, future, sons..
its not easy to live with a girl that she was in a bed with another guy b4 you...
ppl will not stop talking about her, then ppl will not stop talking aout me, te ppl will not stop talking about her sons and of cours u dont want your son to listen to such things about his mother from out..

* As much as the Q of why men dont like to give women a 2nd chance bothered me, the answer I got 4 tht q from this thread bothered me even more..
Now from wut I read from the posts it seemed tht men dont want his women to have had relations b4 him, cuz he is afraid from wut ppl gonna talk and say..How lame is that?
I always though it was about over-jealousy and the idea that he loves him women so much tht he doesnt stand the idea she used 2 love some1 else ( I aint saying tht reason was alright and okay, since he surly did love some1 b4, but I mean it was a better reason than this reason)..

Anyhow I guess after I figured this out I have got notting more 2 say, bcuz this is the same reason for alot of problems, we always worry abt wut ppl think of us, wut ppl say abt us, we worry abt looking perfect infront of ppl even if that doesnt meant we R happy...what a pity..

The way I see it, there isnt juss black or white, there R colours in the middle, and sometimes very good ppl do mistakes, so every1 desrves a 2nd chance..