This is a philosophical, religious, ideological, and social issue all at once.

Firstly, we all know that Islamically speaking, sexual relations prior to marriage is forbidden. We all know that many people do not abide by this but let us assume that the majority do.

With that said, my question is what happens when the two people get married and they are sexually incompatible??? Say, he is a dud in bed or unable to satisfy his partner or vice versa. Or perhaps they just dont turn each other on or worse still they are grossed out when they try to be together intimately. What I am trying to say is that they turn out to be a disappointment to each other sexually for whatever reason (and I could think of many:duh: ).

What would be the fate of such a union? Would the marriage work? Should they stay together? Is this an important aspect of the relationship? Could they compensate for their dissatisfaction in this area with satisfaction in other areas of the relationship?

Now back to the original point. Do you therefore think that it is important to have some level of sexual experimentation prior to making that lifelong commitment? Or should we all stick to what Islam orders and therefore abide by the notion that 'ignorance is bliss' (meaning if we have no sexual experience then we wouldnt know what we were missing)?

Share your views candidly please.

is this a tricky q???? cause if i yes then i'm against islam and if i say no i'm against what i feel is right.

What would be the fate of such a union? Would the marriage work? Should they stay together?

* When two people get married its very likely that they find that they are a little bit different or very different in many aspects in their life not juss sexually speaking, I mean there is no way two people are juss gonna be extacly what they want to be..So I dont think we should exclude the sexuall side from other sides of marriage and life, if as said two people got married and they found that they cant satisfy each other in bed, they should consider it as a challange facing them like any other challanges they might face during their marriage, they should try to solve it out, they should feel comfortable talking about it, if its a matter of being turned on or satisfied, they could talk, tell each othe what makes them feel better, they should learn to explore their bodies together and surly if they have understanding and trust beween and them they can solve it, itsnt like a very hard thing 2 do, its their bodies and they know what is right for them..., I guess tht conculdes, tht this marriage inshalla would work if they talk and try 2 solve it, and they shoukd stay together..

Is this an important aspect of the relationship? Could they compensate for their dissatisfaction in this area with satisfaction in other areas of the relationship?

*Ofcourse its important, and no they should repair that part of their life as I said, not to ignore it or lot of problems will appear..

Now back to the original point. Do you therefore think that it is important to have some level of sexual experimentation prior to making that lifelong commitment? Or should we all stick to what Islam orders and therefore abide by the notion that 'ignorance is bliss' (meaning if we have no sexual experience then we wouldnt know what we were missing)?
* and what if they experinied and discovered b4 marriage tht they arent good for each other sexually..they should move on and try with other people until they find one who makes them feel alright??

Well,
Not all people are equal in all life parameters, there must be differences
but the percentage of mutuality should exist in the couple

additional to that some one should have the mercy and feeling which will automatically converted in to love in time is given for them to realized the consequences of what will happen if separation take place.

Compensation for both are very unique and an acceptable

err... what are you trying to say AbaLokman:lost:

I knew my husband for 3 years before we got married! ... shall I say more:wink:

Originally posted by Seham

I knew my husband for 3 years before we got married! ... shall I say more:wink:

go on.. just for the fun of it.

I discovered it is different when you are married.... so many things are so unpredictable... no matter how well you knew the person you were planning to marry! There are so many things you have to be willing to learn about each other and even improve to reach a stage where both are happy to continue with a life long relationship...

I'm totally against pre-marital sex. I dont wanna go to hell just for the sake of experimenting :D

I agree with Faithful !

Sexual relation in marriage is part of it not everything ! But it's an important issue for both .

what happens when the two people get married and they are sexually incompatible???

Try to be so ! :o

What would be the fate of such a union?

fate depends on how strong is their relation and their willingness !

Could they compensate for their dissatisfaction in this area with satisfaction in other areas of the relationship?

No , they gotta work more in this area !

Do you therefore think that it is important to have some level of sexual experimentation prior to making that lifelong commitment?

sexual experimentation with who ??! Ur partner to be ? If so , then if not get satisfied ?! then move to another one ??Don't you think that if we continue like this , we'll end up in real mess !
would you like to get married to someone has sex 100 times with different people ???? I doubt it !

Do you think that all those married people were satisfied at first ! of course no , but since marriage is strong bond and a relationship based on faith , honesty , then being dissatisfied in one area , is not the end , it's the beginng to work hard to be two in one ! ( Head & Shoulders ) !

This is what people should do. Get married, see how things go.. you're not compatible, get divorced.

Move on to the next one. :rolleyes:

Phoenix, you don't want to end up flipping just pages! :p

Firstly, we all know that Islamically speaking, sexual relations prior to marriage is forbidden. We all know that many people do not abide by this but let us assume that the majority do.

ok

With that said, my question is what happens when the two people get married and they are sexually incompatible??? Say, he is a dud in bed or unable to satisfy his partner or vice versa. Or perhaps they just dont turn each other on or worse still they are grossed out when they try to be together intimately. What I am trying to say is that they turn out to be a disappointment to each other sexually for whatever reason

Then they should work out a solution. Something like mating does not just happen easily. Especially newly wed virgins. Time and patience. Anyway, before they marry they should at least see each other and speak to ensure they accept each other !

What would be the fate of such a union? Would the marriage work? Should they stay together? Is this an important aspect of the relationship? Could they compensate for their dissatisfaction in this area with satisfaction in other areas of the relationship?

If the guy doesnt like the way the girl dresses or her hair do etc, then she should change it to make him happy and vice versa. No marriage is succesful without the mating part [islamically speaking] if a couple have not engaged in such relations for whole year then there marriage is void, i can bring up this issue if u like. its a long one.

Now back to the original point. Do you therefore think that it is important to have some level of sexual experimentation prior to making that lifelong commitment? Or should we all stick to what Islam orders and therefore abide by the notion that 'ignorance is bliss' (meaning if we have no sexual experience then we wouldnt know what we were missing)?

you should gain that experience during your marriage.

Its not such a big deal as you make it out to be.

There is a long history of allowing sexual relations during the betrothal period - in fact it was customary about 2,000 years ago, leading some to speculate on a less-than-divine origin for Jesus.

This was true also under the Christian church, although I'm not sure when the practice (pardon the pun) began to frowned upon.

Is/was there a similar custom in arab culture and/or islam?

Presumably, the couple would have the betrothal period to determine sexual compatibility before it was "too late", without endangering their social reputation or souls...

Personally, I think it's a good idea to live with a fellow for a bit during the engagement period (this only work with modern birth control methods...) - had I done this about 15 years ago, I could have avoided a long, painful, and costly mistake of marrying a selfish jerk whose courtship behavior was far different from his real self.

I don't trust a woman who barely eats and doesn't want to snuggle.

I need to see her look forward to and enjoy a meal, as well as enjoy a lingering kiss (with a little nose rubbing), before I'd consider getting engaged.

I don't really understand how two people can be honestly attracted to each other and yet manage to have a disasterous sex life. I like her, she likes me, we both want to please the other.

That should work.

i believe u can know how a person can be in bed from his/her personality..but it doesnt work on everyone really.. as some hide it really well..and they just turn out to be perverts in bed.

anyways..i say ignorance is bliss..and when the time comes..and u do face problems..all u can do is work on it..to what is best for both parties..and inshallah it will turn out for the best.

Originally posted by NaBHaN
all u can do is work on it..to what is best for both parties..and inshallah it will turn out for the best.

in some cases that could mean divorce.

Well, as far as I can go is to have a brief of Sex education but I won't dare to go for experimentation, I leave according to what my religion ordered me to follow.

While on the other hand I can't deny that marriage is lifetime commitment and sexual satisfaction is very important to such relation but I do believe that marriage is not all about in BED:duh: :sorry: couples can have healthier relation eventough they're incompatible to eachother.

Originally posted by raffee


Now back to the original point. Do you therefore think that it is important to have some level of sexual experimentation prior to making that lifelong commitment? Or should we all stick to what Islam orders and therefore abide by the notion that 'ignorance is bliss' (meaning if we have no sexual experience then we wouldnt know what we were missing)?



Sexual topics always get more attention due to human nature!

Ok back to the topic I find above quote weird to come from a muslim person, if we all know it's forbidden in islam to experence such pr-marraige relations then why we consider the opposite an option unless we want to behave like a non muslims and ignore Allah rules and profet Mohammed PBUH teachings.

And in Islam there is a solution for every problem but this doesn't mean we have to break islamic rules just to make sure the couple will enjoy the pleasure of sex after getting married, because it will be just like following the Satan path. If the wife for example turned to be coldat bed and can't satisfy her husband then the husband can marry a 2nd wife as a solution, and if it's from the husband then she can ask for a divorce. But in general such sexual problems are very very rare to happen and could be solved between the couple and their life will be normal.


There is no substitute for Islamic teachings.

I am not surprised for the attention given to this thread.. If A women never experience Sexualy before marriage then they wont be any problem if a husband happend to be a dud in bed, becasue the wife i Q doesnt know what is good or what is bed she takes what she gets..

But if the wife in Q has done it before Marriage with smart guys then the problem will be unavoidable due to the Women experience and Husband being dud in bed and useless to satisfy Her. and that's where Sex before marriage it's not allowed so that the women in Q will never know what she has missed..

But it works Fine With Man if the Women in Q happend to be slow and boring in bed and useless, then you dont have to Divorce her you keep her you maintain as Wife and you do go for second Option and that's Second Wife which is Allowed..

Originally posted by Sleyum
I am not surprised for the attention given to this thread.. If A women never experience Sexualy before marriage then they wont be any problem if a husband happend to be a dud in bed, becasue the wife i Q doesnt know what is good or what is bed she takes what she gets.. :eyes: you Sleyum? ok I start believing that u r another typical Omani:duh: how long will she remain naive?:duh:

Do you therefore think that it is important to have some level of sexual experimentation prior to making that lifelong commitment? Or should we all stick to what Islam orders and therefore abide by the notion that 'ignorance is bliss' (meaning if we have no sexual experience then we wouldnt know what we were missing)?


Nah it,s not really important that we have to sexual experienced befor getting marriage to be able to provide satisfied sex to your partner .

Well ..to overcame this sexual impotence ,both of them should work it out ..in other words everyone should bring his/her partner to the level which would creat that sexual presentiment to appear ...as example Wives can wear easy access clothes juss to attracte their partners .

Lately marriage isn,t sexual life ...

Originally posted by NaBHaN
i believe u can know how a person can be in bed from his/her personality..but it doesnt work on everyone really.. as some hide it really well..and they just turn out to be perverts in bed.

http://thumb2.image.altavista.com/image/1683809836

I like that one Naby and agree with you. We really need to have a strong 6th sense though to figure out how someone is sexually without by just looking at him or her! Not everyone has this gift.

True as you said that we might end up making a big mistake and be tricked by our intuition...our partner can turn out to be either a pervert in bed :tiered: or a complete cold log :yawn:....