Suppose you took the traditional approach to finding a partner. You courted her through her parents, only ever saw her chaperoned, and rarely had the opportunity to speak to her alone before the betrothal (kitaab).

After the wedding, you begin to realise that you have very different ideologies and outlooks on life in general. How would you react? What would you do? Do you even consider this to be a problem??


Share your views. I was using a male as the example here but it equally applies to a woman too. So all replies are welcome.

some learn to live with the situation cause they don't know any better and try to avoid divorce as it's socially not acceptable. it's really catch 22. but believe it or not some ppl go through their whole life wondering what if!!!!!!!!!

I'll do my best to adjust to her ... and if that turns out to be a real headache, then she'll feel my steel boot tips, or the other way around :p

well..that would never happen to me ..cause its impossible that i would marry a girl whom i barely or dont know at all.

but anyways.. IF i were in that situation..i will try to adapt myself to her..or maybe she could do the same for me..in some situations or ideas..of mine. i wull try my best to make it work. ..and if it doesnt..then i guess it wasnt really meant to be.

I think this way of marriage is very wrong, I mean how can you marry some1 u never talked to and have no idea what his/her opinions abt life are?!
I mean you juss marry her cuz her family are known to be good people, but sometimes some childern are un-like their parents, and even if they were good, they are still some differences in opinions even if both opinions stand in the "good area"
I think two people should talk and get to know each other very well b4 marriage, itsnt wrong or against culture or Islam, I mean they can talk on phone, if parents dont want their daughter to go out with him, and have limits while they talk and the girl and the boy should respect those limits..
I think its much worst and much againt islam if they marry while they dunno anythin abt each other and end up having problems and divorce and they have kids..!

I would never get married to a "stranger" just because he's from a good family, etc. I've got to know the guy first ;)

Same here, it's not only that the guy asks for a girl he doesn't know, it's also the girl, I mean, I can't imagine myself ever saying yes to a total starnger, I need to sit and talk to him first, get to know him better, to make a decision. But, hypothetically speaking, for some odd reason, I just married the man, I would probably try and make the most of it, try and find some common grounds to start with, and try and build a relationship with him built on trust, you never know, you might end up having the perfect match, I guess it just needs a lot of patience!!

Originally posted by raffee
How would you react? What would you do? Do you even consider this to be a problem??


Divorce him asap.

This isn't just a problem with arranged or traditional arab marriages. Even when you get to choose your own partner, you have to know what questions to ask! Particularly when you are young and falling in love, you might not think about some issues to talk about before marriage.

Sometimes one or both people act much differently during courtship than they will after marriage, so you think everything is cool during courtship then get a rude shock once married!

(this happened to me in my first marriage, not with Wanderer of course :) )

Try and adapt and get used to them. If it doesn't work, end the marriage. You only live once and you deserve to be happy.;)