fatak
19-05-03, 05:45 PM
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him
>if it was dead or alive.
>"Dead." She was informed.
>"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
>"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
>innocently.
>"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
>"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it
>didn't move."
>_________________________________________________
>
>A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later...
>"Da-ad..."
>"What?"
>"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
>"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
>Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."
>"WHAT?"
>"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
>"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
>Five minutes later... "Daaaa-aaad..."
>"WHAT!"
>"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
>________________________________________________
>
>An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
>finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
>The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in an
>out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's
>sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
>_________________________________________________
>
>One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking
>her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked
>with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
>The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she
>said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
>A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big
>sissy."
>_________________________________________________
>
>It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
>children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One
>little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat
>down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress.
>Is it your Easter Dress?"
>The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on
>microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a ***** to iron."
>_________________________________________________
>
>When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
>came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
>shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
>I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her
>tummy"
>"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
>________________________________________________
>
>A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two
>plus five, that son of a ***** is seven. Three plus six, that son of a
>***** is nine..." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped,
>"What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math
>homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?"
>the mother asked. "Yes," he answered.
>Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
>teaching my son in math?"
>The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
>The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that
>son of a ***** is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she
>answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is
>four."
>_________________________________________________
>
>One day a teacher read the story Chicken Little to her class. She came
>to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the
>farmer. She read, "... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and
>said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
>The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that
>farmer said?"
>One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy
>****! A talking chicken!'"
>The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes
Cheers
fatak
>if it was dead or alive.
>"Dead." She was informed.
>"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
>"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
>innocently.
>"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
>"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it
>didn't move."
>_________________________________________________
>
>A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later...
>"Da-ad..."
>"What?"
>"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
>"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
>Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."
>"WHAT?"
>"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
>"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
>Five minutes later... "Daaaa-aaad..."
>"WHAT!"
>"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
>________________________________________________
>
>An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
>finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
>The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in an
>out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's
>sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
>_________________________________________________
>
>One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking
>her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked
>with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
>The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she
>said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
>A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big
>sissy."
>_________________________________________________
>
>It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
>children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One
>little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat
>down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress.
>Is it your Easter Dress?"
>The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on
>microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a ***** to iron."
>_________________________________________________
>
>When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
>came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
>shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
>I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her
>tummy"
>"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
>________________________________________________
>
>A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two
>plus five, that son of a ***** is seven. Three plus six, that son of a
>***** is nine..." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped,
>"What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math
>homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?"
>the mother asked. "Yes," he answered.
>Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
>teaching my son in math?"
>The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
>The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that
>son of a ***** is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she
>answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is
>four."
>_________________________________________________
>
>One day a teacher read the story Chicken Little to her class. She came
>to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the
>farmer. She read, "... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and
>said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
>The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that
>farmer said?"
>One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy
>****! A talking chicken!'"
>The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes
Cheers
fatak