As I m a girl I want to know ur opinion regarding if the girl can married a guy against her family wish .i m curious about ur opinion about this. :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Well honey......it all depends on the situation.

Are you asking for the islamic rule on it? Or just society and family's opinion?

I say if the guy is a good man : religion, personality, treats you well......ect. and her family refuses because of a stupid reason (like the family name) then maybe she should go against her family...... But she has to accept and expect her family to not treat her well after she does. If you can handle that, go for it. If not then you should reconsider.....

Keep in mind, most families ( note I said most) have your better intrest at heart. And maybe they see something in the guy you don't.

well it is indeed a diffcult situation but one has to know why the parents are against the marriage.
Becuase parents always want what is best for thier children they are not always right..but they have thier say as they are our parents after all..so it all depends on the reason of refusal.

If you love each other then marry him.....he will be around longer than your parents will

it all depends on the situation and the reason the family gives u, for not marrying that person. as runnin said, if it's about the family's name and all that crap with they usualy throw at u , then yes..i would go against my family in a heart beat. marriage is commitment..and u are to live with that person for the rest of your life..and so if u marry just for the sake of your family..and someone they choose for u.. then what'll be left for u?

LOL - Qais.

Honey, do you stand to inherit a considerable sum if you follow your parents wishes ?

Is it enough to compensate you for a lifetime of regrets and "what if's" ?

Marriage is supposed to be a happy occasion that brings the family together, so what's the use if all it brings is hate and arguments?!! My opinion would be, if you think that this guy is the right one for you, and if he's good enough to stand up for, then talk to your parents, try and listen to them, find out why they're against this marriage, they might have a point, as they are more experienced. Or you can somehow change their minds and make them accept. Try talking to someone who really understands you, it's better to have someone from the family with you. I find it better if the marriage happens after the approval of everyone, remember, it's supposed to be a once in a life time occasion!

Live your life not your parants life.. Islam told you you may choose or refuse .

Originally posted by honey
As I m a girl I want to know ur opinion regarding if the girl can married a guy against her family wish .i m curious about ur opinion about this. :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

I do agree that at the end it is the girl's life and she should go for what she believe will make her happy or she might regret it the rest of her life.

If the entire family is against such marriage, maybe there is a valid reason,... but if she still go for it, at least she can't say that she didn't know...

I personally would never go against my parents in marriage no matter what!
If say I was to find the very right soul mate and my family refuse for reasons, I would try to convince them if I've got enough and logical reasonings to support my point, otherwise forget him.

Thinking of it, how would i go for someone who has just entered my life and leave those who were there for me since I first opened my eye. Besides, it is well known that when you are in love you don't see what others see in your partner!

Another point to add, every marriage has a possibility of collapsing, so if I went for someone against my parents wish, to whom will I turn and how would I face my parents again?!

Lots of points to think about, a good point mentioned by DrN. My personal opinion-->I wouldn't do it whatsoever!

Well Said Silent_tunes...I total agre with you..
In my side,i will never do things against my families wish.
If you love each other then marry him.....he will be around longer than your parents will
I disagree with you qais here,and you never know who will live longer..And as silent said some marriagis has a posibility of collapsing unlike you family that will remain your family for the rest of you life!

To conclude,I will never ever do that.No matter what the reasons were!

Sensitive Topic indeed - however going against what the family wants needs a lot of guts and that person has to be real strong.

You may think that ya i will go against my family no matter what... you see talking is something but actually putting it into action is a totally different story.

Anyway - as many of you said that there are times that family see something where you the girl or guy can’t see... they could be wrong and they good be right . But at the end of the day its ones life not the parents..... if you are to go as ur parents want than you will always sit there and think WHAT IF!!!

And you know how the "IF" statement goes.... its always better going through a problem knowing ur the one who made the decision. rather than it being ur parents!!

However if the parents has got a valid reason ….. sometimes and only sometimes you should say like what the hell lets hear what they got… and see if they can convince me or not. If the guy really loves the girl .. and lets say the girls family are asking for some approval from him that his work their daughter …. By showing how much of a responsible and a man he is than the battle is between him and the girls parents… he should really take a chance and prove to them that his not all what they thought he is and show them what they accept to see from a man who’s willing to get married.

At the end – marriage is not like a simple thing to decide on …. I know what I am talking about … because I have almost gone through something similar and I want to see the end of it.

go 4 what ur parents tell you

Hmmm, about this subject, well, I have heard it be4 on the radio and say the same thing that they said...
If you marry a guy against your families wishes, ok, things might go well at first, but what if La Sama7a Allah bad things happen, like something happening to him...? If this happens, who are you gonna turn to? Your Family? hmm I don't think so...

i dont know about u guys, but do u girls have the nerve to tell ur dad " no baba, i want him,, hes the one !!"??!!!:P
i cant do that!!, first step is try to see it from their point of view, marrying against their wishes should be the last resort,, i dont think thats the way to repay your mother and father after all they did for u.
well,, i dont know wat i ll do when i am in such a situation, but my intentions are to try and avoid displeasing my parents.

Yah agree it is difficult situation that we all don't want to face like it. Any way before we speak what you should do or act in like this situation .. you need to site with your self first … and just list down .. why you need this person .. what gone loss if you get him ..yah there is opportunity cost like business mane speak .. if you want to get some thing you need to loss some thing .. but here you gone to loss you Parents .. this means you will be alone in this life except your husband … as the life change your marriage may collapse who know what the future hid for us …
any way .. the best idea it to speak with your mom and dad why they are disagree with your choice they may have logical point that you may miss it as you are in love with some one …
In the same time you need to think this is your life and you may get marriage once .. so .. just be careful with you choice and don't follow up you heart only .. you need to rethink aging about the person from different view from logical way ..

When I raised this topic I was at work and a friend of mine was asking me if it is right to marry a guy without my family’s will. In that time I didn’t know what to answer her cuz I don’t have the courage to disappoint my parents especially for some one who I only can see the correct side cuz of the love as we know it’s blind ..As some of u said it’s a matter of marriage that mean long life process not a dress I can change it when I’m bored. And till now I only told her to sit with herself and think as a third person not as a lover and she’ll decide if he is the one or not. :mad:

She should be the one to answer that question to her self first HONEY!!!

I mean yo may tell her what you think of it but that does not mean you will be making her choice. At the end she will be doing what she wants and that what counts and nothing else.

To be honest ... at the end its your life not ur parents. Yes they have raised you and all been there for you but many times parents would want to as well go to the extend choosing the husband for their kids wether its the girl or boy.

I am not saying that going ur familes will is the best choice to make but there are times where you just have to do what you have to do!!

Its true many ppl would say his not the only man around and all and bla bla bla .. yes who doesn;t know that!!!! There might be so many fish in the sea ... But who cares about all those fishes .... ?@@@ as long you chose one fish to spend the rest of ur life with.!!

We live once in this world.... and marriage was never conciderd something awful as long it is ment to be in the good way meaning " infront of god and the rasul"" ala sunat allah wa rasulu." Do you know how many angles tend to come down to witnes 2 ppl that are getting married!!! You will wonder !

I would rather see ppl getting married and in a decent way even if it is something his/her parents don;t aprove than tham commiting SINS... by seeing each other behaind their familes and god knows what happens when they are together.. as they say between every 2 ppl the 3rd person is satan!!!

Who ever is honest in their heart about getting married, and they truely believe that thats the person they want, even if it is to go against the family "after of course it being the rest solution" than i give them my blessing !!!

I think a girl should not go aginst her family wish.

In Oman, when a girl does that it does not embarass the girl .. but her parents. I dont think her parents deserves that. Maybe the girl dont care about what people say but her parents do, whats thier fault??

As said above, usually parents have your intrest in thier heart. They would like you to be ahppy .. so if you think you can only be happy with that paticular person .. then try to talk to them and defend your point of view. After sometime they will agree .. but simple going aginst thier wish will not be the solution.

Well some parents Arby no matter how much you may talk to them won’t really listen to what you have to say. To them you are still not matured to know who is the right person for you, just because they happen to be born before us doesn’t make them Genies does it!?

I mean I am not really trying to advice anyone to go against their family not at all I am saying is that if one fails to convince his/her family in getting married to that person that they want there is always a higher person who could talk to your family like Imam – they are the ppl who know their religion very well and if such a person does talk to the family they should really understand .

Because the more the parents are against the marriage believe me the girl or guy would just keep on doing sin’s and that’s not something we really want. What we want is something official and as well halal!

lot of members gave quite brilliant answers..:) ....quite impressive..

hmm.....our lifes as sons/daughters....are a continuing cycle of our parents life.......so I wouldnt simply say...its my life..i can do whatever i want... parents should always be in the picture....or image you have for yourself in the future....

going against my parents then..what...ooh indeed i would be very happy....with my beloved wife...she might also be very happy too....weither she had to do the same or not....so its for both cases either against my family or her family...its alll the same...cause once we get married...we are part of both families.....

hmm years go by.....we are not in touch with parents....they are disappointed...and feel they were...stabbed in the back...coming from their own kids....children..that must of hurt....

maybe in few years...slowly they start to accept it...and eventually we get alll in touch and back....together..but ...those days...that past....they days...you made your parents sad..or in pain..are they really worth it?....

the answer to that really depends....on how your parents are or what they mean to you..if they raised you well...and did the best they can for you.....indeed..its a big waste.... if they ruined your life...since you were a kid...and you just wanted to get away...hmm maybe your right...but still...no matter what they are your parents.....

from a general..point of view....we should our ever best to make them see what we see....and try to never go against them...never give up too.... cause..if we do go against them.... no matter how great is the person we go for..... there.... will come a time....which you might think....or regret it.... not that it will happen...but...it will come to you eventually...maybe even through your kids.... and you wont be able to say anything cause you did the same to your own parents....

hmm...i can go on forever..i guess...soo i will stop here for now....and soo what others got to say..... so far...alot of good opinions..

but last for now..i would add.... if the parents couldnt give valid points... and the partner is good in all means and thats not only your opinion....then...that might be a time to take that step....it really all depends...how confident you are about it....and how much you know about your parents re-action to such decision.

ooh ya...:)

about the girl.....she has to think.....and consider....who are her parents to her....and weither she doesnt mind that her kids do the same to her one day......hmm basically that for now...

Originally posted by DeSerTDesTroYeR
about the girl.....she has to think.....and consider....who are her parents to her....and weither she doesnt mind that her kids do the same to her one day......hmm basically that for now...

I was going to pinpoint on this, exactly and very well said DD..

I tend to think of my actions towards my parents in relation to how I expect to be treated by my children in the future -Inshallah-..

In this situation, one day I'll be a mother inshallah, how would I react if the same thing happens (i'm the mother in the scene) and my daughter chooses to escape with her husband against my wish?

Silent tunes: exactly

......but now here and again...it depends on the parents....if they truely cared and all.... cause there are many cases....they parents dont care..and just want to make their children life mesirable...soo once again...all depends... and of course with such parents...no need to think at all....cause you finally found happiness...

Originally posted by Silent tunes

In this situation, one day I'll be a mother inshallah, how would I react if the same thing happens (i'm the mother in the scene) and my daughter chooses to escape with her husband against my wish?

why would u let that happen? why wouldnt u just agree if your daughter really loves the guy..and wish her the best of luck?

that's exatly how parent think!! and i think it should change, all they can do is advice..and if the daughter/son still insists..then they should just be happy for them, not cast them away like garbage..as is the fate of most who go against the family's wish.