Every one knows how things changed from the past
and how the infistracture of family In oman has changed in the past 3 decades from a huge complex structure into more simple and indipendent

This brought up some problems to our community that r realy new 2 us...Not to compare our selves to the west as they r different from us in many aspects Dont have to mention it here!

The price that we r now slowley paying for modernisation is V high
We r now more away from each others! brothers dont visit each others as much as used to be!!! and of most sons/daughters dont look after their parents as used to !!!!

what made me wrote this thread is a question that was spinning in my mind since morning:

IF i get married Does my wife accept that MY parents live with me so I can look after them???

Do Galz nowdays accept mother in law???
Or they consider them as enemies!!!!????
how many of u R ready to live with ur husbands parents ????

This issue is VERY wide and BIG
and can contain many aspects!!!! I hope that u will discuss it in a constructive way and I hope that u will give Up some ideas in it!!!

i dont think that a well behaved girl will ever refuse to be with the family of the man she loves , unless the mother in law is unbareable , then i would totaly understand why she refuses. i am with who's right , and if my mother doesnt like my wife for no particular reason then that's her choice and she will have to suffer the conciquences. if my wife didnt like my mother for no reason then she as well will have to suffer the conciquences. i go with who's right after exploring the problem.

it is a nature thing in every one .. that he/she wants to live independently & they think they can do that by living away from their parents.
girls could agree at the bigining to live with their husband parents but with the time they will start complaining .. it does happen in every house ..

Well in my side..My family is above anything in this earth...
And for him to accept them I should accept his..
I would do my best for them to be happy with me..as well i need him to be great with my parents..But unfortunatly sometimes, parents specially mothers dont treat their sons wife as its suppose to be...As well from the other ay around sometimes the cause is from the wife..And i think the source of this is Envy..The wife doesnt want him to love his mom more than her as well the mother....

In my opinion the sacrafise should be done by both.. by respecting the issue that is the love that comes from a mother is totaly diffrent from the love that comes from a wife..and to turn this love by a possitive manner instead of Envying! and wanting the best for the self..

P.S. I will do best of my best to satisfy both..cause of their both position..A mom is a great creature that did alot for my husband ..as well my husband like when our beloved prophet sayed by the meaning is :he wouldve asked us to bound for our husband..!

Ithink, a mother normaly find it difficult to give away her son, and obviously, its very easy to see y.
A wife would have to be very patient, or try and be her mother-in law's friend to make it through.
Anyway, what i really wanted to ask is: what if the girl was the only child, and she had a mother who was aging, and didnt have anyone to take care of her.... would it be possible for a man to live with that?? or would he ask his wife to find someone else like a relative to take care of her own mother?

Leaving with a mother in law is not a bad thing but as long as the MIL and gets along with DIL otherwise it is going to a mess up. We are talking about two women leaving together could be with different attitudes and behavior.. high temper or whatever..
But if that is your MIL then you will have to find a way to get along with her..

I wouldn’t mind if I live with my in laws as long as we respect each other’s decision’s and privacy.. I will try to live with her in every possible way But if she is impossible to live with then that is a different situation… but I honestly don’t think that I could tell my husband about his mum… After all, he is his son too.. if he really love his son as much as he she says then she will have to get a long with DIL.. such cases are very rare though…

we are talking about one house that has been under mum’s control, so when the DIL comes in the house the MIL will also want to control her as well, there are so many tiny things that can flame up a relationship between MIL and DIL.. it is not easy for them to get along… No I don’t think so..

Unless if the mother/daughter in law is a very quite person… one of them has to give up something.. even her personality just to get along with one another… but most people are very proud of themselves…

Originally posted by Azraq

Anyway, what i really wanted to ask is: what if the girl was the only child, and she had a mother who was aging, and didnt have anyone to take care of her.... would it be possible for a man to live with that?? or would he ask his wife to find someone else like a relative to take care of her own mother?

She will have to take her mother with her.. again if she is imposible to live with my husband.. then I will have to rent an apartment and a maid to look after her.. But there won't be a single day that i would miss to go and see her..

I think this all depends on the future wife if she loves her future husband so much, so she gonna try to do any thing that make him happy as long as he is trying to do the same.

Well the whole concept of getting married is to have your own world and to build your own kingdom. Many girls get married for this reason, you know, to be in control for once in their lives, to be able to make rules and be in charge. That could be the reason why many girls prefer to have their own houses rather than staying with her husbands family. It all depends on the situation, if he was in charge of his family then yes maybe she should understand that and be ready to accept living with them, but if he's doing well financialy and there's no problem in having a seperate house then that would be better. They can have their freedom and it doesn't mean that they're being rude to their families or neglecting them, they need to get on with their lives, but at the same time, remembering their families and keeping in touch. Think realistically. If you ask the girl to live with her husband's family, think of all the fights that might happen every now and then, even if they like eachother very much, there would be a point where each would want to have things their own way, and that's their right!

Dr N It all depends on the situation, if he was in charge of his family then yes maybe she should understand that and be ready to accept living with them, but if he's doing well financialy and there's no problem in having a seperate house then that would be better.

i agree with you in this piont

its not about fight and not getting along ..
I beleive every woman would want a seperate kingdom its her nature ..
however if situations needed them to live togther why not??

I would go for a seperate house .. but if thats not possible I know that I will be happy living with my in laws especially if they were happy with the marraige.

accepting mothers in low in my opnion has nothing to do with modernisation...i probably wouldn,t wanna live with whomever's parents....it actually depends...:
is she alone?
is she old?
does she need care?
what kind of relationship , understanding and respect do we have for each other ...nothing to do with the husband ofcourse...then i will ofcourse put in mind that i should never come between two people especially not a mother ansd son...besides if i love the guy i will always respect his wishes like i expect him to respect mine ...so we come down to what kind of relationship we both have towards each other
love and peace

Originally posted by selma
Leaving with a mother in law is not a bad thing but as long as the MIL and gets along with DIL otherwise it is going to a mess up. …

Moderate assessment but rather one sided, you talked a lot about MIL being.. and to be so and so, that's fair, But what if the DIL is the source of all mother trouble in the house even if MIL is so nice quite and try to cooperate but DIL tryies hard to seat to both MIL and Husband in question and tries to control and run everyone in her wings what would be the situation then!!