If you know someone that you really like and care about and that your starting to fall deeply, madly, and truly in love with this person then what are you supposed to do?
How do you come to terms with these feelings? Do you ignore it and say "nah its just a crush!", do you just go with your instincts and tell the person how much you really wanna be with them???

What if your scared? Scared because you've already been hurt once and dont wanna go through that kind of pain again? How can you give yourself enough courage to live for the moment and go for it no matter what?

:rolleyes: Hmmm

Morbid Angel, are you adressing your question to males or females?! This question is important and will affect teh direction of the discussion.. because I believe girls (whether in our society or othewise) do not or should not propose for themselves..


But in general, here are some points to consider and think about:

-- The first think you should ask yourself is : what is the purpouse of this love or this relation? is it to end it with marriage..or just someone to fill your blank heart for the time being?

--If the main purpouse IS indeed marriage...then, is it going to work out (from both sides) ? are you ready to commit yourself?? if you knwo that it might not work or if you are not certain about it, then there is absolutely no need to keep building false promises and hopes.. casue you'll end up with broken hearts..

-- why do you like/admire this person? is it really love.. or just transient feelings that will soon fade away (lust)? have you given it enough thought about it?!

at this point, I'll quote something from Plato's Symposium, in the tongue of Apoll:

"Evil is the vulgar lover who loves the body rather than the soul, inasmuch as he is not even stable, because he loves a thing which is in itself unstable, and therefore when the bloom of youth which he was desiring is over, he takes wing and flies away, in spite of all his words and promises; whereas the love of the noble disposition is life-long, for it becomes one with the everlasting"

and also:

"And this is the reason why, in the first place, a hasty attachment is held to be dishonourable, because time is the true test of this as of most other things; and secondly there is a dishonour in being overcome by the love of money, or of wealth, or of political power......For none of these things are of a permanent or lasting nature; not to mention that no generous friendship ever sprang from them"


--- Lastly, as a dear friend always says: you might not be able to control your feelings, but you can control your actions/// so, if you knwo from the begining that this relation wont end up in marriage or wont work out well, then theer's no need to go through it and trouble other people along with you.

In the end, I repeat, and I stress that I'm totally against teh idea of a girl proposing for herself..

Originally posted by Morbid_Angel69
If you know someone that you really like and care about and that your starting to fall deeply, madly, and truly in love with this person then what are you supposed to do?


I think Bimmi gave a beautiful answer here and I tend to agree with her. I also believe that no matter how much a girl has feelings for a man, she should not be the one to make the first move and reveal what is in her heart.

If the man in question had noticed her and is interested, he will surely try to approach her one way or another and know her better. There is nothing worst than a girl revealing her feelings for someone who in return rejects them. She will end up hurt and regretful!

First Morbid, you have to ask yourself: Am I truly in love with that person, do I simply have strong feelings because I can't have him or am I infatuated?

Secondly, what type of relationship do you intend to have with that man and more importantly, did he ever show any sign that he is interested in you?

I think Morby meant it generally, not just for girls.

Like Bimmi and Xpress said, the girl probably shouldn't say anything.... I mean I defenitly couldn't lol. I'm hopless when it comes to this stuff. :gap:

I know guys probably hate that, because then they always have to be the one to start when they fear rejection too......... but, it's worse for girls.

Islamicaly speaking you can't just walk up to a guy and tell him you are in love with him, half of the time it isn't love anyway...

But Morby, if he does tell you something that shows he feels the same way, and you are sure of him, you trust him, you know he's being honest then make sure he knows you feel that way too. But do it indirectly. ;)

I dont see whats wrong with just being up front with someone. I know that alot of you will say that its wrong for girls to make the first move and reveal her feelings but these days it does happen.

As i always say, if you care for someone and really like them and really love them then you need to just telll them so because you dont know when its gonna be too late and then you will end up regretting it for the rest of your life.

If i liked a guy and he didnt show any interest in me then i wouldnt consider it at all - but the situation is slightly different.:lost:

Originally posted by Morbid_Angel69

As i always say, if you care for someone and really like them and really love them then you need to just telll them so because you dont know when its gonna be too late and then you will end up regretting it for the rest of your life.



Well.... better to be rejected right away than after you get too attached! ;)

But seriously most men would probably be scared off by declarations of undying love from someone they hardly know... but you can let him know of your interest in a subtle way and that you are receptive to developing a friendship. If he is interested too that will be all he needs to make the next move!

Yea i absolutely agree with you moonchild except i still dont see anything wrong with girls making the first move.
Anyway its nothing about "love", its more like you just really are interested in someone thats all.
I over exagerated this topic to make it more interesting :D

make the move Morbid_Angel69 ....
As they say you only discover the person you are infatuated with when you come closer to them .

There is no harm of expressing how you feel about a man provided you see how he reacts .You know what I mean ... if he showed interest of knowing you or having you for dinner ;)

:D Yea finally someone who understands me
thanx mate!:p

Morbid, my only concern is that a man is a man, meaning that as soon as you show him that you are interested in him, if he has no feelings for you whatsoever, he will still take this opportunity to "have you" for the fun of it.

As he knows that you are in love, he might take advantage of the situation, shower you with beautiful words which he doesn't honestly mean, play with you and inevitably hurt you at the end.

I do not say that this will be your case, but this is one of the raison why it is preferable for a man to make the first move if he is really interested in you. And again, him making the first move doesn't mean that he is genuine in his feelings.

Better be careful, take your time and analyse the situation from far, than jump into something you might regret for the rest of your life.

Originally posted by Morbid_Angel69
Yea i absolutely agree with you moonchild except i still dont see anything wrong with girls making the first move.


Oh, me neither! I wasn't shy about letting Wanderer know I was interested :D
It's just safer to ask him out to dinner, than show up at his door with an engagement ring ;)

Morbid I think in this case we don't think like each other & I don't support the idea of going & telling him "I like u"?!!!! men r always men( as x-press said) u can not trust them, & they gonna use any opportunity if they like u or not. This is the reall life dear don't make the Romantic movies affect your way of thinking, cauz they r not real at all in our world.
Good luck dear & I hope u think about what I said & what the other girls said, cauz they really care & want to help u:wink: .
Regards
El7ilwa:)

Morbid_Angel69

I realy don't think that you should make a move.. Let him make a move.. No matter how much you like him.. don't

Don't give him an opportunity to take an advantage (just like x-press has written above)..

You may think that there is nothing wrong with it.. but if you think about it carefully.. it is not right

Why should a person ignore his/her feelings, if there is chemistry between two of them

If you're a female and have a guts to tell him got for it, or action speak louder than words but the more important is to be carefully the other person should not use you for his own fullfilment.

Afterall its more romantic when a male make a move

Originally posted by runnin' around
Islamicaly speaking you can't just walk up to a guy and tell him you are in love with him, half of the time it isn't love anyway...


RA, get your fact right. If the really love is there and you have feeling the other person wont' take you for granted then I don't think there's any wrong.

By the way Sayyida Khadija was the one who propose to Prophet Mohammed (SAW). Somebody correct me If I'm wrong.

Originally posted by H-Highness
RA, get your fact right. If the really love is there and you have feeling the other person wont' take you for granted then I don't think there's any wrong.

By the way Sayyida Khadija was the one who propose to Prophet Mohammed (SAW). Somebody correct me If I'm wrong.

HH you might want to read my 'fact' again. I did not say you shouldn't do anything about it. What I said was you can't WALK up to him and pour out your heart. Sayyida Khadija didn't go up to Prophet Mohammed in person did she? She did it through someone else, an indirect approach. Which I see nothing wrong with.

Morbid_Angel69 If you know someone that you really like and care about and that your starting to fall deeply, madly, and truly in love with this person then what are you supposed to do?


read again the first reply for Bimzoori and the next for x press .. i think their posts were so clear and helpfull for u ...

thats if u are a muslim ...and even u are not the answer should be same ;)

well MA i agree with HH and moon and Darky.......there is no harm in indirectly getting the feel around how this person feels for u as long as u try not throw urself and keep ur dignity etc

u also have to remeber that what moon said is correct they get scared (sorry men:gap: ) :gap: when they are slapped with emotions :) ok ok i wont be harsh on all not all a few minority are not .......

look girl if u have feeling go ahead dont be blatent or blunt be tactful and smart as to how ur going to assess the situation.....and be prepared for the worst ......... what the others like bimi and xp have said i dont disagree but i dont agree with them fullyyyyy..............

as for the last statement i read about being a true muslim ....FOR CRYING OUT LOUD PPL GET A LIFE............who are we to judge a person for theirbelief in their faith.

anyway ....... bye
:wink:

Good response Jawhar^Jewels !!

Originally posted by el7ilwa
Morbid I think in this case we don't think like each other & I don't support the idea of going & telling him "I like u"?!!!! men r always men( as x-press said) u can not trust them, & they gonna use any opportunity if they like u or not. This is the reall life dear don't make the Romantic movies affect your way of thinking, cauz they r not real at all in our world.
Good luck dear & I hope u think about what I said & what the other girls said, cauz they really care & want to help u:wink: .
Regards
El7ilwa:)

And women are always women too, and I don't agree with you that you can't trust men !

Back to the topic, I wonder why the guy is not making the move if he is serious he will be the first one to jump to her and release his feelings unless he is not normal guy and just playing. But it's ok for the girl parents to make the move to the guy but not the girl herself because she might end up pregnent if her calculations were wrong !

The guy may not want to make a move maybe because he does not feel the same way as she does... Maybe he is ignoring her signs for a good reason

not the girl herself because she might end up pregnent if her calculations were wrong !

It happens

I think the idea of being scared is normal especially when we rely on our custom and tradition. But considering we are now in the 21st century, majority of the women do make the move to express their feelings to be made known.

Yet in other cultures, when a woman makes the move, it is labelled as being gutsy or lack of decency for the gender world.

But in the long run, if i wouldn't make myself and feelings known, is it worth the keeping and burning urge and torture within me? now, that is interesting! or should i just let the feelings die?

I guess it depends on how one would take the initiative. And it all falls to: you will be responsible for your own actions.:color:

salam